“Don’t you dare put your hands on me!” she screamed. “If you want to solve everything with your fists, that’s your problem, but don’t do it in front of me!”
I wanted to say something, but she turned around and headed for the hotel.
“You’re an idiot, Nick,” Jenna said, hurrying after her.
A hand came to rest on my shoulder. I wanted to shove it away, but I didn’t.
“You fucked up, dude,” Lion said.
“Leave me alone.”
31
Noah
I still couldn’t believe things had gotten so out of hand. One minute you were dancing with a guy, the next you were almost falling over while the guy you wished would ask you out onto the dance floor was pounding the hell out of the dumbass who kissed you without asking. I’d have gotten rid of him on my own if I’d had time, but Nicholas had gone berserk before I’d gotten the chance.
I hated violence above all else. I’d seen too much of it, and I knew it was always the problem, never the answer. I didn’t want to be with a guy who was violent. Nicholas had already shown me he was quick to use his fists when things got ugly, but like a fool, I’d overlooked that detail because what I felt for Nick was stronger than anything I’d felt for anyone. The past few days with him had been amazing. I’d even started to open up to him, but after tonight, it was over. He was revealing he was just a jealous tough guy trying to mark his territory, and I didn’t like that one bit. I’d been terrified when he’d grabbed my shoulders, and I’d seen how furious he was. I couldn’t be with anyone who scared me; that was a deal breaker.
When Jenna and I got to our hotel room, she was still raging about Nick’s behavior at the same time as she begged me to forgive him, but I didn’t care, I just wanted to get into bed. The day hadn’t ended the way I’d planned, and all I could think about was getting back home and looking at things from a clearer perspective.
An hour later, I heard a noise in the hallway. I knew Nick had stayed out late, and I was worried about him. I got up and went to the door, cracking it to glance out into the hall. What I saw made me freeze.
Nick wasn’t alone. He had a girl pinned between him and the door. They were making out. He was feeling her up.
I didn’t know if I made a noise, but Nick seemed to realize I was there. He turned and looked at me. Letting the girl go, he turned toward me, covered his eyes with his hands, and started walking over to me.
“Dammit, Noah,” he said, the girl’s lipstick still on his lips.
I turned around and shut the door in his face.
I didn’t sleep all night.
* * *
The next morning, I was so tired I felt sick, and my head hurt. I didn’t even bother caring about my appearance. Since arriving, I’d tried to look pretty for Nick, but what was the point? In the end, the obvious thing had happened. Nicholas was violent and a womanizer. He’d been deceiving me, and like an idiot, I’d fallen for it. I didn’t even want to see his face.
I didn’t know what had happened afterward, but I couldn’t get out of my head that image of her touching his body, her mouth on his… He’d freaked out when that guy had kissed me in the club, and I hadn’t even wanted it…and what he’d done was way worse.
Jenna noticed how quiet I was, and as she was getting ready, she tried to distract me with jokes and comments about the weather and air traffic. I didn’t know how I’d manage to avoid Nicholas the whole trip back, but I was determined to do so.
When we dragged our suitcases out of the hotel room and reached the elevator, I saw him. His hair looked like he’d been pulling on it, and he was sitting in a chair with his elbows propped on his knees, staring into his hands. When he heard us, he looked up.
“Noah,” he said, and just hearing my name in his voice made me want to cry.
“Stay away from me,” I ordered him. Jenna was aghast, with no idea what to say or do.
He came over, and I could see the bags under his eyes.
“Noah, please, I’m sorry about last night. I was drunk and didn’t know what I was doing.” He tried to grab my hand, but I pulled it away. Even in this state, he was stunning, and I hated myself for still feeling something for him. I’d need to work on that.
“I don’t want you near me ever again. Whatever there was between us, it’s done. We should never have started this. It’s been a mistake since the beginning.”
In his eyes, I saw thousands of feelings: anger, remorse, pain, shame…
“I was drunk, Noah… I didn’t know what I was doing.”
I observed him without reacting.
“Fine, but I do know what I’m doing now. I want us to be stepbrother and stepsister again. That’s all you are for me. My mother’s new husband’s kid. Nothing more.”
The elevator arrived, and I got inside. Jenna did, too, while Nick turned around and walked off. I didn’t know what was in store for us, but all I wanted was for that weekend to be over. For the first time in ages, I wanted to be with my mother. I wanted her to surround me with her arms and tell me everything would be all right.
* * *
The flight seemed to last forever. I didn’t know if my impatience was evident from my face, but all three of them left me alone the whole time. When we dropped off Jenna and Lion, a silence fell over the car. I looked out the window. I didn’t want to be there. I wanted him as far as possible from me; I felt betrayed in a way I never had been before. For a moment, I’d thought happiness was possible, thought I’d touched it with my fingertips. I could almost see a future with Nick, but that had fallen apart as quickly as it had arisen. My eyes were burning from the urge to cry. I could still see Nick hitting that guy; it was almost like a clip from a horror film. And then there was him with the girl. I’d known since that moment that what I felt for him was much stronger than I’d realized. That had been even worse than seeing Dan with my best friend.
I felt a tear slip down my cheek, and before I could wipe it away, his fingers were on my skin, stealing something that wasn’t his. I slapped him away.
“Don’t touch me, Nicholas!” I ordered him, grateful that I hadn’t burst completely into tears.
He looked as if my rejection had hurt him, but that must have been a lie: Nicholas didn’t feel anything for me. He’d proven that.
Just then, he stopped the car. I looked outside and saw we were still far from home.
“What are you doing?” I asked, disoriented, angry, stunned. I felt vulnerable, and I needed to be away from him.
He turned.
“You have to forgive me,” he begged.
I shook my head. I wasn’t going to go on listening to him. I didn’t even want to be in the same car as him. I unbuckled my seat belt and got out. I didn’t care if we were in the middle of the road.
I heard him running after me as fast as he could. I tried to get away, but soon he’d gotten hold of me and was jerking me around to face him.
“I’m sorry, Noah,” he said. “I didn’t want to do it. I’m not used to this. Don’t you get it? I’ve never felt this for anyone, and yesterday when I saw… I almost lost it. That idiot kissing you, I mean.”
“So what do you think I felt when I saw you split his face open?!” I shouted, trying to avoid his grasp. “Admiration? Gratitude? No! I was scared! I already told you, I don’t like violence! And then, to top it off, you hook up with someone right outside my door!”
When he heard me, Nick let me go, almost as if he’d been electrocuted.
“Are you scared of me?” he asked.
I knew I was on the verge of falling apart, but I nodded anyway.
“I would never lay a finger on you,” he said. “I don’t know what happened to you in the past, Noah, but whatever it was, I promise—I will never hurt you.”
I shook my head.
“You already did, Nicholas.”
He tried to say something, but I interrupted him.
“Please just take me home.”
We didn’t talk the rest of the way, and once we got there, I took my suitcases straight to my room after saying hello to my mother and William. Nicholas didn’t even stay behind. Once he’d taken out our bags, he got back into his car. I didn’t care, not anymore; I never did, or at least I kept trying to tell myself that.