His eyes turned serious. “Addie’s pregnant. We’re expecting another baby to arrive on Valentine’s Day.”
I stood up and reached my hand out. “Holy shit, dude. Congratulations. Planned?”
He shook my hand and smiled bigger. “Yep. Not the due date though. That was all Mother Nature on that one.”
“You hoping for a boy or a girl?”
With a shrug, he replied, “Don’t care, as long as the baby is healthy and Addie has a smooth pregnancy. I’ll take whatever he gives us.”
I sat across from him and laughed. “Damn. It’s crazy to think you’re gonna have another one.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. To answer your question though, I do miss racing, especially the adrenaline rush I got out of it. But I don’t really know how to explain it, the rush I get from being with Addie and Landon is ten times better. It’s different . . . but so much better. I think the decision I made was the best decision of my life.”
“Really?” I asked as I thought about how happy Emmit looked. There was something so different about him. He seemed at ease.
With a slap of his hands on his legs, he pointed to me and said, “So, let’s talk about you.”
I held out my left arm and said, “Got another tattoo. That’s about all that’s new in my world.”
His eyebrow lifted. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I didn’t get a phone call asking me to fly here because you got a new tattoo.”
I leaned back and stared into his eyes. “Who called? Dalton?”
“Yep.”
“Asshole.”
Emmit let out a small laugh. “He cares about you, Malcolm. Your whole team cares about you and he said you’re not focused at all.”
“Well fuck, what does he expect! I’ve been gone for a few months. I came back and won my first fucking race. Give me a damn break.”
He remained silent as I sat there and let the events of the last week replay in my mind. I knew what I wanted and I was miserable because I didn’t have it.
I stood up and cursed.
“Fucking hell. I can’t do it, Emmit. I thought I wanted this. It was the only thing I ever knew. The only thing I ever thought I was good at. Then she came into my life and turned it fucking upside down. I can’t eat, sleep, or think straight. She’s got me hiring a damn private detective to follow her.”
“What?” Emmit asked as he stood up. “You didn’t.”
My hands scrubbed over my face as I let out a frustrated moan. “I don’t know whether I’m coming or going anymore.”
“Have you tried to talk to her?”
“No. I called her Casey.”
Emmit’s eyes widened as he scrunched his damn face up. “Tell me she didn’t know who Casey was.”
“No . . . she knew. I’m not sure how, but she knew.”
Emmit walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the refrigerator. Opening it, he handed it to me. “Why did you call her Casey?”
My hand pushed through my dark hair. “Fuck if I know. I honestly have no idea. Maybe it was because she had started to lecture me about driving and Casey used to do that. The only difference is Paislie wasn’t trying to keep me from racing . . . she was trying to keep me from hurting myself more. Or worse yet, someone else.”
Emmit leaned back against the counter and folded his arms across his chest. “So?”
The way he was looking at me, as if I had the answer to everything, pissed me off. “So? So what?”
“Do you love her?”
It felt as if time stood still after Emmit asked me that one simple question. It was simple because it should have been easy to answer, yet I was struggling with my answer.
“No.”
He lifted his brows and looked me right in the eyes. “No. You don’t love her?”
“I’m not what she needs, Emmit. I’m not what she deserves.”
“And that is?” he asked with a smug look.
I felt nauseous as I struggled to keep talking. “Someone who will devote his entire world to her. Not someone who is going to lie and go behind her back. Treat her like dirt instead of confide in her when I’m pissed off at the world. She needs a guy who will make a promise to her and keep it. I didn’t do any of that.”
“You fucked up, Malcolm. Don’t you think she’s worth trying to find out if she’ll give you another chance?”
The pictures Kathleen showed me popped into my head. “She’s moved on, so it’s really a moot point.”
Emmit laughed as he shook his head. “You really are a thick headed son-of-a-bitch, aren’t you?”
“Fuck you, Lewis. You can stand there and judge me with your perfect little world. You got what you wanted.”
“I did,” he replied with a smirk.
“Well good for you, because I don’t want that life.”
“I never said you did.”
Anger was beginning to build as I balled my fists. “Yeah, well good. The last thing I want to be is tied down with some clingy-ass woman and a bunch of kids running around screaming and yelling.”
Deuce took that moment to jump down and run to the door and bark.
“Fuck!” I shouted.
“You want to get rid of the dog too?”
I flashed him a dirty look.