Justin opened his mouth, but before he could speak, I said, “I assume you’re going to say something really nice about me right now, so thank you in advance.”
He closed his mouth immediately.
“Morgan knew it,” Randall continued. “Better than anyone, I think. He—there was something about the two of them together. Morgan, he—well. It gave him purpose. Morgan was… alone for a very long time. Not without purpose, no, because he had his role as the King’s Wizard. But I—I failed him. I became convinced that becoming solitary was the only way to deal with my grief. I should have gone about it a different way. But I didn’t, and things changed.” He smiled sadly. “And then Vadoma came to him, and it gave him a reason. It drove him, and though it pained Morgan greatly to know Sam was in the slums, he still took his role seriously. The day he…. The day in the alley when Sam first exhibited his propensity for magic was, I think, the greatest day of his life.”
I looked away, swallowing thickly. Ryan curled his hand around my elbow, a solid presence offering me comfort.
“But in the end, Morgan fell,” Letnia said. “Even he couldn’t stand up to Myrin. And we’re supposed to trust Sam to do what he could not?”
I snapped my head up, snarling in her direction. “If I could be half the wizard Morgan was, then I would consider myself lucky. He sacrificed himself for me. He believed in me, and I’m not going to let him down. I’m going to defeat Myrin. I don’t care what it takes.”
“Even if it means the death of your cornerstone?” Letnia shot back.
I went for her, but Ryan held me back. Lucky for her.
“That’s right,” Letnia snapped. “We know all about the prophecy now. Everything you kept hidden from us that day in Mama’s office in Meridian City. You kept secrets from us, secrets that could have helped us. What you’re capable of. The bird in the forest. And then you ran after Morgan died for you—”
“Letnia,” Mama barked, “shut your mouth before I shut it for you.”
“No,” Letnia said. “He needs to hear this. If he’s the chosen one, he needs to know what his actions have brought upon us.” She pushed herself off the wall, dropping her cigar and crushing it under the heel of her boot. Gary looked murderous, but I shook my head at him, knowing that she shouldn’t be the first person he stabbed with his horn now that he had it back. He needed to save that honor for someone truly despicable. “You left, Sam of Wilds. Morgan died for you, and even though you had the power to bring him back, you didn’t. All of those who have died because of Myrin could have been brought back, but instead you disappeared and we suffered. We might not have been as close to Morgan as you, but we still felt his loss. He didn’t belong to you. He belonged to Verania. To everyone. We all grieved. Especially after what came later. But we stayed, and we fought to save our homes. Without any wizards on our side. Because the two wizards that could have helped us were gone.” She spat on the ground at my feet. “Think of those that are suffering now and know that it rests upon you.”
It’d be easy, wouldn’t it?
To get her to shut up.
To silence her. I could do it. I really could.
Something simple, like taking her voice away.
Or fusing her lips together.
Or—
Or nothing.
Because that wasn’t who I was.
Maybe she was right. Maybe she wasn’t.
But she could never be as hard on me as I was on myself.
And she didn’t deserve my wrath.
So instead I focused on Gary. And Tiggy. My parents were safe. The King and Justin were together. Randall was here. And Ryan. Always Ryan. At my side. Anchoring me to him, never letting me float too far away. He was here. He was real. The world around me was colored in startling clarity, unlike the haze of the lost year in the forest.
This was something the Great White could never understand.
These were the people I fought for.
These were the people I’d lay down my life for.
To forsake them would mean going Dark.
And that’s not who I was.
So instead of making her head swell like a balloon, I took a breath. I took a step back until I was shoulder to shoulder with Ryan. He squeezed my elbow gently in recognition. I gave him a weak smile and looked back at Letnia.
Who was grinning at me quite scarily. “Good,” she said.
I blinked at her. “Excuse me?”
“I needed to see how in control you actually were.”
“You were testing me?”
She shrugged. “I still spoke what’s in my heart.”
“Well played,” I said, suitably impressed. “Like, that was some Mama levels of diabolicalness.”
Mama was frowning at Letnia. “Yes. Yes, it was. Thank you, Letnia, for allowing us to see how Sam would react. Also, if you try something like that again without consulting me beforehand, I will gut you. Are we clear?”
Letnia winked at Mama. Which, if you’ve never seen someone wearing an eye patch wink, I highly recommend it.
Mama turned back to me, and I wondered when she had started holding court with the actual King in her audience. The King didn’t seem too put off, so I chose to let it go. “You are a weapon.”
I frowned at that. “I’m not. I’m a person.”
“But the gods have given you the power to end all this foolishness.”
“I suppose that’s one way of looking at it—”
“Then what are you but a weapon?”
“I don’t know if I like you right now.”
“You misunderstand me, precious. I’m not denigrating you. I’m merely pointing out the obvious.” She sighed. “And I think that’s a problem many of us have. The stories told about you since you disappeared have become something akin to legend. And now that you’ve returned, there are great expectations upon you.”
“I didn’t ask for this.”
“Didn’t you? You told me once that when you were young, you would wish upon the stars to do something that mattered, to be someone who mattered.”
“Okay. True. But I think this is overdoing it a little.”
She shrugged. “Maybe. But here we are. I’m sorry.”
“For?”
“Everything you’ve gone through. Seeing you as a savior. I can’t imagine the weight upon your shoulders. I can admit that in my darkest moments, I thought of you as a means to an end. When my children were being taken from me, I wondered what I could do to get you to help me. I wanted to use you. And I’d be remiss if I didn’t say that part of me still does.”
“And that’s something we have in common,” Randall said. “I’ve made… mistakes. I thought that… well. Bluntly, there was a time I thought of using Sam. Or rather what he’s capable of. His magic is beyond me, something I can plainly admit. I had hope, for however brief a time, that Sam could bring Myrin back. The bird in the forest fueled that hope. Because what’s death if not a cleansing?” He looked at me. “But that’s not the way of things, is it, Sam?”
I didn’t know what to say to that, so I said nothing.
Randall sighed. “Part of the forest died that day when he brought the bird back to life. The smallest of creatures, and the ground and trees were black. I’ve seen it. And it helped me to realize that sometimes, it’s the magic we don’t use that makes us powerful.”
I remembered standing above Morgan’s body, life teeming around me as the people of Verania mourned, remembering that I could just take from them if I really wanted to. That I could burn the life from their bones and shove it back inside Morgan.
“So where does that leave us, then?” Letnia asked.
“When I was a child,” Mama said, “my mother used to tell me a story.”
“You had parents?” Gary asked. “Wow. I thought that the world was lacking in fierceness, and then all of a sudden, you existed in an explosion of fire and incredible corsets.”
“You flatter me.”
“Yes. I do. Now it’s your turn.”
“I look forward to seeing how many people you invite to Gore City now that you have your horn.”
Gary grinned at her.
“Do me!” Tiggy said, shoving his brooms off his lap and standing. “Do me now.”