Ever since he told me what’d happened to him as a kid, I feel like I’ve been handed a jumble of puzzle pieces, and I’m slowly putting things together. Is this why he’d pushed Julie away when he was young? Maybe he didn’t feel like he had anyone he could trust.
I hesitate. “Scott doesn’t hate you.”
Logan gives me a look.
This is the kind of thing that Dave would expect us to say yes to for our fake relationship. “We’ll stay for an hour, tops,” I tell him. “It’d look bad if we say no.” Besides, I want to spend more time with the rest of the cast outside of set—but his pained expression makes my heart twinge. There’s so much I don’t know about him still. Maybe something that doesn’t seem like a big deal to me and most people, like this dinner, would feel like torture for him. “You don’t have to go if you really don’t want to.”
He sighs. “You want me there though, right?”
I can’t lie to myself about that—or that I’m grateful when he agrees, insisting that it’s okay, yes, he’ll go when I ask him if he’s sure.
Logan drives, and we end up at the sort of restaurant that has fairy lights strung up along the outdoor space. We get a large table near a firepit, which feels nice tonight, since the breeze is a little colder in the chilly fall air. Julie sits next to Keith, and I notice the way she leans into him. I don’t think that they’re officially dating, but maybe they’ve started to see each other privately, too. I feel a spark of jealousy at the idea of allowing a relationship to grow organically, outside of the spotlight. I glance at Logan. Then again, we probably wouldn’t even hang out at all if it wasn’t for this publicity stunt of a relationship.
“So, Mattie,” Scott says after we’ve given our orders, leaning forward on his elbows. “It’s been—what, three months since you moved here?”
“Just about.”
“Feeling settled in?”
“I am, yeah,” I say with a nod and grin. I’ve always liked Scott, and I like him even more after spending time with him on set. He’s offered a few pointers and some advice for surviving this industry. “Don’t take the franchise jobs,” he said one afternoon at the coffee table. “It’s good money, but you’ll be stuck playing Bug Man or some shit for the rest of your life.”
“I’m sure Logan has something to do with that,” Scott says, smiling at Logan.
Logan sits silently, glaring off into space. I’m usually the front man of this fake relationship, taking on all the questions. I don’t even mind it, not really. Those are just the roles we ended up with. But sometimes I wish he would try, even just a little. I know he’s a lot kinder than this. I wish he would show that other side of himself so that others could fall in love with him, too.
Monica has never had much patience for Logan. She purses her lips in an expression that practically screams we’ll see how long that lasts. She picks up her glass of wine and starts to drink, as if it’s the only thing that will get her through the night.
Keith leans back in his seat. Keith scared me at first. He looks like the sort of white frat boy that would go out of his way to make my life a living hell in Decatur, but he’s funny and has always been welcoming. Still, I also know he can’t stand Logan, either. He’s passive aggressive when he speaks. “I think it’s safe to say that Logan is the lucky one. Seems like Matt’s been keeping him on track.”
Logan has no comment.
Julie takes a breath and decides to change the topic. “The new production schedule is kind of ridiculous, isn’t it?” she asks.
Logan changes his mind. “What do you mean by that?” he asks Keith. “Keeping on track.”
The silence is tense. Keith picks up his own glass. “Oh, you know. The last time we worked together, you’d come in about five hours late?”
Logan shrugs. “Yeah, well. I’m always on time now. Haven’t been late once.”
I feel a hit of shame. Out of everyone here, I’m the only one that’d come to set an hour after I should’ve. Julie notices. “Everyone’s late to set at least once in their life,” she says.
“Yeah, but with Gray it was every fucking day,” Keith says to her. “He’d show up drunk or high on coke. So excuse me for not jumping for joy just because he’s actually doing his job and behaving like an adult.”
The quiet is painful. I look at Logan, who’s started to shut down. I can see it in his eyes. I take a sip of water and clear my throat. “I understand being pissed.”
“You don’t have to stand up for me, Mattie,” Logan mutters.
“I mean—no, I’m not standing up for you,” I say. “I’m just trying to say that everyone fucks up at some point.”
“Or a lot of points,” Monica says beneath her breath.
“Or a lot of points,” I amend. “But we’ve got to allow space for someone to change, too, right? Logan’s always on time. He works harder than anyone I know—harder than me.” It’s partly this act we’re putting on, and partly me, I think, that has me reaching for the hand he has on the table. I cover it with mine. He tenses for a second before he takes a breath and relaxes. “I’m a better actor because of Logan, so from my perspective, this movie is as good as it’s going to be because of him.”
I’m not sure if Logan’s just playing a role also when he turns his hand over. He lets me intertwine my fingers with his and he meets my eye, my heart warming. I understand why he was so uncertain that night, when he told me we shouldn’t be friends. Everything’s so blurred now.
Scott leans back in his seat. “That’s really sweet, Mattie.”
Logan and I let go. I grin. “That’s what happens when you act in romantic comedies.”
Monica’s on her second glass already. “I have a hard time believing those two are actually in any kind of relationship,” she says.
We all freeze. Logan glances at me.
“Why would you say that?” Julie asks. She looks at me with worry.
“I have a nose for bullshit acting,” Monica says. “I’ve been in this industry for longer than you’ve been alive,” she tells me, “and you and him look like people who’re acting the way they think they’re supposed to act if they’re in a relationship. It isn’t real.”
My breath is caught in my throat. Keith frowns, looking between me and Monica closely. “I think it’s because things are still new,” I tell her. “We’re still trying to figure it out ourselves and what we want our relationship to look like.”
Julie’s nodding a little too strongly. Good answer, her eyes say.
“I mean,” Logan starts, and my heart drops. Maybe he’ll get sick of this secret and decide to spill everything. “Yeah, this relationship is kind of bullshit, because we do have to put on an act for everyone. We’re in the spotlight nonstop. It’s hard to figure out who we really are with all these eyes on us.”
I blink at him. I didn’t expect him to speak from the heart.