Chapter Nineteen
This was it. This was the moment where the bride and groom would both say I do, and live happily ever after. Despite her own fake-boyfriend/real-heartache drama, she couldn’t be happier for Susan and Max. Couldn’t be more certain that they would be a statistic…a statistic for the marriages that lasted. They would conquer the odds.
They would live happily ever after.
As Kayla clutched the bouquet of flowers so hard her palms were sweating, Susan regally walked down the aisle, smiling up at Max with love shining in her eyes. Max looked as close to tears as Kayla felt.
God, she was going to cry.
This was one of the reasons she hated weddings. They turned everyone into a soppy, wet mess. She’d held it together when everyone asked where Cooper was. For a second, she debated lying and saying he’d been called away for work, but his boss stood right next to her. He’d know it for the lie it was, damn it. So she’d told them the truth.
She’d told them that they’d broken up.
Her father had been strangely silent through the chaos that had ensued. Her mother had scowled, disappointment clearly etched on her features, and Susan had sworn to rip his nuts off and feed them to the wolves. After way too many minutes, Kayla had shouted at the top of her lungs for them both to stop it. This was Susan’s day. Not Kayla’s.
And then the focus had gone back where it belonged—on Susan.
Her mom and sister were still angry at Cooper and she kept getting pitying glances thrown her way, but now that they were all in public, everyone was all smiles. Southern etiquette and all that crap. You could be pissed—but you had to be pissed with a smile on your face.
Up on the altar, Max tugged on his bowtie and grinned like a fool, filling the role of the lovesick groom to perfection. If Kayla were to describe the most heart-rendering expression on a groom’s face she had ever seen in her whole life…it would be today.
Max really loved Susan. And he really was a great guy.
Cooper’s face swam before her eyes—his startlingly green gaze, his rock-hard body, his sexier-than-sexy smile. Then she reminded herself he was gone, and she shoved the picture away. She needed to focus on Susan, not her own mess of a life.
Her sister had found happiness. True happiness.
How many people could say they’d done the same and not lost it?
“I take this woman, as my lawfully wedded husband—” Max cut himself off, his cheeks going bright red. “I mean wife. My lawfully wedded wife. I’m so nervous—I’m sorry.”
Susan laughed up at Max, squeezing his hands. “It’s okay. Take your time.”
Max finished his vows without further issue, and when he finished he whispered three little words that only a few people could see—and Kayla was one of them.
He looked down at Susan and mouthed: I love you.
Kayla sniffed and wiped the tears off of her cheeks with the back of her hand, biting down on her quivering lip. Ah, hell. That was the last of her restraint.
Cue the messy tears. Except they were messy tears of happiness for her sister—a nice change to the river of sadness she’d cried last night over Cooper. But enough of that. Today was for her little sister. And Cooper could go back to the hell in which he was so determined to live.
Susan said her vows, then they exchanged rings and kissed. As Kayla held both bouquets, tears running down her face, she realized something. She did want this.
She wanted it with Cooper.
After posing for an obscene number of pictures, Kayla sank down into her chair at the reception hall and rubbed her sore jaw. Who would’ve thought smiling would cause so much pain? She relaxed against the back of the seat, taking a second to compose herself.
“Hey, sweetie,” her father said, his voice coming from somewhere behind her. “Can we talk?”
Kayla peeked over her shoulder. “Hey, Dad. What’s up?”
“I’m sorry Cooper left.” He sat down. He looked older tonight, for some reason. Maybe because he’d just watched his baby girl get married. “I know you liked him.”
“I know you didn’t,” she replied lightly. “But I’m fine. Today isn’t about me.”
“It might not be about you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care.” He sighed. “I want to see you settled down and happy.”
He smoothed his tie and glanced over his shoulder. Susan was dancing with Max, and Kayla’s mother was dancing with Uncle Frankie. Everyone looked joyful and carefree. She hoped to God she had done a good enough job appearing to feel the same way.
She picked up her glass of water and took a sip. “I appreciate that, Dad. But I’ve always been fine alone. I like being alone. I’m happy alone.”
“Then why were you with Cooper?”
She could admit the truth. Say he’d been pretending to love her so that the focus would be on Susan instead of poor, single Kayla…but then Uncle Frankie would know Cooper had played them all. And that might affect him badly. Kayla wished things with Cooper could have been different—wished he’d been less afraid to take a chance on her—but she wasn’t going to end his career because he chose to leave her.
She bit down on the side of her tongue. Cooper had told her she should just be honest and open, and that her parents would accept that. Maybe it was worth a try. She sighed and lifted her hands in submission. “With Cooper, I was different. He’s the one guy I didn’t mind giving up my freedom for. But the rest of the time? I prefer to be single. I don’t want to settle down and get married. I don’t want to pop out three kids before I’m thirty-five. I just want to live, and let life take me where it will.”
Her father nodded. “I know.”
“You do?”
Laughing warmly at her, he said, “Of course. Do you honestly think your parents don’t know you at all?”
She felt her jaw drop. “Yes. I mean, no. I mean…”
“It’s why you’ve been single most of your life, and it’s why you moved to Maine.” He shrugged. “You’re independent. I think it’s one of the things I admire most about you.”
“Then why are you always trying to get me to settle down with a nice man?” She felt completely at a loss for words. “You’re always pressuring me to get married. Always asking if there’s a special guy in my life.”
“That’s because I was waiting for a guy like Cooper to sweep you off your feet.” Her dad took a drink of water, then met her eyes. “I’m not going to live forever. I’m just looking for someone to take care of you when I’m gone.”
“I can take care of myself, Dad.” She reached out and squeezed his hand. “And you’re not going anywhere. I forbid it.”
He smiled, but it looked sad. “I would love to obey, but some things are out of my control. No one lives forever.”
She swallowed past the lump in her throat. She didn’t even want to think about that day. “I’ll be fine, Dad.”
He kissed her temple, then pulled back. “What happened with Cooper?”
“He broke up with me.” She averted her gaze. “He’s…he’s leaving, and he didn’t feel right leaving me to worry. He’s scared that if something happens to him, I’ll fall apart.”
“He told me that last night. But I didn’t think he’d break it off with you.”
She sat up straighter. “Wait, he told you he was going to break up with me? Why would he tell you that?”
“Not in so many words, but he expressed his concern for you after he shipped out.” Her dad rubbed his jaw. “I told him you could handle it, because I was trying to be supportive. But honestly? I think you’re better off this way. I think he’s right.”
She stiffened. “I could have handled it.”
“Yeah, you could have.” He reached out and squeezed her shoulder. “But you deserve so much more.”
“I’m so sick of people telling me they made the right choice for me.” She curled her hands into fists. “I can make my own decisions.”
“He’s been scarred by his friend’s death and the role he irrationally thinks he played in it. Not to mention the responsibility of watching over his friend’s fiancée—a woman who, I’d bet anything, is struggling to adjust to life without her fiancé. He doesn’t want to put you through the same thing. Is that such a bad reason to end things?”
“Not letting me decide for myself? Yeah.” She lifted a shoulder. “But the motives behind them? No.”
“Sometimes the worst actions come for all the right reasons, no matter how wrong they might feel.” He finished off his drink and then set it down. “Do you understand my motives for being concerned about your welfare?”
“I get where you’re coming from, yes.”
Her father nodded. “Just remember that he and I aren’t that different.”
She tilted her head. “Are you serious?”
“Yes. He’s scared you’ll be hurt if he leaves.” Her father stood. “And I fear the same. Not so different after all.”
He left before she could reply. And honestly, she didn’t know what she would say anyway. He’d kind of blown her mind. When he put it that way, she saw everything—her family, Cooper, her own life—in a whole new light.
She stood up and smiled at her sister, who approached with a dreamy look in her eyes. “Hey, sis.”
“Hey.” Susan hugged her. “I have a surprise for you.”
“For me?” Kayla squinted at her. “It’s your wedding, not mine. You’re not supposed to surprise me.”
Susan peeked over her shoulder, her whole body vibrating with excitement. “I know. But this one is a good one. Trust me on this.”
“Oh, God. You’re not going to try to marry me off to one of the groomsmen, are you?”
“Would you go for it?”
Kayla scowled in response, causing Susan to burst out laughing. “I didn’t think so. Look, sis, I know you don’t want what I have, and I know you’re happy. We picked different paths, and that’s okay.”
“O…kay.” Kayla studied Susan. “Where the heck is all this coming from? How much did you drink?”
“Enough.” Susan giggled and grabbed Kayla’s hand with a surprisingly strong grip. “Come this way.”
Susan practically tugged Kayla across the room. And like a good Southern lady, Kayla kept the smile on her face, as if it wasn’t weird that her bride sister was dragging her across the freaking reception hall or anything.
When they reached the men’s bathroom, just outside the hall, Kayla dug in her heels. “Why are you taking me in there? I assure you I’ve seen one before—it isn’t pretty.”
Susan laughed. “Don’t worry. You’re not going in there. You’re stopping right here. Just stand still.”
And then Susan was gone.
Kayla scanned the room around her. The bathroom was to the left, and to the right was a sitting room of sorts. Gold couches, potted plants, dark wood tables and a mirror completed the décor. Oh. And Cooper.
Cooper was there, too.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, taking a step toward him and then stopping. “Why did you come?”
He gave her a tentative smile. “Can you come in?”
God, she’d missed him. “No. I’m staying here.”
“Fine. I’ll come to you.” He reached her side, but stopped a few steps away. “I missed you.”
“It’s been a day.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “It’s hardly long enough to miss someone you barely know.” But it was.
“You think I don’t know you?” He raised a brow. “I think I know you better than anyone else in that room. They might know the ‘you’ that you show them. But they don’t know the real you. Not like I do.”
She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. You’re not supposed to be here. We were done, remember?”
“What if I changed my mind?” His eyes locked on hers, green and irresistible. “What if I’m here to tell you I want to be with you?”
Then she would be speechless. But after talking to her father, ironically enough, she understood where Cooper came from with his determination to cut ties with her. And she didn’t want him worrying about her worrying about him.
And she surely didn’t need him making all of her decisions for her. “What if I changed my mind, too?” she said, her voice coming out as little more than a whisper.
“You’re angry at me.”
“I’m not anymore. I was.” She pursed her lips. “But I get it now. You have noble intentions, and I do, too. You deserve to leave without having me dragging you down. You have a job to do…and I have a wedding to enjoy. So if you’ll excuse me?”
“Wait!” He stumbled forward and tried to grab her hand, but she backed out of his reach. “I want to—”
“Kayla, are you okay?” her mom asked, coming up behind her and hovering like an anxious mother hen. “Why are you here?”
Cooper flinched. “I needed to talk to her. I got Susan’s permission first.”
“Well, you don’t have mine.” Her mom crossed her arms. “You can take yourself right on out—”
“Mom.” Kayla shooed her away. “I’m fine. Just let him talk to me, and you go have fun. I can handle myself.”
“Fine.” Her mom’s eyes narrowed on Cooper. “But I’ll be watching you.”
Cooper nodded. “I know.”
When they were alone again, Cooper heaved a sigh. “Where were we? Oh, right. I was about to tell you—”
“It doesn’t matter what you were going to say.” Her heart twisted. “We’re done.”
He held a hand out. “Please. Don’t say that. I’ll stay for you. I want to stay for you.”
“Stay?”
Her breath slammed out of her chest. He would give up his job for her? That was exhilarating, wonderful…and horrible, all at the same time. Because she wanted to say yes so damn badly. Wanted to be selfish and let him stay.
But it’s not what he wanted. He’d been pretty damn clear about that.
And what about next time his demons over losing Josh reared their heads?
“Is everything okay over here?” her father asked.
Kayla closed her eyes and counted to three in her head. By the time she hit three, she was ready to talk again. She opened her eyes and then managed a smile. “Yes, Dad, everything is fine. We’re just talking.”
Her father scowled at Cooper. “I’ll let you talk, but I’ll be—”
“Watching him,” Kayla finished dryly. The moment was so frustrating she couldn’t help but shake her head. “Yeah. We got it.”
Cooper choked on a laugh, but covered his mouth to hide it. “I won’t be long, Mr. Moriarity.”
Her dad nodded. “Good.”
Then he left, too. Cooper grabbed her hands and squeezed them tight. “I’m going to say this quickly in case someone else comes up. I’m f*cking serious, Kayla. I want to stay with you.”
She bit down hard on her lower lip. “Look Cooper, what we had was fun. Great, even. And I’ll miss you, but you need to stick with Plan A. I won’t be the one to take you away from it. Not in a million years.”
“But I want to stay. You’re not listening.”
“No, you’re not listening. I realized something today, watching Susan and Max. Watching my mom and dad, even. I do want a future with someone, a good one. And for a little while, I wanted that someone to be you. But I’m not going to compete with something that happened in the past. I’m sorry about Josh, about what his fiancée is going through. I’m sorry that you feel responsible for it. But I’m right here, right now. And I think I’ve got a pretty damn good grasp of the things I can and can’t handle.”
He blanched. “Kayla, I’m sorry.”
“I don’t need your apologies.” She lifted her chin. “And I’m not finished yet. I can handle someone not being here. I can handle the man I love being in danger. But what I can’t handle is the fear that he’s just going to run off whenever he decides it’s best for me, regardless of my input. I want a partnership where I have a voice that’s heard, even if the man in my life is halfway across the globe in a war zone when he hears it. So…there. Good luck with your job. I have to go back in now.”
“I don’t want your good wishes, damn it.” He cupped her face, his grip firm yet gentle. His gaze clashed with hers. “I want you to believe me. I want you to let me be yours. And I want you to be mine. I just panicked for a second, and I pushed you away. I’m begging you not to do the same thing to me. Don’t push me away.”
“Kayla, is everything okay?” Uncle Frankie asked, his voice hesitant.
They both turned to him at the same time and shouted, “Yes!”
He stumbled back, blinking rapidly. “Okay, then.”
And then they were alone again. Kayla covered her face and took a shaky breath. She couldn’t do this. Couldn’t do any of this. She wanted so badly to believe him, the same way she’d believed him when he promised he’d stand by her through the wedding. And then he’d bailed.
And now he was back.
And he was still holding her.
“Let me stay, Kayla. Give me another chance. Please.”
She was tempted. So damn tempted. But could she trust him?
“I’m sorry, Cooper, but I need a man that will face his fears…not run from them. I can’t do this. I can’t be yours.”
And then she left.