Holly stood up, avoiding eye contact with everyone. “I need to go.”
I stood automatically, needing to talk to her. “I’ll make sure you get home.”
Oakley had her accusing face again. She looked between me and Holly. “Are you sure? I can take her.”
I shrugged. “It’s fine. You talk some sense into this one,” I said, slapping Brad on the back. “You’re better at lectures and advice than I am.”
“Right,” my sister, who blatantly knew the baby was mine, replied.
Brad said nothing as Holly and I left. He just stared at his drink with a clenched jaw. Oakley also said nothing, and I knew she was waiting for us to get out of the way before she launched into how he shouldn’t have spoken to Holly like that. As if he wouldn’t be regretting it already.
“He’ll cool down,” I said as I opened the exit door for her.
She smiled weakly and nodded.
Neither of us said a word the whole way home. I gave the taxi my address, and she said didn’t ask me to turn around and take her to her parents’. We needed to have this conversation.
I got out and Holly followed closely behind, chewing the inside of her cheek nervously. I tried to look calm but inside my heart was racing. The palms of my hands were damp, and I almost dropped the keys as I unlocked the door.
A baby.
A baby with a woman I’d shagged a few times. It didn’t look good. When I had a child, I wanted to be with its mum, living together and fully prepared – or as prepared as you could be.
I stopped in the living room and turned to her. My heart was in my mouth.
“So,” I said and realised I didn’t know what to say. “You’re…” I nodded to her stomach.
She smiled. “Yeah, I’m pregnant.”
“Shit.”
“That’s what I thought when I found out. I had a scan to check when it... happened.” She bit her lip. “I kind of lied to the doctor and told her I wasn’t sure of my last proper period so she’d book me for an early scan.”
Just like Abby.
“I… You’re pregnant with my baby?”
“Yes.”
If she’d told me she used to be a man, I would’ve been less shocked than this. Fear gripped my throat as she confirmed it. I was going to be a dad.
I ran my hands over my hair. “Shit!” I wanted to believe her so badly, but I’d had this ripped away from me before. I couldn’t get excited about having a child if there was a chance I wasn’t. “Are you’re sure?” I asked.
She reached into her bag and pulled out an envelope. “I have my notes and a scan if you’d like to see?”
I held my hand out. My pulse thudded in my ears. The picture was of a little bean thing, just like Abby’s. But this one had the outline of a forming head – a big looking head, and what something that resembled a fish tail. It was a different angle though, so I wasn’t sure whose bean was older.
“Oh my God,” I whispered, staring at it in awe.
“I know.” Holly was looking at me anxiously.
“Yeah. She’s the most beautiful weird looking little thing I’ve ever seen.”
She laughed quietly, clearly relieved I wasn’t angry. “I keep thinking it’s a girl too.”
“I bet we’ll both be wrong.”
“I don’t care really,” she said.
“Neither do I.” I shook my head and reluctantly held the photo out to her. “I can’t believe this. It’s really mine?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “You can keep that picture. I’ve got a copy too.”
I smiled and gripped the photo hard. My baby.
“Thank you.”
“I thought you’d freak out,” she said.
“Honestly, me too. I feel like I should, but I know I’d regret it. We did this together, why should I get to go out and wasted when you can't? Plus I think I’m in shock.”
She laughed.
I blew out a deep breath. “Okay, so what happens now?”
Jesus, I was in a rented flat and wasn’t even dating Holly. As happy as I was to be a dad, this wasn’t how I imagined it would be. It didn’t feel real at all.
“I’ve not thought that far ahead yet.” She sighed and sat down on the sofa. “This isn’t supposed to happen for a good five years at least. Thankfully I’ve finished year three at uni though; that would’ve been difficult if it was midyear. I can defer and go back once the baby’s here. Mum and Dad are being supportive. Dad even said he’d clear the junk room out for the nursery.”
Right, because we didn’t live together. My child was going to be somewhere else.
I frowned. “As soon as my old house is sold, I’ll buy a new place. You’ll let the baby stay over with me too, right?
“We’ve got plenty of time to figure all that out. This is all so sudden and unexpected; I’ve not really had time to think through all the details,” she said.
“Like how you’re going to finish uni? I know you said you’d defer, but when you go back we’ll have a baby. Where would you live then? You’re forty-five minutes away. God, Holly, you’re not taking the baby there, are you?”