Chapter 10
Cash
“One more flight,” I hear Lilly tell Jax as we board the small plane. I don’t mind flying, but this day has been exhausting. We woke up at five this morning, got both the kids up and ready, then drove the forty minutes to the airport where we caught our first flight. That one took us from Tennessee to Seattle, and once in Seattle, we boarded another flight to Anchorage, Alaska. Once we arrived in Anchorage, we made our way quickly from the terminal to our gate in order to head outside and board another plane to the small town that her parents lived in.
“I want to sit with Daddy,” Ashlyn says when we all file onto the plane. The seats are all two-by-two, so we have to split up into pairs.
“That’s fine,” Lilly says as she helps Jax buckle into the seat next to her across the aisle from Ashlyn and me.
“How much longer?” Ashlyn asks, and I can tell she’s getting tired. Lucky for us, both kids are pretty well behaved, so we haven’t had any real drama or breakdowns today, but it has been a long day and it’s starting to wear on all of us.
“Forty-five minutes,” Lilly answers. Once all the other passengers are on the plane and the door is closed, the sound of the engines fills the plane. It’s so loud I look nervously over to Lilly who smiles. “They call these planes pond hoppers.” Lilly laughs when she sees the look on my face. “Don’t worry, we’re up then back down on the ground before you know it,” she says with a smile as Jax takes her hand. The plane starts to speed up, and I know we’re off the ground when the plane shakes and the sound of the engine gets even louder than before. This has got to be the scariest flight I have ever been on; I feel like the plane is going to rattle apart. About twenty minutes into the flight, Ashlyn has curled up in her seat with her head against my ribs. I look over at Lilly and Jax, seeing that they are both asleep. Lilly’s head is back against her headrest, and Jax is in much the same position as Ashlyn. The stewardess doesn’t even come through the cabin for drink service; she just stays strapped into her seat. Before I know it, the captain makes an announcement that we will be landing soon. Once I feel the plane touch down, I reach across the small aisle and run my fingers down Lilly’s cheek. Her eyes open and meet mine before looking down at Jax, who is now awake, then over at Ashlyn. We wait until most of the passengers are off the plane before we stand and get our carry-ons out of the bins; it’s easier than trying to fight everyone to get off.
We step off the plane, and I have never been happier in my life to have my feet on solid ground. All I want to do is eat, shower, and sleep.
“Do you want me to take her?” Lilly asks, looking at Ashlyn, who is still asleep.
“No, baby, I got her,” I say, grabbing her hand as we make our way into the terminal.
“Mommy…I mean…Lilly,” Jax says, and I look over at Lilly, who is smiling down at Jax.
“Yeah, honey?” she says quietly, running her hand down the back of his head. My stomach drops as I watch the woman I love and plan on asking to marry me interact with my son, who has gotten so close to her that he slipped and called her Mom. I wish his mother was normal and sane and had a relationship with him, but she doesn’t. I don’t even think she cares one way or another what happens with Jax. The more time that goes by, I’m convinced that the only reason she is involved in Jax’s life at all is to hold him over my head or f*ck with me.
“Can we go fishing like Grandpa talked about?” Jax asks.
“Yes, I’m sure Grandpa will take you fishing, just not today.”
“Okay,” he sighs, grabbing Lilly’s other hand. “Can we go look for beers?”
“Yes, honey, but not today.” She laughs softly. I drop her hand so I can shift Ashlyn, and I feel Lilly’s hand go into my back pocket.
“Can we go out on the boat and see otters, like Grandpa said?” Jax asks and I chuckle. He and Ashlyn have been having Skype sessions with Lilly’s parents every few days since our first time a few months ago. Every time the kids talked to Lilly’s parents, her dad told Jax about all the cool things that they were going to do when we came to visit.
“I'm sure we will go out on the boat at some point while we’re here, honey.”
“Can we go to McDonald’s?”
“There is no McDonald’s here.” Lilly laughs when Jax’s eyes get huge, and he looks around the airport—if you can even call it that; it’s more like a large metal building with a check-in counter and two doors, one where you enter, and one where you go out onto the tarmac. Every plane that lands has to be boarded from outside.
“Oh, my babies!” is cried loudly and echoes through the metal building. Ashlyn startles in my arms, and Lilly and Jax are plowed into. Both of them are hugged and rocked back and forth.
“Hey, Mom,” Lilly says, smiling and untangling herself and Jax from her mom. Once her mom steps back, she looks down at Jax. “This guy here that you just scared the crap out of is Jax,” she says, putting her hand on Jax’s shoulder, “and this is Cash.” She slides her arm around my waist, looking up at me. And I don’t know what it is about that exact moment, but the look on her face and her introducing us to her mom as a family makes me shift Ashlyn so that I can kiss her. When I take my mouth from hers, her eyes are soft and so full of emotion that my heart beat kicks up a notch.
“Uuuummm,” I hear Lilly’s mom clear her throat and I smile, my face still near Lil’s. She grins before going back to flat-footed.
“They do that a lot,” Jax says, and I pull completely away from Lil and meet her mom’s eyes.
“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Donovan.” I lean forward slightly, kissing her cheek and giving her a one-handed hug, trying not to wake Ashlyn. She shakes her head and rolls her eyes.
“Call me Mom. Obviously, you’re not going anywhere.” I chuckle and look at Lilly when I hear her laugh. She shakes her head before looking back at Mom.
“So where’s Dad?” She looks around, and I do as well. I can’t see her dad anywhere.
“Oh, well, he had to help Austin put his boat in the water,” she says, and Lilly’s posture changes slightly. I don’t know why, but it starts to set off alarm bells. I want to ask who Austin is, but a loud buzz fills the room. I look over to the side to see bags being tossed in through a little hole in the wall.
“Our bags,” Lilly says making her way to the conveyor belt.
“Here, baby, take Ashlyn and I’ll get our bags.” I make sure Ashlyn is settled before I go about collecting our bags. Once I’ve gotten them all, we make our way outside to a large SUV and load everything in before getting the kids settled. Ashlyn is still asleep, and Jax’s little head has started to bob to the side.
“How was the flight?” Lilly’s mom asks.
“Good, both the kids were well behaved, so we didn’t really have any problems,” Lil tells her. We talk on the way to her parents’ house, Lil catching her mom up on the kids and telling her about what she hopes will be her new job at the school in town. She still hasn’t told her parents about leaving the other school or what happened. I have tried to tell her that she should, but the damn woman is stubborn and won’t listen. She only told her parents about living with me a few weeks ago. I wasn’t around for that Skype session, but she said it went okay. My guess is they were not happy. But I honestly couldn’t find it in myself to care. I had both my girls and my son under one roof; that’s all that mattered to me. It takes about thirty minutes to get from the airport, which is in the middle of nowhere, to town. Well, if you can call it a town. We drive through it in about one minute. I swear, if I would have blinked, I would have missed the whole thing. There is a bank, a few stores, and about three bars that I can spot. We turn off the main street, heading down to what I can tell is the water; the closer we get, the more boats and men in fishing gear I see.
“I want to stop by the pier and see if your dad wants to go out to dinner, or if he wants to cook at home,” Mom says as we continue our drive, until we reach a dead end. Jax’s head comes up, and when we stop, he looks around before yelling, “Yay, we’re going fishing!”
“No, little dude, we’re going to see Lil’s dad before we go to the house.”
“Oh.” He slumps in his seat and I look to my other side when I feel Ashlyn grab my arm.
“Did you have a good nap, baby?” She nods then looks around, and I can tell exactly when she notices where we are by the smile that lights up her face.
“Memaw,” Ashlyn says quietly, and I can see Lil’s mom smile at her in the rearview mirror before hopping out of the truck and opening the back door on Ashlyn’s side.
“How’s my girl?” she asks Ashlyn, helping her out of her car seat. Once she’s free, she’s picked up and smothered in kisses.
“Stop, Memaw! Stop!” Ashlyn squeals, trying to get free.
“I need my sugar. I haven’t had any in a long time, so I need to make up for lost time,” Lil’s mom says between kisses. Ashlyn finally squirms out of her arms and runs to stand behind Jax. “I guess your big brother is going to protect you,” Mom says, laughing. “What do you say we go find Papa?” she asks, starting to walk towards a large boat with the name Wolf on the side in large black letters. I grab Lilly’s hand, and we follow along behind her. Once we reach the boat that is tied to the dock, she steps onboard then leans over, grabbing Jax first and bringing him over before grabbing Ashlyn and pulling her on. I can see Jax’s face is completely lit up with excitement as he looks around the deck of the boat.
“Papa!” Ashlyn yells. I follow her with my eyes just as Lilly’s dad bends down to pick her up.
“Hey, angel girl,” he says, hugging her and tucking her head into his chest before pulling her face away and looking her over.
“Look! My brother,” Ashlyn says, pointing down at Jax.
“Hey, buddy,” Mr. Donovan says, bending to set Ashlyn down before rubbing the top of Jax’s head.
“Are we gonna go fishin’?” Jax asks, making Lil’s dad laugh.
“Not today. But before you go back home, we will be going out on the boat to fish for halibut.”
“Cool,” Jax breathes, looking around again. Mr. Donovan stands back up, his eyes coming to us before Lilly lets go of my hand and takes off running into her dad’s open arms.
“Hey, Dad,” I can hear her say before she leans away, placing her hand on his cheek.
“How’s my girl?” he asks her, pulling her back in for another hug.
“Really good,” she says, and then looks over her shoulder at me. I step forward as he tucks Lil under his arm and sticks out his hand for me to take.
“Sir,” I say, giving his hand a shake.
“Nice to have you here, son,” he says, and a little bit of the knot that I didn’t even notice before loosens.
“Nice to be here.” I step back and look over Lil’s dad’s shoulder as a giant guy comes out of nowhere. He is tall, way taller than my 6’1. I would guess that he is closer to 6’6; his hair is blond and is overgrown, matching his beard. He is huge; his arms look as big as my thighs. His whole body is large, and I’m taken slightly aback. I start to step towards Lilly, wanting her near me while this guy is around, then I hear him speak and want her near me for a different reason.
“Lilly?” he says, and she turns around. Her face lights up and she runs to the guy, throwing her arms around his neck as his hands slide around her waist, pulling her in for a hug.
“Austin,” she says low, but I still catch it and it sounds intimate, or maybe it’s my own personal jealousy taking over. “How have you been?” she asks stepping back, but his hands are still on her hips and it’s taking everything in me not to walk over to him, rip his hands off her, and toss his ass overboard.
“Good, better now I have seen your face,” he says, and his eyes are soft while looking at her. My jaw clenches. Lilly steps back out of his touch, then turns to look at me.
“Cash, this is Austin. Austin, this is Cash.” I take a few steps in their direction, putting my hand out to meet his.
“Nice to meet you,” I say, but it sounds more like a growl. My hand slides around the back of Lilly’s waist, pulling her tight against me. Jax comes up, grabbing Lilly’s hand, and I wonder if my son senses the same threat I do.
“Cash. Cash?” Austin repeats, his eyes get big before narrowing. “You’re Cash, as in Ashlyn’s father, Cash?” he asks, his eyes going to Lil before coming back to me.
“It’s a long story, Austin,” Lilly says quickly, then pulls his attention back to her. “Maybe while were here, we can meet up for lunch and I can tell you everything.”
“Or not,” I say low enough for only Lilly to hear.
“Cash,” she replies, her head swinging my way and her eyes narrowing.
“All right, well, we just wanted to stop by and see if you wanted to have dinner at home, or if you wanted to go out to dinner tonight,” Lilly’s mom says loudly, taking the attention away from what’s going on.
“I think we should eat at home. I can grill up some of those elk steaks that I’ve got in the freezer,” Lil’s dad says, then looking at Austin, “You wanna come to dinner?”
“No, not tonight. I have to finish getting the boat ready to head out tomorrow.” He looks around the boat. “Maybe when I get back we can set something up?” He looks at Lilly, who nods. We all turn around and head off the boat, the kids jumping onto the dock, followed by Lil’s parents, then me. I put my arm around her shoulders, and lean my head to the side so I can speak to her without anyone hearing.
“Austin?” I ask, and her steps falter slightly.
“He’s a friend.”
“What kind of friend?”
“A good friend,” she says, and I know I shouldn’t, but I see red.
“A good friend,” I repeat.
“Yess,” she hisses, “he was a good friend. He was there for me when I needed him.”
“How was he there?” I ask, wanting to take the words back as soon as I say them.
“You know, I can’t believe you’re going to act like a jealous ass when you were flipping married,” she growls, and her elbow connects with my ribs, then she slides out from under my arm, walking up to where the kids are. I want to kick my own ass. I cannot believe I just did that. I look over my shoulder when I get the feeling someone is watching me. Austin is standing on the deck of his boat, his arms crossed and his legs spread apart. F*cking great. I shake my head. Lilly’s dad looks back at me and I shrug, picking up my pace. By the time I get to the SUV, Lilly has both kids inside and is buckled in herself. She doesn’t look at me when I pass by her to get into the back, and she doesn’t say a word while we drive to her parents’ house. But she doesn’t have to say anything. I can feel the anger coming off her in waves. We drive for about twenty minutes and end up in front of a large, two-story log house with a large wraparound front porch. The kids both unbuckle themselves, and Lilly hops out before helping each of them down. I get out on the other side of the SUV and make my way around the back to get our bags. I watch as Lilly makes her way inside with Jax, Ashlyn, and her mom.
“You know, I wasn’t happy about you two being back together.” I turn my head to look at Lilly’s dad when he speaks. I’m really not in the mood for any bullshit, but out of respect for Lil, I will let her dad say his piece. “But I trust my daughter, and I know she has always made smart decisions. Plus, your little speech about not caring what I thought about you marrying her may have earned you a few points in my book. It’s hard not to respect a man who knows what he wants.” He pats my back then squeezes down on my shoulder. “But you need to remember, son, she wasn’t always yours. She had a life, just like you did, and the quicker you can learn to accept that, the better off you will both be.”
“You’re right.” I take a breath. “I just never thought I would be seeing her life without me up close and personal.”
“Not everything is what it seems.” He smiles. “It’s like that joke. A hound dog lays in the yard, and an old man in overalls sits on the porch. ‘Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?’ a jogger asks. The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, ‘Nope.’ As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the jogger's legs. As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells, ‘I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!’ The old man mutters, ‘Ain't my dog.’”
“What the hell does that even mean?” I question, wondering if Lil’s dad has fallen off the deep end.
“Sometimes, we see what we want to see, and not what’s really going on,” he says low, his eyes going to the house. “It’s not my place to talk about Austin’s past, but him and Lilly were both dealing with the loss of people they cared about at the same time and were able to understand what the other was going though. Now trust me when I tell you that if I were to get Austin for a son-in-law, I would be a happy man. But I don’t think that would have ever happened. I just think they each needed a friend during a difficult time, and that’s all it ever was, a friendship. As for you, I knew when my daughter came home from Alabama with my granddaughter that she would never be the same. Not only because she was a single mom, but because she felt like part of her soul had been ripped away from her.
“I know I f*cked up.” I shake my head. “I thought I was doing the right thing at the time. I mean, no, I didn’t know about Lil being pregnant, but I thought I was protecting her at the time. I didn’t want her to have to deal with what I was going through.”
“I get that. But now think of it this way: Lilly says you have a big family, right?”
“I do.”
“She has me and her mom.” My gut tightens. I still hate myself for what I had unknowingly put her through. Okay, so I don’t want to kill Austin anymore, but that doesn’t mean that I want them alone together. “You’re smart,” Mr. Donovan says and smiles, reading the look on my face. “Now, go apologize; it works every time. It’s best you learn that real quick-like.” He pats my back again before reaching in to the SUV, grabbing two of our suitcases, and walking towards the house. I grab the other two bags out of the trunk before slamming the trunk, following behind him.
I find the kids and make sure they are okay before going in search of Lilly. I find her upstairs in a bedroom at the end of a hall, her back facing me. She is putting away the stuff from the bags her dad brought in, into a long dresser. “You need help?” I ask, walking farther into the room. Her body goes ridged, and I can hear her sigh.
“No. The kids are down the hall. Do you want to check on them?”
“The kids are fine; I just checked on them. I want to talk to you.”
“I don’t think I’m ready to talk to you,” she says low, her head shaking back and forth in agitation.
“Lil.”
“Don’t ‘Lil’ me.” Her eyes finally meet mine, and she points at me. “I have accepted your past since the beginning of our relationship. I accepted who you were the first time we were together, and I more than accepted you this time around. What did you think, Cash, that you were the only person I would ever be with?” she asks, and I can hear the anger in her words. Each one cutting through me.
“That’s not what I was saying,” I say, taking another step towards her.
“You know, you’re right. You broke me. I couldn’t be with anyone else. Austin is a great guy—sweet, considerate, loving, and handsome—but I couldn’t be with him, no matter how many times I tried, no matter how much I liked him. He wasn’t you. No one was ever you.” As much as it kills to think of her trying to be with anyone, I understand. I see tears in her eyes, and I’m done with the space separating us. Walking towards her, I quickly pull her to me, not giving her a chance to argue.
“I’m sorry.” I breathe her in, the smell of lavender comforting me. “It was a shit thing to ask you.” I rub her back. “I love you, Lil. I just…shit...I just hate the idea of you with anyone else.” I take a breath; I can still tell that she’s crying. “Please don’t cry because I’m an idiot,” I say gently.
“You are an idiot,” she says. I can feel her cheek move against my chest and I know she’s smiling.
“As long as I’m your idiot, I couldn’t care less.” Her head tilts back, her glassy eyes meeting mine.
“You know, you make it really hard to be mad at you,” she says, studying my face.
“I’m not going to complain about that. It seems to be working in my favor.” She shakes her head before dropping her forehead to my chest.
“I hope you know that I will be meeting Austin when he comes back in from his fishing trip,” she tells me and I take a breath, not wanting to say the wrong thing, but not wanting her to meet up with a man that she obviously cares about.
“Can I come with you when you meet up with him?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “You have to trust me, Cash. Austin and I are friends, nothing more.” Her arms wrap around my waist. “But that doesn’t mean that feelings were not there, and Austin was hurt in the past and I want to make sure he’s doing okay.”
“I don’t like it,” I whisper into her hair before kissing the top of her head.
“I know, but it’s something I have to do.” She gives me a squeeze, trying to offer me comfort.
“I trust you,” I say, and it’s the truth.
“Thank you,” she replies quietly, but I can hear in those two words how much I just gave to her. My hand goes to the back of her neck before traveling to her jaw so I can tilt her head back.
“I know what’s in front of me, Lil. I know exactly what I have, so when I feel like it’s being threatened, the first thing I want to do is lash out and kill anything that may come in and jeopardize it. I know what we had before, and I know what we have now. And I will always do everything within my power to protect it.
“Austin isn’t a threat,” she says, her hand coming up and traveling along my jaw.
“Lilly, your kind of sweet is hard to come by, so when you get even just a little taste of it, you want more. I’m saying that as a man who knows what bitter tastes like,” I tell her gently. I don’t know what happened with Austin and his past relationship, but I have a feeling he knows what bitter tastes like too. And he also knows the kind of woman Lilly is, and how hard that is to find.
“I think you’re reading too much into this.”
“I’m not, but that’s okay as long as you know that you’re mine. I will try to control the urge to throw you over my shoulder and carry you back to my lair,” I tell her, making her laugh. She rubs her face against my chest before lifting her eyes to meet mine.
“We should go check on the kids and get them something to eat,” she tells me before taking a step back. I pull her back to me, bend her back and put my mouth on hers. Once I feel her relax, I nibble on her bottom then top lip.
“Now, we can go get the kids,” I tell her, my mouth still against hers.
“You have to let me go.” She’s right, but I don’t want to.
“Are we good?” I don’t like fighting with her.
“We’re good.”
“Good.” I kiss her once more before righting her, turning her towards the door, and smacking her ass. She looks at me over her shoulder, and all I can do is shrug. “You have a nice ass.”
“We’re in my parents’ house.”
“Just because were in their house doesn’t mean I’m going to stop touching you when I want to.”
“My dad isn’t going to like you smacking my ass,” she says. I smile, pushing her out the door of the bedroom. “Cash, seriously, he won’t like it.” I ignore her, leading her down the hall with a hand in the small of her back to where the kids are. “I would hate to see my dad put his old Seal skills to use by making you disappear.” I start laughing. “This isn’t funny,” she says loudly just as we walk around the corner into the rooms that the kids are playing in.
“What’s not funny, Daddy?” Ashlyn asks, running up to us.
“Nothing, love bug.” Lilly glares at me when I chuckle. “Are you guys hungry?” Lilly asks the kids.
“I’m starbing,” Jax says, his head going back, his arms going straight out at his sides.
“Little dude, when are you not hungry?” I ask, and he looks at me. I can tell he is really thinking about what his answer is going to be.
“When I eat,” he replies, making both of us laugh.
*~*~*
“Baby, seriously, are you sure you don’t want me to take you?” I ask. I know I promised I would trust her with the whole Austin thing, but what the f*ck? The idea of my woman going to meet another man for coffee seems ridiculous to me.
“Cash, we talked about this. I will only be gone for about an hour, if that, then I will be home,” she repeats the same thing she told me five minutes ago.
“I know,” I grumble. I’m sure I sound like Jax.
“An hour,” she repeats, kissing me. She grabs her bag and a set of keys off the counter and heads out the door. I watch her go, wanting to drag her back inside, but I know she will kick my ass if I try. I look around the quiet house; Jax and Ashlyn are out with Lilly’s dad. Her mom is sleeping, so it just me and my imagination. I need to keep busy.
“What the hell are you doing?” I spin around, coming face-to-face with Lilly’s mom, who is looking at me like I’m crazy, and maybe I am. I got bored, so I started cleaning. I had just finished vacuuming the whole downstairs when she showed up.
“Vacuuming,” I tell her, lifting the vacuum up.
“I know. I was trying to take a nap when I heard you down here. What the hell is wrong with you?” Her hands go to her waist and she looks a little scary. “Austin is just a friend to Lilly, so you need to relax, and if you don’t want to relax and cleaning helps you decompress, or de-stress, or whatever the hell it is you’re doing, then take the vacuum upstairs and finish what you started,” she says, walking past me into the kitchen. I’m just finishing my vacuuming when Lilly comes into the room. She looks just the same as she did before—no happier, no sadder—so I guess that’s good.
“You vacuumed?” she asks, looking around, then at the vacuum in my hand.
“Yes,” I say defensively. “I know the kids are messy; I just wanted to help out.”
“Oooo-kay.” She rolls her eyes. “I brought you a coffee and a cinnamon roll; they are both downstairs.”
“Thank you.” Ha! She thought of me when she was out with Austin. She starts to walk away, but I snag her, bending her backwards and kissing her, possessing her mouth. When I right her, she looks at me and smiles before skipping away. The damn woman is going to make me lose my mind.
*~*~*
I’m dying. I take a deep breath; my lungs are on fire, along with the muscles in my legs. I’m pretty sure I’m dead already. I look ahead and see that Austin and Lil’s dad are about a quarter of a mile ahead of me. We’re hiking up the side of the mountain they said was great for hunting bears. Honestly, I don’t even want to see a bear in the wild, let alone get close enough to shoot it. “Hurry up there, son,” Lil’s dad calls back over his shoulder. I shake my head in disgust; I thought I was in good shape.
“I’m coming,” I grumble, and glare when I see Austin look over his shoulder with a smirk on his face. He isn’t even sweating, which is strange considering he has as much hair on his body as a wild animal. After about twenty minutes, we get to the top of the mountain. The view is breathtaking. “This is amazing.”
“This is where I asked Lilly’s mom to marry me,” Frank says, his eyes landing on me, his arms crossing over his chest.
“It’s a good spot,” I tell him, looking out over the valley below.
“When are you going to ask my daughter to marry you?” I look at him, then over at Austin. My hand goes to my pocket where I have kept her ring since picking it up at the jewelers. I run my fingers over the metal before pulling it out of my pocket.
“I actually wanted to ask you for permission.” I hold the ring out in his direction. The ring has three diamonds. They represent our past, present, and future. They’re wrapped in white gold, with the kids’ birthstones set in-between.
“I can’t believe she took you back,” Austin says, looking at the ring, then me.
“I can’t believe it either, but she’s mine, and I will take out anyone who stands in the way of us having a future.” I look directly at Austin; his eyes flare, but he doesn’t say anything.
“You have my blessing,” Frank says. I look at him to see him smiling.
“Thank you,” I reply, putting the ring back in my pocket.
“Where’s the box?” Austin asks.
“What?”
“The ring box, where is it?”
“In the garbage.” I sigh. “I can’t have the box in my pocket; it’s too obvious,” I say, running my fingers over the ring again. This is a new habit; touching it does something to calm me.
“How long have you had it?
“A little over a month,” I say, shrugging. I like having it with me. I don’t know when I’ll ask; I just have a feeling that when the time comes, I will know.
“It ain’t burning a hole in your pocket?” Austin asks, looking at me curiously.
“Honestly,” I shake my head, “yeah, but I want to make sure that she is ready before I ask her.”
“I know a spot she loves,” Austin says, looking thoughtful. I’m not sure I would want to ask her to marry me at any location they used to go to together. He must read my face when the next words come out of his mouth. “Childs Glacier. She loves it out there. And no, we never went there together,” Austin says, and I remember her telling me about that place, saying there wasn’t anywhere in the world more beautiful. I can even remember the pictures she had in her apartment when I first started dating her.
“I’m not sure when I’m going to ask her. I want it to be in the moment.” I look at Austin and Frank, who both smile.
“Well, if you want her to say yes, then you should be in the moment at Childs Glacier.”
“She will say yes,” I say, not feeling so confident when I read the looks on their faces. “What?”
“When she was a little girl, she told me she wanted her future husband to ask her to marry her at her favorite spot, just like I asked her mom to marry me at her favorite place.”
“I don’t know. I just keep thinking I will know when I’m supposed to ask her.” I sigh, pulling the hat off my head.
“Bud, just take her out to the glacier. If you don’t get the feeling when you’re there, then don’t ask her,” Austin says. I really don’t want to like this guy, but he makes it hard not to.
“I’ll think about it,” I say, thinking over the idea.
“All right.” Frank smiles and pats my back. “Enough of the women-talk, time to go find our bear.”
“Shit,” I groan. “How the hell did I end up in this situation?” I look at Austin, who laughs.
“You need to man-up,” Austin says, smiling. “We need to make a man out of you. Hunting is like coffee; it puts hair on your chest.”
“If that’s the case, I think you need to quit drinking coffee and hunting.” I look him over, shaking my head. He looks like a bear.
“Jealous?” he asks, pulling down the top of his shirt and showing off his chest hair.
“F*ck no.”
“Chicks love it.” He smiles, and I can’t help but laugh.
“What the hell are you two gossiping about? Get it together; we’re burning daylight,” Frank yells. Austin looks at me and shrugs before taking off hiking again.
“You better be careful, Austin, you could easily be confused with a bear,” I tell his back. His hand raises over his shoulder so he can flip me off. I start to jog so I’m not so far behind and pray we don’t see a bear.