A Missing Heart

“That’s where I’m at right now too.”


“I’m so sorry, AJ. I’d like to hope that Tori explored all of her options before making this decision. I want to believe that, and maybe if you can believe that too, it’ll be a little easier to digest,” Charlotte says, clearly trying to lighten the reality of what’s happening. “Regardless, you know we will help you as much or as little as you need, right? We’re a family and you’ve always been there for us, especially Hunter.”

I’d love to agree with Charlotte, but I’m not sure she even totally agrees with what she’s saying; not with the sickened look on her face. At the end of this, wherever that may be, I don’t think I’ll ever truly be able to digest what is happening.

“Charlotte, can you give us a minute,” Hunter tells her.

“Of course,” Charlotte says as she stands up from the couch, and leaves the room. “I already know what you’re going to say, Hunter,” she says, her voice carrying through the center of the house.

Probably looking as confused as I feel, I raise my brows with question, waiting for him to spit it out. “Dude,” he says. “Maybe I’m going to hell for saying this today of all days, but I have to say it: Tori has made her decisions, and you have to focus on Gavin and what’s going to happen with Cameron and Ever. It’s a lot to take in all at once,” he says with a sigh. “God, I knew things were going to be rough the other day when your hot ex-girlfriend—Cameron showed up. When she asked about you, her face lit up like fireworks. She said she missed you and looked more than a little disappointed when I told her you were married with a kid.” Hunter runs his hands down the sides of his face, likely only feeling an ounce of the frustration that I feel. “I hate to even ask, but does she know what’s going on with Tori right now?”

“Yeah she knows,” I say, feeling guilty for that too. “Anyway, I’m glad we’ve had this talk.”

“AJ,” he says sternly. “You’ve been miserable for almost two years now. I give you an incredible amount of credit for sticking by your wife’s side while she transitioned into a person you didn’t know, and into someone who didn’t care enough about her own life, never mind yours. You’ve taken care of Gavin almost single-handedly, and you’ve had bags under your eyes for a year and a half. You haven’t made one joke, which is so unlike you, and you’ve hardly cracked a smile in months. I miss my brother, and while what’s going on with Tori is awful, and it’s even worse for Gavin, there’s a small part of me that feels grateful for the fact that you might get a little bit of yourself back. You deserve to be happy too.”

“He’s not going to have a mother,” I grunt with anger.

“He has one hell of a father, and we both know, this isn’t the end of your life—I think you can take that from me.”

“I don’t know,” I argue, though I’m not sure there’s much of an argument to be had here.

“Do you want to fight to get her back?” Hunter asks. “Do you want to try to make something work that may never have worked in the first place? I mean, do you think it would work if you did fight for her?”

I find myself staring through Hunter, searching for the answer to his question.

“She’s my wife,” I tell him, copping out and away from his question.

“What about you?” Hunter asks.

“I guess I need to figure that part out,” I tell him, standing up from the couch.

“Will you be at work tomorrow?” he asks.

“Yeah, with Gavin in tow.”

“I can take care of him tomorrow afternoon, if that helps,” Charlotte yells in.

“Didn’t she leave so she wouldn’t have to listen to me?” Hunter laughs.

“Women always make a point of acting like they don't want to hear shit, but they’re always eavesdropping. Always.”

“That’s for damn sure,” Hunter agrees.

“Very funny!” Charlotte says.

“Yeah, leave Gavin here tomorrow. We’ll figure things out, AJ. Don’t worry, okay?”

I nod and continue out into the living room where I collect Gavin’s things. He’s jumping all over Olive, blowing raspberries on her face, and she’s eating it up. “We’re going to get going, Ollie-Lolly and Lana-Banana.”

The girls stand up and give me a bear hug. “I’m sorry,” Olive says. I’m not going to ask what she’s sorry about because I know eavesdropping runs in this house like a viral disease.

I look down at her with a raised brow. “It’s a good thing I love you, kiddo.”

“Do I get to meet her?” Olive asks quietly. “Ever. She’s my cousin, right?”

I nod my head, trying to avoid the grin growing across my mouth. “Soon, I’m sure.”

A quiet, “Yes!” escapes her lips and she dances around in a small circle. This girl would like it if our family were a hundred people deep…just like Ellie.

“You are your mother’s daughter. That’s for sure,” I say, messing up the curls on top of her head.

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