“Hold . . . hold on there,” I say.
“What do you mean hold on there? I’ve been waiting all day for this.” He lifts up to look me in the eyes.
“I know, I just, I have to go out tonight.”
He lifts up even more. “What do you mean you have to go out? I thought I was all yours when I got back.”
“Something came up, and I need to meet a friend.”
“Oh.” He lets me up. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” My phone lights up on the nightstand with a text, and I quickly grab it and stuff it in the back pocket of my jeans. That has to be Brian. “Just an impromptu thing. Not sure when I’ll be home.”
He scratches the back of his head. “Okay. Well, should I wait to have dinner with you?”
“No, that’s okay. Eat away. And don’t feel like you need to hang out here. You can go back to your place if you want.”
I move toward the entryway, a light sheen of sweat hitting my lower back. I just need to get out of here with minimal questions. But of course, he follows me.
“You seem uneasy. Are you sure everything is okay?” he asks.
I turn and place my hand on his chest and press a quick kiss to his lips, not letting him deepen it like I did earlier today. “Everything is great. I’ll text you when I’m home.”
“Okay.” I turn to move toward the door, but he stops me and pulls me into his chest. “You’d tell me if something was wrong, right? Like if I did anything?” See . . . this is exactly why I don’t want to tell him about Brian, because he would be way too insecure about it.
“You did nothing. Okay? I’ll see you later.” I give him one more kiss, and then I head out the door. I draw my phone from my pocket, grab the coordinates of where we’re meeting up, and head straight there.
Dinner seemed like too much. Coffee was a perfect idea and gave me a quick out.
I approach the small coffee shop I’ve never been to before and spot Brian in the window, with two cups of coffee on the table in front of him. I’m surprised he even knows my order. Well, I guess I’ll see if it’s right.
I push through the glass door of the quaint coffee shop and move toward him. When he spots me, a light smile passes over his lips, but it’s not the kind of smile he used to have. No longer in a suit, he’s in a simple pair of jeans and a T-shirt. And his hair is messy, not styled like normal. I almost don’t recognize him as I approach.
But what really catches my eye is the large white garment bag sitting on my chair.
“Hey . . . Brian,” I say as I approach the table.
“Hey. Thanks for coming. I, uh, I brought one of your dresses. It was delivered to my mom’s house. Uh, apparently, the other two will be delivered next week. I thought you’d want to take care of it. Maybe change the delivery address . . .”
“Oh, thank you,” I say as I lift it and set it to the side. I’ll definitely be canceling the other dresses. Will I be able to get a refund? Once I take a seat, Brian hands me the coffee.
“Got you a cappuccino, thought it would be the best choice for you.”
Ah, so he doesn’t know my order. Not that a coffee order would make or break a relationship, but the little things like that drove me crazy. After over a year of being together, how could he not know?
“I . . . I don’t drink cappuccinos, Brian.”
“Oh, sorry,” he says, his shoulders deflating. “I guess I don’t really know what you would drink.”
“I think that was one of our problems,” I say.
“So we’re just going to jump right into this?” he asks.
“Might as well.” I shrug.
“Okay.” He shifts and twists his cup on the table. “So I clearly didn’t know your coffee order.”
“It’s not just that,” I say. “It’s that I don’t think you knew much about me at all. And I’m not sure I knew a whole lot about you either.”
He nods. “I think you’re right, and I’m probably to blame for that.” He sighs. “I’m seeing that I’ve been so hell-bent on making something of myself and checking off all the boxes of what I need to do to get there that I don’t think I’ve actually been living.” He lifts his eyes to mine and says, “That day, when you walked away at the bakery, I wasn’t even mad. I knew it was going to happen. I could feel the tension between us, I could feel you slipping away, and I knew there was no one to blame but myself.”
“I should have tried harder too,” I say.
He shakes his head. “I know you, Lia. You’re just trying to be nice right now, but please, the blame deserves to be placed on me. I drove you away. I became uninterested. I wasn’t . . . hell, I wasn’t even fully in this relationship when I proposed. I just did it because my mother was pressuring me. It wasn’t right for you, and it wasn’t right for me.”
“Would you have gone through with it if I hadn’t called it off?” I ask.
He nods. “Yes. I would have, and I would have only made you more and more miserable because no way would I have ended it. I would have kept it going until you probably wouldn’t have been able to take it anymore.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Because my parents have made it impossible to please them. Status is so important to them that I would have done anything to maintain that.”
“I can understand that. I probably would have done anything to make my parents happy, and I think that’s why I went out with you too. They never wanted me to be alone. When I went to college, they were so scared that I didn’t have anyone to lean on, like a sibling, so when I met Breaker, they were relieved. They knew he would always be by my side. When they passed shortly before I met you, I think I was trying to let them know that I’d be okay, if that makes sense.”
“It really does,” he says. He stares down at his coffee and asks, “Did you ever love me?”
I reach across the table and place my hand on his. “Of course, Brian,” I say softly. “I loved you for so many reasons, I just don’t think you and I were in love at the end. I think we were just going through the motions.”
“We were, and I’m sorry about that.”
“Don’t be,” I say. “I think I’d have been madder if you’d put in the effort, even though it was all a lie.”
“My love for you wasn’t a lie, Lia.”
“I’m sorry, I said that wrong. I guess your intentions were a lie.”
He glances out the window and sighs. “You know, if things were different, if I didn’t have to live with this pressure, and I could be the man I truly am for you, the one you first met, I think we could have had a great life together.”
“We probably could have,” I say because Brian was fun at one point, but his competitive side—his workaholic nature—got the best of him.
He leans back in his chair and says, “Well, fuck.” His eyes connect with mine. “Are you happy, Lia? With Breaker . . . does he make you happy?”
I can’t hold back the smile that crosses my lips. “Yes, I’m thrilled. It still doesn’t feel real, but I’m happy.”