Where Would I Be Without You

Chapter Twelve

After cleaning and scouring my apartment for an hour, thinking if I cleaned my home, my life would somehow miraculously get better, it dawned on me. The text I left him, he could take it as me being mean instead of me trying to say, don't waste your time with me because I will only bring you down and yell at you when I am mad, and you don't deserve that. You deserve 6D and some fun in your life before you have to jump right in and play CEO to your dad's company. However, how did I say all that, the text sounded more like screw you and screw 6D. However, that was my anger talking, when really I felt deep down, that he would be better off not getting involved with me. I didn't want to have to live up to huge expectations; I just wanted to be me and if that wasn't good enough for his family, then they are the ones missing out on the goofy, fun loving, makes lots of mistakes - me.

Texting him again would only look immature, which I was queen at. I needed to grow up. I decided to head out and gas up my car for work tomorrow. As soon as I filled my tank on my fixed car, thanks to my dad, I realized it was only noon. I decided that a quick recovery on the flu was in order, and I drove into work. As I walked in proudly claiming that my health is back, I noticed things seemed a bit crazy.

Well, nothing makes a woman feel more wanted, than a man who tells her he needs her, desperately. Wally Woo could not have looked happier to see me as I came in through his office doors. The production line was down; the auditor was coming next week on Monday, and he misplaced one of his gold chains in his office, that or someone stole it. With the price of gold these days, he was wigging out. I jumped in with both hands to his trash and caught sight of the shiny gold chain. This was not his first go around on the pony ride if you know what I mean. He has misplaced them before because he cannot wear them when he is inspecting the production line. Problem one down. Then I took the files off his desk and told him I would make sure everything was ready for the auditor in two days if I had to work forty-eight hours straight or even into the weekend, so that come Monday, we would be set to go.

Somewhere around seven o'clock, Wally told me to go home. I told him I couldn't, seeing as I just ordered a large pizza and had about three more hours of work I wanted to kick out before I would be in bright and early. It was in that moment that my boss stopped and looked at me dead in the eyes as he said what he had to say next.

"We all get caught up in our own personal life drama, but Amber, you are the only, truly committed, employee I know that once you realized I needed you, you were there. I can't thank you enough. You're a hard worker, organized and smart."

I raised my eyebrows. "Gee Wally Woo, I was afraid you might have chewed my ass for calling in for the last three days."

"Nah. Besides, shit didn't hit the fan until about an hour before you showed up. I know if I called you, you would have rushed right over. You're dependable that way. If you ask me, that boyfriend of yours, he's not worth it. You deserve a man who appreciates you, and that goes for your mom too. Maybe someday she will." His smile was full of sincerity and concern. Wally Woo and I spent a lot of hours talking about each other's lives in a supportive way, and I guess right now, if felt good to hear those words from him. It gave me a bit of reassurance of who I am as a person is not so bad after all.

I laughed. "Well, I think the boyfriend probably is worth the trouble. I just think we need some time right now. The best thing for me is to throw myself into my work as a distraction and for that, I guess I have you, the production line crew, and the auditor to thank."

"Lines up by the way. Crew starts back up in the morning. I'm just glad I didn't have to deal with that and the auditor." He tipped his white sideways ball cap, with the shiny brand sticker still on the brim, and started to turn to walk out of my cubicle, but I stopped him.

"Hey Wally. If I had just been an ounce or gallon, more mature, you would not have had to fend for yourself in the first place. I am sorry my personal life affected me. It won't happen again. Believe me, I swear; I am grown up now."

"Geez girl. Don't go all high and mighty over the rest of us. You act mature, and then I have to act mature. No sense. I like it when your life entertains me. Besides, remember that last crazy bitch, I dated. Just keep it real." He did a peace out sign and was gone.

Sometime after ten p.m., I left my cubicle with a half-eaten large pizza in a brown cardboard box and stepped out into the dead of the night to about the only car left in the parking lot. The security guy walked me to my car and then asked me if I was going to take my pizza home for leftovers. Not that he looked to have been on any low-carb diet as of late since his belly was bigger than a nine-month pregnant woman, so I offered him my leftovers, which he took gladly.

Pulling up to my apartment building, I noticed a few lights on in apartments, most of which were being illuminated by late-night TV watchers. Mason's was pitch black, which made me think that he could be in 6D's. I tried to figure out which apartment might be hers, assuming their numbered apartments were the same as my buildings but reversed. Then I felt my head pound and realized I was trying too hard to make something out of nothing. Even if it was, now was not the time to deal with it. I desperately needed a good night's sleep so that I could be at work by seven in the morning.

My alarm went off as soon as my head hit the pillow to go to sleep, I was sure of it. Yet, the sun was peeking, and the night had passed. I didn't even remember fluffing my pillow before I fell asleep.

I jumped in the shower and washed briskly. Then I attempted the ten-minute get ready for work plan. It consisted of wet hair, twisted in a clip with only a few bangs out in the front and side. While those dried, I painted on enough makeup to hide the circles under my eyes and gave myself some color on the cheeks. Two swipes of mascara per eye and a finger fluff to my bangs, and I was ready to deal with work.

I tossed on jeans and a Crawly embroidered polo over my basic white bra and cotton panties. I didn't think I would need to worry about lingerie for a while. I needed to focus on work and only work right now, not that Mason didn't creep into my thoughts every minute instead of second. That in itself was an improvement.

As I pulled out of my parking space in my apartment lot, I noticed that Mason's car was not in his parking spot. I tried not to think about where he was or what he was doing, but I did.

Once I got busy at work, my whole week played out in my head and there was one very important person I had not let in about what happened on Monday after my car died. Sometimes, I wanted to give her a break from all my drama. I decided to grab my cell phone and hide out in the office supply cabinet while I caught my best friend up on my week of weirdness.

As soon as I got the logistics out, and quieted my babble about what happened, Marion chimed in. "It sounds like it went from bad to worse. I wish you would have called me. I just figured you were busy at work and hopefully making up with Mason. I didn't think it was all that bad. You know I'm there for you."

I took a deep breath and replied. "I guess I feel like I am nothing but constant drama. I wanted to sulk this one out on my own for a bit. Not have you worry about me for a change. Seeing as soon as the twins arrive, you will have enough to handle with them instead of always bailing my emotional mess out. It wasn't so bad, you know, not calling you and crying. Besides, the two pounder bag of M&M's helped, along with aunt Heather."

"Let me guess. You ate all the blue ones first." She snickered.

"You know it girl." I taunted.

"Well, next time, don't leave me out if you need me. A shoulder to cry on is what we do for each other. Maybe because everything seems to fall in your court lately, you might have forgotten about all the times you've been there for me, when I needed someone."

She had a point. I guess, I just felt like my drama was on red alert, while that may be true, it wasn't long ago that Marion's was just as crazy.

Marion spoke up and said something that made me think even harder about my role in my family. "Hey. How many times have you been there for your dad, you know when he is drunk? How many times have you sobered him up and made him presentable before your mom got home from work? Then there is Bethany. Sure, she is book smart, but fashion and street smart; she is not. How many times have you been there to help her with that? Huh?" She laughed as I got out a mumbled 'I guess'.

"Now. Your aunt Heather, sweet, dear, party hardy let the good times rolls still stuck in the eighties' aunt Heather? How many times have you bailed her out of a situation? When my dear, it should be the other way around. Although, I don't recall you ever landing in jail or naked in a city pool at midnight. She's crazy. Not to mention the fact, that you have been your mom's emotional punching bag. She has turned to you whenever things aren't right with her life and tried to focus on yours with nit picking at you. Really, did you think you are all that messed up? Because you are the most dependable, lovable, sweet woman, I know. Not to mention, you are smoking hot. I know you don't think you are sometimes, but you don't always see what other people see. And yes, where would Wally Woo be without you? He is the lamest production manager or boss in general that I have ever worked for, when I worked there, but he is loveable, and you do make him look like an excellent boss. Without you, he would probably be back on the production line."

I let all of that sink in. I spit out my hair that I was chewing on at the same time I was knocking a number two pencil against a filing cabinet. I looked up at the fluorescent light in the supply cabinet and bit the side of my lip, and then I smiled. "Thanks." It was a soft-spoken sincere word, and I knew what she said had some merit.

"The babies are hungry and I am coming to get you for lunch. I need a cheeseburger or pizza; I don't care which. These babies do not agree on cravings, and my prenatal yoga class left me hungry. You need a lunch break, and babies need to eat."

I laughed out loud, which caused an older female coworker that was happening by to open the supply closet door quickly, perhaps thinking something else was going on in here. I waved innocently, and held up my cell phone and mouthed the words, 'personal call'. She closed the door and walked away.

By the time Marion made it to my office cubicle, I was feeling a whole lot better. As soon as she stood before me, I stood up and hugged her. When I pulled back, I smiled with a twinkle in my eye. "Let me log off." I turned to my computer and clicked a few keys, then I grabbed my purse, and we walked out of my work to a fresh summer's day, and I took a deep breath in. I felt so much better, now that I had decided to share my sorrow with my best friend. I needed to enjoy our lunch talking about the babies and new summer fashion. I wasn't going to let work woes or Mason crowd my brain with worry. Whatever happens will happen. I just needed a break from all of that for now.