* * *
The next morning, a letter came for me. I was supposed to hang out with Jenna, Lion, and Mario, and I left it in the passenger seat as I drove to the place we were meeting. There was no return address, and I opened it after I got out of the car to wait.
I’d never imagined what I’d find in it. When I started to read, my heart sped up, and I felt the blood drain from my face.
I’m writing you this letter because I hate you more than anyone in the world. Watch your back, Noah.
A.
Those words burned into my mind like fire. No one had ever said anything like that to me before, and I felt my hands start to shake. Somebody must have dropped the letter in our mailbox because there was no stamp. A? Who the hell was A? The first person to come into my head was Anna, but it couldn’t be her. She was a bitch, but I didn’t think she was capable of something like that. Then I thought of Ronnie and the threat he’d made to Nicholas, but why would he write A? I didn’t know anyone whose name started with that letter… This was insane. I was scared, but I decided to consider it a joke. No one was going to hurt me, not in that city, not at my home.
“What’s up?” a familiar voice asked. It was Mario. I’d invited him because he hadn’t stopped sending me messages since I left for the Bahamas. Mario and I had had a moment, so to speak—we had kissed, but it had seemed to mean more to him than it did to me. I’d been planning on putting the brakes on anything romantic with him, but after what had happened with Nicholas, I wasn’t so sure. Mario was nice, gentle, caring; he respected me, and he seemed genuinely interested in me. I knew I was lying to myself, but I wanted to be with someone normal for once in my life, find a person who could make me happy and who respected me as a person, and Mario seemed perfect.
I smiled at him. I doubt I looked very convincing, especially because I still had that letter in my head. I stuffed it into my pants pocket and tried to put on a happy face.
“Nothing. I’m good,” I responded, giving him a hug. We were going to a bowling alley. I wasn’t a pro at bowling, but I was going to try to have fun, distract myself, and forget about Nick.
Jenna and Lion arrived just then. She hugged me; she knew I wasn’t doing well and wouldn’t want to talk about what was happening. Lion didn’t seem to know how to act.
I smiled at him anyway, and the four of us walked inside. The place was huge, with people playing and eating snacks all around. The noise of balls striking the pins echoed regularly through the room. I felt good with all those people around yelling when someone got a strike.
While we were waiting for our shoes, Mario asked whether I really didn’t know how to play.
“Don’t laugh at me,” I said. “Anyway, throwing a ball on the ground can’t be that hard.”
“Well, I’m glad you came,” he said. His brown eyes were so different from Nick’s. “I know something happened with you and Nicholas,” he continued, and I had to look away. I didn’t want to talk about Nick, and certainly not with Mario. “I don’t care, though, Noah. I just want you to give me a chance. Nick’s no good for you. I’m not saying that because I want a shot, I’m just telling you the truth. He’s not a one-woman guy, and you deserve someone better than him.”
He was right, I thought, but at the same time, part of me wanted to defend Nick, tell Mario he was wrong, say that Nick could change, that I could make him change.
How naive.
“I can’t be with anyone right now,” I declared. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I need you to understand.” I cursed myself just then for not being able to love the right people for me.
He came close and ran a finger over my cheek, leaving behind a warm feeling.
“I’d be happy just to be your friend. For now.” He grabbed his shoes. I did the same, not really grasping what he’d just said to me.
* * *
Bowling turned out to be far more difficult than I’d imagined. I started off watching until I finally dared to go myself. I didn’t manage to knock even one pin over. Everyone laughed at me and it got to me. I couldn’t help it—I was very competitive.
When I started to get the hang of it, I got a little too motivated. I rolled the ball too hard, it slipped, and I fell on my back on the lane. But that wasn’t all—my fingers were stuck in the ball, and it wound up on my stomach.
It went without saying that it hurt, and I was terribly embarrassed to boot. I almost threw up, and when I stood, I was seeing stars. At first people laughed at me, but then they came over to see if I was okay. I wasn’t going to die, but the side of my hip was hurting so badly I could nearly cry.
“Let’s go to the hospital,” Mario said.
“Noah, when you fell, you hit your head. You need to see a doctor,” Jenna urged me.
“I’m fine!” I shouted. Actually I was aching, but in less than an hour, I had to go to work at the bar. I’d already missed a day for the Bahamas, so there was no getting out of it.
Seeing how angry I was getting, everyone laid off me.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to take you?” Mario asked for the eighth time in a minute. When he saw my scowl, he threw his hands up to let me know he’d given up.
“Okay, okay!” he said, laughing. “But put some ice on it, and if you get sick or anything happens, call me. I’ll take you to the hospital.”
Ugh… I had to get out of there now.
“Thanks, Mario,” I said, kissing him on the cheek and getting into my car.
* * *
A half hour later, I was walking through the door to Bar 48. I didn’t love working, but on that day in particular, it was the last place I wanted to be. I’d lied to everyone—actually I wasn’t fine at all. My side was hurting, and my head felt like it was going to explode.
“Hey, girl,” said Jenni, one of the waitresses working that shift. She was nice, even if we didn’t have much in common. “You’re in a good mood, bitch,” she said, smacking her gum.
See what I mean?
I changed into my work shirt and got started. It was a Thursday, but the place was packed. I got off at ten, and I couldn’t wait to get back home.
“Hey, Noah,” my boss said. He was breaking his back serving drinks. “Any way you can stay late tonight? You can make back your hours from the other day.”
No, please! I wanted to shout, but there was nothing I could do. I scuttled off briefly to the break room, made myself a little ice pack, and pressed it against my forehead. That jabbing pain wouldn’t go away, and I was feeling worse by the second.
I kept on working even though I had to step off the floor twice to vomit in the staff bathroom. Something was evidently wrong, and I started to wonder if I really should go to the hospital. I washed my mouth out. When I emerged, I nearly had a heart attack: Ronnie was there. He was standing in the corner with a group of guys. I was terrified. That letter in my pocket felt like it was burning, and I had the urge to take off running. I could still remember his face as he was shooting at me.
“Take care of those guys,” my boss ordered me, passing me a tray of shots. Shit. I wasn’t even supposed to serve alcohol, but we were so busy they didn’t care about breaking the rules. I tried to ask Jenni for help, but she was even busier than I was.
I grabbed the tray and set the shots down quickly, hoping against hope they wouldn’t notice me.
“I can’t believe it,” Ronnie said, grabbing my arm.
“Let me go.” I tried to keep a cool head.
“Oh, come on, stick around a while.” I could feel his hatred for me, his contempt. I’d humiliated him, and a person like him couldn’t let that go.
His friends were cracking up. I didn’t know what to do. With all those people there, my boss couldn’t even see me.
“What do you want, Ronnie?” I asked between clenched teeth.
“I’d like to fuck you every which way, how about that?” His friends started laughing.