Chapter 3
Lilly
“Mommy, why do you keep talking to yourself?” I look down at Ashlyn, who is sitting on the floor playing with the doll that Cash brought her the first time he came to visit. Since then, he has been here three times with Jax so we could all have dinner together. I have been so afraid to trust what’s going on between us, but it feels so right. He hasn’t kissed me since he had me pinned against the wall, but he never lets me get too far away from him, and if we’re out in public, he is always touching me. I feel safe and cared for. I feel exactly how I felt the last time we were together, and I think that’s what scares me the most.
“I'm not talking to myself,” I say, even though I know I have been. I am so nervous I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin. I have spent the day baking cookies, a cake, and two pies, trying to rid myself of the nervous energy that is coursing through me. I hear the knock at the door, so I run and unlock it before even checking to make sure who it is.
“You didn’t check the peephole,” Cash says quietly.
“Hi, honey,” I say, running my hand down Jax’s hair as he hugs my legs before heading inside.
“I knew it was you,” I say, taking a step back.
“You didn’t know it was me. You didn’t call out my name, or check the peephole. Don’t do that shit when you and Ashlyn are here alone. This is a bad area, and if something happens to you, I'm going to be pissed.”
“You always say that. ‘I’m going to be pissed.’ When was the last time you were pissed?” I ask. His head tilts, studying me.
“I don’t know. A while, why? You trying to piss me off?”
“What? No!” I squeal as he leans in, pressing me to the wall behind me.
“You have a perfect ass, babe.”
“What?” I breathe, feeling goose bumps form across my skin.
“I can’t wait to get my hands on it and turn it red, so please, try to piss me off. It will just get me what I want faster.” I feel moisture flood between my thighs at his comment. I have never been spanked, and I don’t understand why that turns me on, but it does.
“You did not just say that.”
“You smell good.” He runs him nose from my ear to my shoulder.
“Daddy, what are you doing?” Jax asks. I jump and look at Ashlyn and Jax, who are both staring at us. Cash slides his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him.
“Are you guys ready to go?” Jax looks between us before shrugging, and Ashlyn smiles.
“I have to grab my bag.” I step away.
“I forgot to tell you that we are now having the Bar-b-que at Asher’s because they have a pool, so you should pack a suit.
“Yay! Swimming!” Ashlyn jumps up and down.
“We don’t have swim suits,” I say, looking at Cash.
“Okay, so we can stop on the way and pick something up.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to be late.”
“It’s no big deal. Grab your bag and we can head out.”
*~*~*
“I'm not wearing that.” I roll my eyes at Cash, who keeps trying to hand me bikinis.
“Why not? What’s wrong with this one?” He holds it out, looking at the front then the back.
“It’s missing a huge chunk…like, the whole middle section,” I tell him, picking up another one-piece and checking the size. Cash is pushing the cart, with both of the kids sitting in the large basket.
“You’re kidding, right?”
“Nope.” I put the suit over my arm. I already found Ashlyn one, so we could go to check out.
“You have a beautiful body.”
“I had a child and not everything went back to the way it was before. And please, don’t start. I'm not one of those girls who’s all like, ‘I'm fat blah, blah, blah’. It’s not that. It’s just, I jiggle now, and I don’t really want to jiggle in front of anyone but myself.”
“Buy both and let me be the judge.”
“Um, no,” I say, walking in front of the cart and heading to check out. Once there, I notice that I'm at the end and Cash is near the cashier. “Hey, I can pay.” I walk up to the checker and look at Cash. “Those are mine; I'm paying.”
“No, you have done enough. I'm paying.”
“Cash.” I try to give him a warning.
“Lilly.” He puts his hand to the back of my neck, pulling me close.
“I have missed out on this. Don’t argue with me about it, okay?”
“Fine.” I roll my eyes just to say I don’t agree. He kisses me on the forehead, drops his hand, and turns back to the cashier. Once he pays, we head out to his truck. We both get the kids buckled in before getting into the front of the cab. I can’t keep still; my leg keeps bouncing up and down. I am so nervous about meeting his family. I know they probably hate me for keeping Ashlyn from them. I wonder what he has told them. We have spoken a few times over the past week about his marriage and how much his family hates his ex. I don’t want them to hate me. My biggest fear is them thinking that I kept Ashlyn away from Cash out of spite, and not out of my need to protect her. I hate that he was married, and knowing that if I would have swallowed my own pride, he would have been there for Ashlyn. But I have to believe that everything happens the way it should. When I called my mom yesterday, she wasn’t happy about the way things were going between Cash and me. She thought I was letting him off the hook. I know she’s right; I also know that I can’t be that woman who would hold it over his head. Even if we weren’t together, I couldn’t do that. It isn’t in me to act like that. I know if I held onto the pain of our past, it would eat away at me.
“Babe, calm down,” Cash says, bringing me back to the moment.
“Sorry, I’m just nervous.”
“My family will love you.” He grabs my hand, the warmth from his touch settling my nerves.
“I doubt that,” I say quietly, looking into the backseat, noticing the kids are quiet. They both have headphones on and are watching a show on the small screen hanging from the roof of the truck.
“I know they will.” He squeezes my hand.
“Do they hate me?”
“What? No, they don’t hate you.”
“But I—” I start but he interrupts me.
“You did what you thought you had to do.” I look at him when he takes his hand away from mine to hold onto the steering wheel. I watch, as his knuckles turn white with his grip. “I f*cking hate this.” His words are so harsh that I can feel pain in them. “I hate that if I had chosen you, I wouldn’t have Jax. I hate what I did, and that I lost you and Ashlyn.”
“Hey,” I say quietly, running my hand down his arm. “Please, don’t do that. We both could have done a lot of things differently.”
“You know, I think I would feel better if you would flip out.”
I start laughing. I can’t help it; he doesn’t know what he’s asking for. “No, you don’t,” I say, looking out the front window of the truck.
“I used to love it when you would get pissed.” I look at him, seeing him smile. “Sometimes I would egg you on just so I would have a reason to settle you down.” I clench my thighs together at the memory his words provoke.
“You used to make me so mad.” I smile.
“I think you liked getting mad at me as much as I liked making you mad.” I laugh at the stupidity of it, even though he is so right. I used to love when he ended a fight between us. “We were good together.” I bite my lip against the pain those words cause. I feel him reach over and grab my knee.
“Give us a chance to get back there.” I want to, more than anything I have ever wanted, but I don’t know if it’s possible. We’re not the same people we were back then. We both have responsibilities that go way beyond just the two of us. I look over at him when I feel his fingers flex around my thigh. “I know that we have a lot to work on, and I know that it’s going to take time for us to rebuild what was broken, but I also know that if we do, we will have something that is beyond anything that either of us thought possible.”
“I just,” I pause, clearing my throat, “I just need time.”
“Time I can give you, as long as I know that when the time’s up, we’re in the same place.” Tears start to fill my eyes.
“I don’t know if I can get lost in you again,” I whisper, looking down at his hand.
“We’re going to be lost together; you won’t be alone.” I look at him; he takes his eyes off the road for a second and all I see is honesty.
“Okay,” I say, and look back out the window. As we turn, there is an old barn and a long dirt road that looks like it leads to nowhere. Then we come over a small hill and the most amazing house appears in front of us. It’s a large log home with a wraparound porch that’s lifted off the ground with cars parked underneath it.
“Wow, this is beautiful.”
“Yeah, Asher built it. We all helped, but most of the interior he did alone.” We park on the side of the driveway. There are two cars, a couple of Jeeps, and a large truck parked there as well. I look around, seeing that everyone is here before us, and just like that, my nerves are back and I feel like I might vomit. I hop out of the truck. Opening the back door, Jax is already out of his seat and is helping Ashlyn with her buckles.
“You ready?” Cash says, opening his arms so he can carry both of them. I reached in, starting to grab bags and everything else. “Baby, don’t worry. I’ll come back out.” When he gives me ‘the look’, I reluctantly set a couple of the bags back down and grab the pie. Before we even make it to the stairs, the front door swings open and a beautiful older woman with chin-length brown hair steps out onto the porch. She is slim and tall, and has on a pair of khaki shorts and a white button up shirt, with simple sandals on her feet.
“You’re here!” she cries, running out to greet us. She doesn’t stop at Cash, who is in front of me; she runs right to me, her hands going to my shoulder. “I’m Susan. Oh my, you’re so pretty, and I love your hair.” She pulls me forward, making me stumble into her. My arms try to go around her, but the bags in my hand, along with the pie I'm trying not to drop to the ground, are making it difficult.
“Ma, you wanna not freak my girl out?” I hear Cash say.
“I'm not freaking her out.” She pulls me away from her to look into my eyes. “I'm not freaking you out, am I?” I laugh slightly; she doesn’t look like she would care if I told her that she is freaking me out. “Oh, my goodness gracious.” She lets go of me and covers her mouth, looking at Ashlyn. “Look at this beautiful angel.” Ashlyn looks over at me, then back at Susan.
“Mom, this is Ashlyn.” Cash says, turning his body so that Ashlyn is closer to his mom.
“Hi! I'm your grandma.”
“Hi,” Ashlyn says in her shy voice, laying her head on Cash’s shoulder. Tears start forming in my eyes at the sight.
“You ready to go meet your cousins?” Susan asks as Cash sets the kids on the ground. Ashlyn shrugs, looking at me.
“It’s okay, love bug.” Jax grabs Ashlyn’s hand, starts walking her up the stairs and into the house, with Susan following close behind them. I stand there and watch as Cash goes back to the truck and starts getting the rest of the stuff that I didn’t grab.
“You ready?” he asks, coming to stand next to me. I take a deep breath and let it out. I’m not ready.
“Sure, let’s go,” I lie. The minute we walk into the house, I’m blown away. It is beautiful, with a huge open floor plan, a sunken living room, and a large kitchen with all up-to-date appliances. We step down into the living room just as the back sliding door opens. A guy who looks a lot like Cash steps inside shirtless, his arms covered in tattoos, all bright and colorful against his tan skin. His hair is long on the top and short on the sides, giving the appearance of a not-so-gothic Mohawk.
“Nico, this is Lilly. Lilly, this is my brother Nico.” I look over at Cash who, yes, has the same facial features, but where Cash looks like all-American baseball player, Nico looks like the only reason he would have a baseball bat is to beat you with it.
“Hi,” I say, trying to wave, and just like that, the pie I was carrying went falling to the floor, the chocolate pudding landing upright, but the force of the impact making most of the contents splash out all over my legs. “No,” I whisper, looking down at the mess I made.
“Well, I can see not much has changed.” I look up, seeing Cash’s brother Trevor, the one I met at the coffee shop all those years ago. He still looks the same, if not a little bit more handsome. Then another guy walks in, looking like he could be Cash’s twin, but upon closer inspection I can tell he’s just a little older, and his hair is a few shades lighter than Cash’s and cut low. I can feel my face heating up when they all surround me. I look back down at my feet, praying to disappear.
“Let me help clean this up.”
“No, I think it’s best if you stay where you are,” Nico says with a smirk that I have the urge to wipe off his face.
“This is my other brother Asher. I don’t know if you remember Trevor. Cash talks softly; my eyes go to him, and he looks like he wants to laugh. I feel a wet cloth on my leg, and I look down to see Nico wiping me off, making me jump back. I start to fall when my foot catches on something—okay, my foot caught on my other one, but whatever—then arms and a lot of bags wrap around me. “I got you.”
“Thanks.” I look around to see all the guys with full smiles on their faces. “This is really embarrassing.” I don’t even realize I say the words out loud until they all start laughing.
“What are you guys doing to her?” I hear a woman ask. I look up to see a beautiful woman with long brown hair coming in to stand next to Asher; his arm goes around her and he kisses the top of her head.
“Hey, baby. This is Lilly. Lilly, this is November, my wife.”
“Hi, I'm so sorry about this mess,” I say, pointing down at the pie that is being scooped up off the floor by Nico.
“It’s nice to finally meet you, Lilly.” She smiles, making me feel better about being here. “Let me show you the bathroom and you can wash your legs off.”
“Nice to meet you too. And that would be good.” I look down at my legs; one has smeared chocolate all over it from where Nico tried to wipe me off.
“I’ll take her; I just need to set this stuff down,” Cash says, and Asher takes the bags from him.
“Let me take those,” Trevor says, grabbing the ones out of my hand as well.
“Thanks.” I look up to see everyone watching me closely, then another beautiful woman comes in with long blonde hair, and she has a very obvious baby bump. I feel like I stepped into the world of beautiful people.
“Liz, this is Lilly. Lilly, this is Liz, Trevor’s wife.” Now my hands are free, I reach forward and shake her hand.
“Nice to meet you.”
“You too. I was just coming in to see where everyone disappeared to,” Liz says, and Trevor comes back over, wrapping his arms around her waist, setting his chin on the top of her head.
“Well, baby, you see, Lilly here is a bit of a klutz.”
“No, I'm not.” My eyes narrow on Trevor and I hear him laugh.
“I think Trevor is right. Who waves while holding a pie?” Nico points out my stupidity.
“It’s polite to wave.”
“When you’re passing someone on the street,” he says.
“I didn’t think about it,” I mumble, looking at the ground and feeling like an idiot.
“These guys are all big bullies,” Liz says, tilting her head back to look at her husband.
“I think when they pick on you it means they like you,” November points out.
“Can you watch the kids for a second? I’m gonna take Lil to the bathroom and help her get washed up,” Cash asks the room of siblings.
“Is that what we’re calling it today?” Asher asks, and my already red face burns hotter. I feel someone watching me, and my eyes go to the kitchen to see Nico dumping out the pie, his eyes on me. I don’t know why, but I feel like he is judging every move I make.
“Mommy, they hab a puppy!” I hear Ashlyn yell as she runs into the house right to me. Her hair is a mess, with grass and twigs sticking out of it, and dirt is covering her clothes. There is another little girl following close behind, but she has blonde hair. When Ashlyn reaches me, her arms go out for me to pick her up. “Mommy, they hab a puppy and he’s so cute!”
“They do?”
“Yes, and his name is Beast.”
“Beast?” I wonder why they would name their ‘cute puppy’ that.
“Can we get one?” she asks, giving me her best pleading face.
“I, um...we can’t get one now.”
“Oh.” Her bottom lip pops out, and I know what’s coming.
“No pouting, what did we talk about?”
“But he’s so cute,” she says, that pouty lip trembling.
“I know, baby.” I laugh, pulling her head to my chest and kissing the top of her head.
“You know, you can come visit Beast whenever you want.” Ashlyn lifts her head to look at November. “Plus, I'm sure July, June, and May would like you to come over and visit.” I looked at Cash, wondering if this was some kind of strange test. Who would have the name November, and then name their children after the other months of the year?”
“Yes, those are their girls’ names,” Trevor says reading my face. “I think they’re trying to make a calendar.” He shrugs, making Asher hit him upside his head while November and Liz roll their eyes at the same time. Ashlyn wiggles, wanting down.
“I will be out in a few minutes. You be good until then, all right?” I tell her, not yet releasing her to run off.
“I know,” she says, completely annoyed with me. So just to annoy her more, I kiss her all over her face, making her scream with laughter.
“See you in a few minutes.” I kiss her one last time then release her. When I stand back up, everyone is staring at me, but Cash’s eyes are so warm that my pulse starts to race.
“Um…” I look around.
“Let’s get you washed up,” Cash says, grabbing a bag from the couch. I would have gone anywhere with him at that point, just to get away from the strange vibe I was getting from everyone.
“Is everything okay?” I ask as soon as the bathroom door closes.
“More than.”
“Oh, it just that I felt like everyone was waiting for something to happen.”
“My ex wasn’t the easiest person,” he mumbles, closing and locking the door behind us.
“What do you mean?” I slip off my sandals.
“She would start fights over everything under the sun. She always made it seem like everyone was out to get her.”
“Were they?” I mean, I don’t know this woman, but I do know women, and we have a tendency to band together.
“Nah, my family’s not like that; even if they didn’t like her, she would never know it.
“Oh.” That didn’t make me feel good.
“Let’s get this off.” He starts pulling my dress up.
“I don’t need to take my dress off to wash my legs.” I slap at his hands away.
“You’re also going to try this on while we’re in here.” He pulls out a black bikini from the bag he brought into the bathroom with him. The same bikini he was trying to get me to buy when we were in the store.
“I’m not!” I shake my head, pulling down the showerhead and stepping into the tub. Wrapping the bottom of my dress higher around my waist, I start to rinse off my legs.
“Will you please try it on for me?”
“No.” I don’t even look at him when I answer.
“Please?” I finish washing the pudding off my legs, turn off the shower, dry off, and reach out, grabbing the suit from him and pulling the shower curtain closed. I forgot this about him. I forgot that when he wanted something, he would not stop until I did whatever he wanted.
“You’re annoying,” I grumble, pulling my dress up over my head and hanging it over the shower rod along with my bra, but I leave on my thong. Once I have the suit on, I adjust everything, making sure nothing is popping out.
“See?” I slide the curtain open, placing my hands on my hips.
“F*ck me.” He brings his fist up to his mouth, biting down on it. “Yeah, you’re right; you’re not wearing that shit out there if Kenton or Sven come today.” He starts shaking his head in the negative.
“I told you so.” My stomach drops. I’m not gross to look at, but I don’t look like I did before when we were together. My waist and hips expanded, along with my breasts. And I have stretch marks from when I was pregnant. I pull the shower closed, take off the top and the bottom, and reach for my dress. Just as it slides over the rod and into my hands, the shower curtain opens. “What are you doing?” I ask, covering my breasts in a slight panic. His eyes are dark and hungry, making me take a step back.
“You were beautiful when we first met.” Great, I don’t need him to tell me how different I am now. I know.
“But now, that beauty has become something straight out of a f*cking pin-up calendar.”
“What?”
“Look at you.” His eyes roam my body from my hair to my toes. “I need to touch you so that I know you’re real—that you’re really here.” He steps into the shower and pulls the curtain closed. I can’t talk; I feel like I’m being cornered by a large predator. He takes another step towards me, making me retreat a step back, causing my back to hit the cold tile behind me. One of his hands goes to the wall above my head, the other to my waist, pulling my lower body against him.
“What are you doing?” I breathe.
“Gonna kiss you.” His eyes drop to my mouth and my tongue wets my bottom lip. “Jesus,” he groans right before his mouth touches mine; he nips and pulls my bottom lip making me gasp. “Open your mouth.”
“Cash,” I whimper, unsure. His fingers on my skin pull me closer and his mouth opens over mine. His tongue touches mine and one of my hands goes to his hair. He growls, his other hand tugging my head to the side as he takes over the kiss and devours my mouth. My other hand goes to his bicep to hold on. I can feel my nipples scrape against the cotton of his t-shirt as his hand at my waist moves down to my ass. He is rock hard, and I can feel the length of him against my stomach. His mouth leaves mine and travels to my ear, biting down before kissing it, then down my neck. His hand in my hair tugs to the side, giving him more access. He licks over my pulse, then down to my breast. His mouth latches onto my nipple. “Oh, my God.” My head falls back against the tile. His mouth travels to my other nipple, giving it the same treatment. “Cash,” I moan, my head tilting forward to watch him.
“Can I taste you, baby?”
“What?” My body is on fire. He stops what he is doing, his head coming up and his hands holding my face.
“I want to eat your p-ssy. Will you let me?”
“We never did that,” I tell him, something he should know since he was there the night we had sex. We only did it once and it was perfect, until two days later when he called to tell me we couldn’t see each other anymore. “I mean, I have never done that.” His eyes went wide, then darkened.
“That makes me very happy.” His mouth comes back down to mine; it feels like he is trying to brand me with his mouth, completely controlling mine. His hand on my face skims slowly down the side of my breast, along my side, and stops at the edge of my panties. I can feel the wetness between my thighs. My * starts pulsing, needing attention. Teasingly, his fingers travel on the inside edge of my panties, then just below my belly button; my stomach muscles contract. My pulse speeds up, and finally his fingers slide in and over my *, my body jumping at the contact. “Is all this for me?” he whispers. My answer is a whimper. “You’re gonna have to be quiet, baby; my family is out there,” he says softly. My body freezes—how could I have forgotten where we were? Before I can protest, he slides two fingers inside me, his mouth covering mine, and all thoughts leave my head as I moan down his throat. “That was close. Now, if you want me to eat your p-ssy, you’re going to have to make sure that you’re quiet, can you do that?” I shake my head, making him chuckle. “If you’re not quiet, then you will be spanked when I take you to my house and the kids go to sleep.”
“Cash.” I feel my inner walls clench.
“You like that, huh?” His fingers move faster inside me and I can feel an orgasm building. “You’re not allowed to come until my mouth is on you.” I want to yell at him to get to it, but he just stands there, his eyes on mine. “Jesus, you should see yourself right now.” I think he’s going to kiss me again, but instead, he nips my chin then drops to his knees, lifting my thigh to his shoulder. His fingers tug my thong to the side and his mouth is on me in an instant. I start grinding down against his tongue. I can feel my orgasm building—it’s going to be huge, life-altering. And I know I’m not going to be quiet when I come.
“You have to stop.” I push on his head, trying to get away. “Cash, I can’t be quiet,” I whimper. He doesn’t stop; if anything, his pace increases, his tongue and fingers moving faster. “I'm going to come,” I cry as I feel myself begin to contract around his fingers. My skin lights from the inside, and a million colors explode behind my eyes. I feel like I’m going to pass out. “Cash,” I moan loudly before I catch myself and bite down on my arm. My head is back, eyes closed, and I feel my foot touch the floor as he lets my leg down from his shoulder. My legs feel wobbly, but he holds my hips until he stands so he can pull me to his chest. I don’t know how long we stand like that, but it feels like forever. All I want to do is curl up with him and go to sleep.
“I love the way you taste, and I love the way you let go the minute my mouth is on you,” he says quietly. I can feel his hard length against my stomach, and my hand starts to move towards the button of his jeans. His hand grabs mine, stopping me. “There isn’t enough time for that. When I finally get inside you, I'm going to want to take my time and have you in my bed, not here in my brother’s shower. Though I do plan on having you in the shower…just not this one,” he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice. “We need to go out to the party; everyone is going to be wondering where we are.”
“Oh no,” I groan, rubbing my face. Everyone is going to know what we have been up to while we’ve been in the bathroom.
“Everyone’s outside.” He tilts my head back with both his hands at my jaw. “You’re so beautiful.” He kisses me softly on my lips then my forehead before opening the shower curtain. “You should just put the suit back on under your dress.”
“I'm not wearing a bikini.”
“Lil, your body is perfect, and it looks good on you. Wear the suit.”
“I thought you said—”
“No, I said that I didn’t want Kenton or Sven to see you in it, not that it doesn’t look good, because it does.”
“I don’t know.” I pick my dress up from where it fell into the tub when he surprised me.
“Baby, look at me.” My eyes go to his. “You look perfect; wear that suit.”
“Cash.”
“Our daughter grew inside of you. I loved your body before, and I love it even more now.”
“Fine, I’ll wear it.” I can’t help but smile. I put the bikini bottoms back on, then the top before pulling my dress over my head. Once I'm dressed again, we head outside. Cash was right; everyone is out around the pool, and all the kids are playing out in the large grassy area where a large kids’ playhouse is set up. Then I see it—a large dog the size of a horse. One of the little girls is laying over its back while it walks around the playhouse sniffing the grass.
“Is that Beast?” I stop, looking at Cash.
“Yep, and the little girl on his back is July.” He laughs as we watch her try to stay on the dog’s back; he acts like he doesn’t even notice her. Cash points out each of the girls; three of them are Asher and November’s July, May, and June, and one is Hanna, who is Trevor and Liz’s Daughter.
“So Jax is the only boy?”
“Right now, yeah, but Liz is pregnant, and they found out a few days ago that they are having a boy.”
“Wow.” I look around the backyard filled with people and all the kids running around. We walk around while Cash introduces me to everyone, then wander over to the grill where an older gentleman—obviously, Cash and his brothers’ dad—is standing with Asher.
“Dad, I want you to meet Lilly. Lilly, this is my dad, James.”
“Nice to meet you, sir.”
“Oh no, now I gotta train another one.” He points the spatula in his hand towards me. “You call me James or Dad—preferably Dad—none of this ‘sir’ business.”
“Okay.” I smile and laugh.
“I feel old enough with all my grandkids running around calling me papa or grandpa. I don’t need all my pretty daughters-in-laws callin’ me sir.”
“I'm no—”
“Oh, how sweet!” A woman’s voice cuts me off. “You want Cash’s new p-ssy to call you daddy.” I look up and see a beautiful woman with short shorts, a halter-top, and shoulder-length dark brown hair. She’s tall and wearing wedge heels, making her even more towering.
“What are you doing here, Jules?” Cash asks next to me, and I realize that this woman is his ex-wife.
“I came to see my son.”
“You know you’re supposed to call.”
“Why, so you can hide this bitch away? Like I don’t know that you have been sleeping around since before we got divorced.”
“Seriously?” Cash growls, then I feel a hand on my elbow and I'm being tugged back.
“Mommy.” I hear Jax’s voice and look over to see Ashlyn standing with him off to the side of his mother. “This is my sister, Ashlyn.”
“Oh no,” I whisper just as Jules’s eyes go to Jax, who is now holding Ashlyn’s hand.
“You don’t have a sister,” Jules growls.
“I do!” He stomps his foot. “Daddy said she’s my sister. He even said we have the same eyes, look,” he says, opening his eyes up wide.
I take a step towards them, wanting to grab both of the kids and get them out of this situation. A hand holds me back at my elbow. I look over my shoulder and am surprised to see it’s actually Nico. I glare, and then look back at the kids. “Ashlyn, Jax, let’s go inside so Daddy can talk to Jules,” I say as Cash walks over to where the kids are, picking them both up.
“My son isn’t going anywhere with you, you f*cking bitch,” Jules says to me, and Ashlyn starts to cry. Then Susan and November are there, taking them both from Cash and heading inside. I look towards the yard and see Liz and Trevor taking the other kids into the house.
“Jules, you know that I'm Jax’s granddad, and I would hate to put his mom in jail,” James says; his eyes are cold, and I don’t think he would hesitate to do what he says.
“Oh, like you would really give a f*ck,” she says leaning forward, and then looks at me. “Who the f*ck are you?”
“You need to leave, Jules. Now,” Cash says, taking a step in front of me. “Bro, take Lil inside for me.” He looks past me to Nico.
“Sure thing.” Nico puts his arm around my shoulder and starts to lead us inside.
“You should stay with him,” I say quietly, looking up at Nico. I don’t think he is a fan of mine, but I can tell he loves his brother, and I love—
Wait…love him? I shake my head. No, I don’t. I care about Cash. Yes, as the father of my child. And want him to be safe, and I can tell that woman is all kinds of crazy. “Please.” I fist my hand into his shirt.
His eyes flash something, but it’s gone before I can catch it. “All right, go on inside,” he says quietly. My stomach is in knots as I pull the door closed behind me. It’s not jealousy; it’s something else. I don’t like the way that woman spoke to her son, and I also didn’t like how she spoke to Cash and his family.
“She is never going to change.”
“What?” I look over at Liz.
“When she first came forward saying she was pregnant, Cash was devastated about losing you.”
“What?” I repeat like an idiot.
“I mean, he didn’t say anything, but you could see it. You know?” she asks, her eyes coming to mine. I nod in understanding. I was devastated too. “But then I thought, I mean, I guess we all thought that maybe they could end up happy. Crazier things have happened, right?” She shrugs.
“I guess,” I say, feeling like a horrible person for being ecstatic that he wasn’t happily married to her right now.
“She was never happy, and did everything in her power to make him unhappy too.”
“But why?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugs again. “All I know is that the day Cash told us that he was getting a divorce, I popped a bottle of champagne.”
“Was she really that bad?”
“You don’t even know the half of it,” she says, looking out the window, watching as Cash, his dad, and Nico all stand watching as Jules flings her arms around. I can tell Cash says something to her when she looks at the glass door, her eyes on me.
“If looks could kill,” Liz says.
“Yeah. I agree.”
“Don’t worry; she’s a lot of bark, and no bite.”
“Okay,” I say, not believing it for a second. I could tell from the look on her face that this is just the beginning. I watch out the glass door as she stomps off through the yard. Cash’s head hangs low. Then Nico is there, putting his arm around his shoulders and telling him something. Then his dad is in front of him, doing the same. I watch for a while, but once Jules doesn’t come back, I go to check on the kids.
*~*~*
“Hey, baby. What are you doing?” My eyes open and Cash is standing above me wearing nothing but a pair of swim trunks. I guard my eyes against the sun, trying to get a better view of his chest and abs. The minute I move, Jax wiggles, and I remember that I have one kid napping on each side of me.
“We were reading a story.” I look down at both kids. I put sunblock lotion on them earlier, but it may be time for more. “What time is it?” I ask as Cash lays down on the other side of Ashlyn.
“A little after two.” His fingers run along the side of my face, then down and over my bottom lip. “You’re getting a little pink,” he says, running his finger over the bridge of my nose.
“Yeah, I should probably put some more lotion on, and put more on these two,” I say, running my hands over each of the kids’ heads. Cash’s face goes soft and he leans forward, kissing me softly.
“You ready to talk about my ex?” he asks, and it surprises me that he’s the one bringing it up. After she left and I found the kids, he came in to make sure that we were okay. Then he took Jax aside and talked to him. I don’t know what he said, but Jax looked so sad that I hated Jules in that moment. I don’t think any parent should talk to their child the way she spoke to Jax, or the way she talked in front of him. Her and Cash’s problems were their problems and should be discussed between the two of them, not in front of an audience, including six small children.
“I don’t know.” I shrug; I don’t know if I want to talk about his ex. The thought of him with her makes me feel sick.
“I would like to get it all out, if that’s okay with you.”
“Sure,” I say, taking a deep breath trying to prepare myself.
“I was hooking up with her before I met you.” He moves, laying on his side and propping his head in his hand. “We would hook up, but that’s all it ever was.”
“Okay.” I swallow the lump in my throat.
“The minute I met you, I stopped seeing her and any anyone else.” I nod, my eyes closing in relief. “About three months later, she calls me to tell me that she’s pregnant, and that unless I want her to get an abortion, I needed to go with her to the doctor.” I look down to make sure that both the kids are still asleep. I don’t think that this is something they should ever know. “I met her at the appointment and the doctor did an ultrasound. I saw Jax for the first time and heard his heartbeat, and I fell so deeply in love in that moment.” He takes a deep breath. “After the appointment, Jules told me that if I wanted her to keep the baby, I needed to cut everyone else off and focus on her.” He looks past me, running his hand over his mouth before his eyes come back to me. “I hated doing it, but I wanted my son. I knew that Jules wasn’t going to make it easy, but at the end of the day, if my child was healthy and happy, everything else would pale in comparison.”
“I can understand that,” I whisper, running my fingers through Cash’s hair that had fallen forward into his eyes.
“Well, you know I called you and told you I couldn’t see you anymore.” I nod, that same pain from a few years ago shooting through my chest. “She moved in with me. I wanted to keep her close; I didn’t want her to have a chance to get an abortion. I was afraid if I turned my back for a second, that’s exactly what she would do. At first, our relationship was nothing but her living in my house, and then things changed. I didn’t love her, but I cared about her, and I looked at Asher and Trevor’s relationships and they were both so happy…and I wanted that for myself. At the time, Jules was so easy to get along with. So I tried to build a relationship with her.” I bite my lip trying not to cry; I don’t want to know this. “It never worked. Right after we got married, things changed. She changed. She turned into someone who was mean and manipulative. Or maybe she was like that before, but I was wanting what my brothers had so badly that I looked past it,” he says quietly, reaching towards me and wiping away a single tear that has made its way down my cheek. “You know, she was bad, but I'm also to blame.” He runs his thumb across my bottom lip. “I was still stuck on you, and kept comparing everything about her to you.” Oh, God, I couldn’t take anymore. I was going to start sobbing if he didn’t stop. “I will do everything in my power to keep us together and to make you fall in love with me again.” I don’t think that it’ll be that hard for him to do. My mom and dad are going to kick my ass, but I just can’t help feeling like I’m meant to be with him.
“Cash?”
“Yeah?” He leans forward, kissing me lightly.
“What did she say to you before she left?”
“That she was going to try and get custody of Jax.”
“No,” I gasp as I run my hand over Jax’s head at my waist.
“Don’t worry; this isn’t the first time she’s tried. She won’t take him from me. He doesn’t even really know her. Yes, he knows she’s his mom, but that’s all. They don’t have a relationship.”
“That’s really sad.” I look down at Ashlyn. I can’t imagine not having her.
“She’s not like normal moms, babe. Even when Jax was a baby, she would get mad if he cried or if he needed attention. My mom has been more of a mom to him than she has.”
“Maybe she needs help.”
“I don’t know; I tried to help her. I also tried to talk her into seeing someone after Jax was born, but she wouldn’t. The last straw for me was when Jax was learning to walk and he stumbled into her. She was holding a glass of juice, and when he bumped her, the juice went all over her outfit. She pushed Jax back, and then started yelling about her ruined clothes. After that, I kicked her out of the house and told her I was getting a lawyer and filing for full custody.”
“Poor Jax,” I whisper, closing my eyes.
“She’s not around often, and if she is, the visitations are supervised.” Just then, I feel movement at my left and look down to see Jax opening his eyes.
“Hey, dude, did you have a good nap?” Cash asks him, and Jax climbs over me onto Cash’s chest, kicking Ashlyn accidently in the process, waking her up.
“Hey, love bug.”
“Are we going to the zoo?” She smiles sleepily up at me, then Cash.
“Tomorrow,” I tell her as she cuddles into me. Cash pulls me over so my head is on his chest with Ashlyn between us, and Jax laying on top of him. We all lay there, the warmth of the sun beating down on us. Cash’s fingers run up and down my arm. I feel loved, safe, and whole for the first time in years. I know it’s too soon, but it feels so right that I don’t care.