A Missing Heart

“Do you know how much bull that rumor was?” I ask her.

“Oh, please, you proved yourself pretty quickly during junior year,” she says.

“I must have been born with the gift of good sex-giving then because you were my first, Cam.”

Her laugh goes silent. “Oh, come on, AJ. You can’t actually expect me to believe that.”

“Yeah, you were. And you know the worst part?”

She doesn’t answer but her brows pull in together with question.

“I thought you were always going to be my last, too.”

She pinches my chin between her fingers and smiles her genuine Cammy smile that I always looked forward to seeing every day. “That might be the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me, and it’s not a surprise that it came from your mouth.”

I stroke my fingers through her hair, feeling like no time has passed since we said goodbye thirteen years ago. “We’re in this together,” I tell her. “All of this.”

“Yeah, and I’m going to Pennsylvania and you’re staying here to keep your job and get help from your family right now while you go through this situation with Tori.” She exhales loudly with a frustrated sigh. “That’s how we’re tackling this. I’m an attorney, and I’m going to fight for our girl. I’m going to get her, and then I’m going to bring her back here. Maybe the time in between will be a good adjustment for all of us.”

I want to fight her so badly. I can’t just give in and tell her to go do this on her own. However, I know I’ll fight until I lose, but I need her to know I’m not giving up that easily.

“Cammy,” I begin.

“Don’t argue,” she says, her lips perking up in one corner. That little smirk says it all. “Do you trust me?”

“I don’t know. You did leave me hanging for thirteen years,” I remind her with a quick wink.

She punches me gently in the chest. “I spent half of that time trying to find a way back into your life, and it just so happens I finally got my wish. We just have to fight for that wish to come true.”

“I want to come with you,” I tell her again.

“You need your job. We need to prove to the court that we’re both stable and have living situations suitable for a thirteen-year-old. I need you to maintain this lifestyle so we can win.” Whether what she’s saying is the truth or not, I don’t know, but it sounds sensible, and I’m not going to argue with a lawyer—on a subject I know nothing about.

“I’m not going to say this is fine and I’m not even going to agree to it. I’ll take it like a man, Cammy, but I might shatter into a million pieces when you two leave me.”

“And I might shatter too,” she says. “But we’ll be back. Even if it’s the last thing I do.”

“We have to tell Ever the truth. I don’t want to keep any of this from her. It’s going to be hard enough as is,” I say.

“Agreed.”

With the painful decision made, I stand up from the bed, but Cammy’s cool hands grab me from behind, tugging me backward. “Hey!” I shout through a whisper, shocked from the chill of her hands seeping through my thin shirt.

“Wait,” she says. Her hands wrap around my bicep and I give in to the tug-of-war, letting her pull me back down onto the bed. “Don’t confuse my restraint for what I want, because I feel like we missed out on so much.” Her restraint has always been our joint strength, but I could never confuse that for want. “But, I’m going to have to leave with her in the morning. The adoption agency was very demanding on the phone, which is not surprising since Ever fled the foster home last week.”

I don’t have much to say, being at a loss for words in this situation. All I can do is sit and think about how this can turn out. I’m flooded with questions and concerns, but I know there are no answers to any of them right now, which makes this even worse.

Cammy stands up from the bed, pulling in a deep breath as she looks into the mirror. Running the back of her thumb under each eye to smudge away the proof of the tears she must have shed before I got here, she swallows hard and turns back toward me. “Ready to tell her?”

“No.”

Cammy takes my hand and leads me to the door where we simultaneously pull in a deep breath. As we walk back into the main area, we find Ever lying across the couch with Gavin tucked under her arm as they watch some weird cartoon, both completely enamored. The sight of the two of them together again causes a tingling sensation in my chest, like butterflies, but different. It’s a different kind of love, something I didn’t know existed before today. Something that’s making me want to say, “I did this.”

Cammy walks over to the couch and takes Gavin from Ever’s arm. “I cannot get over your cuteness,” she croons. “You look just like your daddy. Those dimples, my goodness.”

“Who do I look like?” Ever asks.

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