chapter 23
(Jesse)
“Hey, babe, can you come in here for a sec?” Luke calls from the master bedroom as I paint the walls of my studio.
“What’s up?” I answer joyfully, entering the room.
“God, you look good,” he says, smiling, admiring the baggy sweatpants I’m wearing with one of his old t-shirts and baseball hats.
“Seriously? Are you out of your mind?” I laugh, glancing down at myself covered in paint. “Wow, I like it!” I say, checking out the partially-painted wall.
“Cool. I wanted to see what you thought before I went any further. This is the Cloudless Day Blue. I did a patch of the Ocean Air Blue over there” He points to a small patch near the walk-in closet.
“Definitely the Cloudless Day,” I answer.
“Good, that’s what I thought. The other is a little too light.”
“Yep, I agree,” I say as my phone starts ringing from the other room. “It looks good!” I holler back as I race to answer it.
“Hello?” I answer breathlessly, catching it on the last ring.
“JJ, I need you,” Deanna utters, barely audible.
“De, what happened? Are you okay?” I ask panicked, thinking the worst.
“Where’s Luke?”
“In the other room, do you need him?”
“No. Please don’t let him hear you.”
I make my way to the farthest part of the house, whispering, “What happened? Are you okay? You’re scaring me.”
“Mikey.” She begins to sob.
“Oh my God, what is it? Is he okay?”
“JJ, you don’t understand. Tonight, we finally said it. We finally admitted to each other how we feel…” Deanna relays the details of the evening. She has always been there for me throughout the years and she needs me now. I try to think of a way to see her without alarming Luke. Deanna isn’t ready to tell Luke, and honestly, I’m not up for the task, either. Luke’s always been clueless when it comes to Mikey and Deanna. Besides, I’m sure Mikey will fill him in soon enough.
***
“Hey, who was that?” Luke asks as he rolls the paint up and down the wall closest to the window as I enter the master bedroom.
“It was De. Would you mind if I head over to see her? She asked if I want to get something to eat with her. She seems as if she wants to talk about something,” I say, blowing it off as if it’s nothing important.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, I think so. She just wants to get together.” I shrug, not wanting to alarm him.
“How about I drive you, we can stay at the condo tonight. The smell of paint might be too much to handle here.”
“Nah, I want to stay here tonight. We can sleep in the spare room. I closed the door and opened the window. Are you hungry? I’ll bring you back something.” Deanna is at the condo. I need to keep Luke here.
“No, I’m fine. There’s stuff in the fridge. I’ll make a couple of sandwiches later.” He knows me well enough to know when something isn’t right. “You sure everything’s okay?”
“Yep,” I answer, unable to look him in the eye. I walk over, kiss him goodbye and tell him I’ll be back soon.
***
(Mikey)
I jump on my bike, needing to feel the cold air beating against my body as I race down the highway towards the Hilton. Pregnant? How could this be? Was it some type of desperate move on her part to keep me tied to her? Why would she lie about something like this? She has everything. She’s the new ‘it’ girl. She’s on the cover of every magazine, has a hit TV show and is starring in her first feature film. She has her whole career ahead of her. Unless you are a die-hard baseball fan or live in Tampa, people barely know who I am. I’m a rookie. She’s a star. She could have anyone she wants; the problem is, she wants me.
I can’t think straight. My mind is racing in a million directions. Moments earlier, I thought I had everything I wanted. Now, some girl I barely know is pregnant. Family is everything to me. I never had much of a family myself, until the DiAngelo’s took me in. They are my family. Deanna is my family.
Up until now, I never thought about kids. However, feeling the way I do when I hold De in my arms, I know that she is the only person I ever want to share something so sacred with. What am I going to do? I need to talk to Luke, but how could I? This is not the way I want to break it to him that I’m in love with his sister.
I ease my bike into a parking space, and let out a deep breath before removing the keys from the ignition. I sit here a minute, trying to catch my breath. How can a night that starts out so perfect, turn into something like this? I ride the elevator to the top floor, to Suite 2A. Again, I take a few moments outside of the door before knocking. I knock quietly, almost hoping she doesn’t answer.
The door opens. She stands there, looking at me. Her fiery red hair is flowing loosely around her shoulders. She wears a black lacey blouse that hugs her body tightly in all the right places. Her jeans outline every curve of her body. She smiles, inviting me inside. She uses the same seductive smile she lured me in with back in Texas when we first met. Back then, it turned me on. Now, I can’t run far enough away. I step inside, unable to look at her.
“When did you find out? Are the first words to fall from my mouth.
“Sit down.” She leads me to the soft, cushiony couch covered with pillows. She tucks her long legs under her body motioning for me to sit next to her.
“I’m fine,” I say stiffly, standing by the door.
“Oh, so is this how it’s going to be? Before, I couldn’t get you out of my bed. Now, you can’t even sit next to me?”
“Lora Rae, let’s not play games, okay? When did you find out?”
“A few days ago.”
“Are you sure it’s mine?”
“How could you ask me that? We’ve been together for three months.”
“We’ve barely been together since Thanksgiving,” I say arrogantly. “But, let’s be real… there were a lot of people coming and going in those three months. I saw what it was like when I was around. I can only imagine what went on when I wasn’t.”
“What are you accusing me of? You are the only man I have slept with in the last three months.”
“Okay. So have you thought about it? What are you going to do?”
“You mean, what are we going to do?”
“Of course I meant we. Ultimately it’s your decision, though. I’ll support whatever you decide.”
“I would like you to give us a chance. We had some good times. I care about you and I would like to do this together.”
My heart drops. It’s not what I want to hear.
“Lora Rae, I like you, we had fun, but, me and you? We’re different. It’ll never work between us. I’ll never leave my baby fatherless, I will help you any which way I can, but let me be clear on this, there is no me and you.”
“It’s because of her. You went home for Thanksgiving and that’s when things started to change between us. You left me in LA at Christmas to run back home to her, and tonight when I call, you almost stand me up for her. I saw the way she looked at you when we were in Phoenix.”
“It’s not because of her that I’m not with you. Our relationship would have been over with or without her in the picture. Like I said, I like you, it was fun, but your life is a lot different from mine. I’m not sure I fit in your world.”
“You sure seemed like you fit just fine when you stayed with me in LA after you finished playing ball. You seemed like you were having the time of your life. Don’t tell me you didn’t like the attention.”
“I’m not gonna lie. It was exciting for me. It was the end of the season, I had time off to relax, hang out and party, but for me, that gets old. Nine months out of a year I’m in bed as early as I possibly can, I get up in the morning, leave for practice, and then head to my games. Trust me I’m pretty boring most of the year. That’s not you. You like to go out and have fun. There’s nothing wrong with that. We’re young. You should. However, my job doesn’t allow for that.”
“We can be boring together. I’m not going to be partying for the next nine months, either.”
“Aren’t you filming right now? What about your show?”
“I haven’t told them, yet. I’m sure they’ll work around it. They’ll have to.”
“I told you. I’ll be there for you regarding the baby, but we can’t be together. Hell, we hardly know each other.”
“It’s because of her, admit it.”
“I’ll admit. I always have and always will love her, but you’re wrong in saying it’s because of her that we are not together.”
“She won’t love you back knowing that I’m having your baby. I can tell that about her.”
“You know nothing about her. Let’s not go there. This is about you and me, not her. I told you, even if she wasn’t a part of my life, you and I would not be together.”
“Just go, Mikey. I don’t ever want to see you again. I don’t need you to help me raise my baby anyway. You will have nothing to do with this child!” she angrily exclaims.
“I’m going to leave now because I know you’re angry, but we will talk and we’ll work something out. I won’t leave you to do this on your own. We will come to an agreement that works for both of us. If you need me, call. Take care of yourself,” I tell her before walking out the door.
“Like you give a shit. Get out of here!” she yells after me as I close the door.
***
(Deanna)
I’m curled up on the couch when JJ arrives at the condo.
“Are you okay?” She runs over to take me in her arms.
“JJ, it was awful. What am I going to do? I’m not letting him go, especially now, knowing how he feels about me… how I feel about him.”
“Why do you need to let him go? He loves you, not her.”
“What if he wants to stay with her because of the baby?”
“Mikey will not do that. He’s smarter than that,” she says, dismissing the idea. “God, De, he’s loved you for forever. I’ve been trying to tell you this since we were seventeen. I knew he loved you before even Luke and I got together, we used to joke about it.”
“What do you mean?”
“He would always make little comments about the two of you, saying the time wasn’t right. It was always a joke between us. And you… God, I almost tried to beat it out of you. You never could see it. It was so obvious to me, but you two were oblivious.”
I smile, feeling better now that she is here. “What about Luke, does he know?”
“No, he’s as bad as the two of you. It must run in the family.” She laughs. “Since we were in high school I would ask, ’What do you think of them two?’ and he would say, “There is no them two, get it out of your head,” she imitates Luke’s voice.
“Why? Do you think he’ll be mad?” I ask nervously.
“Are you kidding? He’ll be ecstatic after he gets past the initial shock. Probably would have been a little easier to tell him without throwing a baby into the mix, but it’ll work out. Don’t worry about Luke, he’ll be fine.” She smiles, brushing a piece of hair away from my face. “You and Mikey need to work this out together, decide how you are going to handle it.”
“I told him I would be here when he gets back. I’m not sure what is going through his mind right now. You know Mikey. He’s a stand-up guy. He won’t desert her.”
“I wouldn’t expect him to, but he doesn’t love her. Mikey has waited a long time to be with the person he loves. He’ll want to raise his child with the person he loves. Because of your family, he knows the importance of raising a child in a happy home.”
We are interrupted by the sound of the door opening. Mikey quietly walks in, looking worn down and upset. He’s the one we all count on for being upbeat all of the time.
“Hey, JJ,” he says, walking over and kissing her on the cheek.
“Hey.” She wraps her arms around him, hugging him tightly. “How are you?”
“I’ve been better.” He sits down on the couch next to me.
He places his hand on my knee and I put my hand on top of his and squeeze it. Regardless of what went on between us earlier, we are friends, all of us. We stick by each other in good times and bad. I’ll always support him.
“Where’s Luke?” he asks.
“Home.”
“Does he know?”
“No. I figured you would want to tell him yourself,” JJ responds.
“Yeah, can’t wait,” he says dryly. “I’ll catch up with him in the morning.”
“Well, I’ll leave you two to talk. I love you guys,” JJ says, hugging us goodbye.
“What are you going to tell Luke when you get in?” he asks.
“He’ll be sleeping. I’m not going to wake him. I’ll leave it to you to tell him.” She smiles.
“Yeah, right, he has radar when you’re around, he’ll pop up the second you walk in the door,” Mikey says, cracking a smile.
She laughs. “No, he’ll be exhausted. He’s been painting all night.” Before she turns the knob to leave, she says, “Oh, and Mikey, I think I’ll sleep in tomorrow, so make sure you get him out of the house early. I don’t want him asking me questions in the morning and having to lie about it.”
“Got it. I’ll swing by early and pick him up for breakfast.”
***
(Mikey)
I look into Deanna’s sad eyes, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her. I swore to myself—once I admitted to her that I loved her—I would never hurt her and within a matter of minutes, that’s exactly what I did.
Why did I have to tell her tonight how I felt? I should have just met with Lora Rae as planned. She would have told me about the pregnancy and then I would have never admitted my true feelings to De. It would have spared her from involving her in this situation, but now, it’s too late. I said it, she felt it and there’s no taking it back.
“I’m sorry,” I finally get past the lump in my throat.
“What did she say?” Deanna asks.
“Basically, she’s pregnant and she’s known for a few days.”
“Are you sure it’s yours?”
“No. She swears she hasn’t been with anyone else, though.”
“Do you believe her?”
“I have doubts.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Of course I’ll ask her to take a paternity test.”
“We’ll figure it out together,” she says, reaching out to touch my face. I gently grab her arm before she can touch me. I can’t have her hands touch my skin. I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop myself from taking her as my own. It’s too risky.
“We are not going to figure this out. This is not your problem and I will not drag you into this.”
“What? Are we supposed to act like what we said to each other and how it felt, never happened?”
Now that I actually had a taste of her, I could never forget what had happened between us, but what I want and what I have to do are two different things.
“It was a mistake. You know me. I got caught up in the moment. De, you know me well enough to know that you’re not the first person I’ve sweet talked to get what I want,” I lie through my teeth. I’ve never told anyone that I loved them, no matter what the situation.
“You know that’s not true,” she says sternly, boring her fiery eyes into mine. She does know me well. I lower my gaze unable to look at her.
“You’re right, but it doesn’t matter now. I’ll never act on it again,” I say, unable to lie to her another time.
Before I finish the sentence, she maneuvers herself over me, pressing her body against mine as she begins to kiss me with passion and intensity. All I can think about is how perfect her body fits with mine and that quick, my body responds to her touch and my mouth covers hers as my hands roam her body. Just as swiftly, though, I suppress the feelings and abruptly push her aside and stand up.
“Don’t, De. Don’t do this. You’re gonna embarrass yourself and then you’ll end up hating me forever. I can’t have that. I have too much on my mind right now than to be worrying about hurting your feelings.”
I have to be hard on her. If not, I will cave and give in to her and then I’ll never be able to let her go. She deserves more than being bogged down with the baggage that has now become my future. It’s not the baby I worry about. The baby will be in our family anyway, and no matter what, Deanna will always be my family. I need to protect her from Lora Rae, though. She’ll stop at nothing to make her life miserable.
“I’m sorry,” she says, teary eyed and embarrassed at her desperate attempt to throw herself at me.
“Don’t apologize to me. This is my fault,” I say angrily. I’m furious, but not at her. I turn away and storm into my room, locking the door behind me, knowing if she were to come in, I’d be unable to resist.
***
(Jesse)
I tiptoe as quietly as possible when entering our house. Thankfully I was right about Luke, he’s sound asleep. I turn on the temporary floor lamp in our master bedroom and step on the blue tarp spread across the floor. I look around the bedroom, impressed that he was able to finish painting the room, as I enter our bathroom to undress for bed.
When finished, I quietly close the door behind me, leaving the smell of paint behind as I quietly creep down the hallway to the spare bedroom. I softly climb into our temporary, air mattress bed next to Luke.
“Hey, babe, I missed you… everything okay?” he asks sleepily pulling my body to his as his arms wrap around me.
“It is now,” I whisper.
***
I feel Luke stir as I barely open my eye to see the light shining through the window. He kisses me below the ear, moving closer and molding his body to mine. Usually we love this time of morning, waking up together, but not this morning. I don’t want to face him. There’s a good chance I won’t be able to hold back if he questions me about last night. I lie still, keeping my eyes tightly shut, not giving in to the tingling sensation I’m feeling from his kisses along the back of my neck. Thankfully, I’m saved by the ringing of his phone. He jumps out of bed and goes into the other room.
***
(Luke)
“Yo, what’s up?” I whisper to Mikey, curious as to why he’s calling so early.
“I need to talk to you. Can we get breakfast?”
“Yeah, sure. What’s up? Everything okay?” I can tell something isn’t right in his voice, he sounds winded.
“That’s what I want to talk to you about. I’m on my way. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
I jump in the shower in the main bath, trying to figure out what is going on. I throw on a pair of jeans and t-shirt and re-enter the spare room. JJ is still sleeping. I lean down and kiss her cheek. She stirs a little, but doesn’t open her eyes.
“I’ll be back in a little bit,” I whisper.
“Where are you going so early?” she asks sleepily.
“Mikey called. I hope everything’s okay. He wants to talk. It’s got me worried, it’s not like him.”
“Well, just be there for him,” she says lazily.
“JJ, what do you know? What’s goin’ on?” I ask, realizing how quickly she rushed out last night. “Last night you rushed off ‘cause De needed to talk and this morning, Mikey just happens to call me, asking to talk. Is that a coincidence?” She doesn’t answer. I walk around to her side of the bed to face her. Her eyes are closed. “And stop pretending you’re asleep.”
“I am sleeping. I’m tired,” she answers with her eyes tightly shut.
Once again, we are interrupted. This time it’s Mikey’s fist pounding on the door, sounding as if he’s about to knock it down.
“I love you,” she calls out guiltily as I leave the room.
“Love you, too. We’ll talk later,” I say, knowing something isn’t right.
I answer the door to Mikey’s pounding fist as he nervously paces the porch. It’s unusually cold outside, but he’s sweating.
“Yo, dude, relax,” I whisper, opening the door to let him in.
“Nah, I don’t want to come in. You ready?”
“Yeah, let me grab a jacket.” Mikey continues to pace while I grab my hoodie out of the closet. I’ve only seen Mikey like this one other time and that was when I was in trouble. His nervousness is making me uptight.
I jump on my bike and follow him as we head towards the beach. We pull into a parking space across the street from a coffee shop and Mikey walks quickly in its direction. I have to jog a bit to keep up with his quick pace. He orders a coffee at the counter and asks me what I want.
“Coffee, bagel and cream cheese,” I say to the girl behind the counter. Mikey pays her and heads out the door while I wait for her to hand me my bag and then I follow him.
“Yo, man, what’s goin’ on? You’re making me nuts,” I say as we cross the street and walk along the path near the beach.
“I f*cked up.”
“It can’t be that bad. It’s not like you killed someone, right?” I ask nervously, trying to crack a joke.
“Lora Rae’s pregnant.”
“Shit. Is it yours?” I stop in my tracks.
“I don’t know. She says it is.” We both start walking, using the same fast pace Mikey was using before.
“Okay, first we’ll find out for sure. How long has she known?”
“She said she found out a few days ago. I don’t know what to believe. She flew in yesterday. I was supposed to meet her last night. I was planning on making it clear to her once and for all that it is over. I’ve been trying to end things with her for a while and she knows that. I didn’t show up when I was supposed to, she called and that’s when she told me.”
“Yo, dude. Don’t panic. Maybe it’s not yours. You said she was wild.”
“Yeah, you know how I am about that shit, I don’t take chances, but there was one time when it broke. She said it was no big deal, she takes care of that stuff, too, and to be honest, in the heat of it, it sounded good enough to me. I never gave it another thought.”
We walk in silence for a minute, both contemplating the situation.
“What if it is?” Mikey asks quietly.
“Then, you’ll deal with it. You’ll be there for your kid no matter what.”
“I know. It’s scary, ya know? I don’t know her that well. I do know she likes to party. God knows what she’ll do while she’s pregnant. She’s not someone I’d want to be the mother of my kid.”
“I know. It sucks, but don’t get ahead of yourself.”
Again there’s silence between us as we continue to walk the path.
“There’s more,” Mikey confesses.
“What twins?” I ask with a nervous grin. Mikey doesn’t smile. I somehow get the feeling that this is more troubling to him than the fact that Lora Rae is pregnant.
“I don’t know how to tell you.”
“Dude, don’t do this to me.” I tense up, watching Mikey once again begin to quicken his pace.
“Ah… This sucks.” Mikey sighs, stalling. Nervously tossing his half empty cup into a nearby trash can. “It’s about De.” I stop dead, forcing him to stop as well.
“What about her?” I ask, afraid to hear what he has to say.
***
(Mikey)
My heart is pounding against my chest as I stare Luke in the eyes for about ten seconds before answering while he stares back, waiting for my answer.
“I’m in love with her,” I blurt out while looking down at the ground.
“No, you’re not.” Luke states firmly, staring me down.
“I wish I wasn’t, but I am and she knows it. I told her last night,” I say, answering his firm gaze with my own. I wait for Luke to say something, anything, but he doesn’t, which forces me to keep talking. “That’s why I blew off Lora Rae. De was at the condo when I got back from Boston last night. I wasn’t expecting her to be there, we ended up in a deep conversation and that’s when I told her how I felt about her.”
“You can’t. She’s like your sister.”
“But she’s not my sister, she’s yours. Trust me, I’ve been fighting this battle for a long time. I told myself the same thing over and over. I couldn’t even admit it to myself, let alone her… and now you.”
“You shouldn’t have said anything to her while you were still involved with Lora Rae.”
“I didn’t think I was involved with Lora Rae.”
“See Mikey, that’s the thing, you do this shit all the time. You don’t consider anyone else’s feelings. You’re into a new girl every time I turn around. You always have been and now you’re dragging my sister into this shit.”
I can see the regret on Luke’s face once he says it. I don’t blame him, I deserve it. I feel the same way. It’s his sister and he’s protective of her. Hell, so am I.
“You’re right. I’m sorry, but please don’t tell me how I feel about your sister. You know I’d never treat her with anything except respect and love. You should at least know that about me, without me having to say it.” I look at him long and hard before continuing, “It doesn’t matter anyway. She knows about Lora Rae. I already told her I wouldn’t let her be involved with this shit. It was over between us before it ever got started… So, you don’t have to worry about me dragging your sister into this. I put it to rest.”
“Look. I didn’t mean what I said. I know you would never hurt her. Shit, you’ve been there for her more than me the last few years. God knows I was wrapped up in my own problems long enough while you picked up the pieces for everyone,” he says, softening his tone. “What did she have to say about it?”
“I think she’s hurt, but she’ll get over it. It’s not like we had this big love affair going on or anything. I mean, Lora Rae called literally like five minutes after I told her how I felt. It wasn’t even long enough for either one of us to process it.”
***
(Luke)
“Does she feel the same way?” I know the answer before I even ask the question. Thinking back, the signs were there all along. They’ve always had a special bond between them.
“It doesn’t matter now.”
“I think it does.”
“She said she’s in love with me, too.” Mikey looks me straight in the eyes. I see the pain in my friend’s face. “Like I said, it doesn’t matter now,” he repeats.
“I know my sister and if she feels the same way, it matters.”
“Yeah, well, I won’t involve her in this. It may get ugly. I made it clear to De we will never be more than friends.”
“Wow. Déjà vu. I tried that before, remember? You see how that worked out. If there’s one thing I learned it’s that if two people love each other, then one of them doesn’t get to tell the other how they should or should not feel. I think you may have said something like that to me at one point, not so long ago.” I look at him slyly, reminding him of a conversation we had a couple of years ago pertaining to me and JJ.
“That was different. You and JJ were already in deep back then when all of that went down. De and I haven’t even started anything.”
I didn’t say anything, yet I think he gets the point of what I’m trying to tell him. By this time, we’ve done a full circle and reached the parking lot where our bikes are parked.
“Mikey?”
“Yeah?”
“It’ll work out. Maybe Lora Rae is lying.”
“Maybe.”
“Thanks for telling me all of it. I know it wasn’t easy for you to admit that to me.”
“You have no idea.”
“I’m guessing JJ knows?”
“Yeah, she knows… way before I did.”
I laugh, remembering all of the hints she’s dropped about them over the years.