Hattie felt herself weaken.
She did love the dress so perhaps she should wear it. It was Christmas, after all. So maybe Noah wouldn’t think she was overdressed or trying to dazzle him. Maybe he’d just think she was taking advantage of the season.
“If you think it’s okay, then I’ll wear it.”
“Good decision.” Erica sat down and helped herself to a slice of cheese. “You should let us help you get ready for the evening. There is nothing we love more. Anna is good with hair.”
Delphi brightened. “Can I do your makeup?”
Hattie had a horrifying vision of how she’d look if Delphi was allowed to do her makeup. “That’s kind, but maybe we will save that for another day.” Preferably a day when she wasn’t going to be seen in public.
“I’m in charge of makeup,” Erica said, “but I could use an assistant if you’re available, Delphi.”
“I’m available!”
Rufus whined from the doorway and Delphi shot toward him. “He needs to pee. I’ll take him outside. Come on, Rufy. Hold on to it.” She disappeared, leaving Hattie with the others.
“Eat your lunch.” She waved a hand at the table. “Enjoy. If you need anything, shout.”
“Don’t rush off.” Claudia patted the empty space on the sofa next to her. “Please tell us that the date you’re going on is with the gorgeous Noah.”
“Yes, but it’s really no big deal. I don’t think it could be described as a date. It’s not romantic or anything.” But he had called her several times since the incident with Stephanie, to check that she was okay.
“But it’s a big enough deal that you’re thinking hard about what to wear.”
“That’s because I never go anywhere. I mean, obviously I go to plenty of places—” she corrected herself, hopefully before they could think she had a very sad life “—but mostly it’s the farm with Delphi, or shopping with Delphi, or we go for pizza or milkshakes or ice cream. We don’t go to fancy places that require you to dress up.”
“But Noah invited you to dinner.”
“Technically, it was his mother who did that.” And because they were so friendly, and looked so interested and sympathetic and because she couldn’t possibly talk to anyone in the local community about this, she told them what had happened.
“I like Lynda already.” Anna cut a slice of cheese and added it to her plate along with a few grapes. “And Noah doesn’t strike me as someone who is going to do anything he doesn’t want to. If he agreed, then I suspect he wanted to take you out.”
“Maybe, but the whole thing feels so awkward.” She clenched her hands in her lap. “Probably because I’m out of practice.” And because she’d kissed Noah, although there was no way she was sharing that piece of information. “The last man I dated was Brent, and that was a long time ago.”
Anna put her plate down. “You’re nervous.”
“Terrified.”
“Understandable.”
“Yes,” Claudia said. “When you’ve been with someone for a long time, the idea of starting again is daunting. You get comfortable with someone, life has a rhythm and a predictability—you know them, they know you and you share a kind of emotional shorthand, which makes everything easy and then wham, suddenly that’s gone. Dating feels like arriving in a foreign country where you don’t speak the language.” She eyed her friends. “What? I’m just saying I understand, that’s all. It’s hard. Sometimes it feels easier to stay home.”
Hattie saw Erica give Claudia a sympathetic look. “You’ve lost someone?”
“Not like you,” Claudia said. “But my relationship ended after ten years. I can’t imagine dating someone else, although I admit to not having the more complicated emotions you’re probably feeling.”
“Ten years is a long time.”
“Yes. I’m trying not to think about the fact that I wasted a decade.” Claudia gave what was supposed to be a casual shrug but wasn’t at all casual. “And I’m not pretending for a moment that my situation is the same as yours. Losing someone you loved and who loved you back—that’s a whole different level of hard.”
“It’s complicated. Being with someone else feels like a betrayal.” She hadn’t said that to anyone before, and she wasn’t sure why she was saying it now except that these women were so easy to talk to. “It feels as if by showing interest in someone else, I’m saying I don’t care for Brent anymore.”
Claudia frowned. “That’s not what you’re saying at all and I’m sure Brent wouldn’t want you to feel that way. He’d want you to be happy.”
“If something happened to me, I’d want Pete to find someone else,” Anna said. “Although she’d also have to love my children or I’d come back and haunt her.”
Hattie smiled. Talking to them about it somehow made her feel better. Maybe the situation wasn’t so complicated really. She was the one who was making it complicated by tormenting herself with feelings of guilt. But it was unnecessary because they were right about one thing—Brent would have wanted her to be happy.
“We always expect feelings to be simple and straightforward,” Anna said, “but it’s never like that.”
“That’s true.” Erica reached for a grape. “Which is why I usually avoid relationships.”
Hattie was curious. She knew so little of Erica and she badly wanted to know more. “But then you miss out on so much. Not that I’m saying we were the perfect couple, but being with Brent was an adventure. Even with everything that has happened, I wouldn’t change the past.”
Anna leaned back against the cushions. “What was he like?”
“Brent? He was larger than life. If he was in a room, you’d know it. You could hear his laugh across in the next county. He wasn’t afraid to take risks—he just didn’t seem to need the guarantees that I always wanted out of life. He followed his instincts and he was impulsive, which occasionally drove me crazy and often scared me to death, but it was also good to be with someone like that. Left to my own devices I would have played it so safe, and then I would have missed out on so much.”
Claudia took an apple from the bowl. “Like what?”
Hattie thought back to all the times Brent had made her step out of her comfort zone. “Without Brent, I wouldn’t have the inn. I wouldn’t have Rufus. I might not even have Delphi. I was determined to wait until exactly the right moment to have a child because I wanted to do it right.” That decision had been particularly hard to make, probably because of her father’s influence. “It was Brent who made me see there was never really a right moment. His mantra was always go for it and we’ll figure it out as we go along. Being with him made me braver.”