It decided on me.
So there I was, with a dragon the size of a large house with his wings tucked at his sides plunging toward me, and another dragon made of nightmares, jaws open, ready to force me down its considerable gullet, all while I was falling to my death in a cavern I’d made when I’d vaporized sand mermaids so they wouldn’t eat my boyfriend and my half-giant.
Yeah. I know.
Fuck my life.
It happened quicker than I expected.
Kevin twisted himself until he could stretch a clawed hand toward me.
Jekhipe’s tongue came out, and I could almost feel it on my skin.
Kevin pinched the pole holding up the sail between two claws, digging into the wood.
“You better hold on to something,” he shouted gleefully.
“Oh no,” I said.
His wings snapped open, catching an updraft.
Instead of falling, suddenly we were shooting upward, my gut immediately sinking to my feet as I fell flat on my stomach, stretching out along the board, holding on for dear life.
I looked down in time to see Jekhipe fly right under us with a snarl of outrage. If I were so inclined, I could have reached down and touched it since it was so close.
Kevin allowed the wind to fill the membranes of his wings, stretching them out and pulling us upward. He curled his arm, bringing me closer to his body.
“Who’s a badass?” he crowed.
I vomited over the side of the board.
“Oh gods. Why do you always do that when we fly?”
“My bad,” I said feebly, spitting out a gross something. “Maybe it has to do with the fact that I almost died.”
“Yeah, and whose fault is that? By the way, I’m pretty sure your knight shit himself silly when you jumped. You might want to prepare yourself for an epic ass whooping when we get back. If you want to repay me for saving your life yet again, you could let me watch said ass whooping. He’s got such big hands—”
Jekhipe roared again behind us.
“Godsdammit,” I said, looking back. “Even you weren’t this much of a pain in my ass.”
“Yeah, only because you won’t let me—”
“Not the time!”
“It’s never the time!”
“Where are we going?”
“Back to the island.”
And we were. Kevin had circled around and was flying lower and lower. “What! No! You can’t bring that thing back to everyone else. Kevin, what the hell!”
“You stupid idiot,” he said fondly. “We’re in this together. And that’s the way it’s going to be.”
And for once, I couldn’t think of a single thing to say.
We landed quickly, Kevin coming in and hitting the ground running as he held me up and away so I wouldn’t fall. He slid to a halt near the dome, kicking up the dust around us. I jumped off the board and could barely resist falling to my knees and kissing the sweet, sweet earth beneath my feet.
Instead I was manhandled into a hug by a pair of strong arms, a face mashed against my neck, breath heavy against my skin.
“I hate you so much right now,” Ryan Foxheart said hoarsely. “You have no idea.”
I hugged him back. “Would it help if I said sorry?”
He pulled back, a scowl on his face. “Sorry. You’re sorry. You… you… mothercracker.”
I grinned at him.
His nose wrinkled. “Why do you smell like vomit?”
“Annnnnd moment over,” I said, stepping out of his arms.
“Did you vomit because your tummy got sick?” Gary asked sympathetically. “He’s got a very sensitive tummy, in case you didn’t know. Yes. Yes, you do.”
“Shut up,” I muttered. “We don’t have time—”
The ground shook.
I turned.
Jekhipe slithered toward us, stopping a short distance away. It reared back. Its hood shook. Its teeth were bared.
Ryan stood to my right. Ruv was at my left. Gary stood behind me, head over my shoulder. Tiggy was next to him, pressing up against my back. Kevin towered over us, wings spread, snarling in anger.
“Oh my gods,” I whispered reverently. “I bet we look so fucking cool right now. Shit! I gotta say something witty!”
“Sam,” Ryan said, exasperated. He flourished his sword because he couldn’t not. “We don’t have time—”
“I got it!” I puffed out my chest and glared at Jekhipe. “I feel like playing dice, boys. I just need some snake eyes.”
Everyone groaned.
“What! That was good!”
“Is it possible he’s getting worse?” Gary asked. “Because it seems like he’s getting worse.”
“He so special,” Tiggy cooed.
And then, because I wanted to get this godsdamned show on the road, I bent over, picked up a good-sized stone, and chucked it at the motherfucking snake dragon monster thing.
It was a good throw, if I do say so myself.
Especially since it hit Jekhipe right in the eye.
“Ha!” I crowed. “Take that, motherfucker!”
And Jekhipe said, “Ow! Why you gotta be so mean like that?”
I scoffed. “Because you deserved—wait. What.”
Chapter 18: And That Was How I Met a Teenage Emo Dragon
“YOU HIT me in the eye,” the snake dragon monster thing known as Jekhipe said.
“Wow,” Kevin said. “I am sorry for him. If it makes you feel any better, he did the same thing to me when we met. I’m starting to think he has a thing for hitting dragons in the eye. Which is rude, by the way.”
“I don’t know why I’m so surprised you can talk,” I said to Jekhipe. “Like, I heard you in my head and everything, but you’re like… you know. You. What the fuck.”
“Yeah,” Ryan said. “What the—”
I glared at him.
“—heck?” he finished with a scowl on his face.
“Of course I can talk,” Jekhipe said. “I’ve been talking to the wizard since I woke up.” He frowned and then slumped to the ground, laying his chin in the dirt. His wings drooped at his sides, and the hood around his head sagged. “Then he had to go and be all mean to me.” He blinked the eye I’d hit with a rock rapidly.
“Are you… are you pouting?” I asked, incredulous.
“I’m allowed to pout,” Jekhipe said, sounding morose. “I’m in pain and everything is really lame right now, okay? Gods.” His wings drooped farther.
“What the hell is going on?” I asked faintly.
“I think you hurt his feelings,” Gary said, sounding amused.
“I did? He was trying to eat us!”
“Excuse you,” Jekhipe said. “I was not.”
“Then what the fuck was that whole coming-after-us thing!”
“I thought we were playing around.”
“Is this real life?” I asked Ryan. “Or did you get me drunk again to try and have your way with me and this whole thing is a hallucination?”
“Yeah, because I need to get you drunk to do stuff to you,” Ryan said dryly. “All I have to do is look at you and you’re ready to go.”
“Bullshit.”
He smoldered at me.
“Sweet molasses,” I whispered. “It’s like you were dipped in sex and I need to lick it—”
“Ugh,” Jekhipe groaned. “Gods, old people are so disgusting.”
“Ha!” Tiggy said. “He called you old.”