Until Lilly

Chapter 8



Cash



I wake up with a start and look around. I don’t know what caused me to wake up until I hear another loud bang coming from the kitchen or living room. My stomach tightens as a surge of adrenaline rushes through me. I lean over Lilly’s sleeping body and whisper in her ear that she needs to wake up. She grumbles something, trying to burrow into my side before I shake her gently. “Lilly, someone’s in the house. I need you to get the kids and take them both into Jax’s room. In the back of his closet is a hidden door. Go in there and wait for me.”

“What?” She rolls of the bed quickly, looking around.

“Look at me, Lil,” I say quietly as another loud bang sounds through the house. I can see Lilly start to panic by the light of dawn coming though the bedroom window. Her face is pale as she comes around to my side of the room, her body shaking.  I pull her closer to me. “Listen to me,” I tell her a little more firmly. “Take my phone,” I say, handing her my cell. “Go get Ashlyn, take her to Jax’s room, and do as I told you. Get both of them and yourself into the room in the back of Jax closet, shut the door, and call the police. Tell them that there is a break-in. Do not come out no matter what you hear. Do not come out until I come get you, or until the police come get you.”

“Okay,” she says, looking at the door.

“It will be okay,” I tell her, going to the closet and pulling out a baseball bat. For the first time ever, I wish I kept a gun in the house.

“Be careful,” she says, and I nod and open our bedroom door, looking both ways before sending Lilly across the hall. I watch her as she makes her way down to where Ashlyn’s room is, and once she clears the doorway I hear another loud bang. I make my way towards the living room and look around the corner into the kitchen. I hear a cry from behind me, and I know that Lilly can’t find the kids.

She can’t find them because they are both in the kitchen standing on chairs that they have pulled up to the counter, and they have a bowl between them, along with a bag of flour.

“Cash,” I hear cried from behind as Lilly plows into me. “The kids aren’t there,” she says franticly.

“I know,” I tell her calmly.

“What? I just said the kids aren’t in their rooms, and you don’t care?” she yells. I pull her around the corner and both kids are looking nervously at us; the flour that was on the counter in the bag is now covering both of them, and there is a white cloud of it filling the kitchen. “Oh, my God,” she says, leaving my side, rushing into the kitchen, pulling both of the kids in for a hug, and covering herself with flour in the process. “What are you guys doing?” she asks them, looking around and seeing that they have made a huge mess.

“We’re making you breakfast,” Jax says sheepishly, looking at me then around the kitchen.

“It’s five in the morning,” I say, putting the bat down before I cross my arms over my chest, looking around at the flour-bomb they set off.

“It’s your birthday,” Ashlyn says, looking around before looking at me.

“Yeah, and we wanted to make you breakfast in bed as a surprise,” Jax says with a shrug.

“That was very nice of you both,” Lilly says, looking over at me with her arms wrapped around the kids. I can’t even speak; all I can do is look at my kids and woman. “That was really sweet, right, baby?” she asks softly, the look on her face causing a slow burn to fill my chest. I nod because I can’t speak. “What do you guys say we get this mess cleaned up while Daddy goes and lays back down, and we can still take him breakfast in bed?” she asks the kids.

“We’re not in trouble?” Jax asks.

“No, honey, you’re not in trouble,” she says, kissing the top of his head, “but let’s get all this flour cleaned up, okay?” They both agree, and then get down off the chairs. Jax goes and gets the broom, while Ashlyn goes and gets the dustpan. Lilly comes to me, wrapping her arms around my waist. I’m barely holding on to my emotions. “Go back to bed, Daddy, so the kids and I can bring you breakfast,” she says softly, smiling. I nod again, kissing her forehead before I turn and walk back to our room and straight into the bathroom, where I turn on the faucet and splash cool water on my face. My hands gripping the basin, my head down, I take a few breaths before I look at myself in the mirror.

My hair is a mess, and the stubble along my jaw is darker than normal. My eyes are crystal clear, and I can see only happiness in them. There is no sign of self-hate in my eyes anymore.  I used not to even be able to look at myself in the mirror without cringing away. I hated my life; my son was the only thing who made every day worth fighting for. Now, I have a family with the first woman I ever loved. The only woman I have ever loved, besides members of my family. Lilly is someone who I will never take for granted, because I know how it feels to be without her and the light that she brings into my life. When I looked into Lilly’s eyes in the kitchen and saw the same happiness shining back at me, it almost brought me to my knees. I take a few deep breaths before turning off the water. I go back into the bedroom and sit on the bed. I can hear laughter coming from the kitchen, and I can’t help but smile when I hear the sound. I sit back against the headboard, pull out my iPad, and start searching for engagement rings. I have known since the beginning that I would ask Lilly to marry me, but having her live here over the last few weeks has only solidified that thought in my brain. I know that she has been worried about her case coming up in the school board and finding a job, but I like her home with the kids while I'm at work. I like knowing that my kids are getting the same thing I had growing up. I finally find a style of ring that I think Lilly will love, but I'm going to take the picture to the jewelry store in town and see if he can have something custom-made with a few changes to the design. I close down the web page when I hear the sound of feet coming down the hall, then the door is swung open and Ashlyn yells, “Surprise!”

“He already knows we were making him breakfast,” Jax says.

“So?” Ashlyn says back, sticking out her tongue.

“Hey, now, none of that,” Lilly says, smiling and walking to the bed carrying a tray that has pancakes with chocolate chips, eggs, and bacon, along with a small box that is wrapped in blue paper and a card.

“Happy birthday, Daddy,” Ashlyn singsongs, climbing up onto the bed.

“Thank you, baby,” I say, pulling her up onto my lap.

“Happy birthday,” Jax says, climbing up onto the bed as well, and I pull him into my other side and kiss the top of his head.

“Thanks, little dude,” I say, my voice hoarse.

“Happy birthday,” Lilly says, looking between the three of us before her eyes meet mine, and I can see that tears are filling them.

“Thank you, babe.” I mouth the words to her because I can’t seem to speak. She nods before setting down the tray.

“Can I have some of your pancakes?” Ashlyn asks, and I look down at her and laugh.

“Me too,” Jax says, making me laugh harder.

“There’s more in the kitchen. I’ll be right back,” Lilly says, leaving the room. She comes back a few minutes later with another tray, this one with three plates, two juices, and a coffee. She sets the tray on the bed before climbing up to sit facing us. We all sit on the bed eating breakfast, and once we are done, I set my gift and card on the bedside table and take the plates into the kitchen, telling them that I would be right back. When I come back to the room, I sit back down with a kid on each side of me. I put the gift in my lap so I can read the card. On the front of it is a guy in jeans and a shirt; there is a little window, and when opened, the shirt says SuperDad. I smile before putting down the card, picking up the box, and looking at it for a few moments.

“Are you gonna open it?” Ashlyn asks, looking worried. I feel Lilly rub my leg, and I look at her and smile. I start to tear the paper away slowly.

“Dad, just open it,” Jax says, eyeing the box like he wants to take it out of my hands and do it himself. I finish opening it and pull the small box out, lifting the lid. Inside is a pendent on a ball chain. “It’s backwards,” Jax says. I use one finger and flip the pendent over, and on the other side are three stones going down the center of it. All three different colors each represent the three people surrounding me.

“Do you like it?” Ashlyn asks, sitting up on her knees.

“I love it,” I tell her, looking up from the pendent into her smiling face.

“That one is Jax. This one is me. And that one is Mommy,” Ashlyn explains, pointing out each stone.

“Are you gonna put it on?” Jax ask.

“Yes,” I whisper, taking it out of the box, holding it up, and looking at it before I slide it around my neck.

“You look pretty,” Ashlyn says.

“Boys don’t look pretty; they look handsome or cool,” Jax tells Ashlyn.

“Nuh-uh, Mommy says Daddy is the prettiest boy that she ever saw.” My eyes go to Lilly and I raise an eyebrow; she shrugs before covering her mouth, laughing at the look Jax gives her.

“Boys aren’t pretty, right, Dad?” Jax asks me, and I turn to look at him. I don’t even answer him; I just drag him to me, tucking him under my arm and kissing the top of his head.

“Thank you, guys, for my gift. I love it,” I say, kissing Ashlyn’s forehead. She wraps her little arms around my neck, hugging me tightly.

“Lobe you, Daddy,” she says, and my eyes start to burn.

“You’re welcome, Dad,” Jax says, hugging my other side.

“Can we go to the zoo?” Ashlyn asks, pulling her face out of my neck and making me laugh.

“You always want to go to the zoo,” Jax says.

“The zoo is fun.”

“The zoo is lame,” Jax returns, and they both jump up so they are standing on the bed and proceed to argue back and forth. I lean forward, grabbing Lilly’s hand, dragging her up to me.

“Thank you for this,” I tell her, running my fingers down the side of her face.

“You’re welcome; we love you,” she says, laying her head on my chest, her fingers picking up the pendent to look at it.

“Thank f*ck,” I whisper into her ear.

“Dad, we’re not going to the zoo, are we?” Jax groans, flopping down onto the bed dramatically.

“Not today, little dude.”

“But, Daddy…” Ashlyn whines.

“Ashlyn Alexandra, no whining,” Lilly scolds, and Ashlyn crosses her arms over her chest in a pout.

“But I want to see the wions.”

“If you keep up the attitude, little miss thing, you won’t be going to the zoo for a very long time,” Lilly says, and I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing at the look on Ashlyn’s face.

“Come here, baby.” I hold out my hand and she flops down on top of me, making me grunt.

“How about we go do something that everyone will like doing?”

“Like what?” she asks.

“Well, we could go fishing,” I say. I haven’t gone fishing in a while, and I know that it’s something that Jax enjoys doing.

“Yay! Fishing!” Jax yells.

“Are we gonna fish for salmon?” Ashlyn asks.

“No, baby. Catfish,” I tell her, pushing her hair away from her face.

“Catfish?” Her face scrunches up, looking adorable.

“Yep, catfish.”

“Are catfish hairy?”

“Catfish aren’t hairy,” Jax says, laughing and rolling around on the bed.

“All right, guys, if you want to go fishing you need to go brush your teeth and get dressed,” I tell them both and watch as they bounce off the bed and run out the door.

“So you guys are going fishing? That’s fun,” Lilly says, and I smile.

“We are all going fishing.”

“No, you and the kids are going.”

“Babe, it’s my birthday, which means it’s my day. So we’re all going fishing.”

“Fine.” She pouts, and I know exactly where my daughter got her attitude.

“What did you tell Ashlyn about her attitude?”

“I don’t have an attitude.”

“Good, so get your ass up and get ready to go fishing.”

“Cash.”

“Lil.”  I say her name, bending forward so that I can kiss her until she’s quiet.

“So when it’s my birthday, I get to do whatever I want, right?” she asks breathlessly.

“Yes, that’s a new rule.”

“Good. Hopefully, the Fifty Shades of Grey movie will be out then and we can go see it,” she says, hopping off the bed and making a beeline for the bathroom. It takes me a second to realize what she said and I walk to the bathroom, opening the door and catching her just as she’s getting in the shower.

“We’re not going to see that movie,” I tell her. I know all about that shit; Asher told Trevor and me all about it.

“You said I get to do whatever I want,” she says, and I can tell by the tone of her voice that she’s smiling.

“Okay, let me clarify that statement. We can do anything you want, as long as it’s something that the kids can be involved in.”

“Fine, I will go see it with Liz and November.”

“Are you interested in BDSM?” I ask her. When Asher broke the book down for us, he said this dude Grey had a bad childhood, and when he got older he had an urge to dominate the women he slept with.

“Your kink is enough for me, thank you,” she says, laughing. I pull the shower curtain back so I can look at her.

“I'm not into kink.”

“You’re not?” She tilts her head to the side, studying my face.

“No, I'm not,” I say firmly.

“Hmm…so what about the time you held me down and wouldn’t let me come? Or the time you tied me to the bed? Or all the times you’ve threatened—which you haven’t followed through, I might add—to spank me? Or what about the time you had me on my knees and—”

“F*ck me, I'm into kink,” I breathe. I have no idea where this is coming from. With Lilly, I always feel a need deep in my soul to show her who’s in charge. I glare at her when she starts laughing. “Keep laughing and I'm going to turn your ass pink,” I growl. She moans then puts her ass in my direction.

“Jesus, I think it’s you that’s really into kink,” I say, and I can’t help but to run my palm over the curve of her ass. “We don’t have time to explore this right now, but later, I will definitely find out how kinky you are,” I say, smiling when her cheeks turn rosy. “I'm gonna go check the kids.” I adjust myself before leaving the bathroom. Walking out of the room, I try to think of every baseball stat or piece of construction equipment I know, and not the fact that tonight I'm going to see just how kinky I can get with my woman.             





*~*~*





“He’s so ugly!” Ashlyn cries as I remove the hook from the catfish’s tail.

“He is ugly,” Lilly says, still holding the pole.

“Babe, I don’t know how you keep hooking them in everything but their mouths, but this is your third one. I hope Fish and Game doesn’t show up.” I smile and she laughs. We have been fishing for over an hour and none of us have caught anything except Lilly, and every time she catches one, it’s never hooked in the mouth; it’s always through some part of the fish’s body—like this one now. Somehow, she caught it right through the tail.

“You said when I felt a nibble to tug, and I did what you said,” she counters.

“I did say that.” I smile, and once I finally have the hook removed, I put another worm on her it for her and set up Ashlyn’s again with the fish dough. She doesn’t like to see the worm on her hook. Jax is sitting next to me, handling his own fishing hook while massacring three worms on it. “Dude, you don’t need so many worms.”

“If the fish are hungry, they will like it.” His little face is scrunched in concentration.

“Good point,” I say, finishing with Lilly’s bait and watch as she walks down the long dock. Her tight jeans show off the curve of her ass and her long legs. Ashlyn runs off, following close behind her wearing her life jacket. A few seconds later, Jax follows behind them wearing his life jacket as well. After I get my pole hooked up, I start making my way down dock when Lilly yells that she’s got another one. I watch as she brings it out of the water. The fish is hooked through the mouth this time, his body flopping around. Lilly starts screaming when the fish makes its way towards her; she keeps backing away from him but still has the pole in her hand, so the fish is following her the whole way. I'm laughing so hard, and so are the kids, until Lilly continues her backwards walk right off the dock. She cries out right before there is a loud splash. I have never in my life met someone as clumsy as she is. I shake my head and run down the dock just as Lilly comes back up and starts treading water. She wipes her hair out of her face laughing. Both the kids are cracking up, dancing around the dock.

“I can’t believe I did that,” she laughs. I reach down to give her a hand up; she takes it then tugs, and I'm falling over the edge of the dock into the water with her. When I come up, I'm sputtering. I look at Lilly, who is laughing her ass off, then up at the kids, who are looking down on both of us with giant smiles on their faces.

“You think this is funny?” I ask, and then start to splash water onto the deck at the kids.

“No, Daddy! There are fish in that water!” Ashlyn yells, running away while Jax looks at me, then Lilly, and jumps in.

“This is so much better than the zoo,” Jax says, climbing onto my back.

“Come in, love bug,” Lilly calls.

“Will the fish bite me?”

“No, they are all scared,” Jax says.

“The water is icky, and it’s too cold!” she says, looking at the water, then at us.

“You’re such a girl,” Jax yells, then tries to dunk Lilly.

“I know I'm a girl. I'm a princess. Right, Daddy?” She puts her hands on her little hips and glares at her brother.

“Right, baby,” I say, putting my hands up on the dock and pulling myself up and out of the water.

“You two ready to get out?” I ask, putting a hand down to Jax, who kicks his way over to me. I take his hand and pull him out of the water, and once I’ve gotten him and Lilly out, Jax starts chasing his sister around threatening to hug her, causing Ashlyn to scream and run away from him.

“This is way better than the zoo,” Lilly says, and I toss my arm over her shoulder, pulling her into my side. “It’s a good thing that warm front came through or this would really suck,” she says with a little shiver.

“Thanks for giving me this,” I tell her, kissing the side of her head.

“It’s been a lot of fun.” We make our way to our blanket that we had laid out on the grass, along with our cooler full of drinks and snacks. Jax runs to the blanket, gets a towel and his extra set of clothes from the bag that Lilly packed. I have no idea how she knew that we would need all that; I guess it’s a mom thing. I take him to the truck to help him get changed and bring back a jacket for Lilly to throw on over her wet clothes. We all sit down on the blanket and Lilly hands the kids each a sandwich before handing me one. Her eyes roll back before she sits forward and pulls out her cell phone from her back pocket.

“Shit,” she mumbles, looking at her phone.

“You said a naughty word,” Ashlyn informs Lil.

“Sorry,” she says, smiling.

“Don’t worry, babe; we can get you a new one,” I tell her, pulling her phone out of her hand and looking at it.  I can see water in the screen, so I know that it’s not salvageable with a bag of rice.

“I can’t afford a new phone,” she says, looking at it.

“Will you stop doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“I didn’t ask you to pay for the phone, Lil. You can get a line on my account. It’s past time for you to get a Tennessee number anyways.”

“But I really can’t afford it. I still have to pay the lawyer,” she says quietly, looking at the kids. And just like that, I’m reminded of the shit that is still happening around us. That shit, along with my ex, is something that I don’t like to think about. Lucky for us, both have been quiet lately. The case against Lilly has been put on hold due to lack of evidence. And Jules has not made any contact since she went to Lilly’s school and attacked her. The day Lilly showed up at my jobsite in tears from what Jules did to her, it took everything in me not to kill her myself. Not that I didn’t track her down and make it known that if she continued her bullshit I would make her life a living hell. But even though she’s been quiet lately, I know that she is up to something. I just don’t know what.

“I love you, Lil. You and Ashlyn are mine, and it’s my job to take care of you. So please, let me do my job.”

“It’s not your job,” she huffs out, looking annoyed.

“Yes, it is.”

“A job is something you have to do whether you want to or not.” Her eyebrows come together, creating a small crease between them.

“Lil.” I shake my head; she’s so frustrating sometimes. I lean over, running my finger between her brows. “This is something I want to do. I love taking care of you guys.”

“I don’t want you to resent me,” she says so quietly that I almost miss it.

“How could I resent you?” I run my hand down the side of her face.

“I don’t know.”

“Babe, you have to stop doing that. Are you happy?” I ask quietly, looking at the kids. They are now off running around in the grass, chasing birds that keep coming to them because they are dropping bread as they run.

“Yes.” She watches the kids and a smile comes to her face. “I just don’t want you to feel like I’m putting all this on you, you know?

“Baby,” I laugh, pulling her over to me. “If you told me that you were going to stay home from now on, that would f*cking thrill me.”

“Why?”

“I like knowing that you’re at home when I get home, and that my kids are being taken care of by you.”

“Cash—”

“Hey, I didn’t say that you were going to stay home forever, but as long as you are, I’m cool with it.”

“Just promise me that you will tell me if you get to a point where you’re not cool with it anymore.”

“Where’s all this coming from?” I ask her, not understanding what’s bringing all these doubts to the surface when we have been doing so well.

“I don’t know. I’m just used to working, so me not working is messing with my head. I love being home with both the kids, but...” she trails off, shaking her head.

“But what?” I ask when her face pales slightly.

“Um…I…it’s nothing.” She shakes her head again and I know it’s not nothing.

“Lil, please talk to me.”

“Jules came by yesterday. The kids were down for a nap, and I answered the door not thinking, but I think she realized that I’m living there.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to be worried, and when she saw that it was me who answered, she left without really saying anything.”

“Next time she comes by, you need to call me.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine, babe, but I will not allow her to f*ck with you or my kids.” I take a breath, trying to calm down. And speaking of the devil, my phone starts ringing, with Jules’ name coming onto the screen. “Yeah?” I answer on the second ring. Standing, I walk away from the where Lilly is and the kids are playing.

“So you moved in that chick?” she asks with venom in her voice

“Lilly is not a chick; she’s my woman, the mother of my child, and soon, my wife. Second, you don’t ever get to question what I do, or when or how I do it. And third,” I growl when I hear her trying to cut me off, “you do not get to show up at my house unannounced ever.”

“I think I have the right to know if there is a criminal around my son.”

“Excuse me?”

“I heard that she is a criminal.” I can tell she is smirking; I’ve seen her smug face enough to know what she sounds like when she’s doing it.

“Who the f*ck told you that?” I ask, my gut twisting.

“Don’t worry about who told me, just know that I know all about her.”

“You don’t know shit. Why are you calling me?”

“I want to see Jax,” she says nonchalantly.

“Not today.”

“Why not today?” she whines, and I clench my fist. She never wants to see Jax, and she never calls to check on him. Even when he had to stay in the hospital with strep, she wasn’t concerned enough to see him.

“It’s my birthday. We’re spending the day together.”

“So you could come too,” she says in what I'm sure she thinks is a sexy tone. All that shit does to me is make me want to punch something or cut off my dick.

“Have you lost your damn mind?”

“Please, I want to see our son.”

“I will call you tomorrow and set up a time to meet up with you,” I say, hanging up. I lean my head back, looking up at the sky through the trees. I hate that I’m going to have to deal with her ass for the rest of my life. I feel arms wrap around my waist, and my hands go to Lilly’s on my stomach. I look down when I feel arms around each of my legs, and I know that no matter what bullshit Jules pulls, if I have this, I will be happy.