“You’re not married. You haven’t been married for over a year.”
His voice was hoarse and strained from disuse. But when he became accustomed to speaking, his voice would sound exactly as she had imagined, deep and quiet and thrilling. Bittersweet tears swam in her eyes. The words that broke his five-year, self-imposed silence were a declaration of his love for her.
Tears glistening in her eyes, she leaned forward to wrap her arms around his neck. “I’m so glad for you!” They hadn’t needed words between them, but she understood that silence had been the last barrier between John and the world he rejected. Now that barrier had dropped, and he would be whole again. With all her aching heart, she wished that she, too, could be whole, for him.
His hands slipped around her waist and he stood pulling up her upright with him. Alex gasped, feeling the sudden open space beneath her right leg, and she clasped his shoulders to steady herself. “I can’t,” she whispered. “Oh John, please understand. I can’t.”
He molded her body to his and another gasp tore at her throat. She had never expected to be held in a man’s arms again. Hadn’t dared to hope that she would ever stand chest to chest, hip to hip with a man who desired her. She had truly believed lovemaking was a pleasure she would never again experience in her lifetime. That was her choice and her destiny.
His hands moved from her waist to her face, and he kissed the tears shining on her cheeks and eyelids. “I love you,” he whispered. “I have loved you from the moment I saw you.”
Standing on one leg made it impossible to step away from the solid heat of his body and the tender kisses raining over her face. Closing her eyes, arching her throat, she clung to him for support and struggled to breathe, wanting this moment and his kisses to endure forever. “I can’t do this,” she whispered helplessly. “You’re taking advantage of me.”
“Yes,” he murmured, smiling against her lips.
His hands returned to her waist and he held her tightly, securely against his thighs and chest and she swallowed a sob when she felt the power of his arousal. This wonderful man desired her. How was it possible? Didn’t he know how ugly and scarred the hated stump was?
Of course he knew.
Taking her hands, he moved them to his neck, and then he kissed her, his mouth gentle and unhurried, warm and unbearably sweet. Her arms tightened around him and she parted her lips when his tongue explored her mouth then slipped inside to taste her.
There was one last moment of reason when she still could have refused. Drawing back, she gazed into his eyes, struggling against heart and body, and the moment hung between them. She knew without doubt if she gave herself to him, guilt would damn her all her days. But if she did not, regret would poison the rest of her life.
They both recognized the moment, and knew when it rushed past them.
His kisses deepened, and Alex returned them with the fervor of a woman who had discovered a passionate nature too late. In her heart, she knew tonight would be her last physical experience—it would not happen again. There would never be another man like John. She would never love this deeply, this completely. She would make her time with him a memory to hold tight and cherish, would make of tonight all it could be and had to be to last the remainder of her life. As for her wedding ring… she would think about that later. Not now.
When her leg began to tremble violently, he grasped her hands and swung her down to the blanket, the gesture surprisingly graceful, and he sat beside her, gazing at her face in the moonlight. “Take down your hair,” he requested softly.
Not looking away from his beloved face, she lifted her arms to remove her hairpins. Skeins of golden hair cascaded over her shoulders and down her back. He filled his hands with her hair and let the silken strands flow through his fingers.
Shyly, her fingers quivering, she opened his shirt and slid her hand inside against his hot skin, drawing a soft quick breath. His skin was smooth, the muscles hard beneath it. Leaning forward, she kissed the spot she had bared and heard him groan, then whisper her name.
But when he reached for the row of buttons running down her bodice, she caught his hand and gazed into his eyes with a plea for understanding. “Please, John. Must we undress?”
Speaking was new to him and he didn’t answer but reassured her with his gaze and his hands on her buttons. Heart beating wildly, she closed her eyes and caught a sharp breath as her bodice opened and she felt the brush of warm fingers against the swell of her breasts.