Nothing devastates marital intimacy more than sexual unfaithfulness. However, this does not mean the marriage is destined for divorce. If the offending party is willing to break off the extramarital involvement and do the hard work of rebuilding the marriage, there can be genuine restoration. In my own counseling, I have seen scores of couples who have experienced healing after sexual infidelity. It involves not only breaking off the extramarital affair but discovering what led to the affair. Success in restoration is a two-pronged approach. First, the offending party must be willing to explore their own personality, beliefs, and lifestyle that led them to the affair. There must be a willingness to change attitudes and behavior patterns. Second, the couple must be willing to take an honest look at the dynamics of their marriage and be open to replacing destructive patterns with positive patterns of integrity and sincerity. Both of these will normally require the help of a professional counselor.
Research indicates the couples who are most likely to survive sexual infidelity are those who receive both individual and marriage counseling. Understanding the five love languages and choosing to speak each other’s language can help create an emotional climate in which the hard work of restoring the marriage can be successful.
An interactive version of this Personal Profile is also available at www.5lovelanguages.com
THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES?
THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES
Profile for Husbands
You may think you already know your primary love language. Then again, you may have no clue. The 5 Love Languages Profile will help you know for certain which love language is yours—Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, or Physical Touch.
The profile consists of 30 pairs of statements. You can only pick one statement in each pair as the one that best represents your desire. Read each pair of statements, and then, in the right-hand column, circle the letter that matches up with the statement you choose. It may be tough at times to decide between two statements, but you should only choose one per pair to ensure the most accurate profile results.
Allow at least 15 to 30 minutes to complete the profile. Take it when you are relaxed, and try not to rush through it. Once you’ve made your selections, go back and count the number of times you circled each individual letter. You can list the results in the appropriate spaces at the end of the profile.
Your wife may not do some of these, but if she did, which would you prefer?
1
I wish my wife would send me a love note (or text or email) for no special reason.
A
I would like more hugs from my wife.
E
2
I would like to spend more time alone with my wife, just the two of us.
B
I enjoy working around the house with my wife.
D
3
Receiving special gifts from my wife makes me happy—I wish she would do it more!
C
One of my favorite things is traveling with my wife.
B
4
I would like my wife to run errands or put gas in my car.
D
I wish my wife would touch me more.
E
5
I wish my wife would sometimes put her arm around me when we are with others.
E
Every now and then I’d like to get a surprise gift from my wife.
C
6
I like going places with my wife—even the grocery store!
B
I like to hold my wife’s hand.
E
7
I value the gifts my wife gives me.
C
I would love to hear my wife say the actual words “I love you” more often.
A
8
I wish my wife would sit close to me more often.
E
I feel loved when my wife tells me, “You look good.”
A
9
I wish my wife and I could spend more time together.
B
Even the smallest gift from my wife is important to me.
C
10
I would love it if my wife could say, “I’m proud of you.”
A
When my wife cooks a nice meal for me, I feel very loved.
D
11
No matter what we do, I love doing things with my wife.
B
I wish my wife would say more supportive things to me.
A
12
Little things my wife does for me mean more to me than things she says.
D
My wife and I need to hug more.
E
13
I would love to hear more praise from my wife.
A
It means a lot to me when my wife gives me gifts I really like.
C
14
I wish my wife and I could spend more time together.
B
I would like a back rub from my wife sometimes.
E
15
I wish my wife would be more enthusiastic about something I’ve accomplished.
A
I wish my wife would help me with tasks, even those she dislikes.
D
16
I never get tired of my wife’s kisses.
E