chapter 18
(Deanna)
Mikey is swarmed by guys and girls the second we step foot into CJ’s. He’s become a huge celebrity in our little town instead of just a hometown hero.
“Great, if his head gets any bigger, he’ll never make it through the door,” I mumble to myself while he takes me by the hand—making my heart flutter—and leading me to the back bar to meet our friends. I’d only admit it to myself, but I’m really proud of him.
It’s great seeing everyone again. I spot Cathy and Lori first. It’s odd seeing Lori without Matt, they broke up before heading back to college this year, but they still keep in touch. Who knows, maybe one day they’ll end up together again. Billy is also close by, but he’s busy hooking up with a girl we used to go to school with. Everyone is hoping JJ and Luke show up, they’re looking forward to seeing them and congratulating them on their engagement.
I find myself watching Mikey from across the bar. For some reason, I’m jealous of all the attention he’s receiving. Girls are practically throwing themselves at him. I mean, it’s always been this way, but somehow it feels different to me now. I keep an eye on him as he hangs out at the bar with his friends and throws back a shot. I guess he’s probably filling them in about his hot, new, celebrity girlfriend and life in LA. He hasn’t stopped talking and they look like they’re hanging onto every word he says.
Almost at the same time, the girls and I spot Alexa across the crowded bar. She’s with her friends from high school and a few people that I don’t recognize. I’m hoping it doesn’t ruin JJ’s and Luke’s night if they do decide to show up.
Lori taps me on the shoulder to tell me that Mikey is trying to get my attention. When I turn to face him, he motions for me to come over and I make my way over to meet him.
“Hey, what’s up?” I ask.
He places his arm across my shoulder. “Are you okay? Do you need anything?” His bright blue eyes focus on mine.
A fluttery feeling comes over me and a chill runs down my spine. It’s a feeling that is becoming all too familiar whenever I am with him. It’s been there for as long as I can remember, but I’ve always managed to keep it buried inside. Yet, since we’ve been living apart, whenever I see him it seems to hit me harder. We’ve always been close and I’ve always felt something strong for him, but assumed it was because of the fact that we grew up together in the same house. However, as we get older, my feelings are intensifying and I’m not sure what to do about it.
“What are you drinking?” he asks, his gaze fixates on my mouth.
“Vodka and Cranberry,” I answer, unable to break away from his eyes.
He orders me a drink as he slides his hand under my hair, massaging the back of my neck with his thumbs and fingers.
“Are you having fun?” he asks.
“Yes. Are you?”
“Yeah, I’m havin’ fun watchin’ you,” he answers and I roll my eyes.
“Why do you do that?” He gives me a flirtatious smile.
“What?”
“Roll your eyes when I say somethin’ nice to you.”
“Are you drunk?”
“A little,” He admits, smiling. “So?”
He’s leaning on the bar so that he is eye-level with me and his face is so close that I can smell that he is chewing his favorite cinnamon gum. For some reason, he’s making me nervous, but I like the idea of him flirting with me.
Before I have a chance to respond, we are interrupted by a girl I went to high school with. Cyndi Tollin, an acquaintance of mine; we’ve never hung out, but I know her from hanging around. She’s got these sexy, blue eyes and jet-black hair that all of my guy friends find attractive. Something about her made me always find her annoying in high school, though.
“Hi, Deanna, how are you? You look great,” she says in a phony, upbeat way.
“She does, doesn’t she?” Mikey chimes in as his eyes roam up and down my body.
“Thanks, so do you,” I answer, giving him a nudge in the gut.
“Are you two together now?” Cyndi asks bluntly.
Mikey’s eyes bore into mine. A sly grin crosses his lips while they wait for my response.
“Uh… n— no,” I stutter. Mikey gives me a frown.
“Oh good, so you don’t mind introducing us?” Cyndi responds, eyeing him up and down as she scoots closer to him.
I’m appalled and pissed that she actually acts this way in front of me. Mikey on the other hand seems amused by it.
“Mikey, this is Cyndi,” I say harshly, taking a step back.
“Nice to meet you,” Mikey says while noticeably checking her out. Now that I’m totally pissed off, I leave them to talk as I storm off.
Thankfully, I spot Luke and JJ talking with friends on the other side of the bar. Everyone is already congratulating them on their engagement. I catch up to meet them, thankful for the distraction. They look happy and seem to be having a good time hanging out with everyone.
I glance over, watching Cyndi and Mikey. She looks to be doing all of the talking, but he doesn’t seem to mind, especially when she runs her hand down his arms every time she laughs at something he says.
“I’ll be right back. I’m running to the bathroom,” JJ says, breaking my trance.
“Do you want me to go with you?” Luke asks, protectively wrapping his arm around her waist.
“I think I got it.” She laughs. He pulls her close and kisses her lips before releasing her. God, they’re pathetic.
Luke watches her as she walks away. His friends take note and tease him about it. He laughs along with them, knowing he’s caught.
***
(Jesse)
I step out of the stall, only to come face-to-face with Alexa who is standing at the mirror. She’s running her fingers through her sexy, blonde locks of hair, shaking it out wildly. The bathroom is tight and there isn’t much space, so I have no choice except to stand beside her as I wash my hands. I can feel her staring at me, wanting to say something.
“I’m sorry,” she finally says. I ignore her and continue washing. “I’m sorry for what I did to you,” she repeats, watching me through the mirror.
I confidently pull my lipstick from my purse, being sure to apply it with my left hand, baring my shiny new diamond as it glistens off the mirror. I’m not the scared girl I used to be.
“There’s nothing to be sorry about. You weren’t a factor in my life then, and you most certainly aren’t a factor in my life now,” I say arrogantly as I continue to apply my lipstick with a steady hand.
Alexa smiles timidly. “I deserve that.” She pauses. “You’re right, I never was. From the first day I saw him with you, I knew that. He never looked at me the way he looked at you.” I don’t respond, but she gets my attention and I look at her through the mirror. “I hated you for it, and I did a lot of shitty things to try and get in your way. Obviously, it didn’t work.” A sorrowful smile falls from her face.
“Why are you telling me this? It doesn’t even matter now, it was high school,” I ask, turning to face her.
“See, that’s the thing. It doesn’t matter to you, but it was a huge wake up call for me. I guess you don’t know how it feels to have someone you care about not even be able to look at you because all they want is for you to be someone else. God, it’s not like he even tried to hide it, even when we were together. He made a point of telling me numerous times that I wasn’t you and I’d never be you.” She laughs to herself, shaking her head. “It took me a while, but I finally got it. I realized I didn’t want to be the girl that everyone used to have a good time. It made me want what you had, someone that respected me, loved me and defended me… someone that actually liked spending time with me.”
“Well then, good for you,” I reply, seeming a bit sarcastic. I’m not sure what to make of her. I stuff my lipstick in my purse and turn to leave.
“I guess, I shouldn’t have said, ‘I was sorry.’ I guess what I meant is, thank you. I think I’m a better person now. I still haven’t found that guy, yet, but at least I’m making better choices, hoping to find him some day.” She smiles and it’s a sincere smile.
It’s now clear to me that I’m not the only one who has changed over the last two years. She doesn’t have an ulterior motive and seems embarrassed by her past behavior. I think she is sincerely trying to make amends. “You will,” I tell her and give her a half-hearted smile.
“Thanks,” she says, then calls out as I’m leaving, “Jesse, congratulations to both of you.”
“Thank you,” I say, feeling somewhat relieved to have had that conversation.
Even though I told Alexa she wasn’t a factor in my life, obviously back then, she had been a huge factor. It mapped out the last two years of my life. I believed that Luke had slept with her that night. It’s why I stayed away from him. Of course, I’d never admit that to her.
“What took so long?” Luke asks as I walk up. I give him a kiss and tell him there was a line. I’ll tell him later about running into Alexa. Besides, we are having a good time and I don’t want to waste a second of it talking about her, no matter how much she has changed.
***
(Mikey)
It’s getting late and the bar is about to close. I take a walk around, looking for De to let her know we are about to leave. I don’t know why I always feel the need to push her away just as we’re getting close, but the way I feel about her is making me insane. I want to tell her, but it scares the shit out of me not knowing how she’s going to react.
I see her talking with one of the bouncers. He’s worked here for a while. I know him from when we used to hang out here and De knows him from the summer she worked at CJ’s.
As I walk up behind her, he holds out his hand to shake mine. I reciprocate the handshake but barely acknowledge him.
“Are you ready to get out of here? We’re leavin’,” I whisper in Deanna’s ear.
“Um… I don’t know. Where’s Cyndi?” she whispers to me with an attitude.
“Back there, do you want her?” I say sarcastically.
“No, do you?”
“Would I be standing here?” I ask. Fixated on her eyes and mouth.
Her bouncer friend can’t hear the bantering between us, but I can tell by the way he keeps shifting his stance that he feels uncomfortable, as if he’s in the middle of something, which he is. When she finally breaks her focus from me, she realizes that he’s still standing beside her. She politely turns to him and says goodbye. I feel the need to take her by the hand, so I do, and she doesn’t resist. We make our way to the back bar to say our goodbyes to our friends.
***
The next morning I overhear Deanna and Maria discussing Jeffery at the kitchen table. I hang back so I can try to hear what they are saying. I hear her say that he has been texting her, telling her that he misses her. I feel the back of my neck get warm when she tells her mom that she is confused and maybe she should hear him out. It leaves me feeling a little torn up inside, knowing that she still cares about him. I decide to head into the rec room and flick on the TV instead of being around anyone right now.
Not long after, she enters the room. I can’t help noticing that she looks just as beautiful now in her flannel pajama pants, thermal shirt and slippers as she did last night in her tight jeans and the short black sweater that hugged her body. She plops down next to me, putting her feet up on the table in front of us. She’s quiet as she rests her head against my arm. Without giving it a thought, I lift my arm and wrap it around her, giving her access to rest her head against my chest. I’m not sure why, it’s just a natural instinct and something we sometimes do whenever we watch TV together.
“What are you watching?” she asks quietly.
“Nothing really… here.” I hand over the remote. She looks up at me with those big, dark eyes. I’m usually not so passive, but I’m enjoying sitting here with her and being close. I don’t feel like bickering. I give her a slight smile while rubbing the top of her head with my fingers. I align my eyes with the TV, not wanting to make more of it. She surfs the channels and ends up on the Sport’s Channel.
Wow, if I would have known that handing over the remote to her would make her put on something that I like; I would have done it years ago. We watch the highlights of today’s games.
“Who do you like today?” she asks.
“Uh… I like the Redskins, ‘cause I’d take anyone over the Cowboys.” I laugh. When you’re an Eagles’ fan, you like any team that’s versus the Cowboys, no matter who it is. “… and I like the Patriots, ‘cause you gotta go with Brady on Thanksgiving, but whatever, I just enjoy the games.”
“Do you miss playing when you’re in off season?”
“I always miss playin’ when I’m away from it for too long, but it’s okay havin’ a little break. It was a long season.”
“Do you like flying and going all over the place to play?”
“I like seeing all the different cities and playing in the stadiums that we grew up watching; it’s cool.”
“I’ll bet.”
“I’ll take you with me sometime… better yet…” and then I just have to go and open up my big mouth because everyone knows I can never be that nice for too long. “…once you graduate, you can come with me. I’ll put ya up. You won’t have to work.” I laugh.
“Nice, so I’ll be a kept woman?” she asks sarcastically.
“Well, not like that, but let’s be honest… you major in Cheerleading. What the hell are you gonna do when you graduate, cheer for the Eagles or the Tampa Bay Buccaneers? You’ll only get a couple of years out of that and then you’ll be too old.”
“First of all, a*shole, I am not a Cheerleading major. My major is Public Relations! Are you freakin’ kidding me? You thought I was going to school for cheerleading?” She’s pissed.
I’m laughing hysterically. “What the hell do I know? That’s even better. You’re hired. I’ll have my own personal PR person. That’s what you had in mind all along, isn’t it?” I tease.
“Oh God, you are unbelievable! Yeah, that’s exactly what I had in mind, to follow you around and be your personal PR person so I can come up with some bullshit every time you do something asinine! God bless the person that’s stuck with that job!” she says sarcastically as she pulls away.
I tighten my arm around her so that she can’t get away. “Ah, c’mon, I’m just playin’ with you. What’s better than to have the girl I trust the most in the world on my side.” I kiss the top of her head.
“You’re still an ass,” she says as she submissively rests her head against my chest once again.