Some of the other sheep and possums had gathered ’round. Roanach noticed. “If you truly have information Mad Lord Johpunnt, may the sun continue to love his reflection, would want, why did you arrive in secret?”
“We didn’t,” White said politely. “We couldn’t determine where to land, so we chose a spot that seemed uninhabited where our ship wouldn’t harm anything on your planet.”
“By the way, sorry, but I just have to ask—are you required to say ‘may the sun continue to love his reflection’ every time you use the dude’s name, or is it just actually part of his full name?”
“Why would you think that was required?” Clorence asked.
“Because you say it every time,” White said. “For instance, while I could introduce my companion as Queen Katherine the brave and beautiful, I don’t have to say that every time I speak her name.”
“Though it does have quite the ring to it, Mister White.”
“I’ll make a note, My Queen.”
“You’re a queen?” Roanach asked suspiciously.
“As hard as that might be to believe, yes. And yet I’m still nowhere closer to getting to have a meeting with Mad Lord Johpunnt and his reflection.”
The rest of the sheep and possums seemed far more convinced than Roanach and Clorence, and both of them noticed.
“Perhaps the Mad Lord frowns upon those who bring visiting dignitaries to meet him,” White said to me in the stage whisper. “Maybe we were misinformed and the Mad Lord is not actually the most powerful person in this solar system.”
“Mad Lord Johpunnt, may the sun continue to love his reflection, is the most powerful person in the galaxy!” Roanach said.
“Um, well, see . . . gosh, how to say this . . . not so much anymore.” My music changed to “Danger Danger” by Hello Hollywood.
So wasn’t that surprised to hear a step behind us. Sounded like a heavy something with an even heavier hoof. “Bring them to Our Lord,” a very deep voice said. “He will want to meet them before we kill them for their insolence.”
White and I both turned around. To see a very big, impressive bull who was on his hind legs. Though his hide was black, he had the same big, crazy eyes, scary giant horns, large tusks, footlike rear hooves, and handlike front hooves as the others. He wasn’t carrying a weapon in his hands, but he had weapons strapped to his back. Wasn’t sure but they looked edged versus projectile and, like him, they were huge.
Speaking of huge, the people on this world didn’t seem to have chosen to wear clothes. With the sheep and the possums it wasn’t that big a deal. On bulls, however, this one in particular, it was kind of a weird form of advertising.
“Wow. You’ve never met a cow who didn’t want to get frisky, have you?”
The bull blinked. “Excuse me?”
“Where we come from we cover our impressive, ah, members,” White said. “Out of politeness to others.”
The bull snorted, which was the most impressive snort I’d ever heard or seen. Steam literally came out of his nostrils. “We have no need for false modesty on Helix Rime.”
“Nothing to be modest about on you, dude, trust me.”
“This is Queen Katherine and Mister White, Telzor,” Clorence said. “My Queen, this is Telzor, the Captain of the Guard for Mad Lord Johpunnt, may the sun continue to love his reflection.”
Telzor raised his forehoof, and it was clear he intended to smash Clorence for something, whether introducing us politely, giving us his name, or most likely, referring to me as My Queen. Clorence wasn’t an ally, but he also wasn’t doing anything wrong, at least as far as I was concerned, and decided that my opinion was the one that counted.
Moved at hyperspeed, grabbed Clorence, and got him behind me and White before Telzor’s swing could hit him.
The bull looked shocked as his strike whiffed impressively. “What did you do?”
“Prevented you from hurting someone whose only crime was to try to introduce the people who want to meet your leader to you. Unless I read you wrong and you were going to give him a high five, not smash his head in.”
“He was going to smash my head in,” Clorence whispered. “I overstepped.”
Noted that Roanach and the other sheep and possums were sidling behind me and White. Had no idea if this meant that they were going to attack us from behind or if they were hoping that they wouldn’t get hit by Telzor. Possibly both.
White noticed and he turned so that his back was to Telzor. So, we were as ready as we were going to be.
Telzor’s eyes narrowed. “Just because you’re a female, don’t think that I consider you anything other than an enemy.”
Time to fight, Lilith said. I’d forgotten she was there. Be ready.
“I’m always ready.” Moved into a fighting stance. “Telzor? Feel free to bring it, you big, nasty bully.”
“You would fight me here, now?” Telzor asked.
My music changed to “Little Queen” by Heart. It was always nice when Algar and I were in sync.
“I would. Because Mister White and, therefore, Clorence, only gave you part of my introduction. I’ll give you the rest—I’m Kitty, the Warrior Queen.”
Results, as so often happened, were immediate.
CHAPTER 99
TELZOR ROARED AND ATTACKED, but without drawing a weapon. He went for my head.
To be nice, I didn’t grab my gun and shoot him dead. Instead, I went into scissor splits, put my hands together in a double fist, and slammed them right up into his gigantic balls, using all my enhanced strength and hyperspeed. Lilith gave me an impressive assist here, too. We were a good team. Besides, under the circumstances, it was literally impossible to miss.
Heard gasps from the sheep and opossums as Telzor’s roar changed to a scream of agony, then a squeak, as his hooves left the ground. Yeah, it had been a good hit. I brought my right leg around and spun on my butt, then leaped to my feet in a move worthy of Jet Li. Prayed White had seen it.
Telzor landed flat on his face. I went to his head and slammed my foot onto it. “I am the Warrior Queen,” I bellowed. “And I demand an audience with Mad Lord Johpunnt or I will deal with every person on this planet as I’ve just dealt with this one!”
“You haven’t killed him,” Roanach said in the way one does when a superior has missed a key step and the underling doesn’t want to get killed for mentioning or not mentioning it. Noted that all the Outer Guard who were male—which was most of them—were all in a commiserating protective crouch around their groins. The few females looked like they’d just learned a new move. That was me, taking feminism to the stars.
“No, I haven’t.” Looked at the ridiculously huge swords this guy was carrying and decided I’d ruin the show if I tried to lift one of those, enhanced and with Lilith inside me or not. “We show mercy where I come from. Once.” Shoved my foot on Telzor’s head again. “And only once. If you ever disrespect me or my people again, I will end you in a way that ensures you die in agony.”
Telzor managed a high-pitched moan of pain.