Right before we rounded the corner to the start of the secret garden, Ryan and Justin stopped, exchanged a look, then turned back around to face me.
I didn’t like the look of this.
“Morgan knew,” Justin said quietly.
I had no idea what he was talking about. “Knew what?”
“He knew you came here,” Ryan said. “When you had to think. When you needed to clear your head. When you wished upon the stars.”
No, I wasn’t going to do this now. “Good for him. I don’t know how you know that, but that’s just great. So, if we can—”
“He left a letter,” Justin said, and I swallowed with an audible click. “My father found it in his office. He swore that it wasn’t there before, and maybe with all the upheaval, he missed it, but—he found it. The day after you left.”
“What did it say?” I asked hoarsely.
“Where he wanted to be laid to rest,” Ryan said, raising a hand like he was going to comfort me, but thinking better of it. “Where he felt he’d be closest to you. He knew, I think. That you’d leave.”
“Where?” I managed to say. “Where did he—” Then, “In the garden. That’s why you didn’t tell me.” I was angry now. “That’s why you didn’t say anything. Because you didn’t think I could deal with—”
“We didn’t say anything because we needed you to be focused,” Justin said. “We needed you to be here, with us. Have you had time to grieve, Sam? We have. Even with everything we went through, with the fall of Verania, we grieved. You still haven’t said what happened to you in the forest with the dragons.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I snapped, hands in fists at my sides.
“Of course it matters,” Ryan said, tone pleading as he took a step toward me. “Sam, he was your family. And we all know how you internalize—”
“Don’t,” I growled. “Don’t you dare try and analyze me. That’s not fair. We’re here to save the King. Nothing else matters.”
“His marker is in the secret garden,” Justin said. “Near the entrance. You can pay your respects if you want, if Myrin hasn’t destroyed it, which I don’t think even he’s capable of. We can handle the dungeons and my father. You can wait for us there.”
I shook my head. “Let’s just go, okay?”
They exchanged another look, which irritated the holy hell out of me, but I chose to ignore it. Justin turned and entered my mother’s garden, leaving Ryan and me behind.
I tried to walk past Ryan, but he caught me by the arm. I didn’t try to shake him off. I was furious, but I didn’t want to take it out on him. He was only thinking of me.
“He loved you,” Ryan said. “More than anything else in this world.”
“I know.”
“And he believed in you.”
I blinked away the burn, only nodding in response.
I felt Ryan’s searching gaze but couldn’t bring myself to look at him.
He let me go.
I followed Justin.
IN THE end, we become bones and dust, and if we’re lucky, someone will be left who cares enough to leave a reminder of wood or stone to show that we were here, that we lived and laughed and loved. That we existed.
No matter what was raised in Morgan’s honor, it wouldn’t be enough.
So I wasn’t surprised when we entered my mother’s garden to find a small plaque set upon an onyx obelisk, the stone gleaming dully in the starlight. It sat in the middle of a small clearing, rising from the ground, almost as tall as I was. It was smooth, the lines cleanly cut, obviously lovingly crafted.
The base was surrounded by the brightest of flowers, blues and greens and reds and golds and pinks, the last of which reminded me of pointy shoes sticking out from underneath brightly colored robes.
The plaque read:
Here Lies Morgan of Shadows
The King’s Wizard
Brother, Friend, Mentor
He Loved, and Was Loved in Return
I reached out and traced my fingers over the grooves of each word.
“How is it still here?” I whispered. “Myrin should have….”
“Regardless of what he did,” Justin said, voice low, “regardless of who he was and who he’s become, he was still Morgan’s brother first. I think that matters. Even to him.”
I wiped my face, and my hand came away wet. “That didn’t stop him from taking Morgan away.”
“No,” Ryan said. “It didn’t. And he’ll pay for that. In this life or the next.”
“In this one,” I said. “He’ll pay for it in this one.”
They had no response to that.
They left me alone for a moment, moving toward the far corner of the garden.
I didn’t know what to say. I’m sorry I failed you? I wish I’d been stronger? I wish you’d never come for me that day in the slums? Nothing seemed even remotely adequate to the tangled knot in my chest. He loved me as I loved him.
And maybe that was enough.
“You jerk,” I said with a sniffle. “You asshole. You brave, foolish idiot.”
Wherever he was, I figured he’d be laughing at me in that way he did, eyes crinkled, mouth quirked in a small, knowing smile.
There was a loud mechanical groan, and I snapped my head up in time to see Justin pulling his hand away from the wall as it slid away to the right. I winced at the scrape of metal and stone, hoping the trees around us muffled the worst of it. When it creaked to a stop, what remained was a small doorway, hidden behind thick vines.
A secret entrance.
Even with the gravity of the situation, even standing upon the grave of my mentor, I couldn’t help but feel a small thrill of excitement race through me at such a sight. I wondered if there were any others in the castle. It seemed possible.
I trailed my hand along the words on the plaque one more time before I went to Ryan and Justin, both of whom were peering down a set of stairs that had appeared behind the wall, of which only the first few steps were visible.
They looked at me as I came to stand beside them. I shook my head before they could ask whatever questions were on their tongues. “So, this is fun.”
“Fun,” Justin repeated.
“Secret passageways in secret gardens. Yeah. That’s pretty fun.”
Ryan smiled. “I thought the same thing when I found out.”
I arched an eyebrow at him. “And when was that?”
“After I was promoted to Knight Commander.”
“Really. You kept it from me for that long? And after you gave me so much shit in Castle Freesias for keeping things from you. You’re kind of a bitch, Foxheart. Sexy as all hell, but still a bitch.”
His grin widened.
“Oh my gods,” Justin muttered. “I can’t take either of you anywhere.”
“How far down do these stairs go?” I asked, looking into the doorway again. “We’re not above the dungeons here.”
“A ways,” Justin said vaguely.
“You don’t really know, do you.”
“There were spiders when Dad showed me the first time,” he mumbled. “I don’t like spiders.”
“Ah,” I said wisely. “It’s a good thing you’ve got us, then, eh? And by us, I mean Ryan, because I also don’t like spiders, so he can go first and scare them all away and make sure we don’t get bitten and die.”
We both looked at him expectantly.
“You guys both suck,” he said with a sigh.
“You would know,” Justin said.
I gasped. “Did you just make a sex joke? About blowing Ryan?”
Justin groaned. “No. That wasn’t what I—”
“This is the greatest day of my life,” I said in awe. “I mean, aside from the whole breaking into the castle and seeing my mentor’s grave and being sad and stuff. That part was awful, but you just made a sex joke. Best. Day. Ever. I can’t wait to tell your dad. In fact, that’s going to be the first thing I say to him. Then I will hug him and probably compliment him on his mustache, because no matter what, he’s still a KILF, and that needs to be recognized.”
“Maybe we should just leave him in the dungeons,” Ryan said, giving me the evil eye.
Justin didn’t seem to like that idea, especially when he grabbed a torch off the wall and shoved it into Ryan’s hands before pushing him toward the stairs. “Less talk. More rescue.”
Ryan glared back at the both of us before he turned and started to descend.
Justin followed him.
I looked back only once, at the marker of Morgan of Shadows.