A Missing Heart

“It did,” Hunter says, smirking.

“I knew…” Dad says from the corner of the living room as he slouches down in his recliner with a guilt-laced grimace.

“What are you talking about?” Who is he talking about, I should clarify. Did Hunter have enough time to tell them about both Ever and Tori?

“I knew you got that girl pregnant. Heard you on the phone with her one night when I was in the bathroom. You know how thin that wall is between your bedroom and the hall bathroom?”

“Yeah, Dad, I know how thin the wall is. I heard more than my share of shits being dropped off in that room.”

“AJ!” Mom scolds me.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” I ask Dad.

“Same reason I never told your mother.”

Mom looks pissed, and she’s not being shy about it. “How could you keep something like that from me?” she asks. “I’m his mother!”

“Wasn’t my secret to tell, honey,” he says. “I thought AJ would come to us when he was ready. I didn’t think it would be thirteen years later, but I knew eventually he would.” I can’t believe Dad kept a secret that long. Clearly, Hunter got his big mouth from Mom.

“Are you going to—” Mom asks with a hiccup lodging in her throat.

“We’re going to try and reverse the adoption now that the adoptive parents are gone.”

Mom clasps her hands over her chest and bows her head, whispering something to herself. “How does that all work?” she mutters.

“I don’t know, Mom. It’s a long process I guess. Cammy is taking her to Pennsylvania to get it sorted out.”

“You aren’t going?” Dad asks me, anger breaking through his voice.

“Cammy doesn’t want me to go.”

Mom walks past me to take a seat on the couch next to Hunter. “This is a lot to wrap my head around, but I have to know—Hunter was saying something about Tori when you walked in. Is she okay? She must not be taking all of this very well.” Lucky me. Hunter didn’t get that far.

I dip my head back with frustration. “That’s an even longer story.”

“She left you, didn’t she?” Dad asks.

“Harold!” she scolds. “Why would you assume something like that? I’m sure whatever it is can be worked out.” If only it were that easy.

“Look, I never wanted to worry you about Tori but yes, she left me, but not without reason,” I begin.

“Because of Cameron and—I don’t understand,” Mom says, clearly flustered.

“Cameron isn’t to blame. The timing was bad, yes, but Tori’s in a hospital right now. She’s um—she’s been unhappy for a while, and it’s not good. Evidently, she doesn’t want me around anymore.”

“Can we cheer her up somehow?” Mom asks innocently. “Maybe she has a slight bout of depression or postpartum depression. It’s so common.”

“She’s tried to…end her life twice, Mom.” As if it wasn’t bad enough witnessing these attempts, the horrifying expression on Mom’s face isn’t helping.

“I had no idea things were that bad,” she says quietly. “I’m sorry you’ve been going through this with her. I’m sorry she’s been suffering so dearly. I wish there was something I could do.”

“The only thing anyone can do for her is let her go. She blames me. What can I do after hearing that?” I ask, feeling my heart wrench with pain once again. How could I cause someone so much pain?

“Well, what about Gavin?” Mom asks. The look within her eyes is pure panic. “Will you have to figure out custody. Is it that serious. Are you going to get a divorce?” Mom’s questions and flying and I know it’s out of concern, but I don’t have much to respond with. “Maybe couples counseling or something like that can help you both. I mean, divorce doesn’t have to be the final answer.” It’s like she isn’t hearing me correctly, or maybe she doesn’t want to accept it. Mom prefers to wear rose-colored glasses, and sometimes I wish I could see life the way she does.

“She doesn’t want to be around Gavin either. She blames him too.”

I haven’t seen Mom’s nostrils flare in a long time. It only happens when she’s angry or upset to the point of breaking down. “He’s just a baby. Maybe you misunderstood her, AJ. That can’t be right. I know Tori has had a hard transition into motherhood, but I don’t think she would do that to Gavin. What mother could?”

I swallow my pain and close my eyes to avoid the look in Mom’s. “I—I don’t have a better answer. I only know what Tori has made clear to me.”

“I don’t understand,” Mom says, solemnly.

I almost forgot Cammy and Ever were in the truck. “Mom, I know this is a lot right now, but can we put this discussion aside long enough to meet Ever? I need to put things with Tori on hold for the moment.” I exhale loudly, trying very hard to switch gears. God, this is hard. “Trust me, I didn’t plan for this all to happen at once. It’s more than my brain can even handle right now, and I’m just trying to take every moment as it comes.”

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