Chapter 11
Lilly
I look out the window of the truck into the side-view mirror. The dirt road we’re driving on is creating a large dust cloud behind us. All along the side of the road is empty space with large mountains off in the distance. My mom and dad are keeping the kids for us for a few hours so that Cash and I can go out to Childs Glacier. There are two glaciers near where I grew up in Alaska: one is Childs, the other, Miles. Childs Glacier has been one of my favorite places to go and think since I was young. There is just something about looking at a natural wonder that has been around for thousands of years. Along with the beauty of it—the amazing glaring white and turquoise color that is woven throughout the ice, and the river running along the front of it—if you’re lucky, you can watch a piece of ice fall off into the water; the sound of thunder that fills the air when it happens is awe inspiring.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Cash asks, pulling my hand up to his mouth to kiss my fingers.
“Nothing.” I smile, looking over at him.
“Are you sad that were leaving in a couple of days?”
“Yes and no.” I squeeze his hand. “I miss my parents, but I also miss home,” I tell him and see him smile.
“I miss home too, but I am gonna miss it here.” He puts my hand on his thigh with his on top of mine, his thumb running across the top. “This is someplace I could see myself living,” he says, and I laugh; he is only saying that because he has never gone through an Alaskan winter. “What’s so funny?”
“Honey, in the winter, there are times it snows so badly that you can’t even open the front door. A couple of years ago, the National Guard had to come in and dig people out because there were fifteen feet of snow in some areas.” I watch as his eyes almost bug out of his head. “So, now do you want to move here?” I ask him.
“I think we will just have to find time to visit in the summer.”
“I thought so.” I smile.
“What the hell is that?” Cash asks. My eyes go from him to the road, and I see a giant black blur in the middle of the road ahead of us.
“I don’t know,” I mumble, squinting my eyes. The closer we get, the clearer the object in the middle of the road becomes.
“Is it an elk?” Cash asks, and I shake my head no. I haven’t seen a wild moose up close for years, and this one is huge; the antlers alone look as big as the truck we’re traveling in.
“Slow down,” I say, trying to breathe.
‘What?” Cash asks, and I can see the moose take notice of us. I know we’re screwed unless we can get the truck turned around.
“Slow down!” I repeat, this time shouting the words. Cash slams the brakes, making the truck skid on the gravel road. The moose, who had been standing in the middle of the road, has now started running towards us. In Alaska, wild moose can be very aggressive, especially the males. “Turn the truck around!” I yell as I watch the moose running at us.
“Holy shit.”
“Turn the truck around now!” I scream, seeing the moose running at full speed. Cash looks at me, then slams the truck in reverse. The truck backs off the road, the tail end hanging off the road, down into the ditch. I look out the side window, seeing that the moose is still coming towards us. He is now a lot closer, his head down, and his large antlers swinging back and forth. “Go, go, go!” I cry, listening to the tires as they try to catch the road, but by the sound, I can tell that all they’re hitting is air.
“Baby, when I say, I need you to throw yourself back against the seat,” Cash says calmly.
“What?”
“Just do it…on three,” he says, his eyes on me. I nod, then he starts to count. The second he gets to three, I push myself backwards hard against the seat and feel the truck tip back. The tires hit the gravel, and the truck lunges forward. The only problem is now we’re heading right for the moose. “What the hell are you doing?” I scream, my hands going to my face to cover it.
“Shit!” Cash yells. I feel the car jerk to the right, making me slide across my seat, we jerk to the left. And I wait to feel the impact from the moose running into us, but nothing comes. “We’re good, babe,” Cash says, and I remove my hands from my face. “Are you okay?” Cash asks, and I nod as his hand goes to the back of my neck where his fingers move in slow circles. A few minutes later, he pulls the car over, unbuckles my seatbelt, and then pulls me over into his lap. “Are you okay?” His hands and eyes run over my body.
“Yeah, I’m good.” I wrap my arms around his shoulders, burying my face in his neck.
“We’re not moving to Alaska.”
“Agreed,” I say, breathing him in.
“I thought I was afraid of seeing a bear; now I know I should have been afraid to see a damn moose.” He chuckles, and I feel the rumble against my cheek. I don’t know if it’s the near death experience or what, but I want…no, I need him. I feel my * pulse and my mouth opens up on his neck. My tongue comes out, traveling up his neck to his ear, and I feel him grow hard under me. “Baby, what are you doing?” His voice is rough and goes right to my core, where I feel myself become wetter. His hand at my waist travels up my side so that his thumb is resting under my breast.
“Please, touch me.” I move my mouth to his, where I bite his bottom lip, giving it a hard tug. “Please, touch me,” I beg as I watch his eyes flash. Then his hand is in my hair at the back of my head.
“You want me to touch you?” he asks, pulling my face away from his. I nod and he tugs my hair again.
“Give me the words, Lil.”
“Yes, I want you to touch me,” I say barely above a whisper.
“My girl misses my touch?”
“Yes,” I agree. Since we have been in Alaska, we haven’t had sex. Being in my parents’ house isn’t really conducive. Their walls are like paper, and the kids have ended up in bed with us every night since we got here.
“Tell me what you want, baby.” He pulls my head forward, and I can feel the slight sting of his fist in my hair.
“Anything,” I say; I just need to feel his hands on me.
“Anything?” he asks, looking me over. His hand goes under the seat, and we slide back suddenly. “Don’t forget that you just said anything.” His hands go to my waist, where he turns me so that I’m straddling him. “Wait, take off your pants,” he says, helping me move so I can get my shoes and pants off. Once I get them off, he pulls me back over on top of him. I’m so turned on that the feel of the denim of his jeans rubbing against my inner thighs has me moaning out loud. “Put your hands on the steering wheel behind you.” My hands go behind me automatically, grabbing onto the steering wheel. This position causes my breasts to thrust out and my back to arch. I watch as Cash’s hand comes up and wraps around my neck before traveling down, and I hear the distinct sound of the zipper of my hoodie being pulled down. Once he has it open, his hands come up, palming my breasts through the thin tank top I’m wearing. My eyes close and I feel him tug the tank top and my bra down until my breasts are free. “You have beautiful tits,” he says, pulling on each nipple. “But you know I love your ass,” he says, his hands going to my behind, squeezing and pulling me hard against him. I cry out against the friction. “You’re really wet, baby.” I can hear the hunger in his voice; my eyes open and he is looking down between my thighs. His fingers run over the center of the thin material covering me. My body jerks, and his eyes come up to meet mine. Then I feel his finger move the material aside, the tip of his finger sliding over my *. “Jesus, baby, what the f*ck?” he growls before I’m flying through the air. I land on my back in the seat. I don’t even have time to react before my legs are thrust open, my panties ripped to the side, and Cash’s mouth is devouring me.
“Yes!” I cry, my hands going to his hair, holding him to me. My leg that is on the floorboard of the truck comes up to wrap around his shoulder. “Oh, God, don’t stop.” My head thrashes back and forth against the seat, and the minute I feel two fingers fill me, I come hard and fast. The force of it takes my breath away, and my hands in his hair fist and pull, trying to get him away from me. My eyes open when he stops; his eyes are on me as he wipes his mouth on the inside of my thigh. He sits up on his knees, still between my open legs, his hands go to the button of his jeans, and he unbuttons and unzips them quickly. His hard cock springs free when he pulls down his boxers, and his hands go back to my thighs, then under. He pulls me up, then leans his big body over me, filling me full in one long stroke.
“So f*cking tight.” His words are said against my mouth. I can taste myself on him, his hands at my ass pulling me up to meet each stroke. My hands go up the back of his shirt, my nails digging into his skin. My foot goes to the steering wheel, getting leverage. “F*ck me, baby,” he rumbles, his body arching so he can bend his head to pull my nipple into his mouth.
“Yes,” I hiss, my head going back to push my breast deeper into his mouth. His pace picks up, his hips slamming into me so hard that my head starts to bang against the door until he puts his hand at the top of my head to cushion it.
“I love this p-ssy,” he groans, and I know he’s close when I feel him get even bigger inside me.
“I’m close,” I tell him, my mouth going to his shoulder and my legs tightening around him. His free hand comes between us, zeroing in on my *. I thrust up against him and break apart, biting down hard. I feel myself convulse, and I know that my orgasm has caused his to set off. His hips jerk a few more times before his strokes slow and then stop. His forehead comes to rest on my shoulder. He is breathing heavily, the skin of his back wet with sweat.
“I missed being inside you.”
“I missed you too,” I breathe, my limbs squeezing him more tightly against me. His forehead comes off my shoulder. His eyes meet mine and he smiles.
“Are you okay?” His hand rubs the top of my head; it feels tender from being banged into the door of the truck.
“Yeah.” I smile then start to laugh, shoving my face into his throat.
“What’s so funny?” He chuckles, kissing the top of my head.
“Nothing.” I smile, feeling happy.
“You ready to take me to the glacier now that you’ve had your way with me?” he asks.
“No, I think we should stay here for the rest of the day,” I tell him, pulling my face out of his neck and my hand out from under his shirt so that I can run my fingers down his jaw.
“This is a good place to be.” He smirks, rotating his hips and making me bite the inside of my cheek. “But we only have two more days in Alaska, and I really want to see this place that you have been telling me about since I met you.” He gently touches his mouth to mine, and his hips pull away so he can slide out of me. He bends forward, kissing my belly, then helps me sit up. I watch, fascinated as his hips lift off the seat and he tucks himself back into his jeans. “Babe, seriously, get dressed.” I nod and look away, picking my jeans up off the truck floor. I pull them on, then my socks and boots. Once I have straightened out my clothes and hair, I put my seatbelt back on and he puts the truck in drive. It takes twenty minutes to get out to the glacier. Once we reach the Million-Dollar Bridge, better known as ‘The Bridge to Nowhere’, I know we’re close. “So you’re telling me that that bridge goes to absolutely nowhere, and that the state of Alaska paid a million dollars to have it built just so they could get rid of the money so it wouldn’t go back to the government?”
‘That’s what I’m telling you.” I smile. “Well, that’s what I have always been told about the bridge, anyway.” I shrug. We pull off the road and get out of the truck so we can walk across the bridge. It is in much better shape than it used to be in. About fifteen years ago, you would have to walk or drive across wooden planks; now that it’s refinished, you don’t have to worry about plummeting to your death. We stand in the middle of the bridge. Cash’s arms wrap around me from behind, and we look down at the water below and at the glacier off in the distance. I feel him kiss the back of my head. I always wanted to share this place with someone. It really is beautiful. I snuggle into his embrace, just enjoying the feeling of having him here with me. I miss the simple life of Alaska; everything is so different here. In the winter, you know every person in town since there are no tourists. And if something ever happens to one of the residents, everyone comes together to offer any support needed. I guess the town where I now live in Tennessee is similar. You just have to multiply the number of residents by a few thousand.
“You ready to show me the glacier?”
“Yeah.” I smile, looking over my shoulder. He leans in and places a kiss on my forehead before taking my hand and leading me back to the truck. Once we’re both buckled in, he drives the next few minutes to the bridge leading to the perfect spot to see the giant body of dense ice. We both get out and meet at the front of the truck. Cash takes my hand again, and I pull him down the long dirt path to the glacier and the viewing area. You can’t see anything until you climb to the top, then you see nothing but a beach area, a giant river, and Childs Glacier sitting on the other side.
“Holy shit,” Cash says, making me smile. I know it’s one thing to talk about seeing a glacier, but it’s another thing completely to see it for yourself. The air near the glacier is so much colder, but it is also so much cleaner.
“I told you it was awesome.” I tug on his hand, dragging him behind me to the edge of the river. “You would think just by looking at it that it’s close, but it’s actually miles away,” I tell him, looking across the river at the giant white wall of the glacier in front of us. The colors of turquoise and blue that run through it are so vibrant that the whole thing looks like a painting.
“It really is the perfect place,” he says, standing behind me. One of his arms wraps around my waist, the other around my chest, his chin resting on the top of my head.
“I love coming out here.” I put my hands on his arm at my chest. “This is the one place where you really are apart from all the stresses of normal life. I know, standing here, just how small I am in the giant scheme of things.”
“You may be small in terms of the whole world, but to me and my kids, you make up our world,” he says softly against my ear. My tummy flips over, and I can’t help the tears I feel filling my eyes. I feel his hand leave my waist, and he reaches into his pocket. I think he is going to pull out his cell phone so he can take a picture, so when his hand comes around in front of me, it takes a second to realize what he is holding.
“Holy shit,” I breathe, my nails digging into his arm. In between his fingers is the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen.
“I have been carrying this thing around for a while now, waiting for the right time to ask you to marry me.” My brain slowly registers the words. It starts screaming ‘yes, yes, yes!’ but I can’t make anything come out except, “What?”
My eyes are glued to the ring; it’s absolutely perfect. I feel myself being turned, but my eyes are locked on the design of the ring—three diamonds, and two smaller stones in-between. I don’t really notice the change in position until Cash is kneeling in front of me.
“Lil, I need you to look at me.” I shake my head before taking my eyes off the ring and meeting his. “I kept telling myself that when the time was right, I would know it, and this is the moment.” I watch him take a breath, his hand grabbing mine. “This is the moment I have been waiting for. This is the moment we start our forever. This is the moment you tell me you will marry me and make me the luckiest f*cking man on this planet.”
“Yes.” I cover my mouth and drop to my knees in front of him, burying my face in his chest. I start to cry immediately. If someone would have told me a year ago that I would be with Cash at my favorite place in the world, with him on his knee asking me to marry him, I would have laughed in their face. I never would have believed that this was a possibility for me.
“Baby, you’re freaking me the f*ck out right now.” His arms are wrapped tightly around me, his mouth close to my ear.
“I…I’m…s-so…h-happy,” I say on a sob, and laugh because I sound like an idiot.
“I would feel like you are telling me the truth if my shirt wasn’t soaked with your tears, baby.”
“Sorry.” I take a deep breath and pull my face back so I can look at him. His hands go to the hair at the side of my head, pulling it away from my face.
“What do you say we see how the ring fits?” His eyes search my face and I smile, looking at his hand. He leans forward and places a light kiss on my lips before taking his right hand away from my face, pulling the ring off his finger, and pulling my hand towards him. I feel the cool metal slide along my finger and over my knuckle. The fit is just right.
“It’s perfect.” I put my hand against his chest, looking at the ring there.
“I had it made to represent our family, and all of us coming together as one.”
“I love you,” I say, looking up from the ring on my hand and into his handsome face.
“You are my world, baby. I never thought I would be this happy again. Now, having you back, and having Ashlyn and Jax, I have surpassed happiness.” He smiles, showing off both dimples.
“I feel the same. I didn’t think I would ever feel like this again.” I wrap my arms around his waist, laying my head against his chest. We’re turned to the side so that we can both look out at the glacier. “Thank you for giving this to me.”
“There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.” His arms give me a squeeze. “There is no way for you to know what you have given me,” he says softly, kissing the top of my head. I don’t say anything, just hold him a little tighter. I know what I have given him, because he has given me the same thing.
“We’re getting married,” I blurt after a few minutes. I feel Cash shaking with laughter. I know it’s dumb, but the realization that he just proposed to me and what that means hits me hard.
“Yeah, baby, that’s usually what happens when someone asks someone else to marry them.”
“Whatever.” I roll my eyes, even though he can’t see me do it. We stand there watching as a large piece of ice falls off the glacier, crashing into the water below, the sound echoing around us sounding like thunder.
“Where is everyone?” he asks, looking around. The whole area is completely empty.
“There are guided trips out here a couple times a week, but for the most part, the only people who come out here are residents.” I shrug. “It’s a long drive, and not too many people want to make the trip.”
“I can see why you like it out here.” His hand reaches around his back, grabbing mine and bringing it between us. “I like this.” He smiles.
“I love it.”
“No, I like knowing that people will see this and know that you’re taken.”
“You’re an idiot.” I laugh. “Will you wear a ring?” I ask. I know a lot of men don’t; my dad doesn’t, and he is more in love with my mom than the day they met.
“Yes,” he says in a way that I know he really likes the idea.
“I wonder what the kids will say.”
“They’ll be happy. I thought about involving them in asking you, but I knew that the minute I told them, they wouldn’t be able to keep the secret.
“This has been the best day ever.”
“Even with the moose attack?” I laugh, shaking my head.
“Well, that was scary, but what happened afterwards made it well worth it.”
“True.” He smiles and kisses my forehead. “What do you say we go back to your parents and share the good news?”
“Yeah,” I agree, and we walk back to the truck. The whole way home, we talk about our future, and when we get to my parents’ house, we are greeted with two very excited kids, and my parents are beyond happy for us. It really is the best day ever. I am sad to be going back to Tennessee, but also excited to be starting a new chapter with Cash when we get there.
*~*~*
“It’s a sign,” Cash says, and I almost laugh, but I can tell he is being completely serious.
“It’s not a sign; it’s bad weather and a lack of available hotels,” I reply, looking out the window of our hotel room in Las Vegas. We were supposed to have a short layover in Vegas, but the weather changed, and tornados have been touching down all over the south. So they canceled all flights, leaving us to spend the day and night in Vegas.
“No, that is a sign,” he says, pointing down at The Little Chapel of Love that is across the street from where were we’re staying for the night.
“We’re not getting married here.” I laugh.
“Oh yes, we are. It’s meant to be.”
“You just asked me to marry you the day before yesterday. I haven’t even gotten used to the idea that I’m your fiancée.”
“Good, then it won’t be difficult for you to get used to the idea of being my wife.”
“You’re crazy.”
“No, I’m a genius.”
“Cash.”
“Lil, I love you. You love me. Our kids are here. It’s perfect.”
“I don’t even have anything to wear,” I tell him. I have no idea why I’m even considering this; I must be just as crazy as he is.
“You and Ashlyn go dress shopping while Jax and I go get our tuxes, and we will meet you across the street at five,” he says, and the hive of honeybees that is always in my stomach when he’s around starts to move even more rapidly.
“This is crazy,” I whisper, looking at the small white chapel.
“This is perfect.” His arms around my waist give me a squeeze. “What does it matter if we do it now or in a few months?”
“Um…my parents. Your parents,” I remind him.
“They will be fine, and we can plan a party.”
“You’re really serious about this aren’t you?”
“One-hundred percent serious.”
“Okay, well then, let’s do this.” I smile, my belly flipping over.
“I thought I was going to have to try harder to convince you.” I feel his body relax behind me, but his arms squeeze me a little more tightly.
“You’re going to be the one to break the news to my parents,” I tell him, not looking forward to that conversation.
“Works for me. Your dad loves me; he’ll be cool,” he says, sounding so sure that I can’t help but to laugh.
“How did you win him over?” I ask. My dad really does love Cash. I know that if my dad had his way, we would be moving to Alaska, and Cash would be working with my dad on his boat and guiding people when they weren’t out fishing. I was even surprised that Austin gave Cash his seal of approval. They had gotten close after Dad had taken Cash and Austin out on a hunting trip. I guess they all bonded while killing poor defenseless creatures.
“I didn’t have to win him over.” He runs his nose along my ear before kissing me underneath it. “I love his daughter; that’s all he needed,” he says, his warm breath causing goose bumps to break out over my skin.
“That may have helped, but you did win him over,” I tell him softly. I don’t know how someone who is so strong can have doubt himself so often. “You’re a good man and an amazing father. A great friend, a goo—”
“Shut up.”
“What?” I turn my head to look at him.
“Stop talking, Lil,” he says, and I can see so many emotions on his face that it makes it hard to breath.
“It’s all true, Cash,” I say lightly. His mouth goes into a flat line, and his eyes close.
“It is, and all of those are the reasons why I’m going to take Ashlyn, go and pick out dresses for us, meet you across the street in a few hours, and tie myself to you in a way that makes it hard for you to get rid of me.” I run my fingers down his cheek.
“I want that.” He shakes his head. “No, I need that.” His eyes open, and all I can see is love. I can see so much love that I can feel it all the way to my soul. “I need you tied to me.”
“Good, I need and want the same thing,” I tell him. We stand for a few more minutes, his arms around me while we look out the window at the little chapel across the street.
“All right, babe, go get Ashlyn and go find a dress. Meet me across the street so I can make you mine.”
“Okay.” I smile and go get Ashlyn, who is sitting in the small sitting room watching cartoons. “Hey, love bug, I need your help,” I tell her, then explain exactly what we’re going to do, and all the while her smile gets bigger and bigger. My daughter is a girly-girl, and anything that involves dressing up and looking pretty she is always down for. The boys come in and tell us goodbye, and we leave shortly after them to head out in search of a dress boutique. I find a small shop in a huge casino and happen across the perfect ivory strapless gown. It hugs all my curves and fits me perfectly, and for Ashlyn, I let her pick out a very poufy pink dress and matching shoes. We head to a salon next, spending over an hour getting our hair done, along with manicures and pedicures before heading to the chapel. When we arrive, I don’t know what to expect, but I never would have thought the place would be so beautiful inside. There are no crazy impersonators, or gaudy decorations; it was just a simple room with a large alter, and six pews along the sides with beautiful cream and white flowers running between them.
“It’s so pretty,” Ashlyn says. Her eyes are lit up, and then she sees her dad at the same exact moment as I do. She takes off in a run while I’m stuck in place. He looks so hot in his tux that it’s going to take everything in me not to jump him. His eyes leave my face and travel down my body, then back up again. By the time his eyes meet mine, they are so dark and so hungry that I squeeze my thighs together, trying to release some of the ache which has settled there. “Daddy, me and Mommy had the best time eber! Look, I got a new dress,” Ashlyn says excitedly, twirling around. His eyes leave me and he smiles, looking down at our daughter.
“You look like a princess,” he tells her.
“I know!” she squeals, jumping up and down. I look to Cash’s side to see Jax standing there, looking very handsome in his tux that matches his dad’s. His hand is at his throat, trying to loosen his tie. His eyes are on his sister when he rolls them in annoyance. I smile because as much as she gets on his nerves, he really does love her. I take a step forward and squat in front of Jax. I want to make sure he is okay with us going through with this.
“You want my help?” I ask, moving my hands to his tie, where I loosen it up and undo his top button. “Are you okay with me and your dad getting married?” I ask him quietly. I know he and Ashlyn were both excited when we told them that we were engaged, but this is something different, and I need to know that he is okay with it.
“Will you be my mom?” he asks, and my eyes fly up to meet his. I take a breath; I don’t even know how to answer that.
“Well I—”
“Ashlyn is my sister already.”
“She is,” I agree.
“So if you marry my dad, that will make you my mom, right?”
“Um...I will be your stepmom,” I tell him gently. I don’t want him to think I’m trying to take his mom’s place. He seems to consider this for a few seconds before replying, “So, can I call you Mom?”
Jeez, what the hell do I say to that? I would love for him to call me Mom, but I’m not sure how everyone else will feel about it. I watch his shoulders slump, and I make up my mind right then and there, screw everyone. Okay, not everyone, but I love this kid.
“I would be honored if you called me Mom, but I think it’s something you should talk to your dad about.”
“Dad, can I call Lilly, Mom?” Jax yells, making Cash swing his head towards us. Oh no, he doesn’t look happy. Crap, crap, crap. I go to stand when Cash squats beside me.
“Is that what you want, little dude?”
“I know she’s not my real mom,” he says, looking at Cash, then me, “but can’t I have two moms?” His little head drops, and I want to hold him so badly that I feel my skin prickle.
“Of course you can,” I tell him, not caring for one second if it’s the right thing or not. I love Jax as much as I love Ashlyn, and think of him as my son, so I’m happy he feels the same about me. Today really is the perfect day; not only am I marrying the man I love, but I’m also gaining a son.