Racing for Freedom

chapter Thirty Three


TWO WEEKS LATER



“I can’t f*cking do it!” Slade snarls, hurling the crutches across the hospital room.

I cringe and the doctor sighs.

“You can do it, it takes time.”

“F*ck time!” he spits, falling down onto the large recliner.

It’s been just under three weeks and Slade has been up and about. His leg is obviously still healing, but the doctors are trying to get him up and moving it and he’s begun physio. Of course, Slade being temperamental like he is, is getting frustrated because he can’t just walk off and do what he wants. He has to use crutches and even then it’s difficult.

I walk over and kneel in front of him. His blazing aqua eyes meet mine. “Slade, stop being so angry. You can do this.”

“F*ck off Dash, I can’t do it.”

I glare at him. “Listen to me buddy, crippled or not, don’t you speak to me like that.”

I stand and shake my head, Slade has been in a mood for two days now and I know it’s because of his leg and losing the race, but he won’t say it directly. I am growing tired of it though, we’re all here to help him and he’s refusing to let us.

“You know what, I’m going home. I’m done here for the day. If you want to whine about your condition day in and day out, you’ll find yourself alone with no help. I’m sorry for what happened Slade, but you’re not the only one who lost your dream. You don’t see me throwing a fit.”

I grip my purse and turn towards the door.

“Dashy!” Slade calls.

I don’t bother to answer, I just walk out and slam his hospital door as I leave. The poor doctor in the room, he must be feeling very awkward right now. I stride down the halls, pain and guilt filling my heart. Slade doesn’t know I’m not planning on racing in the championships. I think I just gave him a fair idea of my plans, so it doesn’t surprise me that my phone begins ringing right away. I don’t answer it. I know the ringtone, I know who it is but I can’t face him right now to tell him.

The drive home is long, and when I arrive, I’m exhausted. I spend all day and most of the night by Slade’s bedside, encouraging him, helping him, urging him on. It’s been exhausting. I turn on the kettle and slide onto the kitchen bench, waiting for it to boil. I think about Michael, wondering if he’ll bother Slade again now? He got charged for the beatings, but he didn’t remain behind bars. The system is so great that way…not. I sigh and rub my temples. I don’t think he’d dare come back after what my father did to him.

I hear my phone ringing again and I sigh, staring down at the screen. It’s John. He needs an answer by tomorrow noon, he needs to know if I’m racing. I haven’t found it in my heart to tell him I’m not yet. After all he’s done for me…I just…I don’t want to hurt him but I have no choice. I couldn’t do it to Slade, not after what he went through. He had his dreams ripped from him, I can’t shove a win in his face and make him watch me do the one thing he strived half his life to do.

When my phone rings again, I sigh and answer it. I know it’s Slade and I also know he’ll drive everyone at the hospital mad if he gets in a worse mood. So I know I have to answer.

“Slade.”

“You gave up the race, didn’t you?”

I sigh. “I haven’t yet, but I’m going to.”

“Why?” he whispers.

“Why?” I gasp, “Because you nearly lost your life. You lost your dream. I won’t flaunt this in front of you Slade, I won’t do it.”

“I haven’t lost my dream, Dashy. It’s on hold but I haven’t lost it. You can’t give this race up, you can’t give it up for me.”

I close my eyes and whisper. “I can’t do it Slade, I’m frightened.”

That’s part of the reason I don’t want to race anymore. It’s deep down in my soul, and I haven’t admitted it to anyone until now, but I’m afraid. I’m afraid I’ll crash. All I can see is Slade’s car flipping and burning. Then seeing him with blood…

“Dashy,” he says in a gentle tone. “It’s ok…you’re a good racer.”

“I just don’t know…I don’t know if I can do it.”

“You have to do it, you’ve worked your whole life for this.”

“Maybe, but I’ve also seen so much pain come from it.”

“Dash, you can’t give up on this.”

I swallow. “Can we talk about this later? I just….can’t make a decision right now.”

“Dash, don’t give it up. Promise me you won’t give it up.”

“I can’t promise you that Slade.”

He sighs. “I’m coming home tomorrow, don’t make a decision until then. Please?”

I swallow, whisper an ok and then hang up. I don’t know how to do this. I just don’t.

~*~*~*~

Slade’s homecoming is something I’ve been waiting for, for weeks. When I get him in our unit, I feel such relief wash over me it almost hurts. I settle him on the couch, and he watches me with a narrowed gaze as I flit about, making sure everything is easily accessible to him. My phone begins ringing, but before I can snatch it up off the coffee table in front of Slade, he’s gripping it and staring at the screen.

“John.”

He answers it before I can get to him.

“Slade!” I cry.

“John, it’s Slade.”

Slade listens, nodding and holding me back as I try to leap over him to get my phone. Of course, I’m not trying too hard because I don’t want to hurt him. He holds my chest, and continues to listen.

“She’ll be there.”

He hangs up and I snap. “What did you just do?”

He stands, using his crutches. He leans against them and looks over at me.

“Get in the car, we’re going to the track.”

“Slade, no…”

He reaches across and grips my face. “Dashy, we’re doing this.”

“I can’t,” I whisper, looking away.

“You can, I’ll be with you.”

I lose it then. “How can I do that to you? Make you watch me take something you have been beaten up for half your life to get. You’ve sacrificed Slade, you deserve it, not me.”

He grips me and jerks me until we both fall back onto the couch. I cry out as I land with a thud and he flips me, flattening his body over mine.

“You dare say anything like that again, I’ll flog you Dasha Jewel. Don’t you tell me I’m the only one whose sacrificed for this, because you know it’s not true. You lost your mum, your dad went crazy and you lost me. You’ve lived through pain and heartache just as much as I have and you’ve fought. You deserve this. You deserve it and you’ll do it because if you don’t, I’ll kick your ass.”

I shove his chest and he chuckles.

“I hate you, Slade Devaroe.”

“No baby, you don’t.”

His lips graze over mine and I whimper. His aqua eyes search my face, before he presses another smoldering kiss to my lips.

“Slade,” I whisper. “We can’t.”

“Why?” he murmurs, running his hand down my side.

“You’re hurt.”

“I’m fine, we’ll go easy.”

“Slade!”

“Shhh baby, don’t say no. We need this.”

I whimper when his warm lips slide down my neck, slowly. I grip his shoulders and wrap my legs around his waist. I don’t push too hard, knowing it’s probably going to be a little awkward for him. His fingers slide up underneath my shirt and he kisses me softly as he finds my aching nipples. He gently rolls and pulls them until I’m crying out and arching up for him. When his fingers slide down under my shorts, my whole body sparks to life. I groan and kiss him so deeply he’s panting by the time we pull apart.

“I need you now,” he rasps. “I don’t want to wait.”

He lifts my hips and slides my shorts down, then he jerks his jeans down, not taking them fully off. Then he’s inside me, and oh god, it’s perfect. I groan and arch, the mixture of pleasure and pain such a delicious combination. I grip his shoulders, meeting each of his thrusts with my hips. His ragged breathing spurs me on, and I slide my hands up underneath his shirt and drag my fingernails down his back. He groans deep and low in his throat as his pace becomes harder, faster.

“Slade, oh god!”

“Dash, you feel so….good,” he grates out.

His arm muscles bulge as he holds himself off me and thrusts with determination. Our bodies heat as he moves harder and faster. When I explode around him, I hear his own ragged cry as he finds his release. His body drops onto mine and we lay panting, content and hot. His lips slide across my neck and my fingers slide up and down his back. When he finds my lips, I let him kiss me, let our tongues explore, let his teeth nip at my swollen bottom lip. Before I know it, he’s pulling me up so I’m straddling his lap and he’s sitting, leaning against the couch.

He’s ready once more, and my body comes alive at the thought of how much he needs me right now. I rock my hips and he groans, cupping my breasts and finding my mouth once more. I move again, loving the sensation of him filling me completely. I move gently, slowly, our bodies in the perfect rhythm. His groans spur me on and I pick up the pace, gently tilting and working my hips until I’m crying out once more. Pleasure shoots through me as I find my release. My head falls back and Slade’s lips find my throat as he rasps my name into my neck, finding his release once more also.

With a content sigh, I slump against him and inhale the smell of sex, Slade and me combined. He wraps his arms around me tightly, holding me flush against his body until our breathing has gone back to normal. When I slide off him, he’s smiling at me, and god he’s gorgeous. I reach out and stroke his cheek, and he grips my hand and kisses the back of it before pressing it to his heart and looking me right in the eye.

“I love you Dash, I want you to do this for me.”

I frown and close my eyes. “Slade…”

“Please, at least try…”

“I’m afraid,” I whisper.

He grips my chin, tilting my face up so I am looking at him.

“I know you are, but you have to do this Dash. If you don’t…”

“I know,” I say in a tired voice. “I’ll never get in a race car again.”

“Take me to the track Dash, now. We both have some fears to conquer.”

With a sigh, I do exactly that.