Under the Open Sky

Chapter Thirty-Seven

What must have been easily over a hundred letters lay inside. Each was addressed to Sterling Jennings, the one in the lower left corner addressed to the house. The remainder appeared to be addressed to a post office box in town. The return addresses were in Cade’s name, most addressed to a ranch in a small community almost five hours away. The first letter was dated just days after Sterling and Trent ran Cade off the ranch. Amanda opened the first and began to read.

Mr. Jennings,

I am writing to apologize for not approaching you properly to ask permission to see Amanda. I know that I broke your trust and that trust once broken is not easily mended. I am also aware that I have nothing to offer your daughter and that I am not the kind of man you likely want for Amanda. What I do have is a deep love for her. I also have a good work ethic; you taught me that, sir. I want to date Amanda, with the intention of marrying her when I can provide a proper home. I have already set aside a fair amount of money toward buying my own spread and believe that I can earn the remainder quickly. I want your permission to see her; your blessing. I want to do this right as I should have in the first place. Please, sir, I ask you to consider my request.

Sincerely,

Cade Winston

Amanda felt like screaming, railing at someone even; she had believed that he had disappeared, uncaring of her feelings and her father had let her! Amanda wiped at her tears and reached for the next.

Mr. Jennings,

I understand and respect your concern for your daughter’s welfare and happiness; they are close to my heart as well. I love her deeply, Mr. Jennings; I have for years. I am more than willing to continue to write to you at the address you gave me and to give you updates. I already have a lead on a job and travel tomorrow to speak with the ranch owner. I will also respect your wishes that I not contact Amanda at this time and your belief that we both need time to think clearly and not make a rash decision based on emotions and hormones. Will you at least tell her I love her?

Respectfully,

Cade Winston



Mr. Jennings,

I am now working for a man named Lewis Carter at the Lazy Lou Ranch and am enclosing my new address. I will continue to respect your wishes that I not contact Amanda and get her hopes up until I know I can make something work. Is she doing okay? I know she must be upset that I haven’t contacted her; will you please let her know I care?

Respectfully,

Cade Winston

Amanda felt her anger rising; how could her father have watched her cry while he wrote to Cade and asked him not to contact her? She skimmed several more letters; all updates that his work was going well, could he please, write, call, or see Amanda? At times all but begging for Sterling’s forgiveness and blessing. She skimmed several from the time just after she moved home and announced she was pregnant. Not a single mention of her pregnancy; she suspected her father had not told him. Everything she was reading on these pages suggested that had he, Cade would have come regardless of her father’s wishes. She kept skimming coming up to her father’s stroke.

Mr. Jennings,

I have not heard from you in a few weeks and hope that you are all okay there. My work continues to go well. I have taken a second job and am putting away as much of each check as I can. I respectfully ask, yet again, that you grant me permission to call or write Amanda. I cannot tell you how much I miss her or how deeply I love her. I am trying hard to prove to you my sincerity and the depth of my respect for your family. Enclosed is another payment for my schooling. I know you dismissed my offer to repay you but I feel it is a matter of principal as I did not fulfill my term of employment following school.

Respectfully,

Cade Winston

Trent,

I am so sorry to hear of your father had a stroke; I hope he recovers soon. I’m glad to hear from you. I would like to apologize for hurting you and for any feelings of having disregarded our friendship in pursuing your sister. I love her, Trent. I love Amanda very deeply and it was never my intent to cause anyone any pain. Is she doing okay? Please tell me? Will you tell her I love her and I miss her? I’m trying to save enough money to support her and a family. How are you, Trent? Please, Trent, yours and your father’s respect mean so much to me and I am trying to earn that again. Respecting your father’s wishes where Amanda is concerned is nearly killing me but I want to do this right.

Your old friend,

Cade Winston

Amanda laid her head on her arms and sobbed. She felt as though her heart had been ripped from her chest and tortured with a cattle prod. Her brother had been in on it; he had known! He had watched her cry and mourn and had known that Cade was writing their father. They had both watched her hurt, both knowing that Cade loved her. Amanda skimmed several more until she came to one dated just after Cadey-Lynn’s first birthday.

Mr. Jennings,

I may be able to support a wife soon. Mr. Carter is thinking of selling his ranch and wants to see it in good hands; he feels that I fit that bill. I understand that Amanda asked Kevin Johnson home for dinner with the family and that she has agreed to date him. I mean no disrespect, sir, but I sincerely doubt that it will go any better now than it did in high school. Amanda always enjoyed talking and hanging out with Kevin; he was a good friend to her then and will be now. I’ll be shocked if she proves me wrong. Sir, I love your daughter. We wrote each other for years, we shared our hopes and our dreams, and felt something very real. I very much want your respect and your blessing and even more I want something more than love to offer your daughter or I would have contacted her already. Please sir, do not keep putting me off. May I write Amanda?

Respectfully,

Cade Winston

One dated several months later read:

Mr. Jennings,

My ranch is now running smoothly, I am hoping to see a profit in the next few months. Please sir, allow me to write Amanda. I do not feel it would be premature or get her hopes up only to disappoint her. I am working hard, still working part time in town as well as running the ranch. Surely, you believe me when I say I love Amanda. I would not continue to write and accept your terms if this did not matter to me; if she did not matter to me.

Respectfully,

Cade Winston

Amanda skimmed several more pausing on a later letter.

Mr. Jennings,

Enclosed in my final payment on my school tuition. This man Amanda is seeing does seem nice and I am sure he has more to offer than I do. I am sure too that he cares for her very deeply; it easy to love Amanda. Sir, I fear that you are intentionally putting me off in the hopes that Amanda will move on. I have respected your every wish; I have written and kept you updated. Tell me honestly, do you have any intention of granting your permission for me to see your daughter? I love her more than I can express.

Respectfully,

Cade Winston

There was a several week gap in the letters the next explaining why.

Mr. Jennings,

Excuse my silence. I had an accident a few weeks ago and have been recovering rather slowly. For a while I didn’t have use of my right arm. I am better now and am writing to tell you that I respect you greatly but have come to the conclusion that I am wasting my time writing to you. It is my intent to see your daughter as soon as I can make the trip. I love her too deeply to continue playing games and let her get away without a fight. The time I spent lying flat on back in bed reminded me of how short life is and how love should be grabbed onto and held tightly.

Respectfully,

Cade Winston

Mr. Jennings,

I received your letter today and for a moment I almost came anyway. If Amanda is staying over at this man’s home, I am sure you are right: an engagement announcement is coming soon. I know Amanda would not take such a thing lightly. You’re right that I don’t want to cause her further pain and confusion. I blame myself for not making my move sooner. I hope that she is insanely happy; she deserves to be. This will be my last letter since there is nothing more to say. I love Amanda too much to stand in the way of her happiness. I wish you all well.

Respectfully,

Cade Winston

It was the last letter, post marked nearly a year earlier.

“No, no!” Amanda stood and threw one of the pillows from her couch with all the force she could muster. It sailed through the air before slamming into her desk and sending her lamp crashing to the floor.

“How dare he?!” Amanda grabbed another pillow and sent it hurtling into the dining room, knocking a picture from the wall. Amanda shook from head to toe with fury. Her father had no right! Another pillow skidded across the table and sent her centerpiece into the floor. Amanda stepped onto her porch and paced as she tried to calm down enough to think straight. Cade believed that she was married! He had written her father for years begging for the man’s respect and permission to see her and her father had toyed with him. He had intentionally misled Cade.

Amanda returned inside and rushed up the stairs. She yanked a suitcase from her closet and started tossing clothes in. She had to see him; if for no other reason than he had the right to know about his daughter. Amanda moved across the hall, flipped on a lamp to pack Cadey-Lynn’s suitcase as well and loaded the car before returning inside. She remembered at the last moment that she wasn’t wearing a bra and hurried into her room, yanking her arms into the shirt she wore to pull on her bra before shoving her arms back into the sleeves.

“Come on, Cadey-Lynn,” Amanda pulled her daughter into a sitting position and pulled her pajama top over her head before replacing it with a shirt.

“Is it morning, Mommy?”

“No.”

“Then why are we getting up?” Cadey-Lynn demanded to know. Amanda paused; what did she tell her daughter? Her gaze landed on the catalogue with the boots Cadey-Lynn wanted.

“We’re going to buy you boots,” Amanda explained.

“Now?” Cadey-Lynn’s blue eyes were bleary with sleep.

“By the time we get there they’ll be open and we can stop for breakfast on the way down. I’ll take you a pillow and blanket and you can sleep; okay?”

“Okay,” Cadey-Lynn obediently stepped into her jeans when her mother held them for her. Amanda carried her daughter downstairs, checked to make sure she had everything and strapped her daughter into her car seat. By the time she made the highway to the interstate she had a plan. They would go to the store, buy the boots and she would ask for directions to the Lazy Lou Ranch. She would then drive out there and tell Cade about his daughter.

A year was a long time. What if he had met someone? What if he had married? Amanda swallowed hard; she would deal with that when the time came. She merged onto the interstate going south and glanced at the clock. She was crazy; she had to be. It was nearly four in the morning, she’d had no sleep, and she was running away from home! Amanda laughed at the analogy but she supposed it was somewhat true.

Three hours later she stopped for gas and breakfast, Cadey-Lynn was now awake and asking questions. Amanda could only hope her answers were acceptable; they must have been, Cadey-Lynn never complained. At just past nine Amanda lifted Cadey-Lynn down from her seat and took her hand to escort her into the store.

“Good morning, can I help you?” a gentleman asked as they entered.

“We want these boots,” Cadey-Lynn extended her crumpled catalogue.

“Ah, very nice choice. If you ladies will follow me, we’ll just see if we have your size.”

Amanda followed the man through the store as her daughter skipped along beside her.

“Hop up here little lady, let’s see what size you need,” the man patted a stool. He was an older gentleman, his hair graying and his eyes a warm brown. He had a kind manner and clearly adored kids.

“I’ll be right back,” the man stood after measuring Cadey-Lynn’s foot. He returned with two boxes. “Now, I think this one is probably what you need, but if not, we’ll try this one.”

“They’re prettier for real,” Cadey-Lynn’s voice held awe.

“Okay, how does that feel?”

Cadey-Lynn hopped down, walked in circles and let her mother double check the fit.

“Shall I put her old shoes in the box?” the man’s eyes held a spark of mirth.

“That would be great; thank you,” Amanda smiled in return. Cadey-Lynn spun and turned in her new boots, her gaze trained on her own feet. Amanda had to steer her around displays no less than three times. Amanda waited for the man to ring up her purchase, her heart pounding as she prepared to ask directions to Cade’s ranch. She was so proud for him; he had done exactly what he had set out to do.

“Here’s your change. Is there anything else I can do for you ladies?” the man asked.

“Yes, actually, can you give me directions to the Lazy Lou Ranch?” she asked as he nodded to an entering customer.

“I can do better than that,” the man smiled. “Hey, Cade; these two lovely ladies are looking for your ranch,” the man called across the store.

Amanda’s heart leapt into her throat as she turned around. There he was, his long, lean legs eating up the distance between them. She watched surprise register on his face as he came to an abrupt halt.

He looked as great as ever, his hair dark and full and blue eyes brilliant. He wore a blue shirt, the sleeves rolled to his elbows, a western belt, a pair of worn jeans, and boots. He looked amazing and the sheer impact of seeing him again after so long, had Amanda grabbing the counter for support.

“Mommy,” Cadey-Lynn tugged on Amanda’s arm, the action barely registered with Amanda but pulled Cade’s attention down. She watched his expression go from merely surprise to stunned; the color drained from his face. Amanda knew what he saw, his eyes staring back at him from a face framed by the same thick black hair he combed every morning. She had the feeling that were anyone to so much as touch him he would fall over like a domino.

She watched him swallow hard as he started moving again. Amanda took a deep breath and tried to steady her nerves. All the way down here she had tried to plan what she would say. Never once had she imagined they would meet like this.

“Amanda, hi,” his voice was soft and his eyes full of questions.

“Hello, Cade,” Amanda returned.

“Wow,” Cade shook his head. “How are you?”

“I’m fine,” she swallowed around the lump in her throat. “We need to talk,” she told him.

“We do,” he agreed. “You can follow me to my place,” he offered before squatting in front of his daughter.

“What’s your name, sweetheart?” Cade asked as Cadey-Lynn, her eyes wide, clung to her mother’s leg.

“Cadey-Lynn,” she supplied. “See, it’s on my jacket. Mommy helped me make it,” she turned to show him the jewels they had attached to make her name. Cade’s gaze slid to Amanda and then back to his daughter.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Cadey-Lynn,” Cade offered his hand; his voice was tight. Amanda watched him blink back tears as Cadey-Lynn took his hand and found her own tears threatening. “Would you like to see my ranch?” Cade invited.

“Okay,” Cadey-Lynn offered him a timid smile.

“Okay, you ladies follow me,” Cade stood. “Hey, Marshall, I’ll come get my things another time,” Cade spoke to the store associate who had politely disappeared.

“Sure thing, Cade,” the man waved.

Amanda wasn’t sure that her legs were going to work when she went to take a step. Fortunately, they held and carried her to her car where she fastened in her daughter and stood to face Cade.

“Blue pick-up’s mine, just follow me,” he instructed. Amanda nodded and climbed into her Jeep; her hands were shaking as she placed them on the wheel.

“Mommy?”

“Yes, sweetie?” Amanda’s voice was shaking as well.

“Was that my Daddy?”

“Yes, he and Mommy need to talk and then you two can get to know each other, okay?”

“Okay. He’s tall, even taller than Uncle Trent.”

“Yes, he is,” Amanda agreed.

“Do you still love him, Mommy?”

“What?” Amanda glanced at her daughter.

“Aunt Jenny says babies are made of love; do you still love my Daddy?”

“Yes, I do,” she admitted.

“Does he still love you?”

“I don’t know, Cadey-Lynn.”

“I hope he does; then we could be like Uncle Trent and Aunt Jenny and Angie,” Cadey-Lynn mused aloud.

Amanda would like that too.