I like that he’s talking about Jonny with me, with such ease now, and no sadness.
He presses his forehead against mine and closes his eyes. I bask in his contentment, feeling it like it’s my own, as I breathe him in.
“Who was your first girlfriend?” I ask, tracing my finger over the tattoo on his chest.
I know he never had one back in the UK. So she was definitely an American.
I hate that I don’t know this stuff about him.
“Aside from you?”
“I was never your girlfriend.”
“You should have been.” He opens his eyes and stares into mine. I’m surprised at the intensity of his gaze. “But to answer your question, little Miss Interviewer,” he grins, moving back. “I’ve never had one.”
“You’ve never had a girlfriend?”
“Nope. Never.”
“You’re shitting me.”
“I’m not shitting you. I’m being completely serious.” His eyes are steady on mine.
“Sorry, I just find it a little hard to believe – Jake Wethers has never had a girlfriend – what about all the models and actresses?”
“And did you see any pictures of me with them for any longer than a week?”
I rake through my memories, cringing at the images that flash through my mind of Jake with other women.
I shake my head, no.
Wanting to change the subject, I say, “Okay, seeing as though I’m in interviewer mode, I want to ask – if you, Jake Wethers, had to pick one song as your title song to describe yourself, what would it be – and it can’t be one of your own,” I quickly add.
“Hurt,” he answers without hesitation.
It makes me hurt inside he picked that song.
“Why?”
He lets out a light sigh. “Some people said Reznor was writing a lyrical suicide note, others said he was writing about finding a reason to live. I think it’s both … it just depends on which side you’re looking at it from.”
“And which side are you looking at it from?”
He stares at me from a long moment. My heart is hammering in my chest.
“Now? … a reason to live.”
My insides start to tremble.
“Reznor’s version or Johnny Cash’s?” I ask quietly, trying to conceal the pain from my voice.
“Johnny Cash.”
“Why?”
He closes his eyes briefly. And in this moment I just want to magic up all the power in the world to soothe his pains away.
“Because I have a few things in common with him,” he answers, opening his eyes.
“Like?”
“The drugs … the women … hanging out for the girl of my dreams.”
I take a sharp breath in. Tears instantly prick the backs of my eyes.
He touches my face, his thumb smoothing over my lips. “You’re my June, Tru.”
Holy shit.
“Except I can’t sing,” I say trying to make light of the moment.
“Well, yeah there is that, but you can play a mean tune on the piano.”
I tilt my head to the side, forcing a smile I don’t really feel.
“So what’s yours?” he asks.
“Oh, without a doubt, I Can’t Get No Satisfaction.” I push the smile into grin trying to take us back to moments ago.
“Do I detect a hint of sarcasm there, Bennett?”
“Mmm,” I press my lips together.
“Well, I’ll just have to see what I can do about that.” Then he’s flipping me over onto my back and kissing my neck.
“Jake?” I say after a moment.
“Hmm,” he murmurs, running his tongue over my skin.
“Why have you never settled with anyone for longer than a week?”
He lifts his head and stares down at me with such an intensity it makes my insides ache.
“Because I was waiting for you.” He tucks my hair behind my ear and kisses me gently on the lips.
“I just wondered if it was because of your past … you know – your dad?” I ask tentatively. “Why you’re afraid to have a relationship.”
I feel him stiffen under my hands, and I know I’ve said the wrong thing.
“I’m not afraid of having a relationship.” He sits up abruptly leaving me cold. “I’m trying to have a relationship with you, but you seem to be having a pretty fuckin’ hard time letting go of your current one. You asked before if I’ve ever had a girlfriend – no. But you don’t ask if I want one. Because I do – you. I want you in my life all the time. I want to be able to go out with you in public and tell everyone that you’re my girl, without hiding here in these fuckin’ hotel rooms, while you decide if you want me or him.”
Whoa! What the hell?! How did we get here?
“I’ve told you I want to be with you.”
“But you haven’t told Will, and therein lies the problem, Tru. Because really, I don’t think you do know what you want.”
“I do.”
I sit up and take his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me. “I want you. I want to be with you.”
And in this moment I mean those words. I do want Jake. But I know I love Will too, and honestly, I don’t know how I’m going to feel when I see him again.
The truth is, being here with Jake, like this, it’s easy because I just feel so far away from Will. Far away from my life with him.