Under the Open Sky

Chapter Thirty-Eight

The drive to the ranch seemed to take an eternity, though Amanda was sure it was no longer than thirty or forty minutes. By the time she pulled the Jeep to a stop in front of a modest ranch house, Amanda felt ready to throw up. She sat unmoving behind her wheel for several moments before pulling the keys from the ignition and grabbing the box of letters from beside her. After helping Cadey-Lynn from the car, Amanda turned to find Cade waiting.

“Can I help with anything,” he offered.

“I’ve got it; thanks,” Amanda assured him. Cade turned to lead the way inside. He led them through a garage and utility room with a work sink before entering a kitchen. A dark haired woman stood at the stove, stirring something in a pot. Amanda felt her heart fall.

“Hey, Cade, you’re back soon,” the woman turned, her pregnant belly capturing Amanda’s gaze; she felt all the air leave her body. The woman’s eyes widened as she took in Amanda and then Cadey-Lynn beside her.

“Cassia, I’d like you to meet Amanda Jennings and her daughter Cadey-Lynn. Amanda this is Cassia Marlon, my foreman’s wife and my part time house keeper,” Cade made the introductions.

Amanda felt her breath return all at once leaving her light headed.

“It’s nice to meet you both,” Cassia wiped her hands and offered one to Amanda.

“Nice to meet you,” Amanda returned her hand shake.

“Could Cadey-Lynn have a snack and hang out here with you for a few minutes?” Cade requested.

“Of course she can, I think we’ll enjoy getting to know each other,” Cassia smiled.

“Thanks, Cassia,” Cade offered her an appreciative nod.

Amanda followed him into a generous sized living area and found herself at a loss as to where to start. They stood staring at each other; five years stretched between them.

“You look to be doing good,” Cade was the first to speak.

“I am, well, kind of,” Amanda couldn’t even make an intelligent sentence. “All the way down here I practiced what I was going to say to you and now I can barely put two words together.”

“How did you come to be here, Amanda?”

She swallowed hard. “Last night I was reading on my couch, thinking I knew how things were; then Naomi was in my living room changing all that. I thought you walked out five years ago and never looked back,” she told him and watched him flinch. “Not immediately but eventually I decided everyone else was right.”

“What changed last night?” Cade, his expression neutral, was watching her.

“Naomi found your letters yesterday; she brought them to me last night.”

“I’m glad you know the truth, Amanda.”

“Me too,” she nodded. They stared at each other again. Amanda felt so frustrated! Why couldn’t she just say what needed to be said; ask what needed to be asked? Instead she felt tears spill over.

“My father watched me cry for months on end, he watched me struggle to keep moving forward, and to raise a child alone and the whole time he knew where you were and that you did care. And apparently my brother knew this as well and neither of them ever said anything. Not a year later when I still couldn’t move on, not two years later when I was still crying, not three years later, no; my aunt has to find the letters in a drawer,” Amanda, hugged the box of letter close.

“I’m sorry, Amanda. I should have come to see you, regardless of your father’s wishes. I wanted to but I wanted his approval and his blessing. In a way I looked to your dad as more of a father than my own,” Cade explained.

They only stood a few feet apart but Amanda felt as if a gulf separated them.

“I felt you had a right to know about your daughter,” Amanda informed him.

“Thank you for that, Amanda. I can already tell she’s amazing.”

Amanda smiled around tears, “She is so amazing, Cade.”

Amanda glanced down at the box and then back up at Cade.

“I also want you to know the truth. I know it’s been nearly a year and a lot can happen in a year, but I want you to know the truth,” Amanda told him.

“About what, Amanda?”

“I gather that my father wrote and told you that I was seeing Reece, the new vet, and I gather that he indicated I was staying over there at night. I stayed one night; one night, Cade. I was going to prove that I could move on; that sleeping with him would somehow prove I was over you,” Amanda gave him a brittle smile. “I couldn’t do it. I ended up crying myself to sleep and left the next morning. It was the last time I saw him other than in passing.”

Amanda had kept her gaze on the buttons of his shirt as she spoke, and now looked him in the eye. He was watching her closely, his arms folded across his chest. She watched him uncross his arms as he approached. He took the box; she clutched like a shield and dropped it on the floor before he wrapped his arms around her.

Amanda felt the dam in her break as she clung to him, the smell of him and the feel of him surrounding her. He held her as she cried, his one hand stroking her hair, the other holding her close at the waist.

“I’m sorry, Manny; so sorry,” he whispered in her ear. Amanda felt limp by the time she had cried herself out. Amanda could stay right here forever, she decided as Cade’s heart beat in ear.

“I wanted it all, Manny. I wanted you and your father’s approval and by trying to get both I almost lost the one that matters most; you,” Cade told her. “I’m glad you came, Amanda.”

“Me too. Congratulations on your ranch; I know you must have worked hard,” Amanda finally leaned back to look at him.

“I did. I’d like to know more about Cadey-Lynn,” Cade told her.

“Would you like to see her baby pictures? I brought them; they’re in the car.”

“Yes, thank you, Manny; I want to see them and hear all about her and get to know her,” Cade blinked against tears. “Manny, had I known….I would have been there in a moment, sweetheart.”

Amanda smiled at him. “After reading your letters I know that. Just let me get the photo albums from the car,” Amanda reluctantly left his arms. Cade followed her outside and offered to help. Amanda opened the back of the Jeep to gather the books.

“I wasn’t sure what I would find or how this would go, but I figured at the very least that Cadey-Lynn and I would find a hotel and spend a few days to ourselves. I can’t go back home until I clear my head,” Amanda explained her luggage.

“Stay here,” Cade invited.

Amanda felt her heart accelerate as she nodded. He helped her bring her things in before they claimed their daughter from the kitchen. Cade looked a little lost as to where to start as they entered the living room.

“Cadey-Lynn knows who you are,” she informed him.

“You’re my Daddy. I pray for you every night and I say goodnight to your picture,” Cadey-Lynn looked up at him with bright, hopeful eyes.

Amanda watched Cade swallow hard, his eyes suddenly moist. He cleared his throat and blinked rapidly to bring his emotion under control.

“Thank you,” he said to Amanda; she smiled.

“See my new boots, Daddy?” Cadey-Lynn extended her foot, her eyes seeking his approval.

“Those are really great boots, baby,” Cade informed his daughter. “Your mom was about to show me your baby pictures, you want to help tell me about them?” Cade invited.

“Yeah, I can tell you who everyone is,” Cadey-Lynn was quick to agree. Cade seated himself on the couch; Cadey-Lynn climbed into his lap. Amanda sat down next to him and opened a baby book. Inside was a page listing details of the baby’s date of birth, weight, length, name, and parents. When Cade read Cadey-Lynn’s full name he glanced to Amanda in surprise.

“You gave her my last name,” he said in surprise.

“I couldn’t have you sign her birth certificate but I thought it was only right she have your last name; you’re her father.”

“Thank you, Manny. I know I keep saying that.”

“You’re welcome. So, here is Cadey-Lynn right after her birth,” Amanda turned to the next page.

“Did you have any trouble having her?” Cade asked of her.

“No, actually, for a first child she came relatively quickly. I was more scared than anything,” Amanda shared.

“I’m sorry, Manny.”

“You can quit apologizing, Cade,” Amanda assured him.

“This is my Uncle Trent, did you know him,” Cadey-Lynn was pointing to a picture of Trent holding her just hours after she was born.

“Yeah, I worked for your grandfather for a few years,” Cade told her.

“You know Aunt Jenny?”

“Jenny and Trent married?” Cade was smiling now.

“They did,” Amanda smiled back.

“Good. Where’s your dad in these?”

“I went into labor at the hospital while helping care for Daddy after his stroke,” she explained.

“Oh, sweetheart, that must have been hard,” Cade reached to push hair off Amanda’s face. Amanda felt her heart trip; it was still there, though she had expected it would be.

“We managed,” Amanda assured him.

They continued going through albums, Cadey-Lynn telling her daddy about the pictures. Cade had pulled Amanda closer until she was leaning against him. She felt so peaceful resting her head against him and listening to his deep voice next to their daughter’s that she found herself fighting to hold her eyes open.

“Sleep if you want to; I don’t mind being a pillow,” Cade invited and winked down at her. Amanda smiled, yes, it was definitely still there. She didn’t dare tell him that every time he winked at her she was at his mercy.

Amanda wasn’t sure how long she had been asleep when she woke, but the first thing that she saw when she opened her eyes, was her daughter asleep against her Daddy. Amanda smiled.

“You must make a good pillow,” Amanda commented. She tilted her head to find Cade, his eyes dark, watching her. Amanda swallowed hard, it hadn’t been so long that she had forgotten that look, she mused.

“You wrote it all down. Her first steps, her first words, you put it all in here,” Cade indicated the journal she had kept. Amanda had intended to give that to him later with an explanation; she was glad he had found it though.

“Even after I decided you weren’t coming back a part of me refused to believe that. It didn’t make any sense.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. There’s more in there than her steps, sorry, I admit that by the time I started dating I was truly starting to doubt I would see you again.”

“I admit that the thought of you dating doesn’t thrill me but based on what you knew you had every right to move on.”

“I couldn’t though,” she admitted.

“I’m glad.”

“Have you dated any?” she asked him.

“After your dad’s last letter to me I couldn’t even think of it. A couple of months ago I went out with girl a couple of times but she could tell my heart wasn’t in it.”

“I’m glad neither of us moved on,” she told him.

“Me too.”

“Hey Boss!” a voice called from the direction of the kitchen. “You want us to…” the man’s words died when he entered the room and spotted his boss.

“Hey Clark, this is Amanda and this sleeping princess is my daughter, Cadey-Lynn.”

“Hi,” the man, his eyes wide, nodded. “Um, Stan has delivered the stuff you ordered. You want it in the store room?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“We got it covered, you uh, enjoy your visit,” Stan nodded at his boss.

“Thanks, Stan,” Cade nodded to his employee. “I think he was surprised to see me with a woman, especially one with a daughter in tow,” Cade was grinning.

“They know you as the loner type?”

“At first but then as I got to know them I told them about my Manny; didn’t know about my daughter,” Cade explained. “He’s probably connected the dots and telling quite a story out there.”

“I missed you, Cade.”

“I missed you too. I love you, Amanda. I have lived every day these past few years with the regret of not saying that to you.”

“I love you too, Cade.”

“I know this isn’t a romantic time or place but if I’ve learned anything from this, it is to say what needs saying. I want to marry you, Amanda. Whether it is tomorrow before a judge or next month in a church, I want to marry you and I don’t want to wait long. I want to wake up beside you every morning and fall asleep beside you every night. I want to watch our daughter grow up, the two of us together and I want to watch your belly grow round with more children and be there when they’re born.”

“Okay,” she nodded with a smile; her heart was pounding, “I like that idea.”

“Me too,” Cade leaned down to kiss her lightly on the lips. “You getting hungry yet?” Cade asked her.

“I am; it’s been a long day.”

“I’m sure it has been for you. What do you say we wake our daughter and eat?” Cade placed a slight emphasis on the our.

“Okay,” Amanda smiled as she sat up.