This Love of Mine (Raine Series #1)

CHAPTER 24

Madison

"I'm letting you go, Kayla. As much as I want you and want this to work, I just can't. I feel deeper for you than anyone I have ever been with, but I can't deal with you pushing me away at every turn. I'm leaving in two days, well technically the end of today, and I think it would be best if we didn't see each other until then. I need you to know that no matter what happens, I will always be there for you. You can always call me, anytime and I'll come runnin'."

I knew she was gonna be pissed, hell I half expected her to smack the shit out of me, but I have to admit I was shocked by her reaction.

"You're absolutely right Madison, I do push you away. And right here, this, you and me, this is why I pushed you away. I knew confiding in you was a mistake. I don't know how I could've been so stupid. Do me a favor, and forget you ever met me. Actually, you know what, I'll make it easy on you and just keep out of your way. Have a nice life, cowboy."

Before she was even fully clothed, she was runnin' back towards her house. I sat up as I pulled my shirt over my head. I knew it was going to hurt to do that to her, but what I hadn't anticipated was just how bad it was going to break my heart.

I could feel the tears welling up behind my eyelids as I gathered the blanket from the ground. I didn't even bother to pull my boots back on or my hat. I watched as the last light left on in her house went out, and I stopped under our tree one last time. After tonight, this tree would lose all of its meaning to her, but it would forever represent the life I so longed to have, with the only girl I had ever loved. Kayla James did something to my heart and mind that could never be replaced. No other woman would ever measure up to her and the feelings that came along with loving that girl.

I pulled my smokes from my pocket and lit up one last time in this vast empty field. I took in the feel of the humid air wrapping itself around my sweat glistened body. The way the moonlight danced through every branch of the tree, and I pictured Kayla's face the last time we made love. I took a drag and slowly blew out the cloud of smoke between my dry lips. I knew she was going to hate me, just like she did her momma and that sorry excuse for an ex-boyfriend. Knowing what I said to her was a lie, didn't make it hurt any less. If I could take it all back and know she would come running into my arms, I would. But the reality of it was that she didn't want me as much as I wanted her, and that was something I was going to have to come to terms with on my own. The lines of a Gary Allen song sat on repeat in my brain. "Life ain't always beautiful."

Well, that's for damn sure!

Those words, never rang more true than in this moment. Lord knows I believe that she was meant for me. There was a reason that girl was brought into my life, but in some twist of fate, that meaning didn't want to come out right now. I was okay with that.

I was off to Arizona the end of today, and I was hoping that something positive would come out of all of this. As I finished my smoke and put it out on the patch of grass below me, I remembered what my grandfather always told me. "There is one person for everybody. You may meet her now or you may meet her later, but she will always stay with you, whether in body or spirit." Man if that ain't the truth.

I made my way back to the house, stopping to say good-bye to Rocket and the other horses before I headed off to bed. I knew I wasn't going to be gettin' much sleep tonight, but lord knows I would try. I thought about taking a shower when I got back to my room, but I just couldn't bring myself to wash off her sweet strawberry scent. That and the memory of the time we got to spend together, was something I wanted to hold onto for as long as possible. I stripped down to my boxer briefs and fell onto my bed, without pulling back the comforter or sheets. I tucked my hand behind my head and closed my eyes to visions of Kayla staring back at me. I fell asleep to her smile and her smooth gentle laugh. Dreaming of nothing but that gorgeous brown haired beauty standing by my side.

****

I woke to the aroma of bacon and eggs billowing up around me. As I made my way downstairs, I could faintly hear my grandparents in a heated conversation. I almost felt bad walking in on them, but the minute I heard Kayla's and my name, I all but ran down the remaining stairs.

My grandparents sat at the dining room table arguing for the first time I'd ever seen. I knew I was in deep shit the minute my grandfather looked up and had that stern look on his face. "Okay, I'm awake now. So have at it, Sir."

I stretched my arms out to my side waiting for the impact of my grandfather's fist, but it never came. Instead, he hauled his old ass out that back door, slamming it behind him. I glanced over at my grandmother's sullen face and immediately wrapped her up in my arms. I wasn't exactly sure why she was sad or why my grandfather was pissed, but I knew at that moment, all she needed was a hug from her only grandchild.

"I'm sorry, Gran. I wish I didn't have to go, but this is something I have to do for myself. Please don't be sad." I whispered into her hair.

"Oh baby, of course I'm sad that you're leavin', but I'm more upset with the fact that you let that sweet girl go. I swear she could've been the best thing to ever happen to you."

Shit! That was the last thing I expected to hear coming from my gran. Now I understood why my grandfather was so pissed off. It had absolutely nothing to do with me leaving the state for college. And it had everything to do with the fact that he had told me to stay away from that girl, and I basically thrust myself into her life. I felt worse than I had the night before, knowing that I had to go make peace with my grandfather.

"Gran, it just wasn't meant to be. I'm gonna go talk to Grandpa."

I kissed the top of her head and made my way out back. Sure enough, my grandfather sat in his rocker, waiting for me to join him. I was ready to get a mouth full, hell I deserved more than that, but I was gonna let him unleash on me regardless of how the situation really played out. There was no reason to involve Kayla in all of this, because in all actuality, I was the one who let her go, not the other way around.

"You wanna tell me what part of, that girl doesn't need to be hurt anymore, you didn't understand?"

"No, not really, Sir. All I can really say is that I'm sorry. I wish things would've turned out differently, but they didn't. I thought you, out of everybody, would be happy about this."

"Of course I'm not happy about it, son. I told you to stay away so she would never have to deal with this from you. I knew she was gonna fall for you, boy. They all do. But, she is one girl who didn't deserve to have to deal with you and your heart breakin' ways."

I felt bad, I really did, and hearing the words come out of my grandfather's mouth made my heart break all over again.

"Sir look, I will make peace with her family before I leave tonight, but you can't blame me for the whole situation. There were two people involved in this and she never said no."

"Boy, you better watch your tongue, right this second. Now I won't stand for this back talk. Make it right, and go. No reason to prolong the inevitable. Just get it over with. I'll see ya for dinner, and don't ya dare be late."

"Yes, Sir." I watched as my grandfather headed back inside and as soon as the screen door snapped into place, I all but lost it. I knew what I had to do, but I honestly didn't think I would survive having to see her again. I took my ball cap off of my head and tossed it to the gravel. I ran my hands through my hair and down my face, as a few stray tears worked their way out.

A few minutes later, I pulled myself together enough to go talk to the James'. I grabbed my hat from the ground and pulled it back down over my mess of hair. The entire walk over to their house felt like an eternity. When I eventually reached their front steps, I had rehearsed my speech at least a million times. I knocked two times and stood back with my hands in my front pockets, waiting for her granddad to come out and shoot my ass for even returning to their home. I was surprised when it was Mrs. James who came to the door.

"Why Madison Raine, what are ya doin' on my front porch?"

"I'm sorry ma'am, I just came to have a few words with you and Mr. James if that's okay?" I pulled my hat from my head and tucked it into my back pocket.

"Well come on in honey. Jasper is in the kitchen."

"Thank you, ma'am."

I followed Kayla's grandmamma through their house and into their kitchen where we found Mr. James fixin' himself a plate of food. I felt bad for intruding on their breakfast, but if I didn't do this now, I would lose my nerve to do what needed to be done.

"Mr. James, Mrs. James, I just wanted to come by and apologize. I'm sorry for the way things ended with your granddaughter. It was never my intention to hurt her. I need you to know that. She means more to me than even she will ever understand. Hell, I would give my life for that girl up there." I pointed up the stairs, praying that Kayla didn't come down while I was there. It would've been more than I could bear.

"She's not here honey, so you can wipe that worried look off your face. She and Cami headed into town early this morning to meet some friends."

The look on my face went from fearful to perplexed in less than an instant. As far as I knew, Kayla had no other friends in this town besides me. I didn't dwell on this bit of news for too long, because I was here for her grandparent’s forgiveness, not to worry about who she was with.

"Either way, I just want y'all to know that I am sorry if I hurt y'all and your granddaughter. You won't have to worry about it any longer though. I'll be leavin' for Arizona tonight and you won't have to deal with me ever again. So, thank you for your time. Y'all enjoy your breakfast now." I gave a small wave and started making my way to the front door. Before I could turn the knob I felt a cold gentle hand grip my forearm, trying to turn me around.

"Madison, honey, can I speak to you for a minute out front?"

"Of course, Mrs. James." I opened the door and let her walk through first as I followed right behind her. We took a seat on the matching white rocking chairs and Mrs. James slowly reached out for my hand. I let her take it, even though the mere contact was already choking me up inside.

"Madison, I need you to know something. Now I know your granddaddy and my husband would never tell you this, but I think you deserve to know why Jasper is so hard on you. It has nothin' to do with Kayla. Okay, maybe a bit of it, but the main reason is your granddaddy himself. See back when your grandparents, Jasper and I were all in high school together, the relationships were actually reversed. Your granddaddy and me had been together for three years when he started havin' eyes for your grandmamma. Jasper and your grandmamma had been together for a year longer than your granddaddy and me. Needless to say, things got very complicated. Long story short, I started fallin' for your granddaddy again, after Jasper and me got together. He still had some feelings for your grandmamma, but she was over the moon in love with your granddaddy and refused to take Jasper back. You Raine men have quite the effect on women. Everyone looked at it, as though we all settled, but in reality we wound up with the ones we were supposed to be with. After that, Jasper and your granddaddy held a grudge. Til this day, they still refuse to talk unless they absolutely have to. So see, part of it has to do with Kayla, but the bigger thing is that he just doesn't want our families intermingling. Now we love that little girl more than life itself and I never want to see no harm come to her, but I know you to be a good boy. You always have been, and I would be proud to have you be a part of this family. So when the time is right, y'all will find your way back to one another, I know you will."

My mind was spinning with all the information she had just shared with me. I guess a part of me had always wondered why my grandfather and Mr. James refused to talk to each other, but I never would've guessed all of this. And then, what she said about me and Kayla settled in. I had no choice but to agree with her, because let's face it, she'd been around long enough and experienced love enough, to know when it was gonna work.

I gave her a long tight hug and thanked her for all that she had shared. I left the James' place with a new sense of hope, knowing that Kayla and I would find our way back to each other. I had to believe it, because with out that, I had nothing.

****

I was due to leave around eleven tonight and for some reason, I just had a feeling that she would be out in that open patch of land, waiting for me. Whether it was to say good-bye or tell me to go to hell, I found myself hoping and praying that she would be there. It was ten forty five, when I said my good-byes to my grandparents and made my way out to that field. My hands were sweating, my heart was racing and I swear I was about to pass out, but all that only intensified, when I saw her brown locks blowing in the breeze as her back was turned to me.

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath as I neared the tree where she stood. I wasn't exactly sure what to say to her, but I was hoping that it would just come to me, just as my growing love for her had. She must've heard me, because she quickly turned around and ran straight into my arms. I wasn't sure how to react, but I held her tightly, almost as if I would never see her again. I could feel her tears soaking through my shirt and it took everything inside of me not to beg her to come with me, or even drag her back to my truck.

I ran my fingers through her long dark hair as she pressed her face deeper into my chest. Neither of us spoke as we stood there, holding one another, knowing this was good-bye.

When she finally pulled back, I looked down into her sparkling blue eyes, wet with sadness. I ran the pads of my thumbs underneath them, removing the black mascara that had pooled at the bottom. She was so beautiful, even when she looked a mess. Man, how I loved this girl.

"I just had to say a proper good-bye. I couldn't let you go thinkin' I hated you. I know why you did what you did and it makes me want to love you all that more. You're something else, Madison Raine. Think of me often." Her voice was trembling and all I wanted to do was ease her pain.

"Always, Kayla James, always. We'll find our way back to each other, I just know it. You were meant for me KJ. I believe that. Can I call you when I get there?" I wasn't sure what she was going to say, but her saying anything was better than nothing at all.

"You better." She smiled a true genuine smile and my heart soared. I would come back for her. If it was the last thing I did, I would do it, sooner rather than later.