Chapter Seventeen
Monday afternoon
They were so startled that the woman had walked on several steps before either reacted. Then they both spoke together.
‘You can see me!’
‘She can see you!’
The woman stopped instantly. She turned around, her eyes darting straight to Tess, surprise showing in them.
Dan also noticed that all conversations around him had stopped and that everyone else’s eyes were on him. He realised that he had virtually shouted. Fortunately the woman recovered very quickly and came to his rescue.
‘Ah yes,’ she said, ‘I forgot. I can see you now, I have some time to spare.’
She ignored Tess and walked straight to Dan, her hand outstretched.
‘It’s Mr…?’ she said.
‘Mr Jackson,’ said Dan, taking her hand, playing along, ‘Dan.’ He added.
‘Glad to meet you Dan, I’m Susan Arnold. Now if I remember right you’re researching the St Columbia period?’ She was talking loudly; Dan realised it was for the spectators benefit. She leant closer, ‘I think we all need to walk somewhere quiet don’t we, my dears?’ she whispered into Dan’s ear.
‘Yes that’s right,’ said Dan, also more loudly than normal. He was relieved to hear that the conversations had resumed.
They walked away from the cross and the entrance, walking alongside the Abbey. As soon as they were out of earshot of the group, Susan stopped.
‘My apologies,’ she said, ‘Even on Iona you sometimes need to seek out peace and seclusion.’
She turned to Tess, ‘Hello, my dear. I’m sorry I couldn’t speak to you down there. It is lovely to meet you. What’s your name?’
‘Tess Williams. You can see me?’
‘Oh yes. And hear you of course.’
‘And you know what I am?’
‘Oh yes dear.’
The questions from both Dan and Tess tumbled out.
‘Why can you see her?’
‘You’re not shocked? Only Dan has ever seen me before.’
Susan held up her hands. ‘That I don’t know. But, no, I’m not shocked or scared, why should I be?’
‘I thought you’d be surprised at least,’ said Dan.
‘You have seen someone like me before, haven’t you?’ said Tess.
‘You are very perceptive, dear,’ smiled Susan, ‘Yes I have, my husband. He came back to me; in fact it was he who persuaded me to come here and came with me to settle me in.’
There was an announcement from back at the cross.
‘All those booked on the tour…thank you…if you come over to me we’ll get started.’
A dark haired young women in the tour guides uniform was stood by the cross and had raised her hand to attract attention. The tour group was assembling around her.
‘I think you’re booked on that, aren’t you Dan?’ said Susan.
‘Yes, but…’ he began.
‘You go,’ interrupted Susan, ‘I’ll look after Tess.’
‘But…’ Dan started to protest.
‘Please,’ said Susan, her voice still kindly but firm.
Tess was looking puzzled but then she said, ‘Yes Dan, please go. For me. I’ll see you in a little while.’
Dan stood for a moment, ready to argue, but then realised that when faced with not one but two determined women, his chances of winning were slim.
‘Well, OK. See you both later.’
He leant forward but Tess stepped away.
‘Don’t kiss me you muppet!’ she giggled, ‘Off you go!’
When he had gone Susan turned to Tess.
‘Let’s walk my dear,’ she said.
She led them around the back of the Abbey in the direction of the beach.
‘Dan seems to be a really nice young man.’
‘He is – very.’
‘You were married to him?’
‘No.’
‘Then he was your boyfriend?’
Tess shook her head.
‘Actually no, I’d never met him before…well you know.’
Susan looked surprised.
‘That really is most amazing, How did you meet him then?’
‘He came to do a survey on my flat. He’s a valuer. I didn’t know it at the time but I had been gone quite a long time by then, at least 6 months.’
‘And from the beginning he could see and hear you?’
‘Yes.’
‘Interesting, most interesting. Shall we sit and talk? My legs are not what they were I’m afraid.’
They had reached a bench that looked out over the water. On warmer day’s this area would probably have been full of picnickers but the chill breeze had seemed to keep people moving.
‘So can you communicate with anyone else?’
‘No. It just seems to be him. And you now.’
‘And yet despite this, and the fact he has only ever known you this way, he has fallen in love with you?’
Tess nodded, her face grim.
‘Apparently so. I tried to stop him, I tell him he's crazy but yes, I think he does love me.’
Susan smiled.
‘Love is such a rare thing it should be celebrated wherever it is found, don’t you think?’ she said.
Tess pulled a face.
‘I used to think so. I’m not so sure now,’ she said.
‘But you love him too, don’t you?’
Tess shook her head firmly, ‘No. I can’t.’
‘But you do. It’s obvious. You just think that you shouldn’t.’
‘Well of course I shouldn’t! How can I? How can he? It’s just not right is it?’
Susan held her hands open. ‘Who is to say what is right? That you shouldn’t be in love? I know I can’t.’
‘But I’m a…I’m a…ghost,’ said Tess.
‘Is that what you think you are?’ said Susan.
‘Well, yes of course, what else?’
‘Do you believe in ghosts Tess?’
‘Well no, of course…’
Tess stopped, realising the difficulty she was getting into with the argument.
‘No,’ she said firmly at last.
Susan nodded. ‘Do you believe in God then?’ she asked.
Tess frowned slightly.
‘I’m not sure,’ she said, ‘I went to church as a child and was confirmed and everything but by the time I went to uni I was a real sceptic. But later though – before I was attacked – I started to think about things a lot more, whether I actually did believe or not. I started to go to church again, not every Sunday, just from time to time. I never told anyone; I guess I was a little embarrassed but I found such, well, peace there, I think that’s the best way of putting it. So yes, I think I do believe, yes.’
Susan smiled again.
‘It’s good that you are exploring and questioning your faith. It is better to be seek than to be blind, and that applies to both sides of the belief line,’ she said. ‘I have faith, I believe. I believe that God guides me and helps me, and also that He has a purpose for me, though I’m never quite sure what that is. I believe that it is He that has brought you and Dan to me so that I can help you.’
Tess looked into Susan’s eyes and then nodded, though she said nothing.
‘You see I may be the one person who can help you because I have personally experienced what you and your young man are experiencing, this miracle, this gift.’
Tess gave a ruthful laugh, ‘Is it a gift? Sometimes I think it’s a curse.’
‘It’s what we make it, my dear.’
Tess nodded slowly.
‘Tell me about your…gift,’ she said.
Susan smiled broadly. Tess could see that she was remembering, and that the memories were pleasant ones.
‘Oh mine was definitely a gift, a wonderful bonus that God granted me. I’m not saying that your experience will be like mine but I will say one thing above all: make the most of it whilst you can, you may not be here for long.’
Tess found herself actually trembling. Susan seemed to notice.
‘Please do not let that worry you, my dear, who knows how long you will have? Peter, my husband, was sent back to me a few months after he was taken. I was alone, lost, angry. I wanted to die myself.’
Tess had recovered her composure.
‘Did Peter die suddenly?’ she asked.
‘Yes. He went off to work as usual one day and never came back. He had sat down at his desk and had a massive heart attack.’
‘I’m so sorry.’
‘I was so angry with God. He had worked so hard, had done all his life, but he was going to retire the next year, we were going to travel. It seemed so unfair. But then he did come back to me though, when I was at my lowest. He was my Peter, calm, patient, talking to me, helping me, guiding me.
‘I hadn’t been out of the house for weeks but he got me out again, just to the shops at first, then to our church. That, just that, helped me so much.
‘Eventually he encouraged me to come here, to Iona and the community. He knew that I had always wanted to do it but had never had the chance.’ She gave a little, quiet laugh. ‘He almost had to bully me to come. Peter! Bullying! He was really no good at it but he did his best.
‘He came with me, settled me in, calmed my fears. And then one day…’
She stared wistfully across the water and then sighed. ‘One day he was gone. No goodbyes. He just knew I was in the right place, that I was at peace. He did that for me.’
Tess reached her hand across to Susan’s and tried to hold them but found that she felt nothing and nor did Susan appear to notice any touch. She quickly moved her hand away.
‘So he saw to it that you were happy and safe and then he went away. You think that was why he came back to you?’ she said.
‘I am sure of it. He was my angel,’ Susan turned away from the view and looked at Tess again, ‘and I think that you are Dan’s’
‘An angel? Me?’ Tess laughed, ‘I’m no angel.’
Susan smiled. 'I guess that you are thinking of the classic image of an angel; the winged messengers of the bible?'
Tess laughed. 'Exactly! What other kinds are there?'
'If you read the texts of the world's religions you'll find they come in many forms. One theory is that they are an extension of God to produce effects in this world. Basically, they are sent to a do a task.'
Tess nodded, thinking over what Susan had said.
‘I don’t know,’ she said at last, ‘I’m not sure I believe in angels either. But it is another way of looking at it, in fact the reverse of what both Dan and I have thought and it does make more sense. I think Dan believes he has to help me find my killer.’
‘Your killer? You were murdered?’
Tess nodded.
‘Oh my poor dear, I’m so sorry.’
Tess shrugged.
‘It looks like that doesn’t matter,’ she said, ‘not if I’m here for Dan. So what can I do for him?’
‘My dear,’ said Susan gently, ‘I don’t have the answer to that I’m afraid. I’ve had the time to think about what happened to me but your course will almost certainly be very different. Only God knows his purpose in sending you to Dan. But, I do believe He does have a purpose for you though.’
‘Yes,’ said Tess softly. 'Actually, so do I.'
'There is one more thing,' said Susan, equally softly. 'Something you really need to know. Something I wish that I had known about Peter.'
'What? What is it?'
Susan hesitated, took a deep breath then said: 'After an angel has completed its task, it ceases to exist. The angel is, in effect, the task.’
They sat in silence for several minutes. Tess's thought's were in turmoil but she found comfort in the older woman's presence and silence. She radiated calm.
At last Susan said; ‘We’d better be getting back, the tour will be nearly done anyway. I have a feeling that you don’t like to be apart from him for very long.’
‘Is it that obvious?’ said Tess, getting up.
‘I’m afraid so.’
They started to walk back to the Abbey.
‘How long have you been together?’ Susan said.
Tess did a little calculation.
‘I met him a whole eleven days ago.’
‘Only eleven days!’
‘I know!’
‘Peter and I had thirty years together the first time. Then another four months and three days when he was sent back to me.’
Tess smiled and they walked on.’
‘The physical side must be quite frustrating for you,’ said Susan suddenly taking Tess by surprise. This was the last thing that she expected and her shock must have been obvious.
‘Hah!’ laughed Susan, ‘The young always think they invented sex.’
‘I suppose so,’ said Tess, laughing as well, ‘I guess I just didn’t expect you to bring it up.’
‘I remember being young and a couple all too well my dear,’ Susan said, ‘and at least we had had that time. You and Dan haven’t. That must be awful for both of you. I know I missed Peter’s touch terribly.’
‘I’ve tried not to think about it too much but it’s hard not to,’ admitted Tess, ‘and if it’s hard for me it must be terrible for him.’
‘It must be terrible for both of you. The longing for the closeness.’
‘It is.’
Dan was just coming out of the Abbey when they rounded the corner the building. He was looking around, clearly looking for them.
‘I think you have a quite remarkable young man there, Tess,’ murmured Susan.
‘Yes, I think so too.’
Dan saw them and started to walk in their direction.
‘In a way you are both lucky and unlucky.’
‘Blessed and cursed,’ whispered Tess.
‘Blessed and cursed – yes indeed, that is much more apt,’ Dan was about thirty yards from them now. ‘Tess,’ said Susan, her voice low but urgent. ‘Remember what I said; make the most of your time with him. I really believe you are here to do something for him, something big, but, once you have done it, you will go. Make the most of this gift Tess…ah Dan, how was the tour?’ she said, raising her voice to normal levels to greet him.
‘Hi, it was good, though I have to admit I wasn’t paying much attention.’
Susan was looking back at the group who had come out of the abbey. Again the Canadian women were staring at Dan.
‘I expect it would be nice to be somewhere where you were out of sight of all the prying eyes?’ she said, almost to herself. ‘How long do you have before you have to leave for the ferry?’
Dan looked at his watch.
‘About an hour,’ he said.
‘Well would you like to come back to my house and have some tea with me before you go?’
Dan looked at Tess who gave a little nod.
‘Yes, we’d love to, thanks,’ he said, ‘what did you two talk about?’
Before Tess could answer, Susan said, ‘I’ll leave it to Tess to decide whether she wants to tell you. It’s got to be her decision and she may well need to think about it.’
Dan looked at Tess who smiled and nodded.
‘Well, shall we go? It’s not too far.’
Monday evening
It was dark by the time the harbour at Oban came into view. The mirror smooth sea of the morning was now a distant memory. The wind had got up heralding the arrival of the front with its rain clouds. Squally showers swept across the decks driving almost everyone on the ferry under cover. Only Tess and Dan stayed out on the promenade deck braving the elements.
‘You can go inside you know,’ said Tess, ‘You’ll catch your death out here.’
‘Maybe, but then I couldn’t do this,’ he was stood behind her, looking out towards the lights of Oban and put his arms around her.
‘Aren’t I too cold to do this?’
‘Not in this weather!’ he laughed. ‘and I just want to hold you. Oh!’ he said, letting go, ‘Is this uncomfortable for you?’
Tess caught hold of his arms and pulled them round her again.
‘No it’s fine. Very much so in fact.’
They stood like this for most of the twenty minutes it took for the ferry to enter the harbour, not speaking but saying all that needed to be said, until the approach of the jetty and lights of the terminal buildings brought a handful of hardy souls out onto the deck.
As they were forced to step apart Tess whispered one line to him.
‘I love you so much,’ she said.
Dan noticed that a tear was running down her cheek.
Monday night
By the time they got back to the tent that night the rain was lashing down, sweeping across the campsite in great sheets of water.
Dan rushed around the tent, tightening the guy ropes that had slackened off in the moisture rich air, pulling the outer skin off the inner dome and trying to remove the water that was pooling on the porch extension.
Tess watched with a big grin on her face.
‘What’s tickling you?’ he said.
‘I’m not getting wet!’ she said triumphantly.
‘Very funny.’
Dan stood back to check his handiwork, playing the torch over the tent. The nylon was being buffeted so much it was hard to tell.
‘You done?’ said Tess.
‘I’m done. Maybe we should have booked in a B and B.’
‘Bit late now! Shall we go in?’
Dan unzipped the entrance and held it open to let Tess in, then crawled in behind her. Tess went through to the sleeping area whilst Dan zipped up and lit the camping lantern. He took off his dripping coat and put it on the back of the folding chair he kept in the front part of the tent. He then lit and filled the trangia hoping that the heat would help to dry things.
‘You’re soaked, you need to get out of those wet things,’ said Tess who was lying on the sleeping bag.
Dan nodded and stripped off his trouser, jumper, base layer and socks, then hurried shivering into the sleeping area.
‘Mmm…nice body – for an old man!’ she said.
‘Thanks,’ said Dan, trying to control his shaking and rooting in his rucksack for a dry t-shirt. ‘Pity I can’t see yours.’
‘Who says you can’t?’ she said coyly.
‘What?’
‘Well fairs fair. Tell you what, lie back on your sleeping bag.’
Dan hesitated, t-shirt in hand.
‘Go on,’ she urged, ‘before I change my mind!’
Dan opened out his bag and laid down, his eyes fixed on Tess.
‘Don’t get too excited, I’m nothing special, but here goes,’ she said and pulled her t-shirt over her head. ‘Consider yourself really special, Mr Jackson, I’ve never done a striptease for anyone before.’
‘I do feel honoured,’ he said quietly as she pulled her shoes and socks off, then undid her jeans. She wriggled them off and threw them to one side.
‘Want me to carry on?’ she said, kneeling facing him.
‘Oh yes. Please,’ Dan said breathlessly.
‘I’m feeling quite shy now,’ she giggled and turned her back on him. She unclipped her bra and slipped it off, then hooked her fingers into the waistband of her knickers and pulled them down.
‘Ready?’ she said, looking over her shoulder,
He nodded.
She turned around, one arm across her breasts, the other hand between her legs. Then, with a shy smile, let her hands drop to her side.
‘There,’ she said.
‘Oh Tess, wow.’
‘Terrible huh?’
‘No,’ Dan shook his head, ‘wonderful.’
‘Liar!’ she said, covering her breasts again but smiling broadly.
Dan looked down, ‘I’ve proof I’m not lying,’ he said.
Tess’s eyes followed his. ‘Ooh yes!’ she giggled, ‘Hey that’s not fair, you’re still wearing something.’
Dan put that right.
‘Don’t you think it’s a bit kinky being turned on by a dead girl?’
‘No, not at all,’ he said, ‘and if it is, frankly I don’t care. So what now?’
‘Lie back. Sorry but I think I’m going to have to do everything. Please try not to touch me, I may not be able to handle it.’
He nodded and laid back, ‘If you must,’ he said.
‘Oh I must,’ she said, straddling him.
The cool of her thighs gripped him as she started to run her fingers up and down his body.
Tuesday 1 am
Much later she lay alongside him watching him sleep.
Their lovemaking had been brief but incredibly intense. When Dan had his orgasm it was like she was being filled with liquid fire. It had exhausted her though, she had struggled to stay with him. Afterwards she had wanted so much to be held by him, to rest her head on his chest, but she could not bear the lightest of touches. She had only been able to lay alongside him, not even able to speak much, and listened as he spoke to her, and looked at him as he did at her.
‘Oh Dan,’ she whispered lightly to his now sleeping form, ‘What is it I have to do for you?’
She prayed silently, praying that, whatever it was, it wouldn’t come too soon.