Where Would I Be Without You

Chapter Ten

Walking back and forth in my apartment, with a glance towards Mason's bedroom every five seconds, was not helping my cause. My head ached with the constant barrage of questions I was asking myself, ones that only Mason could answer, but he couldn't, because I had no intention of talking to him. At least not until I cooled down, not tonight, I needed my space.

Internally, I could hear my mother blaming me on screwing this one up. My dad would offer to take me out for a drink. My aunt Heather would tell me that there are plenty of fish in the sea, which she should know because at her age, she still has not settled down with one man in her life, just married three for a short-term commitment. Bethany would tell me to focus on my now I am thirty plans. I let her read it. She actually liked it and told me she was proud. Coming from a younger sister who is so high on my mother's pedestal, it helped. At this point, the only person that could help was Marion, and I knew she was out shopping with her mother in-law, registering for baby gifts at places Marion did not want to register. So perhaps I would be doing us both a favor.

I shot out an SOS text and told her to bring 'anything' from the bakery. A half-hour later, she was walking in my apartment with her own key, bakery bag in hand, and a sly smile on her face. "Hey thanks for rescuing me by the way. However, please tell me this is not a real SOS, but an 'I was just stupid and this first argument with Mason will pass' SOS."

"Oh I don't know about it passing. It wasn't just Mason. It was his family, and I figured if anyone understood and would not judge me for all the stupid things I did, it would be you." I grabbed the bag out of her hand. "What did you get any ways?"

"Vanilla cupcakes, with cream cheese frosting, and raspberry filling. I think the babies really like those." She teased.

"Uh huh. I see. So they already have preferences at the bakery. You know I want to be their first to buy them their special choice there. You know, when they are old enough to pick one out. How old do you think that will be? Two?"

She let out a little laughter and set her purse on the table just inside my front door. "If they are anything like me, it will be early. I have got to pass though. I had brunch with my MIL earlier, and I am still full, so you eat mine and don't give me grief that I am eating for two because these ten pounds just snuck up these few weeks of being too tired to do anything."

We both sat down on my couch, but I still gave Mason's bedroom one last sorrowful glance. Marion caught it and sat facing the window, so I would have to sit facing her, away from his window. "That bad?" She questioned.

As I spoke the first words out of my mouth, I stood up to pace back and forth, all while holding an uneaten cupcake. What I had to say was this serious that eating my cupcake could wait. "Well, yes and no. I mean when I tell you, as I replay it all in my head several times, I think I took what happened so personably when really this has to do with Mason and his father's relationship. Either way, I don't see there being a successful we in this thing. It wasn't like he whipped out a sword and defended my honor against his father. If anything, he looked beat, confused, almost like he was questioning his own decision in this. That perhaps we are good together, you know in that way, because believe you me, we are good. However, as far as long-term marriage material, I think he might be thinking his dad is right. Which, while I say this and think it, it is kind of like the reason my mom would love me to marry him is similar to why his father does not want me to marry him. My mom doesn't care if I love him, or if he would be good to me, just that he is rich and successful. His dad doesn't care if we are good together, or that I am a nice person, I just don't fit the mold of a woman he has plans for his son to marry so that he can pass off his company to him. I don't know. Am I over thinking this?" I collapsed on the couch facing her after I finished my babble. I was good at that.

"Well. What I think is, that anybody else, would not have been able to follow what you just over processed in your brain. It's the first week of dating. You had sex too soon. You obviously both have got the hots for each other. You like each other as friends. Other than that, it is too soon to talk marriage and family. Perhaps, it was too soon for you to meet his family." Then I watched her take a small piece of the uneaten cupcake in my hand and plop it into her mouth. "Mm, goodness, there is always room for that. Give me that other cupcake or die, woman!"

I couldn't help but to start to laugh so hard as I handed her the cupcake out of my hand, I put my hands in the air like I was under arrest, and then I joked. "Please tell me you will not be one of the crazy pregnant women who steals food out of other people's hands or plates. You are above that Marion Stohls."

"I am." She replied. "But right now, I made a little room for this cupcake. It's a good thing we don't live so close to this bakery. I don't know how you manage."

"I guess I have self-control." Then I raised my eyebrows in question and said the next thing with some serious laughter before taking the other cupcake out of the bag and eating it in one fair swoop. "Well, sometimes I have self-control."

The room fell silent as we smiled at each other and devoured our cupcakes in one sitting. Picking any crumbs that might have fallen onto our laps up and putting them in our mouths. We were not wasteful when it came to bakery cupcakes.

When we were both done, we headed to the kitchen for a tall glass of skim milk. Not that drinking the skim milk would lower the calorie intake we just digested on the cupcakes, it's just that is the only type of milk I buy. This was not the first boyfriend caper cupcake cure in our lives and for me, it might not be the last. Marion found her prince. I thought I found mine. In the silence of gulping milk to wash down the sugar, I mulled that over.

Marion finished first and let me in on a bit of information that filled the gap between how Carl and Mason knew each other. "So, Carl's company has done business with Montahue Properties in the past, and they have a big project coming up at the airport. Carl and Mason met because in six months, Mason will be project manager, and he will have to interact with Carl. Pretty cool stuff huh? Carl says that Mason mentioned to him what his father was making him do. It is some type of punishment for some stupid woman fiasco, oops sorry. Carl didn't want me to mention that. Just forget it has to do with a crazy ex. Maybe now is not a good time to mention that Carl heard Mason has a rep for dating some serious whacked-out women. Maybe that's why is dad is so overprotective about who he dates."

I raised my eyebrows in question as I set my empty milk glass in the sink. "Nope. Quite all right. We all know how senseless I can be. Why make me out to be something I am not? I suppose Mark Anthony, that's Mason's dad, is just trying to keep his son from doing something really stupid again, like falling for someone me."

Marion walked over and put her hand on my shoulder. "Don't be Daft Darling." She said it in an English accent. I knew she had been caught up in her English soap opera Downton Abby. I didn't blame her. I was a season behind and just waiting for her to lend me her iPad again, loaded with the next season, for a long day of nothing but English proper drama.

She grabbed my hand, led me over to my couch and told me to sit. When she finally sat next to me, she let out a huge sigh and smiled brightly as if to cheer me up. "Here's the deal. So Carl and Mason went out for a few drinks after the meeting. Carl sensed the poor chap needed it. Which he did. When Carl found out that Mason had to do maintenance on a building for six months, he knew you lived in a building owned by Montahue Properties. So, Carl showed him a picture of you and me that he took on his phone. Remember that brunch we all attended, and you looked smashing. That one. Well, Mason wanted to know all about you. Carl made you out to be one hell of a woman. I'm not sure if it was coincidence that put your two apartments across from each other, it could be Mason did a little check ahead if you get my drift. Carl mentioned you might be single. I guess, just by what I said about Steve and your dates, Carl already figured the guy had a wife or girlfriend. Sorry. I thought of mentioning it the day Carl thought it aloud, but the next day was your family party, and you know. I guess I wanted to meet the guy first. Get my own opinion formed. By the way, I had planned on grilling the son of a bitch with several questions, nicely of course. Anyway, back to Mason. It was just a coincidence with the whole you drunk naked dancing and passing out due to the birthday family dinner fiasco. But it's a really cute story you can tell your kids one day."

I sat in silence for a second mulling all of that over, then I crossed my arms and pouted. "I doubt we will be creating any offspring. Not to mention the fact that I eluded the fact that Steve is married part by substituting in crazy mad wife for crazy mad girlfriend. I didn't want it to look like I am such a blithering idiot, which obviously I am."

"Stop." Marion put her hand up in a stop motion and frowned. "Stop making yourself out to be so bad. You're not. Your awesome, besides your pouty look doesn't work for me. I'm team Amber, remember."

"I know." I paused as I took in a huge breath. "It's just I was already planning the wedding. Is that so weird?"

"Yes... and no. I was that way with Carl. Think about it. Just a week ago today, you were hopeful that Steve and you might just take it up a notch to commitment and look what happened. This time, you know a lot more about Mason. You both seem to really like each other. Heck, he took you to meet his family, although a bit too soon if you ask me. What I gathered from Carl, Mason gets a bit too excited easily. This little disaster probably had him thinking, just like it got you thinking."

"Yeah. I think I should slow it down. I almost feel pressured now to work on my growing up plan before stepping back out to the world and announcing 'hey, look at me'. You know. Maybe get going on the whole management online course. Get in a few charitable hours at an elder home or dog shelter. Deliver meals on wheels. Something. Then maybe I wouldn't look like such a disaster to his dad."

"Stop. Who cares what his dad thinks? Ok. I know you do, but slowing it down might not be a bad idea. By all means, let's keep the family dinners for like, month four of serious dating. It was a fluke that he got to meet your mom and sister already. Meeting family does not include going out for drinks with Carl and I, by the way. Once you two have ironed it out, we would like to go out as a couple. Carl says they got along great. No pressure by the way. And I really like him, because he really likes you."

I let that mull over in my mind, and then I reached over and hugged her. "You're right. Like always. Hey. How was the baby shopping?"

A loud 'ugh' echoed out through my apartment. I got the impression she was about to unleash the MIL shopping stories on me. I did not mind. I needed something to take my mind off Mason.

By the time Marion left, it was past dinnertime and no Mason. I had turned my phone back on, and I did not see a text or message. So I did what any 'grown-up' woman would do, I logged on and completed some information on my on-line management course. I charted a calendar set with dates and times specific to when I was to study and be on-line. Kind of like a job. I patted myself on the back for doing that. Then I did a search engine wording for volunteer work and there were more choices than I could possibly imagine. I finally settled on reading to the elderly at a senior center on Sunday mornings. I figured if I wasn't going to get up early enough to go to church, I would at least give back to my community by getting to the Senior Center by ten for a few hours of reading. Besides, I had a great theatrical voice that I mastered in high school drama, this was going to be fun.

Somewhere in all my efficiency, was Mason, lingering in between decisions, thoughts, and fingers clicking on the keyboard. I had my doubts about how things were going to go forward. I had wished he had said something on the ride back to my apartment that reassured me of what he wanted, that being me. I even thought of how nice it would have been if the rest of his family wasn't so quiet when his father spoke up. I guess they are one of those old Catholic families that doesn't speak out against the head of the household. It's not like I can expect everyone to be as outspoken as I am. Lord knows, it has gotten me into more trouble than I would want to admit to. I don't think me sticking up for Mason helped the matter any.

I picked up my phone and put in the text before I could change my mind. Besides, Mason might want an out in this relationship any ways. This text will give it to him. I simply typed in: Need some space, let's give this thing a rest for a bit.

I hit the send button with much trepidation that I was making a mistake. I did not want a breakup, but perhaps a break from any family meddling. Deep down, what I truly wanted was for him to rush over here and confess his undying love for me, wrap me in his arms and show me tenderness for the drama that we just endured. Somehow, I did not see that happening. Watching too many romance movies always put a damper on what really happened in these situations, at least that was what my grown up side of my brain was saying to me.

I grabbed my ereader off my charger, locked up my apartment for the night by putting the safety chain in place, and headed to my room. I was still full from my cupcake mixed with the pity party drama that had my stomach on the edge, so I settled for a hot tea and my fluffy land of twenty or so pillows on my bed and settled in for a good read.

Sometime around ten p.m., I had drifted off to sleep, only to be woken up to my phone buzzing with a text. It was Mason. He was outside my door and wanted in. I didn't move. I froze. I wanted to rush to the door and let him in, but instead my body laid there weak from all the chaotic emotions that had boiled in my head all night. Then my phone lit up with him calling. I had the ringer on silent, but the vibration caused my phone to move about on my nightstand. Then I saw it stopped, and it was as if I had been holding my breath. I picked up my phone and held it, debating whether or not to call him back. I finally settled on checking the voice mail he left me.

As I listened, I ached for his arms to surround me. "Amber. Please call me. We need to talk. I want to apologize for my father's actions, hell, my actions. Listen. We don't need a break, but if you want one, I understand. Call me, okay?"

I was torn. I wanted to call him back so badly, yet I knew the type of man he was; he might actually want the break and just want me to think it was my idea. Wait. It was my idea. But did he want the break and was just making it sound as if he was honoring my decision? I was falling deeper into a crevice of indecision. Calling him now would only make me doubt it more later.

I fell asleep with my phone in my hand out of exhaustion from mental thinking around midnight. I never called back. I wanted to, badly. Somehow, playing hard to get or not playing at all seemed like the more mature thing to do. I wanted him to think that I was putting serious thought into all this, and I was, but I also wanted him to feel bad that I didn't call back, which was immature. I was on the fence about how I was dealing with this, yet I knew seeing him or talking to him right now did me no good. I think? I fell asleep with those questioning thoughts rolling back and forth in my brain.

When I woke, I had to trudge through getting ready. By the time I was three blocks from my apartment, my car died. It made a gagging sound and sputtered, then nothing. Dead. Wouldn't start or move. I was in the midst of morning rush hour on a major side street, and some not too happy co-drivers were honking at me. As I got out of my car, put my hood up as a signal that my car was down, a woman in her fifties pulled over and parked in a metered parking spot, right next to where I was stalled. In her navy work dress and three-inch heels, she offered to steer my car off the main street to a parking spot empty ahead of me while I pushed. I thanked her profusely as we worked together to get my car moved out of the way. She jumped back in her car after wishing me a better day, and I waved her on with a smile as I watched her merge back into traffic an inch at a time.

It could have been worse. I could have been on the highway or further from my apartment. I texted Wally Woo that I needed a vacation day because my car died on the way to work. Then I sent a second text to make it seem as if I was being productive: 'I am going to work on my college courses'. He sent me an 'ok' back.

I grabbed my purse; tossed in enough coins in the meter for two hours, and hoped like heck my plan to get my dad to come have my car towed would work. I locked up my dead car, not that anyone would steal it; it wasn't worth stealing, or that this was a bad end of town, all the same, there had been bums known to take a nap in unlocked cars around here. I trudge the block and half away from my apartment to the bakery. Not a healthy sign that I was visiting here again this week, Marion's cupcake trip was just yesterday. However, I was in dire need of a blueberry muffin and large hot coffee, flavored with lots of creamer to help me walk back to my apartment. By the time I made it home, both were gone, and I figured I would call my dad and let him handle the dead car situation for me. If there was one thing that made him happy, it was to come to my rescue. I never let him deal with my man drama, but my dead car or late bill drama; he was first on my list.

I closed my apartment door, just as I hung up with my dad on my cell phone. I set my purse on my table next to the door and stood there shocked and dismayed by what I saw.

There, in Mason's apartment, across the alleyway from me and in plain sight, was a naked, except for a towel, Mason. His back was to me. However, that didn't shock me. What did, was the naked blonde bimbo with big boobs, naked - did I mention that, standing in front of him, with her naked boobs facing towards my apartment. I watched her move in on my man, arms wrapped around his neck, and his hands come up. I could not watch anymore. He must have thought I was at work and it was safe to play with woman number two. I turned and stormed into my room, tossing pillows at my door and practically growling with a scream.

When I finally lost steam from picking up and throwing my twenty or so decorative pillows about ten times, I grabbed an extra dark-blue bed sheet out of my closet. I went to the kitchen and found my silver duct tape. I walked right over to my window with the bench seat that faced his place, tossed the cushion he got me onto the floor, and I put that sheet up over the window. I did look though. There was no naked Mason, or naked big boob woman standing there. I didn't care. What I did care about was the fact that I was officially over playboy Mason Montahue, I'm not good enough for you.