Chapter FORTY-FOUR
Lucy glanced both ways to ensure she wouldn’t be seen before she ducked under the white trellis and entered the secluded garden near the Upper Crescent. The intimate space smelled like roses and freshly cut grass. She pressed her hand against her middle and let out her pent-up breath. She was alone. Derek had not yet arrived. Perhaps he would not come. Her letter had begged him to meet her here at two o’clock. It was a bit past the hour already. Perhaps he hadn’t been home to receive her missive. Would that be a good thing or a bad one?
She paced back and forth across the grass, biting the tip of one finger and replaying the whole of the last few days in her mind. She had to make things right. Had to. Janie had told her to follow her heart, but as soon as she’d heard her own advice she’d realized the truth. Some things were more important than following your heart. In fact, many things were. Things like friendships and honor and doing the right thing. This certainly was. Ensuring that her friend made the right match. That was the right thing to do. She was certain of it. Blast her stupid heart for being foolish and complicating things. But she was about to rectify that.
“Good afternoon,” a deep male voice intoned.
Lucy swung around.
Derek stood in the shade near the clethra bush, wearing a light gray coat, black trousers, and black boots with a starkly white cravat. He looked like a dream as usual.
She swallowed. “Thank you for coming.”
“How could I resist such an assignation? ‘Meet me in the secluded garden’?” The hint of a smile touched his lips. He moved toward her.
She tentatively returned his smile. “I … I wanted us to have privacy.”
He nodded, his face taking on a serious hardness. “I’m glad you wrote, Lucy. There’s something I want to say to you.”
She released her breath slowly. “I think I should tell you what I came to say first.”
“No, let me.”
She pressed her lips together, unable to keep from smiling at that. It was always like this between the two of them. Both so stubborn. “Very well.”
Derek clasped his hands behind his back and squared his shoulders. “I intend to write to Julian, today, and tell him I cannot marry Cassandra.”
A little gasp escaped Lucy’s lips. She raced over to him and splayed her hands wide. “Derek, think what you’re saying. You can’t do that.”
“I can and I will.” He scrubbed a hand across his face.
Lucy lifted her chin and looked up into his green eyes. They were bright from the reflection of the grass that surrounded them. “But you promised him. You promised Cass.”
He turned on his heel. “That was before. Everything’s changed now.”
Lucy wildly shook her head. “No. I can’t let you do it.”
“You’re not letting me do anything.”
She dropped her hands and paced away from him, desperately trying to think of something to say that would convince him. “Think about this, Derek. Julian may be dead already for all you know. The letter may never reach him.”
Derek nodded grimly. “That’s a chance I must take.”
Lucy strode to the opening of the clearing, frantically biting her knuckle. “No. This is wrong. I won’t let you do it. I won’t be with you. I won’t betray my friend that way. And you won’t betray yours. That’s what I came to tell you. We must stop this. Forget anything ever happened between us. We’re going back to London tomorrow, all of us. This is the end.”
Derek tried to follow her but she backed away. “Damn it, Lucy. You’re being unreasonable. Cassandra and Swift, if he lives, will understand this.”
Lucy couldn’t stop shaking her head. It was as if the entire thing were a bad dream. If she shook her head hard enough, perhaps she would wake up from it. “But who will Cass marry? She doesn’t have Julian and she won’t have you.”
“There are other men,” Derek said simply.
Lucy paced again. “But you know as well as I do that Cass needs someone to take care of her. Someone who’ll cherish her, treat her well. Julian chose you for her. That means everything to Cass.”
Derek’s chin dropped to his chest. “I can’t do it, Lucy.”
“You must,” she nearly shouted.
“I won’t,” he nearly shouted back.
Lucy’s entire body shook with grief, rage, confusion. She squeezed her hands together tightly. How could she get through to him? How could she make him understand? She lowered her voice and spoke softly. “If you make that decision, so be it. But you won’t have me.”
Derek clenched his fist and pressed it against the bridge of his nose. “Think about it yourself, Lucy. How will it be, me married to Cassandra? Having to see you regularly? It will be torturous. Or do you intend to forsake your friendship with her for the sake of her marriage?”
Lucy squeezed her eyes shut. She would not cry. She would not. “We can do it. Be friends. Pretend as if nothing ever happened. And if it’s too difficult, then yes, I’ll leave you both alone. But I won’t be a part of ruining Cass’s life and chance at happiness.”
“I’m telling you that I cannot do it. I cannot marry Cassandra and remain your friend.”
Lucy’s shoulders slumped. “So be it.”
“What does that mean?”
“We’ll never see each other again.”
Derek turned on his heel, a savage look in his eye. “Is this about Berkeley, God damn it?”
“What? No!”
A muscle ticked in Derek’s jaw. “Blast it, Lucy. Don’t do this.”
Lucy ran from the clearing. She stopped at the trellis that led outside and turned back to face him, desperately struggling to hold back her tears. She tilted her head to the sky. “It’s the only way. Derek, I refuse to see you again. Ever. Do the right thing, marry Cass.”