I dropped the test and placed my hand on my belly, trying to absorb the enormity of the word. It carried around lifelong responsibility and sacrifice. It was too big for me right now, but carelessly or not, I had created this life. It wasn’t the baby’s fault it was here, and there wasn’t a good enough reason why I couldn’t raise it.
I was going to be a mum. I leant back against the bath. And Jasper was going to be a dad. Shit. Jasper! How was he going to react? He already had so much going on with Abby, moving out and pretty much losing himself in drink and women almost every night.
He’d only been separated two months.
Jasper had wanted a baby now with Abby, but I was sure he wouldn’t be so happy in this situation. He wouldn’t want a baby with a girl he’d slept with on a couple occasions. Who would?
“Holly?” Mum shouted.
I jumped up, alarmed. She wasn’t supposed to be back yet.
“Um, in the bathroom. Be down in a second!”
Damn it, why was she home from shopping so early?
“Alright. Brad and Jasper are here.”
I gulped, fingers trembling as I shoved the test in the box and put it up my top. My mind was chanting Jasper’s name. How could I face him five seconds after learning I was carrying his baby?
After stuffing the test under my pillow, I went downstairs, ready to put my game face on and pretend I wasn’t pregnant with the guy I couldn’t get out of my head.
“Hey, Hol,” Jasper said, grinning up at me from the kitchen table.
Mum was fussing around, putting biscuits and cakes on a plate for them.
“Hi,” I replied weakly, giving him the best I’m-not-carrying-your-child smile I could.
“Tea, sweetheart?” Mum asked.
The word tea set off my gag reflex as I thought about the now disgusting drink. Or was I just thinking that? Was it the shock making me feel ill?
“No, thank you,” I replied.
“You okay?” Jasper asked as I sat down beside him. He had a permanent twinkle in his gorgeous grey eyes whenever he spoke to me now. My body went crazy every time I saw him, so it was only fair he had something that gave away what was between us too.
“I’m fine. Just didn’t sleep that well last night.”
His eyes flicked to Brad, who was up at the counter deciding which tea to have with Mum.
“I can help you sleep if you want,” he muttered, leaning in close.
Yes, I did want, more than anything. But it wasn’t real. I was carrying his child; I needed more than casual sex. He’d told me once that I couldn’t do casual, and he was right, but with him it was so much more. If it wasn’t more to him, then I couldn’t sleep with him again.
“I’m okay,” I muttered, not committing to anything or leading him on.
“Sure you’re okay?” He placed his palm over my forehead, and I tried to ignore the butterflies he gave me. “You don’t have a temperature. Are you sick?”
“No, it’s not that. I don’t feel sick.”
Well I did but not because of a bug.
“Maybe you should have an early night. I’ll cover reception tomorrow. You take it easy.”
“Thank you.”
Getting over him wasn’t going to be easy when he was being sweet and caring. “I should take it easy tomorrow. Hopefully it won’t turn into anything then.”
And I could get an emergency appointment at the doctor surgery to have this pregnancy confirmed.
“Yeah. If you need anything else…”
I smiled, fighting the urge to kiss him.
“Holly,” Dr White said, smiling with affection. She’d been my doctor since I was a baby and was thrilled when I told her I wanted to get into medicine. She’d even suggested applying for a pharmacist position here. I wasn’t even sure if that was possible now.
“Hello, Dr White,” I said as we walked along the corridor to her surgery.
“How is university?”
I tugged on my top as if she could see a bump. There was no bump and wouldn’t be for a while yet.
“It’s great. I love it.”
“I knew you would.” She shut the door behind us, and we sat down. “Now, what can I do for you?”
This shouldn’t be so hard, but I opened my mouth, and nothing came out. She was somewhat of a family friend, and I didn’t want her to be disappointed in me.
“Holly?” she prompted.
“I… I’m pregnant.”
“Oh. Okay. You’ve done a test, yes?”
I nodded. “Two actually.”
I’d done another one when Jasper and Brad left, just to make sure. The same pregnant result stared back at me.
“Alright. Well congratulations.” Congratulations? “When was the first day of your last period?”
“July third,” I replied. I remembered because that was the day before I met up with Amy for lunch.
“Let's calculate your due date then.” She got out a circle chart and studied it, turning the top layer so casually. “According to this your due on the 9th of April. But your scans will be able to give you a more accurate date.”
“Okay,” I replied weakly.
“Are you okay, Holly? Can I assume this wasn’t planned?”
“Not planned,” I confirmed.
“The father?”