“Pity, that,” Dimitri said. “The dragon did inform me of the King’s rescue. I was pleased to hear that he was once again safe and relatively healthy.”
“He’s with a doctor now getting a full physical,” Justin said. “Complaining about it, of course, but I won’t take any chances. Myrin had him captive for six months. He said nothing untoward happened during that time, but still. It doesn’t hurt to be smart about it.”
“Indeed,” Dimitri said. “Though I must admit to being confused myself as to why we’ve been summoned.” He turned and flew in front of Randall. He crossed his tiny arms across his tiny chest, and if it hadn’t been for his dick flopping all over the place and the fact that he had just tried to have a threesome with me and Justin, I would have cooed at him for being so little. “Randall. Care to explain? I’ve told you before that we fairies do not get involved in the fights of men.”
Randall snorted. “And yet you meddle incessantly. Little hints here, twisting of an arm there. Curious how you not being involved looks like the exact opposite.”
“Careful, wizard,” Dimitri warned as his eyes narrowed.
“Sam has the dragons.”
Dimitri glanced at me for a long moment before looking back at Randall. “I am aware.”
“And that includes the Great White.”
“I am aware of that too.”
“Our parting was… unfortunate.”
Dimitri laughed derisively. “Is that how you wish to put it? Certainly a revisionist take on things.”
And for perhaps the first time since I’d known him, Randall looked flustered. It was astonishing to see him fumble for his words. “Yes, well, it’s—you see, there were extenuating circumstances that—I required a different—”
“You forsook your mentor for love,” Dimitri said, not unkindly. “You loved another, he wouldn’t have it, and you made your choice. And even though you couldn’t speak directly—not with words—you both knew the consequences. I played mediator for you then. I won’t do it now.”
“You were with them when he mentored Randall?” I demanded. “Why the hell am I only finding this out now?”
Randall was grinding his teeth, a vein throbbing in his forehead. “It didn’t matter before.”
Dimitri eyed me curiously. “You know we’re the Keepers of the Forest.”
“He capitalized that,” Tiggy whispered to Gary. “It true now.”
“And the Great White is of the Dark Woods,” Randall said begrudgingly. “The fairies have always had a… symbiotic relationship with him. He created. And the fairies made it blossom.”
“Not unlike your Zero,” Dimitri said. “But on a much larger scale.” He sounded far too smug for my liking.
“Dude, how old are you? And you wanted to marry me? That is an age gap I’m not comfortable with.”
“I’m still virile,” he said as his minions tittered angrily behind him. “I can give you a demonstration if you’d like.”
“I will punch you in your tiny face,” Ryan growled.
“He is a king,” Justin hissed at him. “Maybe don’t try and piss him off?”
“Sam is going to summon the dragons,” Randall said above all the noise, and everyone fell silent.
I turned slowly to him. “I’m sorry. I’m going to what now?”
Randall didn’t look pleased. It didn’t make me feel any better. “You’re going to summon the dragons. It’s time we meet with them face-to-face.” The skin under his left eye twitched. “All of them together.”
“That’s why you’ve called for me,” Dimitri said, sounding accusatory. “You wish to parley with the Great White, and you want me to be the go-between.”
“Ooooh, girl,” Gary breathed. “Draaaama.”
“Now that we have Sam here,” Randall said, “the Great White and I will be able to have… words. And I expect there to be many of them. It is better if the fairies mediate any meeting, given our history.”
“I don’t see why I have to be here for this,” I told him. “I don’t want to see the oldest things I know fighting with each other.”
Randall’s eyebrows did a complicated dance. “You will be here,” he said through gritted teeth, “because the dragons belong to you as much as you belong to them.”
“You hear that?” Kevin whispered. “I own you.”
I ignored him in favor of staring at Randall. “Why now?”
“Because we’re running out of time. Myrin won’t allow the rescue of the King to go unpunished. I fear that the fall of Old Clearing is just the beginning.” He glanced at Dimitri before looking back at me. “And as you’ve said yourself, Zero will shortly need to sleep the next century away. We can no longer dally. The end is coming, Sam. One way or another.”
“Drama queen,” I muttered. “So, you want me to bring four other dragons here, one of whom is basically the size of a small mountain who also happens to hold a grudge because you chose your supervillain boo over him, so you can have a tiny naked man with wings play mediator and we can try to figure out how to save Verania from the clutches of evil?”
I could tell it cost him greatly to agree with me. But he said, “Yes, Sam.”
I shrugged. “Okay.”
He blinked. “What?”
“I said okay.”
“I really expected more pushback.”
“Nah. I want to see how awkward it’s going to be when you two meet again after all this time.”
“You’re such a bitch,” Gary said proudly. “I taught him that.”
“We need to warn the camp,” Justin said. “So the people don’t freak out when dragons suddenly descend upon us.”
“I do it,” Tiggy said.
“Don’t scare people,” Justin warned him. “We don’t need to cause panic.”
Tiggy looked offended. “I won’t.” Then he turned and began running toward the gates, hands flailing above his head as he bellowed, “DRAGONS COMING! DON’T BE SCARED! DRAGONS ARE COMING, BUT THEY NO EAT YOU!”
“He tries so hard,” I told Justin, who just sighed.
Ryan had pulled his sword out and was staring at his reflection in the blade, running a hand through his hair.
“What are you doing?”
“I didn’t expect to be meeting dragons,” he said. “I need to look presentable.”
“Oh my gods.”
“I have sex hair. Sex hair, Sam. I am literally about to meet the Great White for the first time, and he’s going to be able to tell that you seduced me.”
“Seduced you? Hey, in case you forgot, you were the one that jumped me because you get a boner every time I do magic!”
“How uncouth,” Dimitri said as the fairies buzzed behind him.
I snorted. “You legit have no room to talk about kinks, dude. Your whole existence is essentially a kink.”
“One of these days, you’re going to start a war just by talking,” Justin told me.
“Your hair looks fine,” I told Ryan, knocking his hand away before he made it worse. “I mean, no offense, but GW isn’t going to care what your hair looks like.”
“GW?” Dimitri asked. “Do you dare insult him by not referring to him as you should? He is a dragon.”
“Sam is a disrespectful little shit,” Kevin said. “Lord Dragon, they call me. The Beast from the East. But does Sam ever refer to me like that? Noooo. Of course not. It’s always Kevin this or Kevin that or Kevin, please put your tongue up my butt so far that you can taste what I had for dinner.”
“Kevin, what the hell!”
“See?” Kevin told Dimitri. “No respect.”
“Like I would sleep with Kevin,” I said to Ryan. “It was only a year. Besides, you saw how tight I was last night. If Kevin had really stuck his tongue up my ass, you would have been able to stick your whole face in there when you did it to me last night.”
“Sam,” Ryan hissed. “Everyone can hear you!”
“Wow,” Gary said. “I need to go masturbate—I mean, I need to go jerk off right now. Oops. That was the same thing. Shit.”
“I’ve been thinking about you,” Dimitri said, flying up in front of Justin’s face. “About… unifying our two kingdoms. What do you say, my Prince? Do you want to be… unified with me?”
“What an offer,” Justin said. “I need to take time to think about it.”
“Of course.”
“I’ve taken enough time. I must respectfully decline your offer.”
Suddenly the sky blackened with clouds and lightning flashed. Randall thundered, “Enough.”
We all stopped talking.