I love you. I always have, and I always will.
His own words rang like a death knell in his ears. For seven-and-a-half months he’d denied the truth. During that time, he’d been able to set his feelings aside by throwing himself into his work. He’d spent his days flirting with death. He’d tempted fate in so many ways he shouldn’t even be alive. But no matter how hard he’d tried, there was one demon he couldn’t exorcise.
His love for Lily.
At that moment Chase accepted the reality that while he could banish her from his life, he would love her until the day he died.
Troubled by the thoughts running wild through his mind, he rose from the bed and strode to the window. Parting the curtain, he peered out. Storm clouds obscured the sun, and the sky hung low, much like his mood. In the parking lot, nothing moved. There were no cars. No men with guns. No sign of anything amiss.
God in heaven, what was he going to do about Lily?
There was only one answer. The one solution he did not want to face. The truth he’d denied because of his own selfish needs. Once this was over, he was going to have to let her go. He would stick around long enough to get her settled, to set up an account for his child.
And then he was going to have to walk away once and for all.
The thought of never seeing her again, never seeing his child, hurt. It hurt more than he could ever have imagined. But for the first time Chase was seeing the big picture. Contact with either of them would sooner or later place them in danger or get them both killed.
Decision made, Chase yanked his slacks off the back of the chair and stepped into them. When he was fully dressed, he sat on the bed and gently touched Lily on the shoulder.
“Hey,” he said. “Wake up.”
Stretching, she turned over, and the smile that followed devastated him. She was so lovely it hurt to look at her. He couldn’t believe such a beautiful woman would have him.
“Hey,” she returned. “What time is it?”
“Time to go.”
She sat up and looked around. “How long did I sleep?”
“A couple of hours.”
“Were you able to get some sleep?”
“Yeah,” he lied.
She cocked her head, her eyes narrowing. “Are you all right?”
She’d always been perceptive when it came to his mood. His feelings were the one thing he wasn’t good at talking about. As far as Chase was concerned, a man’s emotions were a private thing. But Lily deserved to know what he was going to do and why. He needed to tell her the truth.
“We need to talk,” he said.
“The men? Are they—”
“About us.” His voice came more harshly than he intended. He’d never been good at delicate conversation. He only hoped he could do this without screwing up the situation more than it already was. “About what’s going to happen when this is over.”
Wariness entered her expression. “What are you talking about?”
“Being with you, like this, made me realize you were right all along.” He shrugged. “I was wrong.”
“Wrong?” She sat up straighter. “In what way?”
“Once this is over, and you and the baby are safe, I’m going to give you what you want, Lily, what you’ve wanted all along. I’m going to walk away.” The words poured from him in a flurry now. “I’ll find some way to get money to you. Take care of you financially. But under no circumstances can I ever see you again. And I can never, ever, see my child.”
AFTER EVERYTHING they’d shared just a few short hours earlier, this was the last thing Lily had expected him to say. She told herself he was right. She told herself this was exactly what she wanted. After all, she’d done everything in her power to get this man out of her head, out of her heart. She’d almost convinced herself she’d succeeded.
But the instant he’d walked back into her life, all of the old emotions had bubbled to the surface. Lily had tried to deny them; she’d fought them valiantly. But her efforts had been in vain. The truth of the matter was, she loved him.
She would always love him.
How could she let him walk away when she’d finally faced the truth? But the bigger question remained. How could she let him into her life when his presence could very well put her child in danger?
The answer devastated her.
“Once I get you to Shane’s place,” Chase continued, “the FBI will pick you up. They’ll debrief you. Put you up in a hotel temporarily, until we get this settled.”
It was all happening too fast. Lily stared at him, not liking any of what he’d said. “I don’t want to go to a hotel. I want to go home.”
“If you want to keep your child safe, you don’t have a choice.”
It was the one point he could make that would convince her, and he knew it. While she couldn’t dispute that he was right, she didn’t like being manipulated. She didn’t like being backed into a corner with no alternative.