My point is that when I went to mail the application with Lulú I told her about Alicia the Psychic and her visions. Of course, Lulú did not trust. She said, If you are that lucky and that robot is real, then prove it to me.
She was not being very nice, but when she is not happy, I am careful and try not to push the wrong buttons. Learn this from me: When someone is desperate and miserable like Lulú, because every day she gets more bad news about Adonis, they are not generous with the other people. It’s true that I also have problems, but Lulú has more big problems than me. In the bodega I bought the lotto card that you have to scratch. You win or lose in an instant. I thought of something Walter Mercado told me. Yes, I know he told everybody. But he said, Leave no space for negativity. Focus on the positive. Focus on love. Focus on what is possible. And then, if you do that, the good things will fill your life and there will be no space for the bad things.
I say this to you because you are young and have no problems. At your age everything is possible. But for me, even if a lot of terrible things are happening to me right now, if I remember to breathe deep, I don’t feel lost. So I breathe. And I breathe. And I scratched the lotto card believing that Alicia the Psychic was doing the Galactical Magnetization so that I could secure my fortune.
And I won $25!
It’s true I had to spend $5 for the lotto card, but this is what is interesting about the story: the cashier only had dollar bills and gave me $25. I left the store holding the dollars, so happy to prove Lulú was wrong. And then I saw myself in the reflection of the glass of the store and there was the vision of Alicia the Psychic. Me, holding money in my hand in the street.
No, don’t worry, I will not buy any more of those cards. They are dangerous for a person without money. But with all the crazy in my life, it was fun to play the lotto. Yes, yes, I understand it’s not a permanent solution.
* * *
So let’s talk about the jobs you recommended to me. They are very good recommendations and I have been thinking about them. For example, the security job you showed me weeks ago. I think I would be happy to do the class to get my certification. I think I can be good for detecting the intruders. For sure, nobody suspicious could get past me. I could monitor the students in the entrance of the school and make sure they have permission to leave. I can watch them when they eat lunch. I can receive the packages and inspect them. But to answer the phone? No. All the jobs you share with me that require the phone, I cannot do. I detest to talk on the phone in English. I don’t know why, but when I am on the phone I understand only half of what the people say. La Vieja Caridad told me that this happens because I listen to people using my nose and my eyes. That’s interesting, no?
But I trust what she says. I learn many things from La Vieja Caridad. The other day when she came to my apartment to eat we saw a documentary about whales, the ones that kill the humans. But what I learned is that everybody believes these whales are killers, but in all of the history that we know, only four humans have been killed by these whales. Four. And all of the humans that have died like this, it was because the whales were in captivity. Wouldn’t you want to kill someone that puts you in a cage when your nature is to be free in the big ocean? Imagine to not have the space to swim. Imagine to be separated from your family.
But in this documentary, the grandmother, who is also the leader of all the whales, died. They don’t know how old she was. Maybe seventy-five years old. Maybe she was more than one hundred years old, but the scientists were following this old whale for forty years. Can you believe that? And when they lost the whale in the ocean, the scientists could not even talk because they cried so much. Forty years devoted to following this whale all over the Pacific. The money they spent on the robots, the cameras, the ships, looking for this whale with their binoculars. It’s incredible. It made me think of Fernando and how I still wait for him. How I look for him on Channel 15, praying that he will visit me.
But this is interesting too: The boys in the whale family struggle to survive without their mothers. All whales need their mother to eat, but boys more. When the mother dies, the boy whales are three times more likely to die in one year. One year! It’s not a surprise that it is the grandmother that makes sure that every whale in the family eats. That they prove their value after la menopausia. Because not having to make babies makes them focus on taking care of the community. Which tells me that women of a certain age are more valuable to the community. Isn’t it incredible?
Ah, yes, so you believe that women who don’t have babies are valuable too. Ha! Perhaps you are right about this. I see how you are making me think.
This is why I like to spend time with La Vieja Caridad, because she makes me not scared to be old.
The day I saw this documentary with La Vieja Caridad, I smelled the cancer again.
I know the answer, but I asked her again. Did you check the blood to see if you are OK?
She said, Don’t worry about me. I’ve done everything I’ve ever wanted to do. Cara, we must not wait to live the life we want. Find a way to be present with the people you love.
Ya tú sabes, I have told you enough for today.
APPLICATION FOR NATURALIZATION
Department of Homeland Security
U.S. Citizenship Services
Part 7. Biographic information
Ethnicity (Select only one box) Hispanic or Latino Not Hispanic or Latino
Race (Select all applicable boxes) White Asian Black or African American American Indian or Alaska Native
Citizen Test:
14.B. Have you ever been involved in any way with torture?
I mean, if you ask my son he say that I tortured him. He didn’t like when I looked in his hair, and put crema on the cheeks, but they very dry, his skin. Oh, and if I looked in his drawers because I wanted to fix the clothes, he became angry. But what he hides? Stop looking to me, he would say. But who else was I to look at?
14.C. Have you ever been involved in any way with killing, or trying to kill, someone?
No. Never.
14.D. Have you ever been involved in any way with badly hurting, or trying to hurt a person on purpose?
What is this test trying to say about me? I never want to hurt anybody. I am not like Mamá, who make me kneel on rice for looking at her the wrong way.
14.E. Have you ever been involved in any way with forcing, or trying to force, someone to have any kind of sexual contact or relations?
Now how many people answer this question honestly? I see in the news many people in this country—even the priests do bad things and they get the papers.
17. Were you ever a part of any group, or did you ever help any group, unit, or organization that used a weapon against any person or threatened to do so?
One time we put needles on the doll to stop one of the jefes at the factory from doing bad things. Ha! Did it work—he never walked straight again.
30.A. Have you ever been a habitual drunkard?
A few glasses of wine with Lulú. It’s good for the health. The doctors say seven drinks a week is a problem. But two glasses of wine for me, I feel nothing. What do you think?
30.B. Have you ever been a prostitute or procured anyone for prostitution?
Like if somebody buy me a present for sex? Bueno …
30.G. Have you ever gambled illegally or received income from illegal gambling?
I sometimes play números at the bodega.
48. If the law requires it, are you willing to bear arms on behalf of the United States?
Against who?
SESSION TWELVE
I have so much to tell you. You won’t believe what happened this week. So many good things. And so many sad things. But life is like this. I can’t believe this is the last time we meet together.