“It could, couldn’t it?” Erica paused, as if she was silently checking for injury. “But it doesn’t. In fact, it helps to know that my father wasn’t a bad person. All the signs are that despite everything, ultimately, he was a decent man.”
Claudia listened while Erica told them the details of the conversation. She wondered whether, in Erica’s position, she would have been angry with her mother for not responding to his efforts to reach out and make amends, but Erica was fiercely loyal to her mother and didn’t seem angry. Just a little sad.
Claudia wondered what Erica’s life would have been like if her father had reentered her life. If she’d grown up seeing that men might run, but also that they might then grow up and step up. Would that have changed things?
“I like the fact that he told Hattie about you,” Anna said. “But it’s funny thinking that she grew up knowing everything about you, whereas you’ve only recently found out about her. She is obviously pleased you’re here.”
“Yes.”
Anna glanced toward Claudia, and then back at Erica. “Are you sure you want to leave?” Her question was casual, but Claudia had a feeling Anna knew just how badly Claudia wanted to stay.
“I don’t know.” Erica put her fork down. “I don’t know what I want to do.”
In all their years of friendship, Claudia had never seen Erica struggle with a decision. “What does your gut tell you?”
“I don’t listen to my gut when I make decisions. I use my head. And my head tells me I can’t do this. I don’t know how to be what I’m supposed to be.”
Claudia was confused. “Who are you supposed to be?”
“A sister. I’m not familiar with the job description.” There was a flash of panic in Erica’s eyes. “It doesn’t help that I like her.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?”
“Yes, in one way. But it also increases the pressure.”
Anna pondered that. “You mean because you like her, and you’re afraid she might not like you back?”
Erica shifted in her seat and then scowled at Anna. “How are you so good at this? How do you always manage to see things that I can’t see myself?”
“Because I know you.” Anna hesitated. “You’ve always had a bit of a fear about being left. Deep down, no matter how much you rationalized it, a part of you always wondered if your father leaving was somehow your fault. But you know it wasn’t.”
“In a way it was.” Erica gave a faint smile. “He wasn’t ready to be a dad. If I hadn’t appeared, he might have stuck around. And don’t turn this into some deep philosophical discussion about why I’m not married with eight kids, because the truth is it isn’t in any way linked to any residual daddy issues I may have. I just don’t want that.”
“Good.” Claudia helped herself to more fruit. “I couldn’t afford to buy gifts for eight kids.”
“I really do love my life.”
Anna shrugged. “No one is suggesting you change your life. Just allow a few people in, that’s all.”
“A few?”
“Hattie and s—Delphi.” Anna stumbled slightly and Claudia had a feeling she’d just stopped herself saying sexy Jack. “Also, there is no reason why Hattie wouldn’t like you. We like you.”
“Speak for yourself. I don’t like her one little bit,” Claudia said, “but I’ve been too busy to find a new friend.”
Erica laughed and the atmosphere lightened. “I suppose I—”
Anna lifted her hand to end the conversation. “We have company. Hello, Delphi, how are you this morning?”
“I’m very well, thank you.” Delightfully polite, Delphi slid onto the vacant chair next to Erica and handed her a large sheet of paper. “I made you a painting, Aunt Erica.”
Aunt Erica?
Startled, Claudia glanced at Erica’s face and then at Anna, who was watching intently.
Erica said nothing for a moment and then took the painting and studied it. “This is for me?”
“Yes. It’s a Christmas painting.” Delphi knelt on the chair and pointed. “That’s our home, and that’s my mommy, and that’s Rufus, and that’s you standing by the Christmas tree. That’s Noah, although he won’t be here on Christmas Day because he lives somewhere else and he has to help his dad on the farm. Did you know that sharks don’t have bones?”
“I’ve never thought about it. That’s very interesting.” Erica gave the painting her full attention. “What am I holding? A present?”
“Yes. It’s a present for me. I didn’t know how big to make it. If the real present you’ve bought me is smaller than the one in the painting you don’t need to worry. It’s the thought that counts.” Delphi patted her hand reassuringly and Claudia turned laughter into a cough.
She had a feeling that if anyone was going to penetrate that protective wall Erica had built around herself, it would be Delphi.
“This is very special. That’s really me? It’s an extraordinary likeness. And I’m wearing my best boots.” Erica peered closer. “There’s someone on the roof.”
“That’s Santa. He’s coming down the chimney. We’re supposed to be asleep when he comes but drawing people in their beds is hard. It’s just a drawing so I don’t think it will stop the real Santa coming. But you need to write your letter soon because he needs time to get whatever it is you want. Do you know what you want? Because if you do then you could write the letter now. I can help you.”
Claudia decided she would give a lot to see Erica write a letter to Santa. “You haven’t already done it, Erica? Shame on you.”
Erica shot her a look. “I’ve been busy. Have you done yours?”
“I did mine in November. I’m a people pleaser, and if there’s one person it’s important to please then it’s Santa.” Claudia stole the last piece of pancake from Erica’s plate and gave a smug smile. “I like to give Santa plenty of time. I don’t believe in creating unnecessarily tight deadlines.” She had a feeling Erica might kill her later but she’d live with that.
“Santa is busy,” Delphi agreed, “and just in case what you want is difficult to get it would be only fair to tell him soon.”
Erica looked baffled. “Right. I’ll bear that in mind.”
“Do you like snow?”
“I—on occasions, yes.”
Claudia suspected those occasions were usually when she was looking out the window at it, and not going anywhere.
“I love snow,” Delphi said. “Rufus loves snow, too. I have a sled. Do you have a sled?”
“No. And I’ve never been on a sled.”
Delphi’s eyes flew wide. “Never? Not even when you were little?”
“I lived in a city.”
Delphi patted her hand pityingly. “I can teach you. I’d like us to do that together. I have to go and walk Rufus now, but we can write that letter when I come back.” She slid off the chair just as Hattie hurried into the room.
“Delphi, you’re not supposed to be in the restaurant.” She took Delphi’s hand.
“But I did Aunt Erica a painting.”
“I know, but Aunt Erica is a guest and you know we don’t disturb guests.”
Delphi frowned. “Aunt Erica is family.”
“Yes, that’s true—” Hattie floundered and sent them a look of apology. “We’ll leave you to finish your breakfast.”
Delphi was in no hurry to leave. “But later can Aunt Erica see my toys?”