“Like little hot-air balloons,” Rachel explains. She uses her hands to cup something invisible. “You put a candle inside and watch them float away.” She raises her hands, as if releasing something.
“It’s a long tradition across different many cultures,” Yuki goes on. “People have been doing it for thousands of years. All over the world, for many kinds of ceremonies. It brings peace and good luck.”
The image of lanterns skimming the air floats across my mind. “It sounds beautiful…” I say.
Rachel leans forward. “That means you like our idea?”
I can’t help smiling. “It’s perfect.”
She claps her hands together. “I’m so excited. I’ve seen it in movies. And I’ve always wanted to do it.”
“There is one problem,” Yuki says, sharing a look with Jay. “We are having some trouble finding a place to release them. It has to be away from town, somewhere like an open field.”
I think about this. “I know a place. A field, I mean. I can bring us there.”
“Perfect!” Rachel says.
Smiles are exchanged around the table as we continue our conversation about the lanterns. A few days ago, I wasn’t sure if anything would ever come to fruition. But listening to everyone sharing ideas to make this happen brings me a sense of joy. I realize this isn’t about me anymore. Especially if Mika and Oliver are there, too. This is something beautiful for us to share together. And it will all be for Sam.
At the end of lunch, before we all pack up to go, I say one last thing to the table. “Thanks again for all of this. I think Sam would truly love your idea if he was here.”
Yuki touches my shoulder. “We’ll let you know when we have it ready. It’s going to be something special. We promise.”
* * *
The school day goes by quickly. Oliver and I are supposed to walk home together, but he texted me last period, saying he has to stay after class to discuss his grade. I left his jacket in my locker, so I go to grab it along with some books. The hallway is packed as I’m heading out. I bump into someone’s trombone case and drop my things. As I bend down to pick them up, someone murmurs something.
“Nice jacket.”
I look up to find the voice.
Taylor stares down at me as I gather the rest of my things and straighten up. A group of her friends stand beside her, watching. “Is that Oliver’s?” she asks.
Of course it is. She knows this. What does she expect me to say? “He’s just letting me borrow it.”
“When did you two become so close?”
“What do you mean? We’ve always been friends.”
She gives me a look. “You know that isn’t true. Oliver doesn’t even like you. We used to talk about you behind your back. He didn’t mention that?”
I clench the jacket tight, unsure of how to respond to this. I should walk away. Who cares what Oliver used to say? Things are different now. Why does she want to ruin it? “Why are you telling me this?”
Out of nowhere, Taylor rips the jacket from my hands. “You think we all just forgot what you did? Just because Oliver’s being friendly to you?”
“What’s wrong with you?” I shout, my cheeks burning. I reach for the jacket. “Give me that back—”
Taylor throws out her arm, almost hitting me. “What’s wrong with us?” she says back. “We’re not the ones who moved here to ruin everyone’s life.”
“What are you talking about?”
Taylor’s eyes narrow at me. Her voice sharpens. “Don’t play stupid, Julie. It’s your fault he’s dead.”
A chill goes through me as people around us stop to listen. I knew she would confront me with this one day. But I didn’t expect it to be in front of everyone at school. I swallow hard, trying to keep my voice steady. “Don’t you blame me for that. You don’t—”
“Don’t you pin this on anyone else,” Taylor cuts me off. She presses her finger to my collarbone, forcing me to step back. “You made him drive an hour away to pick you up. Sam was only trying to spend time with his friends. It was the first night all of us were together since you came here. But you wouldn’t even let him have that. We were all there, Julie. You made him leave and ruined everything.”
“That’s not true,” I say. “He was the one texting me. I told him he didn’t have to go. I said I would walk home.”
Taylor shoves another finger at my chest. “You’re such a liar. I was talking to him before he left. He told me everything you were saying. And you guilted him into leaving. And that killed him. Because of you.”
My stomach hardens. “You’re wrong. You don’t know the whole conversation. Sam wouldn’t—”
“You don’t know what Sam thinks,” Taylor cuts me off again.
“And you don’t know what happened. You didn’t read our texts.”
“Then show me them.”
“I can’t…”
“Why not?”
“Because I deleted them.”