“I’m glad. He’s a good man, even though it might have seemed like we didn’t get along. You two always had a special connection that I was very jealous of, and I’m sure that didn’t help our case.”
“It was hard hanging out with both of you, but that doesn’t matter anymore.” When he looks away, I ask, “Brian?”
“Hmm?”
“Are you going to allow yourself to be happy? Or are you always going to look for what’s next in your career? What you can do to make your mother happy?”
“I’d like to say I’ll find happiness one day, but I’m not sure.” His eyes connect with mine. “My brain is wired differently. I have this internal need to please and to accomplish, and if I’m not doing one of those things every day, I feel itchy, out of control, like my life is falling apart. I’m not sure happiness can fall within those parameters.”
“I know this isn’t my place, but it might be helpful for you to talk to someone, a therapist, to help you work through those feelings. And maybe, to become stronger in yourself. I was so hurt when you didn’t stand up for me in front of your mother, and on behalf of your future Mrs. Brian, can I urge you to learn how to do that?”
He smiles and grimaces in that order. “You’re right. I know you are. I’m sorry I didn’t do that. I need to find the courage first.” His eyes connect with mine. “Maybe this conversation was the boost I needed.”
I smile. “Well, I hope so.”
We spend the next few minutes catching up quickly, but we never dive too deep. I don’t tell him much about Breaker because I don’t want to break his spirit. By the time we say bye, and I carry my wedding dress away from him, I feel the weight come off my shoulders like I did what I needed to do, and now I’m free.
I’m free to be with Breaker.
I’m free to love.
And I’m free to live the life I’ve always wanted with the man of my dreams.
I pull out my phone and text Myla.
Lia: Just got done with coffee. This was everything I needed. I’m ready to give my all to Breaker.
Myla: This is exactly what I wanted to hear.
Chapter Twenty-Three
BREAKER
“Are you breathing into a bag?” JP asks as I’m on the phone with him.
“YES!” I shout through the brown paper.
“Why?”
“Because I’m freaking the fuck out,” I say as I pace my bedroom.
After Lia blew me off, I stood in her apartment for a few minutes, thinking that maybe she was only joking and she would come back, but when she didn’t, dread started to fill my brain.
Why did she just walk out like that?
Who is she going to go see?
Why didn’t she make solid plans for when she returned?
Why am I a needy little salamander of a man who requires to be next to her bouncy bosom at all times?
Fuck!
“Why are you freaking out?”
“All day, I was pining to see my girl, and when I got home, she was on her way out. Said she had to meet someone, but who the fuck is she meeting? I mean, we had plans, JP, not official, but I mean it was assumed we’d be spending every goddamn second with each other when we’re not working and she’s not working, and I’m not working, but she’s not here because she’s out somewhere and she was really fucking evasive about it, and now I’m wondering if I’m not good enough and if she found someone else that suits her fancy more.”
“Okay, well . . . first of all, wow. Maybe take a breather for a second, dude. Your desperation is showing.”
“I fucking know that it is,” I say as I pace. “Dude, listen, I’m terrified, okay? I feel like we’re together, but something has blocked her from fully being with me, and I know it’s just a feeling, but it’s there, and this little stunt has pushed me over the goddamn edge. I can’t lose her.”
“You’re not losing her, you moron. She probably went out with a friend.”
“What friend?” I ask. “Yeah, maybe I was a psycho and asked Ryot if Myla was with him, and maybe I asked Huxley, and maybe I called you to see where Kelsey was. She doesn’t hang out with anyone else.”
“Yup, okay, the desperation is truly thick. Maybe she had an embarrassing appointment and didn’t want to talk to you about it. Maybe . . . I don’t know. She has to get a mole removed or something.”
“I have licked every inch of that woman’s body. Trust me, there is nothing she needs to get removed.”
“Valid, I’ve done the same to Kelsey, and she’s perfect.” He pauses for a second. “Ooo, maybe she’s surprising you with something, like . . . a new car.”
“What the fuck is this? The Price is Right? She’s not getting me a goddamn new car.”
“Okay, yeah, but maybe it’s something else like lingerie! Now that’s exciting and nothing to get your dick in a twist about.”
“Yeah, I could . . . I could see that. Maybe she’s buying me something.”
“I bet that’s it, buddy. She’s getting the old Breaker Boy a little treat. What a fucking nimrod, here you thought . . .” His voice trails off, and then I hear him say, “Uh, dude.”
“What?” I ask.
“Question. Do you remember what Brian looks like?”
“Of course, I remember what he looks like. A punchable turd nugget, why?”
He’s silent for a second and then says, “Well, I think I know where Lia is.”
The hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention.
“What do you mean you know where she is?” I ask, once again that dread filling me.
“So Kelsey asked me to pick up some mozzarella from a deli that she’s obsessed with, and since she’s pregnant and hasn’t been able to keep food down lately, I’d do just about anything to make her feel better, including driving twenty minutes to a deli to grab mozzarella.”
“What the fuck does this have to do with Lia?” I nearly yell.
“Well, the deli is next to a coffee shop, and in the coffee shop window, I can see Lia . . . with a guy who I think is Brian.”
“What?” I shout. “Take a picture. Take a goddamn picture right now.”
“Isn’t that a little stalker-y?”
“JP, I’m going to fucking rip your dick off if you don’t take a picture right fucking now.”
“Okay, fine. Jesus.” He pauses for a second and then says, “I just texted you the pic.”
I go to my text messages just as his comes in. I click on it frantically, and when the picture comes into view, I zoom in, and sure enough, there’s Lia, her hand on Brian’s as they both share a cup of coffee.
I sink onto my bed and stare at it.
“From your silence, I’m going to assume you’re unwell at the moment.”
That doesn’t even begin to describe it.
“Why wouldn’t she tell me?” I ask as I stare down at the picture. “Fuck, do you think . . . do you think she’s getting back together with him?”
“No fucking chance,” JP says. “Come on, dude. She was miserable with Brian.”
“Then why the hell is she secretly meeting with him?”
“Huh, that’s a great question.”
“What are they doing now?” I ask. “FaceTime me. Let me see what’s happening.”
“Are you kidding me? Dude, I bolted immediately. I’m in the deli.”
“Well, go back. Stand outside the window, watch everything, tell me everything. Are they going to hug? Kiss? Fuck, I think I’m going to throw up.”