A Missing Heart

It’s not even the part about having a second failed marriage that bothers me the most, it’s the part that I tried really hard to make something broken work for so long. It was all for nothing.

“I hate to say this, bro, I do, but you and Gavin might be better off. If she has issues this serious to figure out, it’s best to do so without a baby and husband in tow.” I know he’s right but none of this feels right. I can’t help but take the blame. Every bit of it. “Things are going work out for you, you know? It will.”

Like I do every day, I push it all to the back of my mind and focus on getting the job done. If there’s anything I’ve realized in the last year, it’s that I can’t control anything. It’s not even worth trying.

“Dude, your phone’s ringing,” Hunter shouts over my drill.

I see it lighting up on the bottom step of the stairwell, and I race over to grab it, finding Cammy’s name lit up on my screen.

“Hey? What’s going on?”

“She’s ours!” Cammy shouts into the phone with utter excitement.

“Wait, what? I don’t understand. I thought there had to be another trial for her to speak at or something?”

“She spoke at the last hearing, and I guess that was suitable enough. They’re making it official on Friday. This Friday, AJ!”

“I’m going to be there,” I tell her. “Don’t tell me no, Cam. I’ll head out there tomorrow.”

“I want you here,” she says, breathlessly. “We’re getting our second chance, AJ. This kind of thing almost never happens.”

“It was meant to be,” I barely get out.

“See you soon,” she whispers.

I end the call and carefully place the phone down on the step, facing Hunter with a look I only wish I could see on my face. “What happened?” he asks.

“She’s ours…Cammy’s, but—”

“She’s yours,” Hunter says, walking over and throwing his arms around my neck. “This is fucking awesome, AJ.” My arms lock around Hunter’s neck, and it feels so good to hold onto my brother as my heart pours out of me in the form of tears. Everything I have gone through over the past few years has finally led me here, in the direction I wanted. “You’re going to go there, right?”

“Yeah, I have to go,” I tell him. “I’ll be back before Monday for that job.”

“What about Gavin?” Hunter asks.

“He’s coming with me. My family needs to be together.” My family. All of them.



Leaving after rush hour and driving through the night worked out pretty well. I feel bad dropping in so late at night, but I wasn’t about to wait another day to see Cammy and Ever. I follow the directions on my phone, pulling into a nice complex of apartments. I’m not sure what Cammy’s car looks like now, so I’m squinting through the darkness for the building numbers. I reach the end of the row, finding her building last and settled between thick bunches of trees. I hop out of the truck and sling Gavin over my shoulder. He couldn’t be less aware of where he is right now. He’s out cold. At the front door, I scroll my finger down the list of names, finding Cammy’s, but I take my phone out and text her instead. Those buzzers can be so loud inside, and I don’t want to wake up Ever.



Me: Can you buzz me in?



Cammy: What? What do you mean? It’s not tomorrow yet.



Me: I know it’s not. Please let me in, anyway. I’m outside your door.



A light glows through the privacy glass of the door, and I hear footsteps pounding down the steps. I almost get knocked out by the door flinging open as Cammy jumps out and into my arms without a word. Her legs are tangled around my waist and her arms loop around my neck. She rests her head on my shoulder, and all I smell is lavender or lilac. I always confuse the two, but she always smells like one of them. I’m still holding Gavin awkwardly, not wanting her to release her grip, and when she finally takes a breath, she sees Gavin and wraps her arm around him too, kissing him on the head. “Oh my goodness, you’ve gotten so big,” she says.

“I know, I’ve been hitting the gym a lot,” I say.

She tilts her head back with a tight-lipped smirk and then pulls herself back in, pressing her lips against my cheek. “God, I missed you,” she says.

“I was scared I’d get here, and you’d have some guy living with you,” I mutter in her ear.

“I was scared you’d show up with Tori,” she says just as quietly. I kept my divorce to myself, not wanting it to affect Cammy’s life or her decisions. It would alter the truth of what is or isn’t supposed to be. It was a little masochistic of me, but after all the lies and hidden truths I have lived through, I needed to find out what’s real in my life.

“Our divorce was finalized about a month ago,” I say, feeling like it’s still a little unreal.

Cammy slides down until her toes touch the ground. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s been a hard one to swallow, Cam. I’m thirty, and I’ve been divorced twice. It’s kind of embarrassing.”

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