I put a hand on his shoulder and turn him around so his back is to me. I hold him by his waist and take a page from his playbook. “This okay?”
He nods. He looks like he needs my lead for the first time. “Yeah.”
I press myself against him, only a little. He holds on to my arms as he grinds into me to the beat. Yeah. Dancing like this is basically sex. I have to admit, I’ve imagined what it’d be like to fuck him. To be inside of him. Matt starts to get into it. I press a hand against his stomach, pulling him in closer, and he lets his head fall back onto my shoulder. His eyes are closed. I love watching him like this. Love seeing him start to let go.
The song changes. He opens his eyes and pulls away and—fuck. That look he gives me. I almost want to ask, just to see what he’d say. Ask if he wants to go find a stall with me, or outside into the alley.
“Back to our seats?” I ask him.
He nods and takes my hand this time as I lead him. When we get to Willow and Ryan, I realize they’d been watching us. Willow eyes me like she’s having a few memories of the times she came over to my place.
She leans over to me when we sit down. “Ryan and I would totally be up for a foursome, if you and Matt want to join.”
I might’ve, once. A small part of me wants to ask Matt. Maybe he’d want to also. No shame in sex for fun. There’s another part, though. Even bigger and harder to ignore. I can’t fucking stand Willow, and I don’t like her boyfriend much, either. I’d rather spend my time with Mattie, I guess.
“No, thanks.”
*
As I drive back to the hotel, I’m lost in my thoughts. My memories of Willow. She’d tricked me, during our fake relationship. I started to think she was a friend. I believed she wasn’t only interested in the spotlight and the attention. I don’t know. Maybe I’m falling into the same mistake with Mattie. Maybe not.
“Thanks for pushing me to dance,” Matt says. I glance over at him. “I don’t know. I kind of wanted to, but I was afraid, so it was funny that you asked me at that exact moment.”
“You really care that much about what people think, huh?”
“Yeah. I do.”
“Sounds like a shitty way to live.”
“It can be, sometimes. I always feel so self-conscious. I’ve gotten pretty good at pretending to be confident.”
“There’re some moments that shine through. I can tell when you stop giving a fuck.” He looks beautiful when it happens. Like a god. Giving in to his pleasure and power.
He grins. “This sounds crazy, but I—uh—well, I’ve always wanted to run through a field ass-naked. Like that’s the ultimate symbol of freedom for me.”
I don’t say anything. I understand, wanting to let go so completely and find a burst of freedom like that. He falls quiet for a while. Lost in thought too, maybe. It’s only when he glances up that he frowns.
“Logan, where’re you going?”
I glance at him. “A field.”
“What?”
“I’m finding you a field.”
“Logan, stop messing around.”
Griffith’s closed, but it’s easy enough to pull onto the side and walk up the road. We could jump the fence into the golf course. Matt’s mouth falls open comically. “Logan, come on. I’m not running through the park naked.”
I laugh. “Why not?”
“Because—shit, that’s crazy! I’ll get arrested!”
“Not if no one sees you.” I slow, pulling to the side by one of the entrances. I turn off the engine. “I’ll do it with you.”
Matt’s laughing. I don’t think he believes me. “No. No way in hell.”
I can’t help but grin, watching him. “You said it was your dream, right? Just trying to help it come true.”
He shakes his head, sitting back in the seat. I think he’s actually considering it for a second before he shakes his head again. “I think I might be starting to think of another dream,” he says.
We hold each other’s gazes for a second too long. It’s the kind of look I practice for movie screens. That stare where it seems like we’re wondering, for just that moment, if we really might be starting to fall in love. But it’s more likely we’re both amazed that we don’t hate each other as much as we thought.
I start up the engine again. “All right. Your loss.”
Mattie
“Quiet on set, please! Action!”
Mrs. Evans clutches my hands painfully tight. “Please, Riley. Whatever you do—don’t break my son’s heart. I don’t think he can take much more of a world where hearts are always broken.”
“Cut!”
“Take thirteen. Action!”
Lauren flips her hair as she glares. “Riley isn’t good enough for you, Quinn. He doesn’t love you. Not like I did.”
“Cut!”
“Ready? Action!”
Jake Powers smokes a cigarette as he looks over the manuscript. Paul stares over his shoulder. “You two managed to come up with this, huh?”
Quinn glances at me hesitantly. He takes my hand, and I turn back to Mr. Powers. “Yes. We worked all night on it.”
When Logan is heading onto set for a scene with him and Keith, he catches my eye, walks over, and kisses my cheek before he keeps going. I don’t have to act out the blush that heats my face. Things have shifted between us, since Logan told me about his past. He showed me a level of vulnerability that I’ve never seen from anyone I’ve dated before, and it feels like an honor, that he trusted me with this. It’s not an honor that I take lightly.
I lean against the coffee table and watch as Dave speaks to them. This fake relationship has become more overwhelming than the movie. We’ve started to become a sort of celebrity power couple. People still trash talk Logan on social media, but more people are deciding that Logan is surprisingly soft and cute, using photos of us holding hands and kissing cheeks as evidence. He isn’t the only person benefiting. People don’t look at me like I’m the actor of the week anymore. Articles aren’t as dismissive of me.
Besides the official schedule he handed us, Dave expects us to go on at least one public date each week, and we’ve started to get requests for interviews on set.
“What is it like acting with your boyfriend?” the reporter for the Inside Hollywood blog asks. “Is it difficult to focus?”
“No,” I say—a total lie, of course. “It’s helpful. I can pull from my real emotion for Riley, who is falling in love with Quinn.”
The reporter asks, “Is it possible that you’ve mistaken your character’s feelings as your own?”
Wow. They really go for the jugular, huh? “Well, that’s certainly happened to other Hollywood couples, but I know that this is real love for me and Logan. I started to get to know him, not Quinn, and it was Logan that eventually won me over.”
It’s uncomfortable that this is a little closer to the truth than I’d like to admit.
*
Julie invites me and Logan to dinner with her, Scott, Monica, and Keith. Logan practically begs me not to make him go. “You’ll be the only person there that doesn’t hate me.”