“I was young and, selfish and stupid, and I hated how much I actually missed you once I’d left. I didn’t know it was possible to miss someone as much as I did you, then. And every time I spoke to you on the phone or got a letter from you, it hurt just that bit more. Then I met Jonny and we started up the band, and my old life – you, all just seemed so very far away. I still missed you, but the ache had started to dull and I knew if I kept in touch it would just rake all those bad feelings up, so I decided to stay away.”
I run my fingertips along his jaw. He takes hold of my hand and kisses my fingers.
“Why didn’t you ever get in touch with me once the band got big?”
I sigh. “For that very reason. You’d stopped calling and writing to me, and it had been so long, I didn’t want you to think I was only getting in touch because you were famous.”
“I wanted you to. I thought about you often. Wondering what you were doing.”
“So why didn’t you find me then? It’s not like you couldn’t have. You’ve sure got the resources.”
I feel a wave of anger. If he’d got in touch years ago, we’d have got together then, and I would never have met Will. And I wouldn’t be in the mess I’m currently in.
He presses his lips together. “I was afraid to.”
Those four words send shivers spiralling through me.
“Why?”
He sighs. “In the beginning I was too absorbed in the band to care about anyone or anything. And I was mostly high – not the best person to be around at times.” He pulls in a breath. “Then we hit the big time and things were pretty wild. Then Jonny died, and…” He pauses as if gathering composure. I can see how much it still hurts him, even now.
“Everything just fell apart. Denny and Tom were a mess, and they were looking to me to somehow fix it for them. And I just didn’t know how to. For a while back then, I didn’t think the band would make it. Especially when I went fuckin’ AWOL in Japan.”
He grimaces at the memory.
“Yeah, pissing on the stage. Not your finest hour, but completely understandable.”
“That was one of my lower points, Tru. And then I realised that Jonny had been my glue, and then it hit me just how much he reminded me of you … you and him were similar in so many ways. And I’d relied on him, like I had you for all those years to keep things straight for me.”
“When I moved to the States, the very first thing I did, without realising, was go looking for another version of you. It just happened to be Jonny,” he shrugs.
“And through all the grieving for him, all I could think about was you. But we’d been apart for eleven years and I didn’t know how to get in touch. I wanted to, so badly, but I just kept thinking you’d moved on, and what if you didn’t want to see me … I just couldn’t bear the thought of losing you all over again, so I bottled it. And when you walked in that hotel room, I just…”
He runs his fingers through my long hair, brushing it over my shoulder.
“I just couldn’t believe my luck that it was you. Stuart had given me the list with the interviewer’s names on that morning, and there was yours, right at the top. I spent the next hour pacing the floor, hoping it would be you, and then there you were, standing before me, looking the most beautiful you ever had, and I knew with absolute certainty I was never letting you go again.”
I push my lips together, scrunching my brow. “So that’s why I’m doing the bio?”
“Partly,” he half-smiles. “But mainly because you are a fan-fucking-tastic writer.”
“Good save.” I smile and lean close to him, kissing him gently on his lips.
He grabs my face, keeping me there. “Don’t ever leave me, Tru. I can’t lose you again.” There’s a quiet desperation in his voice. It makes my insides tremble.
“You won’t ever lose me. I promise.”
I’ll always be in Jake’s life, one way or another. I know that for sure.
His kiss deepens to intense, his tongue invading my mouth, crashing with mine, pulling me further into him.
We are all lips, hot tangled emotions and sensation.
The way he holds me, kisses me, it’s with such a wretched need, an intensity of the likes I’ve never felt before. It’s blindsiding. And I feel like I’m getting a glimpse of what I may mean to him.
After a while, Jake slows his kiss down, and moves his lips from mine, chasing kisses down my neck. He pulls me close to his chest, holding me tight.
“Jonny would have loved you,” he murmurs, stroking his fingers down my spine.
“You think?” I tilt my head back to look at him.
“Definitely.” He kisses the tip of my nose. “I’d talked to him about you in the beginning quite a lot, so he kind of already knew you fairly well.” He looks at me shy.
I like the look.
I smile at the thought of Jake talking to Jonny about me. I wish I had gotten the chance to know Jonny. He seemed like such an awesome guy in his interviews, and he was incredibly important to Jake.
“I’d have had a fight on my hands with him for you though. You were just his type.”
“I was?”
“Yep, exotic, smart … beautiful.”
Exotic?
“Charmer.”
“Damn straight.”
“Jonny was gorgeous...” I grin.
“Hey!” he chastises, slapping my behind through the covers.
“But not as gorgeous as you, of course!” I squeal.
“That’s more like it.”