“Maybe.”
“Good. So, Kevin and fake-Ryan are talking to the dragon, trying to get him to open up.”
“Damn right he’s a fake me,” Ryan muttered.
“And how’s that going for them?”
Tiggy shrugged and held up his hand, seesawing it back and forth. “Eh.”
“Great. That’s just great.”
“We did get a couple of things out of him,” Gary said. “One, he did feel you coming and could hear you like you could hear him.”
“That’s… good?”
“Two, he says he didn’t want to eat you, because he thought you were just playing a game.”
“A game.”
“Yeah. Like tag. Or something.”
The urge to rock back and forth was almost too much to resist. “Go on,” I said through gritted teeth.
“Um. Okay. Also. Don’t get mad.”
“Because of course when someone says that, it obviously works every time.”
“Someone is sassy today,” Gary said. “Tiggy! Guess who’s sassy today!”
Tiggy scrunched his face up. Then, “Sam?”
“You win!” Gary cried, prancing in place. “Guess what you win!”
Tiggy looked excited. “What do I win?”
“You get to tell Sam that one thing that might make him mad!”
Tiggy started clapping. “Yes! Yes! I win! That—” He frowned. “That not good.”
“Might as well hit me with it now,” I said. “I’m already knocked on my ass. What’s one more thing in this desolate wasteland known as my life?”
“Yeah,” Ryan said. “You and the new dragon are going to get along just fine.”
“I’m not an emo teenager!”
He patted my hand.
“Okay,” Tiggy said. “Sam not mad?”
“I’m not mad,” I assured him.
“Sam stay not mad?”
“Depends.”
“On?”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “If you say something I don’t like.”
Tiggy swallowed and wrung his hands together. “Okay. So. Dragon. We tell him. ’Bout destiny. And stuff.” He glanced nervously at Gary, who nodded for him to continue. “And he said. Um. Fuck off?”
“Fuck off,” I repeated.
“Yes. He said Sam fuck off. He not help.”
“Oh my gods.”
“Shh, Sam,” Tiggy said, pushing a big finger against my face.
“Oh my gods.”
“Shhh, shhh, shhh.”
“Tiggy,” Gary hissed. “His face is doing that twitching thing! Stop touching him before he bites you or takes away your soul!”
“Tiggy keep his soul,” Tiggy said, taking a step back, bringing his hands up to cover his chest. “It mine.”
“If that dragon wasn’t large, scary, and could eat me,” I snarled, “I would so kick its ass right now! Godsdamned Jekhipe!”
“Oh,” Gary said. “That’s one other thing? He doesn’t like the name Jekhipe. Says that was the name the gypsies gave him.”
“Of course he doesn’t like it. Okay, you know what? I’ll bite. What does he want to be called?”
Gary’s lips twitched. “You need to remember that mentally, he’s only fourteen years old. And has a lot of feelings. And says that we’ll never understand his pain.”
“I’m the denominator,” I said to no one in particular. “That’s just who I am. It’s like all I get is the crazy. Everywhere I go.”
Gary was rather gleeful when he said, “He says his name is Zero Ravyn Moonfire.”
I hated everything.
JEKHI—EXCUSE me, Zero Ravyn Moonfire—told us in no uncertain terms that we were not allowed to stay in the dome come nightfall. “It’s mine,” he growled. “And you already took away my best friends, so I don’t even want to talk to you right now!”
“Your best friends,” I repeated, trying to get a handle on the situation.
“The mermaids!” Zero shouted at me. “You completely destroyed the mermaids!”
“They were your friends?”
“Yes! Sort of. Okay, not really, but they understood what it felt like to be an outcast with a face that no one could possibly love!”
“Oh,” I said. “Come on. Your face isn’t… that bad.”
“Good job,” Ryan said. “Really. I believed it.”
Zero slithered toward me, the hood around his face expanding, spikes twitching.
“Eep,” I said, taking a step back.
“See?” he wailed as he deflated. “I’m hideous.”
“There, there,” I said. “It’s…. There, there.”
“My gods, Sam,” Gary said. “Are you actively trying to make things worse?”
“Hey!” I said. “It’s not my fault I’m a handsome devil and don’t know how to talk to children!”
“I’m not a child,” Zero said. “I’m fourteen years old. I know a lot of stuff, okay? You’re all just old and don’t remember what it’s like to be my age. You don’t know what it’s like to be me. You don’t know my life.”
“Zero?” Gary cooed. “Honeybunch. Listen to your aunt Gary, okay? I knew Sam when he was fourteen, and guess what? He went through the same thing you’re going through. He was… well. Awkward is probably the nicest thing I can say. You ever see those birds with the tiny bodies and really long legs that do nothing but squawk all the time? Yeah, imagine that in human form. That was Sam.”
“What?” I rolled my eyes. “No it wasn’t. I was never awkward. Tiggy. Tell him.”
Tiggy scratched the back of his neck.
I narrowed my eyes. “Tiggy. Tell him.”
“Don’t like lying,” Tiggy said.
“But… you wouldn’t be…. Tiggy. Tiggy. Of course I wasn’t weird and awkward as a teenager. I skipped right over that whole thing and was amazing as I am today!”
“You’re weird and awkward now,” Kevin said.
“Hey!”
“So there’s hope,” Gary said to Zero. “You’ll see. One day, when you’re Sam’s age, you’ll blossom into the most handsome snake dragon monster thing that ever did live.”
“But I don’t want to wait until I’m forty-five!”
“Forty-five?” I shrieked. Then I coughed, slapped my hand against my chest a couple of times, and responded much more reasonably. “Forty-five? I’m not forty-five. That’s ridiculous.”
“Oh,” Zero said. “Do we not round up anymore? It’s been a while since I’ve been awake. I could be wrong.”
I stepped forward, meaning to choke the life out of the gigantic dragon, but Ryan snagged me by the arm and was able to stop me before I could even get my hands on him, which was probably for the best, what with the destiny thing and all.
“Easy,” he whispered in my ear. “You don’t want to piss him off even more.”
“He’s pissing me off.”
“Yeah, but you’re the older one here. Not like that, don’t give me that look. You know what I mean.”
“I wasn’t awkward as a teenager,” I said.
“I knew you when you were a teenager,” he reminded me. “Maybe a little awkward.”
“You never even talked to me.”
“I stared at you a lot.” He shrugged.
“You creepy bastard. It wasn’t bad, right?”