“That’s not unimaginative?”
“Not if you enjoy art, which she seems to. I wonder what else she likes?”
“Sharks,” Erica said. “She likes sharks.”
“Good point.” Anna moved to the soft toy section and picked up a hammerhead shark in plush gray velvet. “This is cute.”
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it actually is cute and I happen to know that a hammerhead is her favorite shark. But she already has a dinosaur that seems to go everywhere with her.”
“Doesn’t mean she wouldn’t also like a shark.” Anna handed it to Erica. “And you should buy her books. She loves books.”
“We don’t know what she already has.”
“I’m sure that bookstore would change it if we buy a duplicate. How about this construction set? Both of mine would have loved that.” Anna added the box to the growing pile in Erica’s arms. “How much do you want to spend?”
“I don’t know. The right amount, whatever that is.” Erica looked lost and Anna gave her arm a squeeze.
“This isn’t an exam. You can’t get this wrong.”
“I can. I’ve never been an aunt before.”
“You’re godmother to my children and they adore you. It’s not so different.” Anna pushed her toward the checkout. “Just be yourself.”
“We both know that won’t work.” Erica stopped walking. “I don’t want to mess this up. I won’t mess this up. If I’m in her life, then I’m in it. No walking away.”
Anna tried to work out where this was coming from. “You have never walked away from anything.”
“I almost walked away from this,” Erica said. “And the stakes are higher. I won’t hurt a child.”
“The fact that you’re even thinking of that means that you won’t. You gave it a lot of thought, which is important. Now you need to stop thinking and just do.”
“What if Hattie wishes I’d never shown up?”
“Hattie is delighted that you showed up. I think Hattie is a very rounded person who understands that everyone is flawed. Apart from me, of course. I have no flaws.”
“Apart from your inability to resist buying a new sweater every week.”
“It isn’t every week, and that isn’t a flaw. It’s an endearing quirk.”
Erica handed over her purchases to the cheerful “elf” standing behind the counter, and added another couple of small items while she was waiting to pay. “Thanks for this. And now I need a few tips for this letter I’m writing with Delphi. What am I going to ask Santa for?”
“A long steamy night with sexy lawyer Jack? Two steamy nights, breakfast included?”
“There are children present,” Erica muttered, taking her credit card back from the elf. “You might want to keep your voice down.”
“It’s a letter. How hard is a letter?” Anna leaned against the counter. “I’ve never seen you this uncertain about things before.”
“Yes, well, I’m out of my depth and prepared to admit it.” Erica took the bag from another girl dressed as an elf and gave her a smile of thanks. “This is important. I’d really like to stay in touch. Build a relationship of sorts.” They walked back through the store to the entrance. “Maybe one day Delphi could come and stay with me in Manhattan and we can go shopping together. Not toys. Clothes. Do you remember when Meg did that?”
Anna decided not to point out that Delphi wasn’t yet six, and that Manhattan shopping trips were a long way in the future. It was good that Erica was even thinking that far ahead. “Meg loved every minute. She still talks about it.”
“Right. So maybe that would be fun for Delphi. We could hit all the main tourist hot spots. Have lunch somewhere fancy. Do you think she’d like that?”
“I’m sure she’d love it.”
Anna felt a strange sensation in the pit of her stomach. Whether she realized it or not, Erica’s future was changing. She’d taken an important step. A huge step. Claudia’s future was looking brighter, too. They both had things they were looking forward to.
When Anna looked into the future, she saw change she didn’t want. She didn’t feel excited; she felt sad. And for the first time ever she felt that Pete didn’t really understand. She’d mentioned it again in their conversation the night before but he’d been unusually quiet. She had a feeling something wasn’t quite right. It was all very unsettling.
They stepped out onto the street and Erica held the door for her.
“Thanks for your help. I appreciate it.” She stopped as she saw Anna’s expression. “Is everything okay?”
“Everything is great.” She needed to pull herself together. “I’m pleased this is working out for you. Hattie is great. And it’s good to see Claudia happy.”
“Yes. We both knew she still loved cooking, but she needed to rediscover it for herself and fortunately, she has. And Hattie has a temporary chef, so that’s two problems solved in one go.” Erica stepped to one side to allow a couple to pass. “Where next? Bookstore?”
“Yes. We’ll choose some books for Delphi and then we’ll go back to the inn.” She wanted to talk to Pete and try to find the connection that seemed to be missing the night before.
They spent an hour in the bookstore, left with yet more purchases along with wrapping paper and ribbon so that Erica could reproduce the parcel Delphi had drawn in the picture, and then headed back to the inn.
“Give my love to Pete.” Erica was almost staggering under the weight of her parcels. “I’m going to wrap these while you’re catching up with him.”
Anna unlocked the door to her room. “I’ll see you in an hour for lunch.”
She closed the door and tugged off her boots. Then she walked to the bathroom and stared into the mirror. She should be grateful that the twins were able to leave home and live independent lives. The fact that they were excited about it meant she’d done a good job as a parent. They were confident and self-reliant.
But whenever she thought about dropping them off at college and then returning in an empty car to an empty house, she felt sick. She was going to miss keeping the fridge stocked, and miss listening to their funny observations about the world. She was going to miss seeing multiple pairs of oversize running shoes in the hallway when Dan had friends over. Who was she going to nurture once they’d gone? Where was she going to put all this love that was inside her?
Her eyes filled and she scowled at her reflection. Pull yourself together.
Feeling vulnerable, she settled down on the chair next to the window and called Pete.
He answered after a couple of rings. “Hey. How are things? I thought you’d be deep in book discussion. Or cross-country skiing.”
“I’m meeting Claudia and Erica for lunch in an hour. I wanted to hear your voice.” She gazed at the trees outside the window, their branches bowing under the weight of new snow. “How are the kids?”
“They’re fine. Meg is upstairs finishing a project and Dan is over at Alex’s house rehearsing.”
“That’s good.”