That crazy villain lady just cursed the wedding party. It was totally cheesy and she didn’t even rhyme. I still like her style.
– Aunt Tillie finds her soap opera spirit animal
Ten
Once we recovered from Mrs. Little’s disappearance, we left Sandy to gnash her teeth and scream about bloody vengeance. Aunt Tillie’s giggles continued until we reached the end of a hallway, and when we opened the door and stepped through it we found ourselves in an entirely different location.
Landon was baffled. “What the … ?”
I tilted my head to the side as I studied the large living room. Just to make sure, I glanced over my shoulder and found the door we’d walked through seconds before was gone.
“Apparently this is a magical soap opera world,” I offered, pursing my lips. “Does anyone recognize this set?”
Thistle moved to a cabinet on a nearby wall and stared at the framed photographs on display. “No, but we’re in these photos.”
I moved closer, raising my eyebrows as I focused on a photo that showed Landon and me standing in front of a large building. The bricks were brown and as far as I could tell, it looked to be something of a communal apartment complex. “Hmm.”
Landon looked over my shoulder. “If we’re taking photographs together, how am I working undercover in this world? I don’t get it.”
“You’re far too practical,” Thistle said. “Soaps rewrite the rules whenever it suits them. If the writers kill off a character because the actor wants to leave, for example, then they simply bring him or her back through some contrived occurrence later if the actor decides he wants to return. It’s a thing. You need to get used to it if you’re going to adapt to this world.”
“I don’t want to adapt to this world. It’s a stupid world.”
“We still need to get through it,” I reminded him. “I’m sorry about this, by the way. I’m sorry you have to go through it.”
Landon’s expression softened. “Bay, we’ve been over this a hundred times. This isn’t your fault. Whenever this happens – and it seems to happen quite often these days – I don’t blame you. I need you to know that.”
“I do know that. It almost makes things worse, though.”
“How so?”
I shrugged, conflicted. “If your mother was doing stuff like this to us, I don’t think I would be as forgiving as you. I like to think I would be, but I can’t see how I wouldn’t get frustrated.”
“I’m plenty frustrated. I’m simply not frustrated with you. Aunt Tillie did this, not you.”
“I know.” I rubbed my hand over my forehead. “You still have a right to be angry.”
“Oh, I’m angry. I’m so angry at that woman I can barely see straight. But I’m not going to take it out on you. That’s unfair, and I won’t do it.” Landon moved his hands to my shoulders and started rubbing. “This is as hard for you as it is for me, but there’s no reason to turn on each other.”
I leaned into him, thankful for a quiet moment even though I knew the storm would return … and fast. “Thanks.”
“I love you, Bay.” Landon pressed a kiss to my cheek. “That won’t change because you have a crazy great-aunt. I promise.”
“I love you, too.”
We lapsed into amiable silence and stared at the photo.
“At least we look happy,” Landon said after a beat. “I still don’t understand how I can bring the woman I’m supposedly having an affair with – the wife of the man I’m investigating – to an apartment complex. It makes absolutely no sense.”
“You’re thinking about it too hard,” Marcus said. “You need to relax your brain.”
“Or transplant it into someone else’s head,” Sam suggested.
The lame joke caused Landon to smile. “It’s easier for you guys. You haven’t been smacked across the face, had drinks dumped on you or had your shirt ripped off multiple times. Aunt Tillie is purposely going after me in this one.”
“She always goes after you with a vengeance,” Thistle pointed out. “It’s one of her favorite sports. You shouldn’t take it personally. It simply means she considers you an official member of the family.”
“How do you figure that?”
“She always goes hardest after family. Heck, she made Clove a naughty nurse and gave me a really old husband to be mean. She gave Bay a husband who likes to pinch. She can’t help herself. To her, this is fun.”
“It’s not going to be fun when I get my hands on her.”
“Oh, I’m right there with you.” Thistle’s grin was evil. “That old biddy better hope I never get out of here, because if I do I’ll make her pay like she’s never paid before. If she thought the ants in the pants spell was bad, she ain’t seen nothing yet.”
“That’s exactly how we ended up here,” I pointed out. “She’s nowhere near done with us either.”
“That’s downright terrifying,” Landon muttered, resting his hand on my shoulder. “Okay, we’re clearly here for a reason – and I doubt it’s to look at photographs – so we need to split up and look around.”
Sam balked. “Are you sure splitting up is a good idea?”
“Are you afraid?”
“No, I just don’t want to miss whatever mistress you’ve got hidden in this place coming out and ripping your shirt off,” Sam shot back, causing Clove and Thistle to snicker while Marcus bit his bottom lip to keep from laughing.
“Ha, ha.” Landon grabbed my hand. “I don’t find this funny. While I know Aunt Tillie gets her jollies out of messing with us, I’m not a cheater. I don’t like it that she sees me that way.”
Even though I felt he was being a bit theatrical, I couldn’t help taking pity on him. “Landon, she doesn’t see you as a cheater. It’s just … slapping and drink throwing are soap staples. They happen all the time.”
“Yes, but they’re only happening to me in this world.”
“Because that’s the story she built for you. I’m sorry it keeps happening. I’ll try to stop the next one before she gets a chance to slap the crap out of you.”
“No.” Landon shook his head. “I don’t want you stepping in front of me. You might get hurt.”
“I’ve already been slapped.”
“And I’m ticked about it.” Landon gripped my hand tighter. “We need to figure out exactly what we’re supposed to be learning here. Stay together as couples but spread out. She won’t let us leave until we figure out whatever it is we’re supposed to discover while in this location.”
“While I agree that she wants us here for a reason, I’m not sure it’s to learn something as much as play out a leg of her story,” Thistle cautioned. “It’s not like the fairy tale world. There aren’t little life lessons knit into the seams of the narrative. This world is about her having fun. She doesn’t necessarily want to teach us a lesson as much as she wants to torture us.”
I hadn’t really given it much thought until Thistle laid it out, but what she said made a lot of sense. “She doesn’t always want to teach us. Thistle is right on that. Sometimes she simply wants to entertain herself.”
“And you think that’s what this is?” Landon asked.
I shrugged. I really wasn’t sure. “I don’t know. We need to be careful and look around. Even if she isn’t teaching us something, we’ll have to jump through the appropriate hoop to move on.”
“Okay, let’s do it.” Landon tugged me close. “Be careful. We have no idea what kind of crazy person is hiding here. Given what happened in the last scene, this one could be downright deadly.”
“WOULD YOU LIKE SOME tea and cookies?”
The woman Landon and I found when we entered the kitchen was a blast from the past.
“Edith?”
She turned, her smile pleasant and welcoming. “Did you say something, dear?”
“That might not be her name here,” Landon whispered.