Seeing her playing with them in their room, in our house, and my daughter walking to me, filled me with familiar feelings that had been missing for what felt like forever.
Already aware that she had things taken to another room, I simply stared after her as she retreated into the guest room. I could only hope that she would look at the information I left for her, pray that she would put her rings back on. The thought of her leaving again scared me, especially since she was still so unsure of what she was going to do. This feeling loomed over me now. I really didn't think that I could live without her.
When I found her in the pool with the twins, there was no stopping myself from watching. After she saw that I was there, I couldn't help but tell her exactly what I felt at that moment. I wanted her to run into my arms and hold me, but I knew that it was too soon.
Now, she stood before me in my study. She looked nervous, sad, frustrated and confused.
"I..." She put her hand up to stop me.
"I don't know what happened that night, but...I realize that you, more than likely, weren't at fault." She swallowed and closed her eyes. "I know that you provided me this." She tossed the papers that I had left on my desk in front of me, "but...Jesus, Aidan." I watched the tears pour over her cheeks and I wanted to reach out to her. "First I'm drugged, now you. Do I need to fear for our children's lives?" She was letting her anger take over.
"I doubt that..."
"How do you know? How do I know that you didn't just have your doctor's write up this little report for you? Huh?" She narrowed her eyes on me.
She was right, she couldn't be sure of anything and she had every right to be scared.
"I don't know what the hell it is with you and your life, but this is completely insane. I don't know what to think or who to trust. I just need time."
I only nodded. "You can have all the time you need." I knew it sounded pathetic and defeated, but that was exactly what I was right now.
The next two weeks went by and it was like having the shadow of Lilli in my life. She was here, but she wasn't with me. I wasn't entirely sure what hurt worse, her being gone or her being here but not with me.
Having dragged my ass into the office today, just to get away from the tension in the house, I sat distracted and distraught over my life. I couldn't determine whether I was looking forward to going home or not. It was a tough call, all because I wanted Lilli but she wasn't really there. She was just functioning in the outskirts of my life.
When I arrived home, I was surprised to find Jay telling me that Lilli was waiting for me in the library. Upon entering, I saw her in her normal reading position on the leather lounge chair. She looked up at me.
"Um...Jay said you wanted to see me."
She nodded with a very severe look on her face. After sucking in a large breath and exhaling, she started.
"Before I say what I need to say, I want you to promise that you won't fly off the handle and go ballistic."
I shrugged.
"That depends on what you are going to say...are you leaving me?" I sucked in a breath and waited for an answer that I wish I didn't have to hear.
She shook her head.
"This isn't about that, not really." I exhaled and she continued. "James came to see me today."
I furrowed my brow at her.
"Why would he...?"
"He found out who it was. The person behind my birth control pills."
"Was it Loreley?" I spit out and she grimaced at the sound of her name.
She shook her head.
"Stay calm..."
"Why would he tell you and not me?" I eyed her and became frustrated. "Did he do it?!"
Shaking her head again, I could tell she was getting irritated with me.
"No, but it was someone close to you." Lilli put her hand up to stop me from speaking again. "He came to me because he thinks that I am the only one that can keep you calm enough to think clearly about...this."
"Okay...and...?" I braced myself.
"Aidan, it was your Uncle." My head shot up and I looked at her, completely confused. "Henry." Then confusion turned to anger, anger to fury, fury to full throttle rage.
"That bastard!" I jumped up and screamed, pulling on my hair.
Before I could even realize, Lilli had her hands on my arm.
"Calm down, please? Don't go running off and doing something stupid toward your family."
"Are you sure about this?"
She shrugged.
"I don't think that James would offer up his father if he weren't sure, but I think that you should talk to James, rationally."
I nodded. I felt the fury still boiling under my skin, fists still clenched.
When she removed her hands from my arm, I felt the loneliness seep back into my body. I missed her touch so much.
The first person on my list to deal with the next morning was James. I immediately had him in my office. I could see the nervousness all over his face and body.
"James, why didn't you come to me?"
"Aidan, Lilli is the only one that could tell you about this without you going on a lynching project."