chapter 22
(Mikey)
I jump in the cab outside of the airport, looking forward to coming home after my trip to see the Patriots/Packers playoff game. De texts me telling me to make sure I don’t go to my new house without her. The only way I ever want to go to my new house is if she’s with me; so that’s not a problem.
I open the door of the condo to an amazing smell coming from the kitchen and drop my bags by the door. Deanna hears the commotion and peeks her head out of the kitchen.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” I ask, pleasantly surprised to find her in my kitchen, looking as pretty as ever.
That confirms it for me. Coming home and seeing her face feels incredible. A feeling I can definitely get used to. My phone rings before she has a chance to answer me. I glance down and see it is Lora Rae. I ignore the call and switch the phone to vibrate, giving De my full attention.
“I wanted to surprise you and make you dinner. Remember our bet, I owe you dinner?”
“Oh, that’s right, you do. I didn’t forget, but I thought you did.” I smile. “Where is everyone?” I ask, looking around.
“Luke and JJ are at their house. I think they’re repainting the bedroom. JJ wasn’t crazy about the color they originally picked. They’ve been staying there the last few days. I think they’re pretty much set. Most of the furniture was delivered this week, except for the bedrooms.” She makes it clear that we have the condo to ourselves.
“Cool.” My phone vibrates. I glance down again, seeing Lora Rae’s name.
“You can answer that. I’ll go in the other room,” she says, offering me privacy.
“Nah, it can wait.” We stand there looking at each other for a long time. She knows me well enough to know when I have something on my mind. “It’s Lora Rae. She’s unexpectedly in town.” I roll my eyes. “I told her I’d stop by her hotel tonight.”
“Oh my God, go, go… I’m sorry, I should have checked with you first. It’s not a big deal, really. We can do this some other time. I’ll wrap it up for you. You can have it later.” I know she feels embarrassed.
“No. It’s a very big deal. I want to stay. I’ve been waiting for this for a long time.” I look into her big, brown, disappointed eyes. “Besides, you never pay up on your bets,” I tease, softening the mood between us. I place the phone on the counter.
She smiles at me. “Really? Are you sure?”
“Absolutely.” There is nothing more that I want than to spend the night hanging out with Deanna, just the two of us. I had no idea that Lora Rae was flying in until I received a text that she was here. It’s been awhile since I’ve last seen her.
I help carry the dinner to the table, open a bottle of wine and pour us each a glass. I’m impressed by the amount of time she spent preparing dinner, not to mention the fact that she picked one of my favorite dishes. We have a relaxing dinner with no interruptions, and the conversation flows easily between us, just like always. She fills me in on school and I tell her about the Patriots killing the Packers as well as hanging out at McGreevy’s while in Boston. I promise to bring her with me when I play at Fenway Park this season. She tells me my house is almost complete and we make plans to see it tomorrow; she’s excited about it. I think it was pretty slick of me having her decorate the house that I hope to someday share with her. We sit at the table long after eating; drinking wine and talking. It’s been too long since we’ve hung out together and it makes me realize how much I need her in my life. She finally rises from the table to clear the plates.
“You sit. I’ll clean up, you cooked,” I say, jumping up and forcing her to sit back down.
“But, we made a bet… I lost. I can’t let you clean up. It’s part of the deal.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” I say dryly, sitting back down.
“You’re such an ass.” She smacks me.
We joke with each other as we clean up the kitchen together. I wash the dishes while she dries.
“Thank you. That was awesome,” I say, kissing her on the cheek.
“You’re welcome.” She looks up at me. My phone once again vibrates on the counter. We both turn our attention to it.
“Jesus Christ!” I exclaim.
“Why don’t you just answer it? I mean, you did tell her you were coming. She’s probably waiting,” she tells me, unable to look me in the eyes.
“De, it’s not what you think,” I say, reading her mind and turning her to face me.
“What?” she asks, trying to act as if she’s not bothered by it.
“I’m not into her.”
“What do you mean?”
“She’s different from us. Honestly, I liked her for about two weeks before it started to get old.” I laugh. “Besides, she’s into some stuff that just isn’t for me. I’ve only seen her once, right after the wedding, and I told her it wasn’t working out.”
“What kind of stuff?”
“Let’s just say they live a little wilder in LA. Her and her friends, they party way too hard. I don’t want to be involved with that shit, ya know?”
“God, no. You have way too much to lose. You’ve worked hard to get where you are. You shouldn’t be around stuff like that,” she says with genuine concern.
“I know, but at first, she promised she wouldn’t do it again, so I let it go. I knew they still partied, I just think she got a little better at hiding it. She’s got all these people around her, but nobody that really gives a shit about what she does. Anyway, I tried to tell her a few times that it was over, but then she calls with some sad, sorry story and I end up feeling bad for her. I always knew the relationship wasn’t goin’ anywhere. That’s why I didn’t bring her to the wedding. It’s not that kind of relationship.”
“What else is new?” she says sarcastically.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I cock my head to the side.
“You never care about anyone long enough to have a real relationship.”
“Here we go again.” I roll my eyes. “Not true,” I add, looking directly in her eyes as I take a step towards her.
“Name one person,” she says, not breaking her gaze from mine.
“There’s only one person I can name,” I say, taking another step closer.
I know this is the time. It feels right. I have to let her know what I’m feeling after all these years. I can’t stand it any longer. Since Thanksgiving, the tension between us has grown so thick, I can barely stand to look at her without thinking about how much I want her.
“Who?” she asks as I move even closer.
“What if I said…” I pause, and then I lose my nerve. “Never mind.” I’m standing directly in front of her, daring her to look away.
“I think you have to say it now,” she whispers nervously, biting her lower lip, but not breaking her gaze.
“What if I say… you are the only person I care enough about to ever be in a serious relationship with?” For the first time in my life, I’m feeling extremely nervous and shaky.
“I’d say… why did you agree to go to her hotel tonight?”
“Not the reason you’re thinking. I was going to make it clear once and for all that we’re through. I thought she’d get it if I told her in person, realizing she flew all the way out here for nothing.” Then I remember that De didn’t answer my question. “And… you can’t ask a question with a question.” I smile.
“I’m planning on answering your question, but I think you better get over to her hotel and make it clear to her that you are over… And when you get back, you’ll get your answer,” she says with a grin.
“I don’t want to leave you,” I answer honestly.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here when you get back.”
“Yeah? You Promise?”
“Promise.”
I pick my keys and phone up from the counter and turn to go. For some reason, I feel the need to let her know exactly how deep my feelings for her go. Before I reach the door, I stop and turn back to her. She’s about to re-enter the kitchen.
“DeDe,” I call out.
“Yeah?” She turns to face me.
“You know I love you, right?
“Of course, I love you, too,” she answers in a casual, friend kind of way.
I slowly move towards her, closing the gap between us and throwing my phone and keys on the table.
“No, De, not like that. I mean, I’m in love with you. Like crazy, sick in love with you. I don’t know why, but I just couldn’t say it out loud till now. I mean, I’ve loved you since I was twelve. I was just afraid to admit it.”
I stand here in front of her, unable to move. My chest is pulsating from the rapid beat of my heart. I’m finally baring my soul, hoping she feels the same way. Terrified, yet relieved at the same time to finally have it out in the open.
Every time Luke talked to me about his feelings for JJ, the shockwaves that travel through his body when she’s near, the pounding of his heart at the mention of her name, the need to always be in her life, I always laughed at Luke, made fun of him, but in reality, I know exactly what Luke is feeling. They are the same feelings I have whenever Deanna is near me, or away from me, for that matter. I couldn’t admit it to myself, let alone anyone else until now.
“Mikey?” she asks, unable to break her gaze from my eyes.
“Yeah?”
“I’m scared.”
“Me, too.”
“Why are you scared?” she asks, surprised.
‘“Cause I don’t know what you’re thinking.”
“I’m thinking… Why did you wait so long to tell me?” She takes that one last step towards me so that our bodies are touching. She reaches up to touch my face and I pull her to me and softly kiss her mouth, just as I had done once before. I pull back to look in her eyes and I see passion. My lips part open and my tongue touches hers. I explore her mouth, my heart beats more rapidly when her fingers run through my hair, she kisses me with such intensity that a fire burns inside me. My fingers slide down her neck and my mouth traces their path. My hands roam her body as she pulls my mouth to hers once again. We can’t let go until we satisfy the craving we’ve been denying for so long.
“I’m in love with you, too,” She admits, pulling her mouth away only long enough to get the words out as chills run through my body, followed by intense heat.
My hands cup her face as I take her mouth again, tasting what I’ve been missing and wanting for years. This is where we belong. There is no one else for us.
We clumsily begin to make our way to the bedroom. It’s hard to do, considering we refuse to remove our lips from one another. My arm is around her waist, molding her body with mine. I want her to feel how badly I want her. The phone on the table begins to vibrate once again.
“Mikey, you should get that,” she says breathlessly, her tongue tracing right below my ear.
“I can’t,” I say, again taking her mouth to mine, guiding her towards my room.
“You should. End this with her tonight. I want you all to myself,” she demands, unable to pull herself away as she continues to press herself against my hard body.
“You’ve always had me to yourself.”
“But I never knew that till now.” She kisses me heatedly one last time before regretfully backing away. “At least answer her call.” I look at her, my breathing erratic. I’m torn. I don’t want to lose this moment, but then again, this is hopefully the start of a lot of these moments.
“Just so we’re clear, I want you so badly it hurts right now. I don’t want to let you go at all. I love you so much and it took us so long to get to this point, yet I want her to know that you are done. I don’t want her interrupting us with phone calls every five minutes. It’s insane.” She says.
I let out a sigh. “I know.” I need to stop this craziness. I want De completely, no interferences, but I’m nervous to take this call. Lora Rae is acting more desperate than usual, calling literally every five minutes. I don’t want to ruin this moment with Deanna. I waited a long time to get to this place and something about the way Lora Rae keeps calling, makes me uneasy.
Deanna reluctantly hands me the phone. She gives me a half-hearted smile, trying to reassure me that it is okay to take the call. I can tell she’s feeling as uneasy as me, though. “I love you,” I whisper, kissing her lips.
I touch the answer button on my phone. “Hello,” I say unemotionally.
“Hi, where are you? I thought you were coming around six?”
“I know. I got held up.”
“Doing what?”
“Deanna stopped by. We were catchin’ up.”
“Oh.” She sounds disappointed. “When will you be here?”
“Look, Lora Rae. We need to talk, I’m—”
“You’re right, we do need to talk,” she interrupts. “I’m pregnant.”
Deanna observes the conversation. My body goes cold as if I found out someone has died. I don’t say good-bye. I just click off the phone. I’m frozen. Deanna senses something is wrong.
“What’s the matter, are you okay?” she asks, reaching out to touch my face. I pull away as if her touch will burn my skin.
“She’s pregnant.”