All parents love their children, but not all children feel loved. For further help, see The 5 Love Languages of Children. There I discuss how love interfaces with the child’s anger, with discipline, and learning.
It is my hope that The 5 Love Languages Military Edition will help military couples who have experienced the “in love” euphoria, who entered marriage with lofty dreams of making each other supremely happy but in the reality of day-to-day life are in danger of losing that dream entirely. I hope thousands of those couples will not only rediscover their dream but will see the path to making their dreams come true.
I dream of a day when the potential of the married couples in the military can be unleashed for the good of humankind, when husbands and wives can live life with full emotional love tanks and reach out to accomplish their potential as individuals and as couples. I dream of a day when children can grow up in homes filled with love and security, where children’s developing energies can be channeled to learning and serving rather than seeking the love they did not receive at home. It is my desire that this brief volume will kindle the flame of love in your marriage and in the marriages of thousands of other military couples like you.
I wrote this for you. I hope it changes your life. And if it does, be sure to give it to someone else. I would be pleased if you would give a copy of this book to your family, to your brothers and sisters, to your married children, to your friends, and to other military couples. Who knows? Together we may see our dream come true.
For a free online study guide, please visit:
http://www.5lovelanguages.com
This group discussion guide is designed to both help couples apply the concepts from The 5 Love Languages and stimulate genuine dialogue among study groups.
THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES?
Frequently
Asked Questions
1. What if I cannot discover my primary love language?
“I’ve taken the Love Language Profile and my scores come out almost even except for Receiving Gifts. I know that’s not my love language.”
In the book, I discuss three approaches to discovering your love language on pages 153-54.
If, after reviewing those, you’re still unsure, consider the example of one husband who told me he discovered his love language by simply following the process of elimination. He knew Receiving Gifts was not his language so he asked himself, “If I had to give up one of the remaining four, which one would I give up?” He concluded that apart from sexual intercourse, he could give up Physical Touch and Quality Time. This left Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. While he appreciated the things his wife did for him, he knew her affirming words were really what gave him life. Thus, Words of Affirmation was his primary love language and Acts of Service his secondary love language.
2. What if I cannot discover my spouse’s love language?
“My husband hasn’t read the book, but we have discussed the love languages. He says he doesn’t know what his love language is.”
My first suggestion is to give him a copy of The 5 Love Languages Men’s Edition. Since it is geared specifically to husbands, he is more likely to read it. If he reads it, he will be eager to share his love language with you. However, if he is unwilling to read the book, I would suggest you answer the three questions below:
1. How does he most often express love to others?
2. What does he complain about most often?
3. What does he request most often?
Though our spouse’s complaints normally irritate us, they are actually giving us valuable information. If a spouse says, “We don’t ever spend any time together,” you may be tempted to say, “What do you mean? We went out to dinner Thursday night.” Such a defensive statement will end the conversation. However, if you respond, “What would you like for us to do?” you will likely get an answer. The complaints of your spouse are the most powerful indicators of the primary love language.
You also might want to try a five-week experiment. The first week, you focus on one of the five love languages and seek to speak it every day and observe the response of your spouse. On Saturday and Sunday, you relax. The second week—Monday through Friday—you focus on another of the love languages and continue with a different language each of the five weeks. On the week you are speaking your spouse’s primary love language, you are likely to see a difference in their countenance and the way they respond to you. It will be obvious that this is their primary love language.
3. My husband’s military style of communicating hurts me. How can I help him understand this?