Racing for Freedom

chapter Twenty Six



I sit in the kitchen pressing ice to my face for the next few hours. I feel numb, emotions are running wild in my head and I can’t take a breath without it being painful. I don’t understand why my dad let Slade take all the blame. I don’t understand why they never told me. I don’t understand how Slade has lived with such pain, thinking he killed someone. I don’t know anything and it burns.

I hear the door open mid-way through my thoughts and I jerk my head up to see Slade step through. He said he wasn’t coming home tonight so why is he here? I glance at his battered face, and something doesn’t look right. He’s trembling and I’m damn sure that black eye wasn’t there before, Lucas didn’t hit him that hard. I leap off the bench and rush over, stopping in front of him. Holy shit he looks terrible.

“Slade, what…”

I reach out and press a hand on his chest and he winces so loudly I leap back. He leans against the door frame, staring down at me and his expression is pure agony. Something is wrong.

“Slade what happened?”

“Just…just…got bashed on the way home.”

“What?” I cry.

“It’s nothing Dash, a bunch of drunk boys got a few in.”

“Slade, you’re hurt, I can see it.”

“I’ll be ok.”

I grip his shirt before he can react and I lift it up. A soft whimpering sound comes out of my mouth at the fresh, purple bruises covering his beautiful body. I narrow my eyes at the fading ones too. He’s not telling me the truth, I just know it.

“You’re lying to me,” I say in a soft voice.

He looks down at me and I turn my eyes up to meet his.

“I…”

“Who does this Slade?”

“Dash, don’t…”

“Don’t you lie to me Slade or I’ll call an ambulance and make these questions a whole lot worse.”

“No, you can’t do that!”

“THEN TELL ME WHO DID THIS?” I scream.

“Michael,” he whispers.

I feel like someone has slapped me. I knew Michael was an a*shole, but I never knew he would hurt his son.

“How long?” I choke out.

“It started about a year after we became friends, he suspected…”

It hits me like a brick and I stumble backwards. I know exactly what he suspected. He suspected Slade and I were getting close, he suspected his son might lose because of me. He beat him to keep him away from me. Oh god, my mother knew, she knew and that’s why she used to help us sneak around. Oh god…she knew.

“My mother knew, didn’t she?”

He shakes his head. “She didn’t know for sure, but yeah, she suspected it.”

“Oh god, Slade…this…this is my fault?”

He grips my face and rasps out, “No!”

“It’s because of our friendship. Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you let me help you?”

“I couldn’t,” he whispers. “I couldn’t tell you because I couldn’t lose you Dash. I knew you would run. I knew you would do it to save me and I couldn’t bear it.”

“It’s why you started fading off in the few months before you left, isn’t it? Why you started becoming so cold towards me?”

“I did that because he was making me leave, he knew things were getting too close between us and so he organized my racing elsewhere. He knew I’d follow, I had no money to stay, racing was my life and I loved it. I was going, I didn’t really have a choice and I knew it would break you, so I figured if you hated me…”

“It wouldn’t hurt so much,” I finish for him.

“I know that was a stupid move, Dash, I really do. I was trying to protect you.”

“It’s why you treated me so badly when we saw each other at that race, isn’t it?”

“It killed me Dash, but he warned me so…hard…and I mean that quite literally. When I came back this time and I tried to be an a*shole, I could see the pain on your face and it broke me, I couldn’t keep doing it, I couldn’t keep hurting you.”

“He found out, tonight, didn’t he?”

“No, he was just mad I ran after you. This,” he says, pointing to his body, “is a warning.”

“You need to report him Slade, he can’t do this to you!”

“I’m a grown f*cking man,” he snarls. “How bad is it going to look to walk in and say my daddy still beats me?”

“You think it’ll make you look weak, because you’re not a child?” I whisper, shocked.

“Of course it will, I still let my father beat me.”

“Your father is a big man and he’s using your weaknesses to get to you. He knows you won’t give up racing, he knows you love it and so he’s doing whatever he can to use that against you.”

“He knows that without him, I have no place in that racing world.” Slade says, his voice broken.

“That’s crap Slade, and you know it. You’re talented…”

“I know what I am Dash, I also know if I don’t do it his way, my career is over. He’ll make sure of it.”

“Slade…you can’t live like this…”

He looks over at me with pained eyes. “I have no choice.”

“You have to report him!”

“If I report him, I will lose everything. Racing is my life Dash, it’s everything to me.”

“Is it worth this?” I say, gently running a hand down his chest.

“Yeah, it is.”

“Slade…”

“If you say anything Dash, I’ll never forgive you.”

“Why don’t you fight back?”

He looks away. “Because I’m scared if I fight back, he’ll do something far worse than beat me.”

“You think your own father would…kill you?”

“I don’t think he’d mean to, but Dash, when he loses it…he loses it. If I fight back, it’ll only make that reaction worse.”

I take his hands. “Oh Slade.”

He reaches out and strokes my eye. “Are you ok?”

“Don’t worry about me, come on, let me help you.”

He lets me lead him into the kitchen and slowly remove his shirt. He has bruises all over his chest, his stomach, even as low as his belly button. They’re ugly, purple and painful. I feel my eyes fill with tears as I reach out and stroke the soft, beautiful skin that is damaged by hate. Hate from his own father. When I lift my face to look back up at him, his eyes are glassy and red.

It’s the first time since Slade has been back, that I see the boy I loved so deeply. I reach up and cup his cheek, then I bring his face down to mine and I kiss him so softly it’s barely a touch. He makes a pained sound and puts a hand up to tangle in my hair. Our lips slide together gently and I can feel the warmth of his tears mingling with my own and sliding down my cheeks.

I take his face with both hands now, bringing his forehead down to mine. We stand like that, me just holding him as tears slide down his cheeks. Broken, painful tears. He presses his lips to mine again, but this time the kiss becomes heated. Our mouths move together in a desperate dance that has us both panting. Tongues softly combine, groans fill both our ears. Slade forces himself to pull back and looks down at me.

“We can’t…”

I nod, stroking his cheek. “I know.”

“But…I want to Dash, I want to so badly.”

I look him right in the eye. “I want to as well.”

His eyes search my face as though he’s looking for the punch line.

“You want to?”

“With every soul crushing part of me, I want you Slade Devaroe and I always have.”

His breathing becomes deep and he pulls me closer, even though it causes him to wince.

“Dash, my life has been so dull without you. Without your laughter. Without your beautiful face. Tell me we can fix this, tell me you’ll be mine?”

I cup his cheek and whisper, “We already are, and I already am.”