Her breasts were fuller, her nipples larger and fully erect. He thought of her breast-feeding their baby and he marveled at the miracle of it, and found himself wishing he’d been there to share that moment with her.
She gasped when he gently cupped her breasts. A cry escaped her when he molded her with his hands. So soft and warm and perfect. She moved restlessly when he brushed his thumbs across the sensitized tips. Dipping his head, he kissed the darkened peak, laving it with his tongue. She cried out when he took her into his mouth and began to suckle. Something primal broke free inside him when she arched. He ran his tongue along the valley between her breasts and flicked the tip of her other breast. His vision dimmed when she reached for him. A hot rush of blood burned him when her fingers closed around his shaft through his jeans.
“I want you,” he heard himself say. “I’ve never stopped wanting you.”
“I’ll hurt you again.”
Pulling away slightly, he took her by the shoulders and eased her back. Her eyes were dark and luminous in the firelight. Her pupils were dilated. Her mouth kiss-bruised and wet. Her breath shallow and fast.
“Why?” he asked.
“I can’t leave with you.”
“I’m not going to let you stay.”
“DeBruzkya will kill you if he knows we’re…together.”
A quick rise of anger had him pulling away. But Lily stopped him. “Please, don’t stop,” she whispered. “We have this moment. I don’t want to lose it. Robert, I need you.”
She kissed him, and Robert knew he was going to do exactly what he shouldn’t. She slipped her tongue into his mouth, and he felt the contact all the way to his soul. The soft pressure of her mouth against his. The brush of her breath against his cheek. Arousal burning low and hot in his groin. Twenty-one months of grief and frustration and anger cut loose inside him. Love and fear and the terrible realization that the situation had spiraled out of his control gripped him.
He closed his eyes against the starburst of emotion. He could feel it tearing him up inside, a wild animal with sharp claws that refused to be caged. All the while she made love to his mouth, driving him mad with the need to have her, to keep her safe, to love her. He kissed her back, gently at first and then with all the desperation inside him. He felt her fingers fumbling with his belt and zipper. Every searing touch set him on fire, tested his control.
When her hand wrapped around his shaft his restraint broke with an audible snap, and Robert knew he’d lost the battle. He knew it was going to cost him something precious. Something he wouldn’t be able to get back.
He wanted forever.
All she could give him was a moment in time.
And Robert knew that would have to be enough.
Lily had never felt so swept away. For the first time in her life she needed this. Needed Robert. His touch. The feel of him against her. She needed all those things as much as she needed her next breath. As much as her heart needed to beat.
Even as sensation ebbed and flowed through her body, she wondered how a touch that felt so right could be so wrong. She didn’t want to hurt him. Not any more than she already had. But she knew where this would lead. And she hated herself for not being strong enough to stop it.
Never taking his mouth from hers, Robert worked his jeans down his hips. She touched him there, marveling at the thick length of him, the sheer beauty of his body. She’d forgotten so much about what it was like to make love to him. The lean flex of rock-hard muscles. The way he trembled with restraint when she teased him. She’d forgotten how powerful a moment like this could be, what raw desire could do to a woman’s judgment.
But his kisses intoxicated her as thoroughly as any liquor. She drank them in, and they fed something ravenous and insatiable inside her. His hands were warm and calloused against her flesh, and every touch took her breath away.
A shiver went through her when he slid his hand down her pelvis to cup her. Her heart stopped for an instant and then began to rage. Her mind cried out against the vulnerability of opening herself up to him in this way. But her body reacted instinctively. She heard her name on his lips, and then he separated her and touched her most intimate place.
His touch was electric. She felt her body go rigid. He stroked her once. Twice. And she melted and contracted around him. She heard herself say his name, wanted to say it again and again as his finger moved within her, but she couldn’t get enough oxygen into her lungs.
He never stopped kissing her. Never stopped touching her. It was as if there were too many sensations for her mind to process at once. Her brain overloaded. Shorted out. Until there was nothing except the man holding her, stroking her and the sensations streaking through her like white fire.